Soldier
Alex helped her get into bed but Olivia refused to talk to her. Alex begged her with quiet eyes, but Olivia simply refused. She was too angry and now she felt humiliated on top of it because Alex had made her point and underlined it without saying a god damn word.
She didn't need help. She didn't need anyone. She never had, and now?
Needing Alex wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to her, but she still didn't like the feeling of reliance. Maybe she wasn't being fair. Maybe she should re-evaluate. She looked at Alex and sighed. Alex was pulling on clothes like they were layers of armor, covering herself from Olivia's eyes. She had turned so her back was facing Olivia as she pulled on a sweater which Olivia recognized as her own. She hated it when Alex took her clothes without her permission. She was doing that more and more now, which was even more irritating. Olivia shook her head and resolved to be angry.
Alex stared at her with those blue eyes, and Olivia could see out of the corner of her eye that she was spinning the diamond ring on her left finger. That had replaced her nervous habit of playing with the necklace she wore that Olivia had given her. It underlined Olivia's suspicion that she did that only when she was thinking about them. She felt bad. She had made a promise. She knew though, that Alex had to understand. This wasn't about their love, this was about her pride. She just needed to get that.
Without speaking, without saying anything, Olivia reached over and picked up the iPod off the table in front of her. Plugging it in, she watched as Alex crossed her arms, and shifted her weight. She pushed it into her hears and turned angry rap music up to top volume. Alex hated this music and by the look on her face, she could tell that Alex could hear it. Good. She wanted it that way. When she could feel her blood pumping with a hot boil, she liked to plug into this rocking beat and angry tempo. While she may despise the images of violence, the angry words helped her settle her own.
She watched as Alex grabbed her coat. "I'll be back," she mouthed as she walked to the door with a frown on her face. Olivia leaned back into the pillow and closed her eyes.
She couldn't figure out why she was so angry. It would roll over her with no warning, with just the slightest provocation. Rage would flash, and then just as suddenly it would be gone. When Alex had walked away, quietly saying she would be back in an hour or so, Olivia smirked, the anger still there. A second after she was gone, however, a crushing feeling of depression fell over her.
She leaned into the bed and felt herself lose energy. Her whole body still ached, her incisions were itchy and while she had finally heard the word discharge come from someone's lips that weren't her own, she felt like Alex was trying to hold her back. Everything with her was a fight. If Alex had her way, she would stay in this bed for the rest of her life wrapped in bubble wrap eating pudding off a plastic spoon.
Instead of talking about it, the two of them had started sniping at each other. Well, Olivia admitted to herself, she had started to snip at Alex. Alex had begun to quietly accept it. And she was surprised how effective it was.
She hated herself for acting that way. She hated herself for every time she knew she had made Alex cry. Of course, Alex never showed her tears anymore, but Olivia knew her well enough to know that she wasn't going for a walk because she cared about her health. Olivia knew Alex needed a break from her.
Damn.
She felt the burning behind her own eyes and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. She was too strong for that. No matter how much weight her shoulders held, even if the weight crushed her, she would never give in. She was, as always, a soldier.
To Be Continued…