Chapter Eight: Letters
I disclaim all that is recognized as written by anybody famous. It's not mine.
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Dear Keena,
I don't actually know where to start with this. My biggest fear I guess is that you won't even get this letter and if you do that you won't respond to it. I don't even know what I want to know really. There are rumors about you going around. People are saying that you're on the run with Sirius Black out in a random foreign country and that you've even helped him to escape. Did you? I won't tell anyone if you did but I'd like to know why. They're saying he's after me. If you helped him and he is after me then why did you pretend to even care about me? I'll give this to Remus and ask him to send it along, but please respond to me quickly, alright?
Harry
Remus had held me back after a Defense class in order to give me the letter that Harry had given him a few days earlier. It was nearing the middle of October already and I was still putting off writing my own letter to Lily and James. I reread Harry's letter twice (as Keena both times) before I placed it on the desk and dropped my head into my hands. Remus made a questioning sound and I shoved the letter towards him.
"It's not as if I didn't expect that response," I muttered through my hands. "Especially considering all the times he asked the three of us if something sounded stupid."
"I think you should just come clean and explain it all to him," Remus stated, placing the letter back on the table in front of me.
"And tell him what exactly? That I let him think I was a terrible god-mother for the entire summer and first month of school because I was afraid of his reaction? That I knew all along Lily and James would 'die' and even when we found a way to stop that I let them go off to fight evil and I left him with the Durselys anyway? That I knew his god-father was and is innocent as of yet and I let him go to Azkaban for twelve years while the real traitor is in our grasp? Oh, I'm sure he'll understand all of that!" I snapped irritably.
"Keena, when are you going to admit to yourself that it was Sirius?" Remus asked me, half annoyed, half sympathetic.
"The day it's proven that it was. I was there and I remain the only witness aside from either wizard who was there that day. No one can convince me that I'm wrong." I stated. "Anyway, we're not even going into that right now. This is about Harry and how I've failed him miserably."
"That makes it out to be about you," Remus argued. "If it were all about Harry right now, you would go and explain everything to him, not worrying about how it affects you,"
I just stared at the werewolf. "Moony, why are you always so smart?" I asked finally.
"One of us had to be the smart one if we were ever going to live through all this mess," he shrugged. "Listen, I don't want to make you leave but I do have some papers in need of grading,"
On my way to the common room I ran into McGonagall, literally.
"Do be careful, Ms. Snape," she said, adjusting her glasses and summoning up the papers she had dropped.
"Sorry, Professor," I said, tucking away Harry's letter. Perhaps reading while walking wasn't one of my smartest ideas… "Are you on your way to the common room, Professor?"
"As a matter of fact, I am," she said. "I've a couple of notices that need to be posted in there and I might as well do it now,"
"You're avoiding grading those essays we handed in last week, aren't you?" I grinned.
"Don't be so ridiculous, third year essays are easy to grade." She remarked, "It's the seventh years that give me headaches," my grin widened as she rubbed her forehead.
"Why don't you go to Madame Pomfrey then?"
McGonagall made an annoyed huffing sound. "She refuses to allow teachers the use of potions until O.W.L and N.E.W.T season,"
"When did she start doing that?" I asked, surprised.
"Last year when Lockhart complained after one week,"
"Oh,"
We arrived at the common room and entered.
"Hold these a moment, will you?" she said, handing the stack of parchments off to me just as I was about to head over to Ron and Hermione. A crowd of people gathered before
McGonagall was done and I found myself nearly glued to the announcement board, nearly losing the contents of my book bag. Honestly, it was just the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, not everyone had to literally see the notice, but I digress.
After successfully pulling myself out of the knot of people, I went over to the fireplace, sitting on the couch next to Hermione.
"What's going on over there?" Hermione asked from behind her Astronomy book. "Ha, I told you that this was Neptune," she added to Ron, pointing to a blue planet on her chart.
"Why do I bother trying if you're just going to correct me?" He muttered under his breath.
"First Hogsmeade weekend is on Halloween," I replied before Hermione could retort, pulling out my own Astronomy book and a chart.
"Brilliant!" Ron said, sitting up away from the cluttered table. "I can't wait to see it all! I've heard it's amazing,"
"Heard what's amazing?" Harry asked coming over with George and Fred. They had just had their first Quidditch practice of the year.
"He's probably just figured out that the big yellow thing is called a Sun," Fred decided.
"And that it warms the thing that's called Earth," George added.
"Gits," Ron muttered as the twins high-fived each other.
"First Hogsmeade weekend is on Halloween," Hermione cut in.
"Good, we need to stock up in Zonko's," George said, rubbing his hands together.
"Filch wised up and confiscated most of our stuff before we even got in from the Welcoming Feast," Fred said sounding put off. "And we still need to pull something off in the three toughest classes,"
"What would those be?" I asked curiously.
"Potions, because Snape somehow senses everything," George said.
"Transfiguration, McGonagall seems to know exactly what we want to do every time, mostly before we know, actually," Fred stated.
"And Defense Against the Dark Arts," George finished. "Because we don't know how much we can get by Lupin,"
"He's our biggest threat," Fred added. "Seeing as he lived with Keena for so long and I can't see her being anywhere without pulling at least one prank,"
"He was probably used to it," George said thoughtfully. "Wonder if Dumbledore would be an easy target,"
"Good luck," Hermione and I said in unison. The twins shrugged and walked away, plotting.
"You guys'll have to tell me about it," Harry said, attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Needless to say, he failed miserably.
"I'm sure you'll get into the next one, Harry, they have to catch Black soon," Hermione said earnestly.
"I think you should just ask McGonagall, the next one might be ages away. Or you could ask Remus, I mean he's pretty close to being your guardian, isn't he?" Ron suggested.
"I could try. Yeah, I'll just ask McGonagall then I'll ask Remus," Harry decided after less than a moment's thought.
"But Harry, it wouldn't be safe," Hermione argued. She looked at me for back-up.
"Don't look at me!" I said, defensively. "What I say isn't going to be put into consideration of any of the teachers in any case." The three of them looked at me with raised eyebrows and I deflated. "If Harry were to somehow sneak out without going near dementors he would only be in danger of getting caught."
"But that's not possible," Hermione said securely. I just shrugged in reply, turning back to my Astronomy only to be distracted by Whitetip who was rubbing against my leg.
"Well, hello there, not a good hunting day?" I cooed, lifting her up and petting her.
"Ugh, Crookshanks did," Ron said, pointing to the orange cat that held a dead mouse in his mouth. The cat looked expectantly at Hermione who began praising him without question.
"He's a clever cat to do that all by himself," Hermione said, lifting him up when he had finished his meal.
"That's disgusting," Ron said, shaking his head. "Make sure you keep him there, though, I've got Scabbers in my bag,"
I turned back to Whitetip to see that she had her ears perked up and was staring at Ron's bag. She wasn't blinking and had stopped purring. I looked over at Crookshanks to see that he shared the same hungry look on his squashed face.
"You leave that alone," I muttered to the kitten, hoping that she would respond as if I were alpha like Buckbeak had done. She turned her face to look at me and gave a confused 'mrow' sound. It sounded like a question, as if she were asking why. I bent over as if I were giving her a kiss on the head. "He isn't food, not for you, leave him for me to hunt," I barely whispered, my lips hardly moving.
She looked at me confusedly and then gave a last longing look to the bag where Scabbers was before she laid down in my lap. A second later, however, Crookshanks leapt from Hermione's lap and assaulted Ron's bag. Ron shouted an oath as he tried to pry Crookshanks away from his bag. Suddenly, Scabbers zoomed out and began racing across the floor, darting between people's feet and legs, Crookshanks barely a second behind.
"CATCH THAT BLOODY CAT!" Ron bellowed, pointing to where the duo was racing around.
Several people lunged at Crookshanks, but most of the girls shrieked when they spotted the rat and headed for higher ground, such as the tables of the common room. Scabbers dove under a cabinet and Crookshanks skidded to a halt, taking furious swipes trying to reach the dirty rat.
Hermione and Ron rushed over grabbing their respective pets, a shouting match ensuing shortly afterwards.
"Keep that stupid bloody cat away from Scabbers!" Ron shouted, his ears turning red.
"He's just doing what all cats do, Ron, he doesn't know it's wrong!" Hermione shouted back, her cheeks turning pink.
"That beast has it in for Scabbers, I know it!"
"Oh, that's rich, Ron, he's just a cat! He could smell Scabbers!" Even as she said it, Crookshanks was attempting to get away from her to get at Scabbers. He was hissing furiously. Whitetip tried to stand up on my lap but I held her firmly.
"Just keep him the bloody hell away from Scabbers, he was here first!" Ron shouted before stomping up the stairs to the boys' dorms, Hermione headed for the girls' before both doors were slammed shut.
"Well," I said, turning to Harry. "Did you find Pluto yet? It's so small; I just can't seem to spot it,"
"Yeah, here, look over here," he said, leaning over my chart and we continued on with our Astronomy.
The next day Ron was still angry at Hermione and Hermione was having a terrible time with the guilt. She attempted to apologize several times during the morning but never really got around to it. Things only got worse before Transfiguration.
We came up to the class to see Lavender crying hysterically, Parvati comforting her while trying to explain what had happened to Seamus and Dean.
"…and I guess he climbed in through a hole in the fence and now he's gone," she was saying.
"Who's gone?" Ron asked. Lavender only started to sob harder.
"Oh, Lavender, what's happened?" Hermione asked, rushing over to help Parvati as she began to explain the story through again.
"She received a letter from home this morning. Her rabbit, Binky, was killed by a fox,"
"I should have known! Do you know what today is? The sixteenth of October! She told me it was going to happen and it did!" she wailed.
"Who told you?" Hermione asked gently.
"Professor Trelawney, in our first class, remember?"
"Your worst fear was that your rabbit would be killed? Was he old?" I asked in the nicest way I could.
"N—no! He was j—just a baby!" Parvati sent me a glare for making Lavender sob harder and I bit my lip, swapping glances with Hermione.
"But why would he die then?" Hermione asked, so quietly I don't think Lavender heard her over her own sobs. Parvati, however, turned her glare onto Hermione. "But if she's only just received news, then he didn't die today. And it's obviously a shock to her; she can't have been dreading it…"
"Just because you don't care about other peoples' pets--" Ron started in a harsh whisper.
"Oh look, McGonagall has opened the door," I said, placing myself in between the two of them before Ron could finish his sentence.
We entered the classroom and Ron and Hermione sat on either side of Harry and me so that they didn't have to be near each other at all. Hermione spent the whole class managing to mutter under her breath while taking more notes than I was. The bell rang at last, but McGonagall held us a moment longer.
"If the Gryffindors would stay a minute, I've something to discuss with all of you," the Ravenclaws up and left the classroom while the rest of us grumbled. "As you all know, thirds years are allowed to visit the village of Hogsmeade on certain weekends during the school year. You have until Halloween to hand in your signed permission forms. No form, no trip, and that is final," she said.
"Professor, I think I lost mine!" Neville called from the back of the class.
"Your grandmother has already sent yours in, Longbottom," she said kindly. "Now the rest of you are dismissed,"
"Harry, go ask now," Ron said, nodding his head towards McGonagall as the rest of the class left.
"But it isn't—" Hermione began.
"Go," Ron said, giving Harry a small shove towards the front of the room. Harry went up to the front and the three of us shuffled to the back of the room, waiting eagerly for McGonagall's response.
She began shaking her head and Harry looked back for support, which Ron gave by way of nodding his head energetically. McGonagall shook her head once more and gave Harry an apologetic look before shooing him along. He came back over to us, looking depressed. I then had an idea.
"Okay, I don't have time for this right now," I said, pacing back and forth. "Is there ever a time when you just let someone in? What if someone was in a life or death situation and the headmaster was the only one who could save them but I didn't know the stupid password? Would you let me in then?"
I grumbled in front of the unmoving, non-reacting gargoyle a few days after Harry had asked McGonagall. He had asked Remus a few classes later, but had been denied a signature from him as well. "Fine, ignore me then. Sugar quill?" To my extreme displeasure, the gargoyle jumped aside and stuck his tongue out at me.
I hurried up the stairs and knocked on the door, not bothering to wait for the signal to come in. Dumbledore looked up from his desk and a baby Fawkes peeped out from the ashes. Apparently I had just missed a burning.
"Ms. Snape, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Dumbledore asked, gesturing to a chair across from his desk.
"I originally had one question but now I've got two," I said, sitting in the comfy chair. "The first and less important is, does that gargoyle ever open without a password?"
Dumbledore chuckled. "Only in truly dire circumstances,"
"Such as?"
"The last time the gargoyle (or Steve, as I like to call him) did not require a password was just before the great battle between Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor. The gargoyle leapt aside as the eldest son of Gryffindor raced up to it. Griffin, I believe was his name. In any case, he shouted out that he had, and I quote, 'no bloody idea what the ridiculous password is, so let me the hell in or I'll blast you to bits!' That is, according to legend of course," Dumbledore finished his story, leaning back in his chair as though reminiscing.
"Oh," I said. "Then let's make it a total of three questions. Why Steve?"
"I would have liked to have had the name Steve somewhere in my own name," Dumbledore replied, shrugging.
"No offense, sir, but I think your name is long enough," I said, grinning.
"You should attempt to write it out as a signature," Dumbledore smiled. "But I believe we've gone quite off topic. What did you originally wish to ask me?"
"Well, you know how you need a guardian signature to get into Hogsmeade?" he nodded for me to continue. "Would Keena's signature be accepted for Harry's permission form?" Dumbledore gave a sigh, an ominous sign, just before I finished my question. "Why not? And please do not say it has to do with connection to Sirius Black,"
"I do not have a reason to give then," he replied, shaking his head. "Unless you have solid proof that you did not help Sirius escape (even Veritaserum would suffice) then I cannot allow your signature to hold,"
I folded my arms and sat up strait in my chair, morphing into Keena as I did so. "I will not use a potion for what my word should be good enough for," I leveled Dumbledore with a glare.
"Then I have nothing I can trust you with," I'll admit, that was quite the blow coming from Dumbledore of all people.
"You don't trust me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "You sent me back in time twenty-one years to deliver a message to your past self, which I did successfully by the way, and you don't trust me? What caused the change of heart?"
"I saw you carrying Sirius' wand when you left for Azkaban with the Minister. You were checking to see that it was still there, I've no doubt. You gave Sirius his incentive to leave, the one thing that he needed before he could escape," Dumbledore said. "Do you deny it?"
"I'll not incriminate myself," I replied. "If that's what you thought you saw, then why didn't you say anything?"
Again, he sighed. "Because I was hoping that you would not give it to him,"
I left Dumbledore's office (making sure I was Kailey once more) and then headed straight for Snape's office. At the very least I wouldn't be lying completely if I went to have a chat with my dear old dad before I went back to the Gryffindor common room.
I arrived in the Potions room in a flurry, my bag swinging wildly from my arm. I rushed over to the office door and knocked loudly. Moments later, the door was wrenched open by an annoyed looking Millicent Bulstrode.
"Am I interrupting something?" I asked, over her shoulder and looking at Snape pointedly.
"Fortunately for you, no," Snape replied. "Ms. Bulstrode, be sure to study what we have gone over," he added before Millicent shouldered her way out of the door. "What is it that you've come bursting in here?" he asked as I shut the door behind the angry Slytherin before I wheeled around.
"Did Dumbledore tell you about the day Keena went to Azkaban? Is that why you two stormed into my room at god knows what hour in the morning?" I demanded.
Snape gestured for me to sit down, taking out his wand as he did so, and putting up what must have been a silencing ward around the room.
"Did the headmaster tell me that Keena took a wand back to Sirius Black? Yes, he did," Snape said. "He did not press the matter with you, so nor did I. He felt that whatever the reasons were, they did not matter because they would not change the situation at all."
"Why wasn't I accused before?" I snapped.
"Because, lucky for you, you are two souls within one body. Dumbledore did not want to punish you for something Keena did," Snape explained. "I've been trying to develop a potion to separate the two of you because, frankly, trying to discern the two of you is confusing."
"And because you want her punished for helping an innocent man?" I ground out, standing up and glaring at him.
"No, because I want her foolish notions to stop intruding on your common sense!" He snapped back, standing to glare back at me.
"I would never drink any of your poisons," I spat, turning on my heel and practically flying out of the room, giving myself enough time to slam the door behind me, not caring how much I was acting the part of a moody teen.
The walk back to the common room was not nearly as long as I needed it to be. I swallowed the rest of my anger for later as I gave the Fat Lady the password and went in to find Ron and Hermione, Harry was at Quidditch.
"Hey Kailey," Hermione greeted. I sat down in an armchair, pulling something out of my bag to work on. "What has you so riled up?"
"Hm? Oh, nothing, why?" I asked, distractedly.
"Because you've got that look on you that says your incredibly discontent about something. Have you and your father fought again?"
"No, maybe, yes,"
"How clear that was,"
"Sorry, Hermione, I'm just not in my head at the moment," I said, smiling apologetically.
"Whose head are you in?" Ron asked. I gave him a blank look.
Calm down, it's just a coincidence; he doesn't mean anything by it…
I put on a relaxed smile.
"I dunno, but I wish it was Hermione's, then maybe my History grade would be acceptable," I joked.
"Bet Ron wishes it too, then maybe all his grades would be acceptable,"
"Ouch, mate, that hurt," Ron said, giving a windswept Harry a mock glare. "How was practice?"
Harry shrugged, sitting down on the other chair. "Wood is just as mad as always. Actually, I think he's more mad than usual, I don't think the Gryffindor team has ever practiced this hard before the first game,"
Clearly Remus and I didn't tell him enough about James and his Quidditch obsession…they'd still be out there if it were up to him…
"You just wait, Harry, it's only bound to get worse," Harry and Ron both grinned at each other, shaking their heads.
"When are you going to learn? There is no such thing as 'worse' if it's in the same sentence as Quidditch," Ron said. "Well, unless the word 'lose' is in there too," he added after a moment's thought before we all turned to beg Hermione for help.
That night I decided I would write a response letter to Harry. I wrote the letter with the curtains pulled and a silencing spell on my quill and parchment. I had the intent to be as honest as I possibly could. At least, as honest as I was comfortable being at the moment.
Dear Harry,
It's strange, really, how much alike the beginning of our letters are because I don't know where to start either. I want to tell you the truth, Harry, but I just don't know how to do that yet. I won't lie to you, though. I guess I should start off with telling you that I'm not on the run with Sirius in a random foreign country. The next part of this letter is a little bit more difficult for me to write. I won't deny helping him to escape, Harry, but I can't confirm it either.
You see, I was there the day that he "murdered thirteen people with a single curse". Trust me on this Harry, if he had done that then the number would've been fourteen and I wouldn't be writing this letter to you. Voldemort's followers were heartless when it came to getting what he or they wanted. The problem I am facing right now is that nobody believes me, not even Remus or Dumbledore. I can't be around until I am cleared of this mess, and I'm sorry.
Keena
That's the end of this one! I hope it was enjoyable! Please Review and I'll update with chapter 9 in return!
:-D