True North
By Jaclyn Parker

"Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say. Scared to confess what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away."
-Evita
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Jack couldn't sleep.

He knew something was going on with Parker and Carly tonight after their respective phone conversations but he didn't know what it was. All he did know was that the act of not knowing was driving him crazy.

Was Lee in trouble? Was Mattie? Were they both in trouble and now they were dragging his family in with them?

Jack muttered to himself as he headed into the kitchen, hoping there was at least one gingerbread man left from the descent upon them earlier. As he headed for the cookie jar he noticed the twinkling lights from the living room. Frowning he changed direction, knowing that he had unplugged the tree after he, Holden, and Paul had placed the gifts from "Santa" underneath of it, long after the kids had all been herded upstairs. Jack paused in the doorway, his heart thudding in his chest as he recognized Carly's still form. She was curled up on the couch with her head resting on the arm, wrapped in an oversized red fleece blanket.

As the night had come to a close, Carly had been fully prepared to go back to Milltown, but the kids and adults alike all protested. The debate quickly ended when Emma mentioned that she had overheard they would be getting at least another foot of snow during the night, probably more. Luckily with a family as large as the Snyders there was always an extra guestroom.

As Jack watched her from his spot in the doorway his mind battled over whether or not to wake her up, but his hesitation ended up not being necessary.

"I'm not asleep, Jack." Carly's soft voice drifted over to him and he was momentarily surprised that she had known it was him. But it quickly passed as he remembered that, somehow, she had always known when he was there.

"What are you doing down here in the dark?" He asked, moving into her line of sight.

"I couldn't sleep so I came down to turn the tree on. It started to snow and everything just looked so…peaceful." Carly said and her eyes finally looked up towards him.

In that instant Jack had to fight the very strong urge to lean down and kiss her. Carly must have read it in his eyes for even in the multicolored blinking Christmas lights he could see that she suddenly blushed. Clearing her throat softly, she sat up, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"What are you doing up?" She asked and he shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep either. Guess it's the excitement of Santa coming." Jack said jokingly and she smiled at him, before motioning for him to sit down. He hesitated only a moment before joining her on the couch and staring at the tree. Jack heard a soft sigh and looked over at the now solemn faced Carly.

"You're thinking about your sisters, aren't you?" Jack said and Carly turned to give him a small sad smile.

"Yeah." She ran a hand through her hair and blinked back tears. "It's not fair, Jack. Just when I finally had a real connection with Gwen and Rosanna, I lost them both in the span of six months."

"Hey, listen to me. Rosanna's doctors are very hopeful that the new treatments they have started will work. You just have to give it time. You know how much your sister loves you and I'm sure wherever she is, she is missing you just as much as you miss her." Jack said, leaning forward. Carly's eyes searched his, a confused look on her face.

"How do you know about the new treatments?" Carly asked and Jack shifted in his spot, casting his eyes downward.

"I call sometimes to check on her. I know how worried you are and I just want to make sure they are doing everything they can for your sister." Jack said and looked back up at her. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears and she gave him a warm smile.

"Thank you." Carly said softly, placing a hand on his cheek. Would this man ever cease to amaze her?

Jack smiled back and then noticing how close they were, he awkwardly pulled away. Clearing his throat he said, "As for Gwen, it was just the snow that kept her and Will from flying in with the baby. But I thought Sage told me that you guys spoke with them on the phone."

"Yeah, they called yesterday." Carly smiled and nodded. "She even put Hallie on for a minute."

"Um, isn't Hallie barely a year old?" Jack asked giving her a look.

"Hey, she knew her Aunt Carly's voice! Gwen told me that she was grinning up a storm on the other end of the phone." Carly said and Jack rolled his eyes playfully.

"Yeah, she was just probably excited to be able to play with something that all the grownups tell her not to touch." Jack said and reared back as Carly jokingly went to swat at his arm. He laughed and as he settled back into his spot on the couch, he shivered slightly.

Carly's eyes roamed over him, casually taking in the black long sleeved t-shirt and grey sweatpants that he wore along with the fact that his feet were bare. She frowned and pointed to them.

"You really should be wearing socks, you know. You lose body heat the fastest through your extremities like your head, hands, and feet." She said and Jack turned to arch his eyebrow at her.

"Thank you, WebMD." Jack said and she made a face at him, before offering part of the large blanket. As he accepted it, he caught sight of her outfit and started laughing. "I guess I could always wear flannel pajamas large enough that I could swim in."

Carly looked down at her nighttime attire and then back at him, frowning. "Hey, Meg is the only one who brought extra pajamas! Can I help it if she happens to be pregnant and prefers everything she sleeps in to be two sizes too big? Although, don't ask me why they have wagon wheels on them because I have no idea."

"Hey, I kinda like them. They remind me of…" Jack trailed off and she looked at him, knowingly.

Montana. She mentally finished for him and looking away she reached for a blue mug that had been sitting on the coffee table.

"Hey, is that…?" Jack asked, grinning at her.

"Carly's Cocoa?" She asked, grinning back and nodded before taking a sip.

"Did you happen to make any more?" Jack hinted but she shook her head.

"Nope, wasn't expecting company." She said, trying not to laugh at his obvious disappointment.

Jack fake pouted, before a grin slowly began to creep across his face. Carly frowned, not liking the sudden gleam that was in his eye.

"Well, then I guess you're just going to have to share!" Jack said and her eyes widened.

"Jack, you'll wake everyone up!" She said, holding her mug away from her and trying to scramble off the couch. Jack had anticipated this and was leaning on her legs, making movement impossible.

"Not if you just play nice." He said as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.

"Not on your life, G-man! I don't remember you sharing the gingerbread men so nicely." Carly said, trying not to laugh as his continuously attempted to swipe at her cup.

"Hey, don't blame me! Blame your son!" Jack paused momentarily at how easily her special nickname for him had rolled off her tongue. For Carly's part, she didn't even seem to realize what she had said as she tried to wiggle out from under his grip on her legs.

"Which son?" Carly asked, giggling as she thought about how both Parker and J.J. had managed to eat three gingerbread men a piece before being caught.

"Exactly! Not my fault." Jack said and with a quiet cry of success, managed to pry the mug from her fingers. Taking long gulps of the thankfully cooled off chocolate drink, he grinned victoriously down at her as he handed the drained cup back.

She couldn't help but laugh at the child like triumph on his face and her eyes sparkled as they looked into his. Reaching one hand up, she wiped a thumb over his upper lip, capturing the stray remains of the drink. They both froze for moment at the intimate gesture before she looked away, her hand starting to fall back to her side.

Jack caught her wrist and she looked up at him sharply. He slowly drew her thumb to his mouth and kissed the chocolate off, his eyes never leaving her face. Carly drew in a hitched breath, her stomach turning with that memorable tingle that always hit when his lips touched her in any way, shape, or form. Then, as if they were two opposite parts of a magnet, they moved towards each other.

Jack nudged her cheek with his nose and kissed the side of her mouth, the action resulting in a soft sigh from Carly. He pulled back then immediately leaned forward again to press his lips to hers. Gently but slowly increasing the pressure Jack kissed her until finally she relented with another sigh, opening her mouth to his. This time the sigh came with the additional sound of a muted thud, made by the empty mug falling to the carpet as she wound both arms around his neck.

The kiss intensified, Jack seamlessly sliding his hands under Carly's flannel pajama top to caress her smooth skin. She arched into his touch, a quiet gasp leaving her lips. It was only when his hands moved a little lower, to the waist band of her pajama pants, that her brain finally kick started back into action. She stilled and her hands shot down to hold his wrists, her grip so intense that her knuckles turned white.

"Jack, stop." Carly's voice finally broke into his hazy mind and he looked down into her face. "Stop, we can't do this."

He blinked hard then pulled away, realizing what they had been doing. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat back down at the other end of the couch, He wryly noted that while his head had caught up with the fact that they stopped, some parts of his anatomy were still way behind. He shifted uncomfortably and Carly looked away, trying to calm her own body down.

"I'm sorry." Jack finally said, his voice low and still slightly husky. The sound of it made chills go down Carly's spine and she tried not to shiver.

"It's okay, Jack." Carly said quietly, but Jack shook his head.

"No, it's not. I promised myself that I wouldn't pressure you or do something to make you uncomfortable while you were here. I told you before that I can accept your decision and that's exactly what I'm going to do." Jack said and she frowned.

"Jack…"

"No, really, it won't happen again." Jack said firmly and he looked at her before quickly looking away again. Carly took a deep breath and stood, stopping to pick up the fallen mug.

"Leave it. I'll get it when I go back upstairs." Jack said and she nodded silently, before heading for the stairs.

She paused at the bottom and looked over her shoulder at him. He looked so alone on the couch, the lights sending rainbow colored flecks across his face as his eyes now watched the falling snow. Carly wanted nothing more but to run back across the room and snuggle in his arms; to enjoy just a single perfect moment with him once more.

"Jack," She said softly and though he didn't move she knew he was listening. "I'm sorry. I just...I just want what's best for everyone."

There was silence and then just as softly, he replied, "I know, Carly. I just wish that you would trust me when I say that it would be different this time. I wish…"

Jack trailed off and Carly wiped the tear that slid down her cheek at the desolate tone of his voice. He shook his head and laid it back against the sofa with his eyes shut tightly. She knew he wouldn't speak again. Since he couldn't say what he wanted, he silently dismissed her instead.

I trust you with my life, Jack. Carly thought, as she whispered a goodnight to him and headed back to her room. I just wish I could trust you with my heart again.