I can't believe I haven't updated in a month... I didn't even realize! This chapter was such a pain and I'm still not happy with it. I skipped over Christmas because I couldn't deal.

The story is almost over folks! (I think, anyway)

Oh, and James isn't going to be a major character or anything. I just needed a name and I figured "Why not?"

Let me know what you think.

The Cullen family was having a big bash on New Year's Eve. I found myself actually looking forward to it – I was in need of a good party… and good alcohol.

Things had been strange since Edward asked to go to England with me, but if he noticed he never mentioned it to me. Sure, he was more subdued in my presence than he had been in the past, and he seemed to be a bit more moody than usual, but he never brought it up. I was fine with that, though I had to admit that I longed for his genuine smiles.

Alice picked up on the problems brewing beneath the surface and mentioned something to me about it one day. She didn't know the origin of the trouble but she figured it was due to miscommunication. Edward and I were so predictable.

After evading her questions for an entire day, Alice finally (and unbelievably) gave up. "Fine," she sighed. " I won't ask anymore. But whatever it is, you two should talk about it." Alice smiled softly. "He really loves you, Bella."

I knew that much. And I knew that I was being totally irrational about the whole situation. I only hoped that when we finally got across the water, things would settle down and I'd realize how foolish I'd been because, despite my misgivings, I really did love Edward Cullen, too.

I had just woken up on New Year's Eve when the doorbell rang. Edward was standing on my stoop, a bag of bagels in one hand and a piping hot coffee in the other.

"You're my hero," I said, squinting into the sunlight.

"Wow," he laughed, shaking his head, "you really aren't a morning person. I thought you were exaggerating."

I grabbed the coffee and walked into the living room.

"I thought we could spend today together," Edward said as he followed.

That was nice. Edward had been busy with the band, trying to save up as much money as he could while playing at holiday parties. We still saw each other plenty, but it always felt like we were rushed. There was also the topic we both refused to discuss, but I digress.

We sat in companionable silence, watching some silly daytime show. Then I had to make things weird.

"Have you bought your plane ticket?" I forced out.

His eyes didn't stray from the TV but I noticed his body tense up. "It's all taken care of."

After that little awkward moment, we continued to pretend things were perfect. He stayed with me the entire day, joked with me, even kissed me quite passionately once. Despite our good show, I knew things were off and I knew we couldn't pretend that they weren't anymore. I just hadn't decided how to bring it up yet.

A few hours later, Edward waited patiently while I changed into the dress Alice picked out for me. He told me I looked beautiful; I could tell by the intensity in his eyes that he meant it and it gave me some hope for the future. When Edward looked at me like that, anything felt possible. Then we were off.

When we arrived at the house, Edward got us beers and then went off to talk to Emmett. I tried not to be hurt, but it still bothered me that he didn't appear to care that I was a bit of a stranger at the party. Rosalie and Alice were laughing with some girl I didn't know in the kitchen and I had never felt so out of place.

Then I spied Jake, grinning at me from across the room. I hadn't spoken to him in a while, not since he randomly called to check in on me before the semester ended. He was standing next to a big, tough-looking guy who looked over at me blankly. Jacob gestured to me and I made my way though the half-intoxicated crowd.

"Hi," I laughed.

"Hello there, miss," Jacob smiled, punching me lightly on my arm. "It's been a while. This is my friend, James."

I nodded at James and he smiled slightly at me. "Be right back; I need another beer. You good, Jake?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

When James was gone, Jake brought me over to an empty sofa. "You look tired."

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes with a smile.

"You still look beautiful," Jacob added with a laugh. "Just… a little exhausted, maybe. Cullen wearing you out?" He leered knowingly at me.

My smile faded. I wished that were the case.

"It's probably just because of the holidays. How was your Christmas?"

Jacob shrugged in response. "We should hang out sometime next week."

"I'm leaving on Monday," I smiled apologetically. "Winter internship in London."

"No shit," Jake said, impressed. "I bet your boyfriend's not too thrilled."

I was getting annoyed with the constant references to Edward, but I tried not to let the frustration creep into my tone. "Actually, he's coming with me."

Jacob looked astonished. "Whoa, I never would have thought Edward would do something like that."

"What do you mean?"

"That's a big step for a guy, I guess," Jake said thoughtfully. "Edward's never been that serious about anybody."

It felt like someone had jammed a bomb down my throat and then punched my stomach. I realized that what I felt most was guilt- guilt that I couldn't be a normal girl, guilt that I hadn't told Edward flat out that it made me uncomfortable, guilt that I had all this baggage.

Jacob noticed the sick look on my face. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Jacob," a throaty voice said threateningly from behind me. "Good to see you here."

I turned to see Edward glaring at Jake. Edward's eyes were red and I realized with a start that he was drunk, or at the very least tipsy. I had lost track of how long we'd been there.

"Same here, bro," Jake tossed back calmly.

It always amazed me how nonchalant Jacob could be whenever Edward was like this. I'd seen them almost come to blows a few times and Edward's expressions and voice always terrified me. Jake acted like they were old pals.

Edward's glassy eyes looked over at me. "Are you okay?" he asked brusquely.

"Y-yeah," I stammered out quickly.

I hardly had the time to swallow before Edward clasped my arm with his hand and led me out into the blistering cold air.

He dragged me along with him to his car and paused by the passenger door but did not open it for me. Instead he turned from me and stared unseeingly down the street.

"Why were you talking to him?" he asked, almost emotionlessly.

"He's my friend," I replied in a small voice. He was scaring me.

Slowly, his head turned so that his blazing eyes could meet mine. "We have to talk."

This was something I knew all too well, but this hardly seemed the time or place. "Edward, it's New Year's and –"

"I don't care," he cut me off, unlocking the door for me.

"I should drive," I pointed out hesitantly.

Edward sighed but handed me the keys and plopped himself into the passenger seat.

I had no choice but to hop in and drive us to my empty house.

After I fumbled nervously with the front door lock for a good five minutes, Edward slid in and made his way up to my bedroom. I followed reluctantly.

By the time I made it into my room, Edward was sitting on my bed patiently. A picture of me and Alice from high school was in his hands. He put it back on my bedside table and looked at me, really looked at me, for the first time in a long time.

"I missed you," I blurted out. It sounded silly and for a moment I thought he was going to laugh at me. But of course Edward knew what I meant.

"Me, too." He sounded tired, defeated.

I sat down next to him on the bed and took his hand. "I didn't want you to come to England. That's why I've been acting weird."

Edward's eyes closed and he exhaled. We sat in crushing silence for a few moments before he said, "That's what I figured."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "It's not you."

"Do you still not want me to come?"

I didn't answer. The truth was, I didn't really know. Was I worried now because I could lose him? Could I give him a faithful answer? Yes, I wanted him to come but did I think it was the best thing for me and my education? My future? Edward shifted beside me and I heard him open his mouth to say something.

"I want you to come," I said finally. I was relieved to find that it was easy for me to say. It was because I finally meant it.

"Do you really, Bella?" Edward asked in a flat, detached tone. He didn't believe me.

"Yes," I said as forcefully as I could. "I don't want to lose you."

His eyes opened slowly and he looked so tired. There were heavy shadows underneath his dull eyes and it killed me to know I put them there with my uncertainties. He had noticed my distance, after all. Of course he did; he was the other part of me.

"I don't want you to tell me to come with you because you're afraid it'll be the end of us if I don't."

"Will it be?" I asked slowly, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Of course not," Edward said immediately and I didn't doubt him. "You were acting weird," he told me. "I couldn't figure out why. It occurred to me it had something to do with England. You seemed rather gloomy when we talked about it."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

Edward sighed and put his arm around me. "It's okay, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't want to talk about this sooner. I thought you wanted to break up with me so I was avoiding this talk for as long as I could."

I was surprised; I hadn't realized how off I'd been acting. I felt even worse.

Edward took my silence as something else entirely. "Do you?" he suddenly asked me in a whisper.

"Do I what?"

"Want to… break up with me?"

"No! Of course not!"

Edward sighed again and kissed the top of my head. I pulled away to meet his eyes. "I can't believe all the misunderstandings we have. It's like we're doomed."

"We're just difficult," Edward said with a small smile. He kissed my lips softly. His usual sweetness was mixed with some alcohol.

"I love you."

Edward grinned, that gorgeous grin, and I felt better than I had in weeks. "I love you, too. Don't pull that distant shit with me again."

I grinned back. "Don't pull that silent, brooding shit with me again, either."

Edward pecked my lips. "Deal. From now on we communicate."

I glanced over at my alarm clock and said, "Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy New Year."

He looked over at the clock and smiled. "Happy New Year."

"To a year of communication."

Edward laughed. "And to a year of this."

Before I could ask him what, his lips were on mine. He pushed me gently back and up so that my head could rest on the pillows. His hands moved up and down my sides, sending pleasant, warm tingles throughout my body. It had been so long since Edward touched me at all that each point of contact was mind-blowing. I was panting and Edward hadn't done anything but kiss me!

"I've missed this," he told me as he caressed my stomach with one hand.

I took his other hand and worshipped each finger with my lips. "I'm sorry. For everything."

He put his forehead against mine and closed his eyes as he inhaled my scent. "I love you."

"What will we do about London?" I asked, my voice shaking with anxiety.

Edward exhaled deeply but kept his eyes shut. "We'll figure it out."

And then he kissed me. We didn't talk anymore during the night. In no time we were asleep in each other's arms, both feeling slightly lighter than before.