Headaches

Alex opened the door to the apartment slowly, wondering what kind of Olivia she would be met with today. She was afraid to open it and she stood in front of the door a minute longer than she had to, looking for her keys. She sighed. She hated this not knowing. Olivia could be her old self, loving , caring, attentive, or she could be walking into hell. The angry, combative, depressed woman she barely knew, and she never knew which one to expect.

She opened the door slowly. All the lights were off. The apartment was totally dark. Alex stepped inside and flipped on the light. She looked around puzzled. She looked at her watch. It was 6:28 pm. There's no way.

"Olivia?" Alex called.

Nothing.

Alex sighed. Either they weren't speaking again, without her knowledge, or maybe, she thought with a smile, maybe Olivia was actually taking care of herself for once. No, no, they probably weren't speaking. Alex dropped her brief case and took a deep breath. She looked on the couch and into the kitchen. Olivia wasn't balancing on a shelf or lying unconscious on the floor. Both were good signs. She trudged into the bedroom pulling her jacket off when she saw Olivia on the bed.

"Hey Liv?" She asked quietly, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.

"Please don't turn the light on." Was the frantic response. There was desperation in her voice.

"Liv?"

"Please Alex." Olivia whimpered.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, trying to find her way to Olivia in the dark. She found her on the bed, curled into as much of a ball as she could.

"It hurts," was all Olivia said.

Alex felt her pulse start to pound. "What hurts Liv?"

"Shhh…" Olivia whined.

"Olivia listen to me. What hurts?" She asked, running her hand over Olivia's body making sure there was nothing grossly abnormal about her.

"My head." She whispered.

"Sweetie," Alex said, trying to coax her out of her fetal huddle. She reached over to rub Olivia's head, pushing her hair back from her face. Alex could feel the wet tears streaming down her face.

"Please, go away." Olivia sobbed, her voice hitching in her throat.

"Olivia."

"Please Alex."

"No." Alex said quietly.

"Please."

"No, I can't, Olivia. I can't leave you in here in the dark crying."

"There's nothing you can do."

"Did you take anything?" Alex asked quietly.

"Yeah," Olivia whined.

"What?"

"A bunch of Tylenol."

"What's a bunch?"

"Six? Ten? I don't remember."

"Olivia!"

"Alex, it really hurts. Please." Olivia cried.

"You can't take that much Tylenol, sweetheart." Alex said rubbing her head.

"It doesn't matter, it didn't stay down." Olivia whimpered putting her head into Alex's lap.

"When did you take it?" Alex questioned.

"What time is it?" Olivia asked.

"Six thirty." Alex answered quickly.

"Two hours ago? Or three. Something like that"

"You've been lying here in the dark for three hours?"

"It's been longer. I thought it would get better." Olivia moaned.

"Olivia, why didn't you call me?" Alex asked exasperated.

"I could handle it. Please, shhh." Olivia whispered back to her.

"You could handle it? How's that working for you? Come on, Olivia." Alex said, trying to stand.

"Where are you going?"

"We're going to the ER."

"No." Olivia said.

"You can come with me or I'll call an ambulance."

"You will not." Olivia said, pulling herself up off the bed. The movement made her dizzy and she sat immediately back down on the edge hard, yelping

"Olivia, god damn it, why can't you just act like a fucking adult for once?" Alex said, pulling Olivia back onto the bed. "You're going to hurt yourself."

"Alex, get out." Olivia

"Olivia please?"

"Go." She said, pushing herself away from Alex.

"Why can't you let me help you?"

"I don't need your help."

"Oh for Christ's sake." Alex realized in that moment that she had nothing left to give. There was no more fight in her. She couldn't keep challenging. She couldn't keep arguing. She couldn't keep pretending. On the bed, she pulled her legs up to her chest and started to cry. She let out the weeks of pain that she had felt that she hadn't been able to show leak out as deep sobs. Her mind crashed down into itself as she relived each minute of Olivia's recovery, each time she had been pushed away, each time she hadn't been enough, each time she was filled with worry that was thrown to the side and dismissed.

She cried until there were no more tears. She didn't feel Olivia's arms wrapped tightly around her. Olivia didn't realize that in that second, Elliot's warning to her came slamming back into her head. Every cruel word she had said to Alex came flooding through her head. Every rejection, every moment she had pushed her away, every time she had said no, came down to this.

She held Alex as tightly as she could, hoping she could keep her together. She pushed her own pain aside, for once, she could see that her pain was nothing compared to what Alex felt in this moment. She would promise anything in this second…

Alex took deep shaking breath in. "I, I'm sorry." She whispered.

"No, Alex, I'm sorry." Olivia said, feeling her heart breaking.

"You don't have to say that." Alex said feeling the apology came from her display rather than Olivia's own feelings . "I, um, need some time." She pulled herself out of Olivia's arms which suddenly felt wrong to her. She got off the bed, and stood in front of it. "You really should go to the ER. Um, I've, got to go." She said, pointing to the door, and turning, she walked out, doing the one thing she never thought she would do, leaving Olivia alone in the dark.

To Be Continued…