Author's Note: So Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone! I thought I'd update, especially since I've decided to ignore the absolute BS that is on my TV screen everyday when I thought I was turning in to As The World Turns. *deep breath* Okay...I'm okay...
Anyways, I really hope you guys like this chapter since it took me, oh, about 8 re-writes until I was satisfied. I expect reviews...many many reviews! LOL Enjoy!
~JP

True North
By Jaclyn Parker

"Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad!
Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
Oh, God! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"
-Wuthering Heights
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"Hey, Beautiful. Did you miss me?"

Jack's voice filled the room and the only other sounds disturbing the silence were the machines that were continuously keeping watch over Carly as they beeped every now and then. His eyes traveled over Carly's still form and then glanced at the monitors as he laid his coat down over the back of the long couch that took up the far side wall. He pulled the chair that constantly sat next to her hospital bed closer and sat down, leaning forward to take her hand in his.

"Of course you did. You always miss me, right?" Jack joked.

He smiled at her as he brushed a curl off of her cheek, noting that they looked rosier than normal. Jack tested her forehead and frowned, thinking that she felt warmer than she should. He gently lifted the light weight blanket from around her feet the way the doctors had told him to do if Carly seemed overly warm. When he caught a glimpse of her toes, he chuckled.

"I see that Sage kept her promise to give you a pedicure. I'm not sure that hot pink with silver metallic sparkles is really your thing, but if my opinion counts at all, it's pretty hot." Jack said and then reached down to tuck the blanket around her ankles before settling back into the chair.

"Um, let's see. I just came from seeing Emmy. She's doing so much better. They're still monitoring her and Dr. Maynard said that she'll only have to gain a little more weight before she can come home. We're talking about throwing a small party even though she's too little to know what's going on. You know me though, any excuse to have cake, right? Don't worry, we'll have a whole other huge party when you come home too. Only we'll have a vanilla ice cream cake for you because I know that's your favorite."

Jack spread her hand open and tenderly traced the lines of her palm with the tip of his index finger while he spoke. The repetitive action grounded him as he spoke of her coming home, because otherwise he was sure he would sink into the dark hole that beckoned to him every so often when he thought of the possibility of that day never coming.

"Speaking of home, wait until you see the changes." Jack said, clearing his throat and forcing himself to sound cheerful. He wouldn't take the chance of her hearing the frustration that seeped from his soul into his voice. "Since we're using the office as a nursery, the boys and I decided to convert the attic into a bedroom for Parker. Don't worry, I had someone come inspect it and it's perfectly safe. Actually, the contractor just finished putting the insulation in so that it's semi-soundproof. But even then, Parker knows that he can't be too loud; although his definition of loud is probably a lot different than ours."

"Getting the rooms ready has been a good project to help them with everything. Um, the nursery furniture you picked out with Molly is all put together, but we didn't paint or anything because I know you and Sage have very definite plans. So, in the meantime, I got one of those cute little bassinets so we that can have Emmy in our room with us. Just until she's a little bit bigger, you know?"

Jack tilted his head and looked slightly sheepish. "I know what you're going to say and yes, maybe it is just because I can't take my eyes off of her for more than a couple minutes at a time. But hey, can you blame me? We make some damn beautiful babies, Carly."

Jack sighed and after pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand, he enclosed it between the two of his and lifted it to rest in his under his chin. He watched Carly's chest rise and fall slowly, then sent a silent thank you again that she was at least breathing on her own. Jack had been in the ICU long enough to realize how incredibly lucky, despite what it looked like, that her condition wasn't worse. Unlike some other families, there was a much greater chance of Carly waking up one day and being able to hear her voice again.

It was a morbid line of thinking but for some reason Jack couldn't help thinking about the tapes that Carly had made for the kids and him when she had been misdiagnosed with her brain tumor. He frowned and rubbed his chin thoughtfully against the back of her hand.

"I talked Dr. Mitchell again. It's funny. Who would have thought that I would ever want to talk to a shrink?"

When families had children in the NICU, it was recommended that they make an appointment to see the hospital psychiatrist. However, most people who knew Jack Snyder could've easily guessed what he had told the hospital that they could do with their recommendation when they first brought it up. But upon calming down he had spoken to some of the other parents who said that it really helped, especially when it came to discussing the situation with older siblings. So Jack gave in and went to a session thinking that if it helped him communicate what was going on to his children, then it was worth a shot. Turns out, it did help…just not in the way they intended. He had seen Dr. Kristin Mitchell, three times now and he had been stunned when things had come pouring out of him that had nothing to do with Emmy or Carly's current medical situations.

Thanks to the therapy, Jack had finally admitted aloud that he had mishandled the brain tumor situation in the worst way. He had been so focused on the fact that Carly had withheld the actual prognosis from him that he hadn't let the good seep in. He hadn't bothered to realize that Carly had only known the truth for a couple weeks, during which he really hadn't given her many opportunities to explain it to him. Maybe deep down he had known that something had changed and by rushing her around, he had purposely not given her that time to tell him. Either way, when it came out he had still overlooked the most important fact of all; she hadn't been dying!

Hadn't he begged her that day in Montana to not die, to not leave him? But when he got his wish, instead of fully hearing her out, he had merely driven away. In hindsight, a lot of the trouble with Parker had started back up again then and he couldn't help but wonder if he had handled it all better, would Parker have been more equipped to deal with the constant upheavals in his young life.

Jack shook himself out of past thoughts and smiled wryly at her. "Anyways, I think…I think I understand now, why you won't wake up."

Jack sighed again and closed his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts to tell her everything that he was feeling.

"I've been mad for so long…much longer than I think even I realized. Dr. Mitchell got me to see that I haven't been the same since that day I went off the bridge with Starziak."

Jack glanced at Carly and he raised his eyebrow. He could almost hear what she would have said.

"Yeah, I know I had amnesia but that's not what I meant. Carly, that day…it changed everything for us. Even when I got my memory back I was so angry and conflicted. On one hand I lost so much time with you and the kids that I couldn't stand it but on the other, I found the incredible child that we now call our son. I could see how much pain I was causing you and yet I couldn't help how I felt."

"I don't know what happened after that, Baby, I honestly don't. Things seemed to just move at such a rapid pace and we were growing apart and then the whole disaster with Kasnoff and the stupid divorce. By the time I realized what an idiot I was being, there was Simon."

Jack swallowed hard; even saying the other man's name was difficult.

"I hated him, Carly, but not for the reasons you probably think. I saw how happy he made you before things, um, got out of control. The smile you would give him when he walked into a room…that was my smile; it belonged to me. Every time I saw you kiss him or touch him, I felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart. But I never told you that, did I? I mean, I tried that one day but by then it was too late. I had pushed you away when you needed me the most. Then when you left with him, I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I had fought for you harder. That day in the police station, all I wanted to do was hold onto you and never let you go. I meant what I said then, that I never should have left you and the kids."

Taking a deep breath, Jack looked up at the florescent lights in the ceiling before letting the breath out in a long sigh. He thought about what he had felt the day she returned to Milltown and he had laid eyes her again, wearing that ridiculous sweatshirt and looking more hesitant than he had ever seen her. She had taken his breath away for more reasons that he could ever admit. Beyond the confusion, the anger, and the shock, the overwhelming emotion he had felt had been joy. Yet the rational side of him had found himself arresting her, even as his heart protested the action every single step of the way.

Jack stopped his line of thinking and roughly wiped at his eyes with the back of his hands, still never releasing Carly from his grip.

"Okay, this isn't going the way I wanted it to. Past mistakes are just that, in the past. And from now on that's where they're going to stay. Now, I can't say that I won't ever get jealous or that I won't ever get so angry over something that we end up in a screaming match. I can't give those guarantees; no one can."

Jack looked into Carly's peaceful face and leaned forward slightly.

"But I know this, Baby. I know that the love I have for you will never, ever go away. If you ever feel like that's not true or that things are starting to head back the way they were, I want you to tell me, okay? You are the part of my soul that completes me, Carly. I don't know who I am without you."

An overpowering need to be closer to her swept over him and Jack stood up abruptly.

"Move over, you're hogging the bed." Jack said quietly and fixing the blankets back down over her feet again, he gently bumped his hip to hers as he climbed in with her. Adjusting her so that she was curled into his side, with her head pillowed on his chest, Jack gathered Carly close. Continuously mindful of the wires attached to her body, he laced his fingers with hers and leaned his head back against the hospital bed's headboard.

"I miss hearing your voice, you know? Even when you yell at me. I miss hearing it say my name in only the way that you can. I miss holding you when we sleep, the smell of your hair invading my nose when we spoon together. I miss arguing over who has to take the kids to their never ending after school stuff and who's actually responsible for the amount of junk food in the pantry. I miss the way that you can make me realize that being fifteen minutes late for work is not always a bad thing when there's a good enough reason to stay in bed."

Grinning, Jack bent his head to press his cheek against Carly's soft curls but his smile soon turned into a frown.

"I'm a proud and stubborn man, Carly. I always have been and I always will be. I can't change that. But I realized that those two traits are something we have in common. Only you directed them towards the belief that our love was something that we couldn't deny, while I channeled mine into trying to believe that it was something that we had to deny to survive. And even though I finally realized that you were right, I'm worried that it might be too late."

Jack shook his head quickly, gripping her hand tighter and hurriedly adding, "Not that I blame you. The truth is that I know that I haven't shown you lately any real reason to trust in me when I say that it's going to be okay this time. But here's the thing, Beautiful, I'm not going anywhere. I will wait for however long it takes until you realize this and come back to me. You were my true north once when I was lost and didn't know my way home. So when you're ready… I'll be yours, okay? You follow my voice and you come home to me and the kids."

"And you need to know that when you do wake up and come home, we'll start from here; from now. We'll build our future, together, for today and all those tomorrows we promised each other so long ago. God, I love you so much, Carly." Jack said and then pressing his lips to her hair he closed his eyes, gently pulling her closer into his embrace.

He realized that he had run out of words to say and in the following silence he began to unconsciously start humming under his breath. Jack even didn't recognize the tune until he was a few bars in, but then let out a small tearful chuckle and continued aloud.

"The best is yet to come and babe won't it be fine. The best is yet to come, come the day you're mine." He sang softly and then chuckled again, before slipping back into humming.

Jack must have fallen asleep humming to her because the next thing he knew the sun had gone down and there was another blanket draped over the two of them. One of the night nurses, who were very used to seeing him in bed with her, must have covered them up at some point. As he gently extricated himself from Carly's bed, he smiled down at her and kissed her softly before stretching. Upon discovering that he had an enormous crick in his neck, he also noted that he had a very full bladder and began to move towards the bathroom.

A rustling noise made him look over his shoulder, but all he saw was the extra blanket slowly sliding off the edge of the bed from where he had haphazardly thrown it back. Jack glanced at Carly and smiled softly, thinking that she looked just like Sleeping Beauty out of that fairy tale storybook that he used to read to Sage nightly. He shook his head before once more heading towards the bathroom, making a mental note to pick up the blanket on his return trip. But then the sound came again, only this time it was followed by something strong enough to create a small echo in the dimmed hospital room.

"Jack?"

His entire body froze mid-step and in an excruciatingly slow movement he turned around. This time when he looked back at Carly, a pair of slightly groggy blue eyes stared back at him; blue eyes that he had only seen in his dreams for the past month.

"Car…" Jack tried to speak but found that his voice stopped midway through her name.

It didn't matter, because the small unsteady smile that he received would have taken away his ability to speak anyway. When she lifted a weak hand in his direction, Jack found himself by her bed and clutching it within a heartbeat. His eyes roamed over her face intently, trying to frantically sort out if he was really awake or not.

"Please, please, tell me I'm not dreaming." He said, his voice so hushed it was practically a whisper. He was afraid to speak normally just in case he was still asleep and speaking louder would jerk him back to a reality where he was once again without her. "Say it again. Say anything. I don't care. I just…I need to hear you again."

To his own ears he was making no sense whatsoever, but Carly just smiled once more. With the hand that wasn't desperately enclosed between his two, she slowly reached up to touch his face.

"It's okay, G-man."

The sound of his nickname on her lips again, however hoarse and quiet, was his undoing. Collapsing into the chair that was still pulled up next to her bed from earlier, Jack dropped his head so that his forehead rested on her left thigh.

"Oh, God. Oh, God, Carly." He managed to get out before his voice left him again, hot tears stinging his eyes as he pulled their joined hands to his mouth. He gasped back a sob and then began raining kisses down on her knuckles.

The touch of her other hand coming to rest gently on his hair caused a shudder to go through him, but it was the quiet words that accompanied the gesture that opened the floodgates and allowed the relief and exhilaration to pour out of him in a stream of seemingly never-ending tears.

"It's okay. I'm home."