" my heart burn and yell for you, yearn of your touch, but when I reach you, it left nothing but peace"
Chapter 11-Chance
"DR FUJINO! We need you here!" another call from the nurse not far from where Shizuru was working. She was in the middle of sewing back the cut on her patient; the deep wound wasn't helping her situation as she looked for another nurse to take over.
"Chie-san! Take over!" Shizuru looked at the young doctor who had very bad luck since her first assignment in department was the Emergency Room but despite that, the new doctor is calm and very measured in her actions. Chie is known for being the best young doctor who has risen up the ladder of medicine in the Emergency Room. People called her ER Rookie. Maybe for her, being appointed in the ER is not such bad luck after all.
Shizuru, on the other hand, clearly never get accustomed to the place. Of course, she has sometimes been called to the Emergency Room if there is a patient with unknown illness or needing a diagnosis from the specialist that's related to the case. But staying permanently in the Emergency Room is beyond her comfort zone. Moreover, with all the blood and the screams of agony from the patients, it could be the end of her sanity. But she didn't have any choice right now; it's an order from her mentor. She must stay there until Yohko has told her she can leave. She's still questioning the decision her mentor made for her.
Yohko has known her for years and knew her mental and physical condition back to front. So, why would Yohko put her in the current situation where her sanity and wellbeing were being tested? It's like making her condition worse when she had more than enough toworry about. What was her problem again? Ah! Her mentor believed she was falling for her own patient and that it's obstructed her judgement in medical diagnosis.
-A few days ago-
"Let me tell you then my dear, Shizuru." with a knowing smile her mentor looked into her apprentice's eyes directly as she leaned forward "You are indeed falling for her."
"..."
"I take it from the silence, that your answer is a yes." her mentor chuckled.
"Sensei..."
"Are you still denying it?" her mentor asked, staring at her with her sharp eyes. Shizuru knew for sure she was being observed by her mentor. It's like her soul was bare open in front of her mentor, her eyes deciphering and unravelling the puzzles in her soul. She can't hide anything from her.
"I'm sorry..." Shizuru looked down at her feet, which was more interesting for her than her mentor staring at her.
"For what?" Yohko's voice tilting slightly but still soft and warm, indicating an understanding.
"For having a bias view towards this patient." Shizuru looked straight at her mentor, watching a smile form on her mentor's face.
"So, you admit you had a feeling for this patient?" a victory smile.
"No, I..." Shizuru averted her eyes to her sides, still trying to calm her heart beat.
"I'm not going to blame you if you are, love can be a strength for us. But it also makes us weak. So Shizuru, which path are you following of love? Strength? Weakness?"
Shizuru stared at the ground while contemplating her mentor's question. 'My love, my heart, is it giving me strength or weakening me?'
She was reminded back at her failure in determining Natsuki's illness; clearly showed that her heart, her love, was weakening her. Slowly Shizuru answered the question with her trembled voice.
"...weakness. I think it has blinded my judgement in diagnosis."
"Therefore, I want it to become a strength to you." her mentor showed determination.
"How?" Shizuru look ahead for hope.
"Hmmm, let's see..." Yohko made a thinking pose as she tapped her pen on her forehead "The Emergency Room needs another doctor since they have been really short on staff lately. Work there! I will transfer you there until you find how."
"...that's not the answer that I was hoping from you, sensei" Shizuru smile dismally.
"I can't give you all the answers in the world. Different people have different points of view. My answer will not always be the answer you'll be looking for. Only you yourself know how to find that answer. Well then, you will be working there starting tomorrow, I'll handle all the transfer procedures today. I'm sure they are more than happy to accept your transfer; moreover, you are the specialist they need most. You will get along well with the Emergency rookie there."
"Emergency Rookie?"
"You'll see..." Yohko's devilish smile revealed her little fang as she chuckled.
-Back at the Emergency Room-
Shizuru stood next to the bed of an accident case. She needed to stop the bleeding from her patient's abdomen, resulting in her taking out the metal piercings in the abdomen. As she slowly retrieved out the metal, the patient coughed fiercely, spewing blood from his mouth. The metal had not only pierced the patient's abdomen, more so it had pierced the patient's lung. Taking out the metal meant she had to open up the wound on the lung. Without caring for the deep red blood that was now staining her lab coat, she immediately shoved her hand inside the chest area. Upon finding the open wound area and squeezed it shut and clipped the scalpel. Wiping her cheek, she called for the nurse to send the patient to ICU Unit for emergency surgery. At that moment, maybe, just maybe, out of her miss for Natsuki, she thought she saw Natsuki's back from the corner of her eyes. But she doubted it, it was impossible for Natsuki to be there, let alone going to see her.
"Dr Fujino..."
"Hai... What is it, Chie-san?"
"Sagisawa-sensei called. She asked you to see her now."
"Hai. I'll be there after this one" Shizuru attended to another patient in front of her.
-0-0-
The soft knocks against the wooden door brought the attention of the mahogany haired woman as she lowered her pen. "Come on in, Shizuru." She called out, not even bothering to turn and see if her guess was right.
The door opened as Shizuru stepped into the cool office. Walking towards the table, Shizuru noticed there was someone else in the room who was currently lying on the sofa. Another one of sensei's patient? Or, a visitor?
"I can see you are in a really bad state right now. You're... looking like a butcher." Turning her violet eyes upon her apprentice, Yohko didn't seem the least bit surprised or shocked at Shizuru's appearance. Shizuru stood before her with her lab coat stained with a red liquid, although her hands were already clean, her neck still had a little smear of the blood.
"There was an accident case."
"Haha, so how's ER treat you?"
"Very...nice… I'm sure of that" Shizuru replied sarcastically.
"I bet you have enough time already playing saviour in the ER. Chie told me you look beaten there, like a deer entering a town." Yohko laughed at the end of her comment. Observing carefully at Shizuru, she continued "Yep, she's right. You are badly beaten. Leaving nothing untouched"
"I still have not found my answer..."
"You have seen the Angel of Death in the ER, you've seen the hellish side of this hospital. It is out of your comfortable zone, so how do you feel?"
"I feel... tired."
"Aside from being tired, seeing all that blood, being tainted and bathed in the red colour. How does that make you feel?"
Shizuru turned her weary crimson eyes towards the mirror, gazing upon her own form being reflected. It's like she was out of bloodbath war zone, fresh and overall beaten.
"Satisfied, are you?" Yohko whispered. "It feels so great and exhilarating? Exciting and hungry?"
Shizuru swallowed hard. She felt her throat going dry as she nodded.
"Okay! Now you are ready to go back to your own department!" Yohko clapped her hands.
"What!?" Shizuru jolted at her mentor's words unexpectedly. "Why?"
"Because, you will find your answer there."
"But, you told me, I will find my answer in ER too, and yet..." Shizuru was bewildered. She didn't even understand what her mentor was thinking.
"You already found it in ER. It the first step to find your real answer. Next...go back here..." Yohko looked carefully at Shizuru from head to toe. "But first, go back home, clean yourself up and take a rest. You will start your shift here tomorrow and I'll give you your first assignment."
-0-0-
Standing in front of the white door, Shizuru glanced at the name plate of the patient's name on the left. "Kuga, Natsuki"
'How long has it been since I last saw her? 3 weeks? No... One month, 2 days and 18 hours. How is she? What should I say when I see her? How should I act? Should I act like nothing had ever happened?'
Her hand gripped the door handle lightly as she twisted it and pulled the door open. She was stopped by the view in front of her as it left her speechless. Natsuki was standing in front of her with wide eyes, her green pupils clearly contracting in shock by her appearance. Her hand is in the position in the middle of reaching the door handle.
"A... Ara?"