Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, JK Rowling does. Big surprise I'm sure.

Dandelions

Chapter 5: Me and You (Part 1)

James dodged around a corner and raced into the nearest classroom, in order to avoid the ever-nearing footsteps that promised inevitable doom. He skidded to a stop and scratched his head. This was not a classroom. The sinks and cubicles and tiles suggested a bathroom and yet the distinct air of hygiene suggested that it was not of the male variety. He sauntered over towards one of the cubicles, congratulating himself on a perfect hide-out. Sirius would never guess, let alone dare to even put one foot into the girls' bathroom.

He began to unzip his fly, whistling to himself.

"Please don't do that in my presence."

He zipped his fly back up so fast that for a split-second he was convinced that he'd caught something then spun around to stare at the girl who he'd nearly given an eyeful.

"Hey." He gulped as memories flooded him and his back straightened involuntarily. "Evans."

"Are you going to leave now?" said the Head Girl from where she sat on the windowsill, staring out over the grounds. She wouldn't look at him; she hadn't looked him in the eyes for over a week now. They had both spontaneously gone insane, and now it was extremely uncomfortable. Lily's method of dealing with this was, firstly, to pretend it had never happened, that he had never found her in that classroom, that they had never been more than Evans and Potter; and secondly, to avoid him at all costs. She didn't even argue with him anymore.

"Why would I?"

"Because it's the girls' bathroom. You shouldn't be here."

"I can't leave. I'm in hiding."

"I guessed as much." Lily frowned and refocused her attention on the beautiful night that was slowly descending over Hogwarts. She'd been happy brooding, trying to talk herself into blacking out certain parts of her memory.

"What's so interesting? Why couldn't you just look at the grounds from the Common Room?" James begged his mouth to shut up, but it seemed to have other plans. "You've not gone mental, have you? What's up with you sitting alone in a bathroom? Wait- you haven't spotted something, have you?" He stepped forward and stared over her shoulder out into the dusky light frowning, then sent her a sudden, startled glance. "You're not- you're not- crying?"

"Why can't can't you just leave me alone for once in your stupid life?" she said quietly.

James sighed. They couldn't seem to even have a good old fashioned argument lately. He knew that something had changed between them, that it didn't seem right to still be arch-enemies now that he was having fantasies about kissing her, but he didn't have a clue what he could do to make it right again. He didn't even know if he wanted things back to normal.

Despite the tension and awkwardness buzzing between them, he couldn't walk away from her brooding. He pushed her further up onto the windowsill, ignoring her indignation and folded himself into the small space left, their knees pressing together distractingly. "Because you don't really want to be alone," he said, simply. "Tell me about it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. I want you to go away," she said. Her eyes finally met his and he saw the desperation in them. "I want you to leave me alone and never talk to me again. I want you to stop being nice and stop trying to help me. I don't need your help. I don't understand why you're doing this. We hate each other."

He leaned his forehead against the murky glass, enjoying the cool relief, and grinned at her. "Now, Evans, we both know that's not true."

Her eyes grew large and she gulped. "Do we?"

"Don't play dumb, Evans. I know why you get into fights with me. It's for them." He nodded to the children playing outside in the dwindling twilight. "You can deny it all you want, but we're explosive together," he shrugged, "and I guess everyone likes to see a good fight. They need something to cheer them up once in a while, especially in times like these. Why else do you think Dumbledore let us off with just a detention? He knows it. We know it."

She just stared at him. It wasn't for some higher, noble purpose that she fought with him. She hated the sight of him. She felt so much whenever he was near; outrage, anger, annoyance, frustration. He lit a fire under her for no apparent reason and she exploded into a whirlwind of hexes and curses aimed at his head. She fought with him because sometimes even simply looking at him made her feel like a ticking time bomb. It was strange and mortifying to think that he had been the one with the good intentions and she had been the selfish one, thinking about exorcising her demons, getting rid of her fury. She had known logically that he must have some sort of brain power in order to become Head Boy but she had never honestly believed that there was more than cotton wool inside that head of his. Despite all this, the only thought that danced clearly across her mind in neon lights was the knowledge that he didn't hate her- never had.

She forced her face into a scowl and shrugged at him. "I suppose we do."

"Evans, are you feeling alright?" She swatted his attempts to feel her temperature. "It's a miracle!" he crowed joyously to the empty room. "The girl has actually agreed with me!"

"Hallelujah," Lily said morosely, her gaze once more sliding back towards the darkening grounds.

"Hey," he said sharply, noting her tone, and forcing her to look at him. "What's wrong? Seriously."

"Nothing. Everything." She shoved a hand aggressively through her hair. "Don't you ever wonder what we're all doing here? Why we even bother to pretend that everything's alright? Day after day, black letter after black letter, and we still go on. I just…can't." She felt him staring at her and determinedly avoided his eyes.

"Can't what?" he asked softly.

"I can't take it anymore, okay?" she burst out. She had been keeping this inside, repeating the same words over and over to herself. She could no longer shove all her worries and thoughts and feelings into the neat little package of fear that hid at the back of her mind. She let loose in one rushing avalanche of words. "I can't take knowing that You-Know-Who's already won. He's already stopped me from living, and it's only a matter of time before he finishes the job!"

"Look," he said, shifting slightly. "He's not going to come after you. You're safe here-"

"I'm safe here, yes! We graduate next week, Potter. Next week, I'll be dead."

He stared at her. He had wondered whether she understood the full extent of the danger she was in. Her empty eyes told him she understood very well. "What about your parents?"

She let out a mirthless laugh. "Happy Muggles, in their safe Muggle world." She paused and with more composure said, "They are good people and I love them but they don't understand. They can't grasp the fact that we're all in mortal danger. To them I'm just learning a few magic tricks and once I've graduated I'll come home and everything will be back to normal. I'll be able to get a nice, normal job and live a nice, normal life. They don't understand that magic isn't something I can just ignore or sideline and that the magical world still exists whether we acknowledge it does or not. That even if I pretend I'm not a witch the danger won't just disappear." She sniffed and wiped a hand wearily over her face. "I love them. They do accept me for what I am, they just don't understand it. And they most certainly can't protect me."

James was staring out of the window and nodding thoughtfully as he digested all that she had revealed to him. It was more than she'd ever let slip before. "So once you leave Hogwarts you're going to-"

"-leave home," she finished for him, gravely. "I can't place them in danger. If I'm not around, they won't be targeted."

James wondered if she'd told anyone else what she'd just told him; from the surprised expression in her eyes and the embarrassed flush across her cheeks, he guessed not. They were quiet, but instead of the tense silence of bubbling fury or the awkward silence of awakening embarrassing feelings, they sat in silent contemplation, both wrapped up in troubling thoughts of the war.

"I'm sorry about your parents," Lily tentatively broke into his reverie.

"Don't be." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes wearily. She could see the still-fresh pain in his eyes. "They were old, too old to deal with me. I drove them mad with worry most of the time. In the end, Mum fell ill, and Dad couldn't survive without her. He died just ten days after she did."

Lily felt something turn over inside of her as she watched him fight back his emotions. In those few moments the illusion that she had clung to of the hollow, unreal person who that was James Potter was shattered and replaced by someone who was no longer just a caricature of a teenage nemesis. With those few words, he gained dimension, he became a real person, and Lily felt a pang of fear. She didn't know what to do; she'd never seen James like this before, and had never imagined that she could feel so much empathy for him.

"Potter-" she haltingly began, attempting to comfort him, even though she had no idea what she was going to say.

She was saved the effort by the shrug of his shoulders and the sad quirk of his lips. "It's alright, Evans. At least they went together; I don't think it was physically possible for one of them to have remained here without the other."

"They loved each other that much?"

"Yes. I'm going to find that one day." He sounded grimly determined and yet wistful at the same time. He focused his eyes on her. "Do you ever think about the future, Evans?"

"Of course I do. It feels like it's been tapping me on the shoulder for the past few months. I've got to make decisions and sort my life out. Lately I've found myself coming up here and thinking about it. It's quite depressing." She sent him a sad smile and her gaze returned to the world outside the window.

"Depressing? Surely your future is full of good things? I know there's the war and everything but- well, there's got to be something to look forward to." To James, it was inconceivable that she wouldn't get all that she deserved. After all, she was clever, witty, beautiful and talented; he couldn't imagine how her future wouldn't be anything less than sickeningly happy.

"Come on, Potter." She smiled bitterly. "We both know what my future is. It's pretty much nonexistent. It's going to be full of fighting and dying and that's about it. I'm nearly eighteen. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never have a family, or children, or a career, or my own home. I'll never have the chance to love someone so much I would die without them."

"How can you be so sure?"

"All that's in my future now is war. And you know what happens in war? You fight and you die. That's the end of my story."

James didn't know what to say. What could he possibly say? Tell her it'd all be okay when they both knew that it most certainly wouldn't? "Evans, I-"

She pushed her hair away from her face and finally looked at him. Her eyes were shimmering and bright and full of defiance. "I hate knowing that while I'm sat here, pitying myself, moaning about what I'm never going to have, there are people out there who actually had it all, who knowwhat it feels like to have it all, and have lost it because he's taken it from them. I think losing it all is worse than never having it." She leaned her head against the glass, shutting her eyes. "At least I'll never know what it feels like to lose it."

"Everyone loses something," he said sharply. "Why do you think we go on? Because we have to. Because if we didn't it'd mean that he's already won. We have to fight. Whether we defeat him or not, the simple act of standing for what's right means everything." He put a hand to her cheek and wiped away the lone tear that had escaped its prison. "We've already won, Evans."

She jerked her head up to stare at him. "You know," she blurted out before she could stop herself, "you've never so much as shook my hand in the seven years we've known each other and yet you've touched me three times this last two weeks,"

"I know."

Their eyes locked and she knew that something strange had happened. She'd never seen him so serious, so sincere. His voice was strong, while hers broke, and his gaze steady, while hers blurred with tears. She was jolted out of self-pity as she realized that her personal Peter Pan had finally grown up. She had thought he would always be young, carefree, annoying, and happy. But all little boys grow up, and in dark times, they grow up even faster. She studied his profile and wondered what was going on. Things seemed to be changing awfully quickly.

"It's no good. All we do is fight, Potter," she said softly, pulling her eyes from his face and staring out at the darkening forest. "What does winning matter if we never get to live?"

They sat in silence and together they watched the lengthening shadows dance across the lake and through the trees. They watched as the Moon haltingly took up its position in the sky, presiding over the darkness, the sovereign of the night, burning slithers of ghostly light into the heavy gloom.

She sighed as she watched the children laugh and make their way slowly towards the castle. It was a warm night. It had been a bitter winter, and it was proving to be a glorious summer. Some said it was a sign of better things to come. She wasn't as optimistic. In reality, the beautiful days ahead would be some of the most trying for everyone as the death count increased daily, destroying the lives of the people left behind. It was times like these that she longed for the past, for the peaceful days of her childhood in the Muggle world where all she had to worry about was her homework, her sister and her freckles. The beauty of the magical world had been sent into shadow and all there was left were regrets and fear.

"Evans?" she heard James's voice softly, hesitantly ask.

"Hmm?"

It took a few seconds before she realized that his hand had crept into hers, and he was gently squeezing it. She stared at their joined hands, speechless. He was holding her hand, like he had the other day, except now he really was holding her hand. And he was staring at her with an expression that she wasn't sure that she liked. "What-?"

"Let's not forget to live," he whispered, his voice deepening as he looked right into her eyes. "We could- we could get away from here."

"What do you mean?"

"We could elope."

She blinked. She shook her head. She blinked again. No, he was still there, looking at her like that and saying those words.

To Be Continued…


A/N: I'm so so sorry for taking absolutely ages to upload (although in my last epic story, Stealing Sheep, it took me years at a time between chapters!). The problem I had was that while this chapter was already complete, I had written it months ago. Since I first wrote it, I added chapters 3 and 4 which were more serious than this story was to begin with so the tone of this chapter didn't really flow so I had to fix that. Also, I've been mightily distracted by Glee fan fiction :D. However, I promise I'll try to get Chapter 6 up quicker (especially since it's a cliffhanger!).

Please review! It really does spur me on. The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll update!