Review Quotes:
So Clone Zero goes from serving one blonde powerhungry maniac (Igniz) to another (Goodman). Will Original Zero show make an appearance? –Flaming Arsenal
Neo Geo Chronicles is so badass, even Chuck Norris cowers in fear.
Previously, Iori Yagami and his varied acquaintances got on a boat to Second Southtown. But when Goodman, local cheap-ass endboss of the town, sends out a cruiser to stop them and also to capture one of Iori's employees, it's up to the six of them to stop that from happening.
Well, at least, that would be the case, if it wasn't for the fact that the cruiser is staffed by ruthless pirates not of the B. Jenet variety.
Thanks to Flaming Arsenal, for taking the time to review and suggest Original Zero to come again. This would be a good time to say that you should review this story. Who knows? Maybe you could appear on the Review Quotes, or maybe even make a cameo in the story itself.
This next chapter is called The Purple Flame Diner Act 3: Seafaring Shenanigans Part 2!
-WE NOW CONTINUE OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED ASS-KICKING, FACE-MELTING SNK UNIVERSE FANFICTION, ALREADY IN PROGRESS-
"Well then. This is an interesting development."
Iori Yagami, founder and owner of the Purple Flame Diner, and also a King of Fighters veteran, had said about the pirate ship, which if I may remind you, was heading in their general direction. Iori had some experience with pirates on the high seas, most of them from the Lillien Knights (okay, fine, it was just Bonne Jenet back in the eleventh KOF), but still. Yet he was not prepared for actual pirates heading this way.
"So what are we going to do, then?" Adel asked his boss, to which said boss replied "Simple. We fight. We'll beat them back with our abilities and superior training(1), and hopefully they'll think twice about dealing with us."
"Yes, but do we have a plan in mind?"
Iori hadn't planned for pirates to attack, but since they were going to anyway (unbeknownst to them, they were being paid to by Goodman, and not by Somali mercenaries(2)), he had to come up with a plan. And he came up with one in the record breaking time of a minute. "I've got it. Adel, do we have any ranged weapons on this boat?" The aforementioned Bernstein kid sadly shook his head. "Damn. Well, there goes that plan."
-LET'S SKIP AHEAD TO JUST WHEN THE PIRATES AND THE SHADOW MOSES MEET…-
About ten hours had passed since Iori asked Adel about ranged weapons (like torpedoes) on the boat. It was night-time, so the birds and the sun were already down from the top of the sky(3). The mood was set for an epic confrontation of titanic proportions. Everyone on the boat was either asleep or keeping watch, and the only people keeping watch were Iori, part-time rival(4) of Kyo Kusanagi; Shen Woo, the only KOF competitor to not have any special powers other than to deflect projectiles(5); and K9999, a former NESTS agent with the power to transform his hands into various weapons (And some non-weapons. How else do you think he got his job at the diner?)
Iori activated his flames(6) to light up the area around him, and afterwards said "All quiet on the western front(7)." "A bit too quiet if you ask me.(8)", Shen had responded.
WHEN SUDDENLY! The Purple Flame Diner crew saw something. You see, in the ten hours that passed, the people on the Shadow Moses forgot that they were to fight ruthless pirates, and so initially breezed right by them.
-MEANWHILE, ON THE PIRATE SHIP-
"I thought I told you to tell me when we get near those guys!"
The captain of the ship was pissed. He could've sworn that his crew was better than this. In actuality, the crew was just about the second-or-third(9) most incompetent group of ruthless pirates ever to sail the seven seas. Firstly, their target and their ship passed each other, and by the time that the crew realized that they just missed their target, they were about two hours behind! This oversight got them a verbal lashing from their boss, who just so happened to be a crazed blonde powerhungry maniac with a flaming whip.
By the time they finally caught up with them, eight more hours had passed, proving that they couldn't operate the best ship Goodman had assigned to them if they tried. (incidentally, this was the fastest ship Goodman had. huh.)
"Sorry, sir, we're doing our best here!" a member of the crew complained.
"Who hired that guy?" The Captain asked his second-in-command, to which he said "That one.", pointing to one of the mooks(10) on the ship.
"And just who is he?"
"An Asshole, sir."
"Well, I know that, but who is he?"
The mook in question said "Second Lieutenant Phillip Asshole, sir!" (11)
The Captain rolled his eyes. This was going to be one of those days… Suddenly, he heard "Sir! We've just reached the ship! We await your orders!" Why, this was said by the Captain's protégé, Redshirt #64(12)! "Excellent! Prepare to attack!"
-BACK ON THE SHADOW MOSES-
"Iori, got a light(13)?" Shen asked his boss. Iori just stared at him. "You're right. Stupid question." Shen then quickly answered his own question, which prompted K9999 to say "Why would we need lighters when we've got fire powers?"
"Well, I don't, dumbass."
"What'cha just call me?"
Iori, meanwhile, stared into the darkness. The darkness stared back at him. It said 'yo.'(14) Then a pirate ship appeared to the side. "Oh, right. Attack by pirates imminent. Let's go!"
Meanwhile, the pirate captain said "This's it? A little dinghy? CHARGE!" at which point their boat extended a bridge onto the Shadow Moses. Or at least it would have, but as I already established, most of the crew were a few pixels short of 640x480(15), and ended up pressing the wrong button, releasing oil in the ocean. Iori suddenly improvised a plan. Right then, he used his Yami Barai move to light the oil on purple fire. The Captain was sort of confused by this move. "Why'd ya do that?" he asked. It was the last thing he said before an explosion rocked his ship (and, conveniently enough, ONLY his ship(16)) and sent several pirates flying out into the fire, wherein they burnt to death. "Oil's flammable." Iori said. The captain was pissed, and decided to jump onto the Shadow Moses, wherein he quickly lifted a finger at his enemy, announcing "YOU MUST DIE!"(17) and quickly pulled out a firearm and shot it. Iori dodged the bullet, which flew right past Shen, and ended up grazing K9999's left cheek. Everyone on the ship (except for the aforementioned villain) slowly backed away. Everyone knew that, although K9999 was generally a good fighter, he couldn't control his powers. This is especially true when he gets shot at. Or gets angry. Both just happened.
"HIT THE DECK!", Iori shouted, at which point K9999 morphed his arm into a freakin' giant tentacle, and launched it towards the Pirate Captain. This thing was really powerful(18), so when K9999's tentacle hit you, it HURT. The unnamed pirate captain was launched far away from the boat, and ended up somewhere in an island on the Pacific Ocean. No one has heard from him since.
-A FEW HOURS AFTER THIS EVENT, BECAUSE THIS WRITER IS TOO LAZY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING AFTER THE CAPTAIN WAS PRESUMABLY KILLED-
Iori and the Purple Flame Diner crew made it to the harbor at Second Southtown, which just so happened to be their destination. "Uh, Iori?", Kyoko asked (she had woke up two hours prior) "Yeah?" Iori responded, to which Kyoko said, "Can we go to Seattle?(19) My parents are there, and I'd like to see them." at which point Shen piped up "Your parents live in Seattle?"
"Yeah, why? This IS Washington, after all."
Iori, meanwhile, thought about this for a bit. "Well, we're here for at least a week. I don't see any reason why we can't go to Seattle, but the problem is we don't have a car." At which point Adelheid Bernstein, being of almost-sound mind and body, said "I can arrange transportation. If you'll recall, my father had contacts here."
And so it was that Iori Yagami, Adelheid Bernstein, Shen Woo, Kyoko Davis, K9999, and Nakoruru decided that, after they served their purpose here, they would go to Seattle to visit Kyoko's parents. But that is another story, and one that might be covered in a future chapter (Don't get your hopes up.(20))
Art of Footnotes
1) Everyone in the SNK Universe has had some sort of combat training. Granted, some got better training than others, but that's beside the point.
2) POLITICAL SATIRE! (oops. Too soon.)
3) This is another reference to Half Life: Full Life Consequences, one of the worst fics EVAR.
4) I say "part-time" because of Iori's habit to team up with Kyo to stop imminent threats to humanity.
5) One of Shen Woo's new moves in The King of Fighters XI is to backhand projectiles away. This comes in handy, as well as it being an entire challenge set in the game. Since that was added when XI came out, I figure it's canon. I hope it makes its way into XII.
6) Supposedly, Iori's flames were stolen by Ash Crimson in XI. But in Neo Geo Chronicles (which follows the game canon as closely as possible, while editing some important plot points), Ash missed his chance to steal Iori's flames. Chizuru, however, still doesn't have the Yata Mirror.
7) All Quiet on the Western Front is actually a German book about World War I, written by a guy named Erich Maria Remarque.
8) You know how in most movies there's a guy saying "It's quiet" and then there's another guy saying "Too quiet", and then they are ambushed by a bunch of enemy footsoldiers?
9) This was a phrase coined by Homestar Runner, the second-or-third best web cartoon on the internet, of which THE best is obviously Zero Punctuation(9a)
9a) Zero Punctuation is a game review show on the Escapist by the guy who did the Chzo Mythos. His name is Ben Croshaw, AKA Yahtzee. It mostly consists of running gags, crude language, good art, rapid talking, and humor designated for ages 18 and over. I suggest you check it out, but be warned that it's not intended for minors. Or anyone easily offended.
10) A mook is like a redshirt, but much more worthless. Redshirts at least look decent in red, and are sometimes crucial to the plot. Mooks are just expendable footsoldiers with no relevance.
11) If you don't already get the reference, this part was inspired by/ripped off from the Mel Brooks classic space opera spoof Spaceballs. "How many assholes do we have on this ship anyhow?" "YO!"
12) Sixty-four is my favorite number. Three guesses as to why.
13) No, Shen Woo doesn't smoke. He may have been raised on the street (supposedly), but even he knows not to shorten his lifespan by smoking. And neither should you.
14) Poorly planned and executed personification for the win.
15) I.E., most of them were stupid. 640X480 is generally a standard resolution setting, unless you have one of those, you know, GOOD monitors that display in larger resolutions, like 1240x780
16) Explosions should have at least halfway decent splash damage, otherwise it's just another PF(16a) Grenade.
16a) Peregrine Falcon, the group behind the player characters of Metal Slug, for those who haven't played the game yet.
17) If you've seen the ending of a certain CD-i game, a certain evildoer says this to a certain heroine. I'm not going to say which one, because you probably already know which one, and in any case it's too horrible to say the name of.
18) Not as powerful as Ralf's Galactica Phantom, but still.
19) Like I said before, Kyoko is Japanese-American. Since SNK didn't bother to give her a backstory, I had to make one up. It's for this reason that SNK should totally bring her back.
20) Exactly.
Finally, this damn arc is done. Now we can get back to sketch.
NEXT UP: Geese Howard finally comes up with a plan that may actually work this time: a mecha version of himself. Will his archrival Terry Bogard or his son Rock Howard be able to stop him now? Will Andy Bogard finally marry Mai Shiranui? Will Kain R. Heinlein make an appearance to save the day for once? Is the Japanese government even interested in this sudden threat to Southtownians everywhere? Will Redshirt Number #86 make an appearance again?
The answer to that last one's no, obviously. Catch the next chapter, which is called Fatally Furious Act 1: Mecha Geese!