Big Brother

Elliot held Alex close to him. The doctor placed the final stitch in his head and with his signature on a series of forms; he was released to the waiting room.

Alex held onto him like he was a life vest. He was worried about her. He wasn't used to her desperation. He had gotten to know her much better—the last year, he had spent a lot of time with Olivia and Alex. While at first, he hadn't been quite sure, he had seen how happy Olivia was with her, and he couldn't deny that she had a gentle calming influence on his partner. Since Alex had come into Olivia's life, she was a much happier person.

Olivia's work had always been important to her, but Elliot sometimes thought that she used it as a shield. He wasn't different, but he knew well that sometimes it saved her from facing herself. She didn't have to look at her loneliness. She didn't have to face the fact that she had no family. She didn't have to face the unhappy consequences of her childhood. She didn't have to face the failure of her relationships. By throwing herself into her job, she could do exactly the opposite of what she encouraged the victims to do—she could stay numb. There was always someone else, something else to feel for. Injustice could be railed against, and fought, and believed in, and it left her from feeling empty, like and shallow.

Elliot knew she found moments of happiness and he didn't think she was a miserable person, or even truly depressed. He just felt like she substituted her work for fulfillment in other areas. Her relationships were at arms distance and besides him, she had no one. And then there was Alex.

Alex had changed that for her. Alex had gotten her to talk and she had started to open up. She smiled easily. When Alex was around, she giggled. He had never thought that was possible, but he had seen it with his own eyes. She was a different person, a new person, a happier person.

And then this had to happen.

He held onto Alex, trying to give her back some of the strength that she usually had. She as usually full of fire, full of life, but right now, she was a mere shell the person he knew. He knew that Olivia and Alex had a special relationship with each other, and while he realized how much Olivia needed Alex, he never thought that Alex would need Olivia anywhere near as badly.

She held onto him like he was a lifeline, and he supported her. He wrapped his arm around her and shielded her from others, let her tears fall against his chest, and whispered to her that it was going to be okay, something he didn't fully believe himself.

They wandered back into the waiting room to find everyone still in separate groups. Elliot looked down at Alex. Her face was pale and her eyes were red. He wanted to protect her for Olivia. He wanted to take her into his arms like one of his children and tell her it was okay. He wanted to protect her because he knew that Olivia would do the same for him if he needed her.

He sat Alex down in a plastic chair and he stood in front of her protectively. She collapsed into herself, her body shaking, but entirely silent. "I'm going to get you in there." He said rubbing her shoulders.

Alex took a deep breath but that didn't make the tears stop. She realized that people were looking at her—she knew that no one in this room understood her reaction. No one here realized that her world was closing in around her. They believed that she and Olivia were friends—maybe close friends, but had no idea the two had been lovers for nearly a year. That their lives were inexorably intertwined, and this wasn't the way she wanted any of them to find out.

The doctor walked into the room. Alex looked around nervously for Elliot. God damn it. She hated to feel it, but she needed him now. It wasn't like her, but she had grown to rely on him—to trust him. She took a deep breath, determined to get her balance back. She closed her eyes for a second and fought for her equilibrium.

"You are here for, an, Olivia Benson?" The doctor announces in a low tone. All the heads in the room turned towards him, and carefully, Alex pushed herself out of her chair. Elliot held her under her arm at first, but he let go quickly. As she stood on her own feet, she felt more confident.

"I need immediate family only." He says, and the room suddenly felt oppressive. Alex wondered if time stopped in the room for everyone or just for her. She felt her whole body freeze and the air suck out of her lungs. She felt like she was choking. Elliot stepped behind her and held her shoulders. She felt him push her forward as he led her to the man in the white coat. She felt a mixture of relief and like she was going to see her executioner.

"They don't know," she whispered to him while he stepped in behind her.

"Do you want to see her?" He asked.

"Yes." She said, her breath catching in her throat.

"Then they're about to find out." He answered.

With a deep swallow, Alex took a step forward with Elliot a step behind her. They met in the front—Alex slowly reaching to take Elliot's hand.

"What the hell is she doing?" Fin asks from behind. He understood where Elliot was coming from, but Cabot?

"I think we're about to see." Munch answered with a bemused smile on his face.

"I'm her partner." Elliot says.

"So am I," Alex whispered. She took a deep breath and looked around her. The secret was out. What would happen would happen. But then she saw the confusion on everyone's faces, and she realized that no one understood. The doctor stood baffled in front of them, an eyebrow raised.

"So you're a trio?" The doctor asked.

Her face blushed a bright red. "No," Elliot said. "They're…" His voice dropped off.

She couldn't understand why this doctor didn't understand. Then it came to her. He thought she meant like Elliot. Or that Elliot means like her. She searched for a word that would make it clear but for once her words fail her. She can't come up with the one that sums it up correctly, one that doesn't seem wrong in this moment, one of forced confession. Instead she searched desperately through her purse, showing him would be easier than telling him. "I love her." She whispered. "We had this drawn up," she mumbled, searching for the paper. "It's a hospital visitation authorization."

The paper in her hand made her feel more confident. It was concrete. It spelled out everything. She remembered going to sign them with Olivia, who was worried that if something should ever happen to Alex that she wanted to make sure she could sit by her bedside. Alex had only vaguely thought that she would ever need the one Olivia signed for her. She scolded herself for not being more thoughtful about it now. She was glad Olivia had thought about it instead. She wondered if Olivia had always known she would be the one who needed it after all.

She handed it to the doctor and waited while his face changed into a smile of comprehension. Elliot pushed her forward so she stood in front of him, in front of all of them. The doctor handed the document back to her. "Miss?"

"Cabot."

"Miss Cabot, It's smart of you to have done this, but it's not necessary in the city. We recognize your rights here as a lesbian couple." Alex thanked God for the recognition, she didn't care that he had said it so loudly that people in the next state could have heard him. She just cared about Olivia.

"Great," Alex managed, pushing him out of the room, her hand locked with Elliot's, desperate to find Olivia, leaving everyone behind them open mouthed.

To Be Continued…