"don't know when or how, you had become part of me"
Chapter 12: Kindness
Natsuki was pacing back and forth in her room. The sound of the air purifier machine beeping accompanied her footsteps. Where is my book? Yohko sensei should be here by now for my morning checkup.
She sighed deeply, her eyes staring outside the window; she could see the peaceful view of people walking along the pavement at the hospital park. Few doctors or nurses were accompanying their patients for a morning walk.
I wonder...
Little by little, the small cheerful noise from outside the room and the beeping sound of the air purifier slowly subsided as Natsuki felt herself drowning in her thoughts.
...
"Nice to meet you, Kuga Natsuki. From now on, I'll be your doctor, Fujino Shizuru" the smooth voice tilting a little with ease. The smile from its owner shows a comforting and assurance towards the patient. This doctor knew how to lift a heavy atmosphere around her patient.
Yes, what a patient needs sometimes isn't a serious and gloomy look from a doctor after an event, but at that time I was blinded by my fury and depression.
"Ja. See you soon, sweetheart." even after being a victim to the angry patient, the doctor seem unaffected. Contradictory, the doctor left with happiness in her voice, telling her patient that she will be around.
Not a typical doctor. Something was different. She made a difference in this dreaded hospital, where most people were feeling gloomy, sad, solitude, desperate and despair by death and illness. She brought a sun, a bright light on her face which lightened up the heavy and disappointed heart.
Why? Why didn't I realize it before?
The images of yesterday's event play in her mind, all the commotion around her seems to have quieted down and all she saw was the doctor working hard to save her patient. Lost was the bright smile on her face, replaced with tension, tiredness and an unsettled look.
"Let me give you some advice, don't be too hard on Shizuru. Be nice to her, it's not every day you could find someone who does anything just for you, moreover, I think you don't need me to tell you your own psychological condition. You already know it yourself. Believe me, there's no harm in trusting people. If they stay on, you have a companion, but if they don't, you earn an experience. And not all people are the same. You know that too, so don't be too guarded, okay?" The advice from Yohko sensei replayed in her view together with the calm and mature demeanor from that doctor. Yohko sensei is a kind doctor, but still, there is still a gap of professionalism in her manner. She had to act professional toward the doctor as if... she never left her workplace. Unlike you, unlike... her
"I'm sorry..." quietly, Natsuki said to no one in the room. "I'm sorry for not realizing your good intentions"
Standing up abruptly, Natsuki decided to return to that room. Determination shined in her jade eyes. With a brave step, she walked towards the door. Before she could grip the door knob, the door opened leaving the cobalt haired woman a little confused, she look up only to find those familiar red orbs that she had not seen for so long. Shock was beyond words as she stared at the face in front of her. Natsuki couldn't find the right words to start off, her throat felt dry as her heart was beating fast inside her chest.
"A-ara..." those smooth, Kyoto-ben pronounced the syllables slowly.
A minute went by in silence, the doctor stood straight, her hand already letting go of the knob. Her left hand was carrying the file with a stethoscope slung on her shoulder.
"Urrmmm... where...?" the doctor felt a nervous tension building around the atmosphere between the two. "Where would Kuga-sensei like to go?"
Standing still, Natsuki found that the ground more light in color that it is more interesting to observe than the intense crimson pupils in front of her. The sweet scent of the doctor's perfume made it even worse and she could feel her face heating up.
"Outside" she managed to answer simply.
"Kuga-sensei, I'm sorry but can sensei wait a moment until I perform a regular check-up?"
There was a professional tone in the words from the doctor. It felt strange to Natsuki's ears.
Why is she talking to me like that?
Natsuki called her courage to lift her face. What she saw was a kind smile from the doctor but something was missing in that smile. It felt... empty.
"U..urmm..." she answered and walk back towards her bed, waiting for the doctor to approach her. She could hear a sigh from the doctor and after a moment, the doctor stood next to her and retrieved the stethoscope. A hesitant hand stopped in the middle of reaching her arms. "Excuse me."
The words puzzled Natsuki as she raised her brow to question but before she could voice it, the hand continue to reach her arm. Natsuki flinched from the soft contact of the cold hand.
"If Kuga-sensei is not feeling comfortable, she can tell me."
"Umm." Natsuki could only answer simply in her nervous state.
I have so many questions I want to ask, but I don't know where to start. How should I start? This is all too sudden. I thought I have the courage, but… Naahh, I was on my way to see her. Now that she's here...
Natsuki examined the face in front of her. The face now look refreshed and calmer, kind eyes observed the monitor as the doctor performed her duty in silence.
Gentle eyes...but something is missing in those eyes... I can't seem to pin exactly what it is. Hmmm...
"I am now going to take your blood for the lab"
"Eiikk!" Natsuki jump at the sudden words from the doctor.
"Hmmm?" the doctor looked at her with questioning eyes. "Are you okay, Kuga-sensei?"
"..." Natsuki was stuck in her gaze as those eyes were looking straight at her with concern. That look. Those eyes... a realization struck her.
"Kuga-sensei?" again with the concern voice, the doctor reach for the patient cheek and looking at her patient's face as no answer came from Natsuki. Those concern eyes immediately change into worried. The doctor hurriedly checked her pocket for a torchlight and turn it on.
"Aahhh!" the sudden bright light shocked her in her reverie. "Aahhh! What was that for?!" Natsuki closed her eyes with her hand.
"A-ara… K-kannin na. Kuga-sensei was not responding to me so I thought she had an attack"
"No! baka... I was looking at you!"
"Ara?!"
ACK! "..." Natsuki heart stopped. What did I just said?
"K...Kuga...sensei.." the unsure voice slowly said. The doctor's hand now clutching the metallic stethoscope.
Baka!baka!baka! Natsuki scold inwardly. What are you doing? Hurry up, say you're sorry! This is your opportunity. Better now than never. You will lose a chance if you didn't tell her now, baka!
"Uhummm..." Natsuki cough on her hand. "I...I'm sorry...Dr. Fujino..."
"Ara?"
There was another moment of silence before the doctor continued. "What for?" the gentleness that came back to her voice relieved Natsuki so much.
"For being so hard on you. Gomen."
"No. You are not at fault, so, there's no need for you to apologize."
"There is. I've been stubborn and making it difficult for you to perform your duty."
The doctor sighed. Touching Natsuki's hand, she smile kindly. Natsuki found that this smile was more perfect than the one before. It seemed... genuine.
"Apology accepted, Kuga-sensei."
"Natsuki..."
"Hmm?" the doctor raised her brow.
"You can called me Natsuki, Dr. Fujino."
"Only if you called me Shizuru."
"Okay" both party's smiled and the check-up continued on in a comfortable atmosphere. Sometimes they just stay silence and sometimes Natsuki would asked her doctor of her where about.
"I was transfered to other department temporarily. I'm sorry for not informing you about it."
"A-Ah. Why?"
"Well, I was too busy and the transfer was so sudden. So I didn't have a chance to visit you, therefore.." before Shizuru could finish her word, Natsuki cut in. "No...why were you being transfered? Yohko sensei didn't told me why either. Is it because of me? Because you failed to help me?"
"Ma, so many question, ne?" Shizuru lips curve upward forming a lopsided smile. "Natsuki...Its not because of you. The department is short on staff, so I was called there to help."
"A-ah." something crept up in natsuki heart as she heard the answer. Disappointment? Nah..It couldn't be.
"Now, that's done for today. It seem the medication and the antibiotic work perfectly well within your body, But it doesn't mean that we can be satisfied with that. We still need... to find a healthy bone marrow for you."
"Iro-iro arigatou, Shizuru. But I'm fine as I am"
"I...had made a promise." the doctor look at Natsuki with those same kind eyes.
"Promise?"
"Hi-mi-tsu (secret)." Shizuru put her finger on her lips as a silent gesture. Reaching in from her other pocket, Shizuru retrieved a small book with colourful cover. "And... This is for you.".
Natsuki accepted the book, her eyes examining the cover. "What… what is this?"
"It's a book as you can see."
"I know it's a book.. but this is..." Natsuki look at Shizuru annoyingly.
"Its called 'manga'. Read it, I bet you'll like it."
"I don't read children's picture books. I'm too old for this."
The doctor chuckled as a hand came up covering the smile. "It is good. Try it first, and then you can complain later. Furthermore, that's the only books I have in my collection other than medical references"
Natsuki look at Shizuru again with skeptical eyes before she read the words written on the cover. "Mai Hime,". Lifting her face again, she was greeted with a smile from the doctor. There was nothing hidden behind the gentle smile. "I… I'll try to read this… picture book"
"It's not a picture book, it's a manga. Make sure you read from right to left. I should be going to my next patient now. See you around, Natsuki." with those words, Shizuru waved her goodbye and reach the door knob.
"A-ano.." that stop Shizuru in her act and she turn to face Natsuki again. "Is there anything else I can help Natsuki?"
"No..." green orbs shift from the red gaze to the sheet that cover half of her body. "T..thank you."
"You already said so, Natsuki. This is my job, so no need to feel burden about it."
"Uhm.." upon hearing the door clicked close, Natsuki exhaled the air she didn't realized she holding in. Thank you for your kindness. Baka tongue. baka me..
...
As she danced in the night sky, flames formed around her body and her arms dance around the flames. She was shocked at hearing a growl on the ground beneath her before it quaked fiercely.
-To be continued-
"Huh?..." viridian green eyes widened before they were blinking twice at the words. "To..be...WHAT THE HELL!" she felt so bored that afternoon that she had decided to give it a try on the book given by the doctor. Closing the book rather roughly, Natsuki closed her eyes. Frown evidence on the brows showing how annoyed she was now. It was already evening when she had finished reading the book.
What the hell! What happened next? Baka book! Why would I read it to begin with! Baka, baka, baka!
"..."
Iiyyaaaa...Baka Shizuru. Why did she give me that book? This is torturing me too much.
One could see the sadness in her eyes. I want to know what happen next.
"...Maybe... tomorrow, Shizuru will bring the next volume?"
The beeping sound from the machine was sometimes accompanied by the tapping sound of passerby making the evening atmosphere in the ward more boring to her. It was just an ordinary boring evening and she had nothing to do. Her eyes were not complying with her as she had more than enough sleep. She had nothing to do. Rising up, she stretched both her arms, the sounds of her bones waking up were followed with small cracking sounds before she decided to take a walk around the ward.
The VIP ward consist of a few rooms that were only reserved for a patient who can pay the extra big sum of money for their comfort during their stay in hospital either they will stay on short term or long term. Every room complete with flat screen HDTV, a small fridge, air purifies, a small couch for the guests and an ensuite bathroom. Every room has a green button and intercom that connect directly to the doctor and nurses that in charge of their health, as every patient has two nurses giving a twenty four hours service. Once in every few hours, a doctor and nurse would make a round in the ward to monitor their patients. The walls were painted with a cream color, and the curtains were dyed a plain green. Here in VIP ward, people can visit the patient anytime they want. They also can sleep in, but the only place they could crash is the couch in the room.
Natsuki didn't realize she had reached in front of the door at the end of the hall. She didn't realize that her legs had been taking her there. Her eyes scanned the name written neatly on the name plate. ' Shizuru, Deputy Head of Department'.
She paused in front of the white door, debating what to do next. Slowly her hand reached the door knob.
Of course it would be locked, there is no way she would be in there. Haha.
Nevertheless, her hand turned the knob. It's unlocked?
Eh? Eyes widened in shock.
Erm...maybe she forgot to lock her door.
Pushing the door open, she could see that the room was dark, only a dim light from side lamp lightened it. Natsuki's jade eyes were scanning around but found no one.
Well, she must've forgot to lock her door. Such a typical easygoing character.
Slowly, Natsuki pull the door, but before she could push the lock button on the knob, she heard a creaking sound. Her hands stopped, jade eyes scanning again the room, searching the source of the sound. There, laying on the sofa, a silhouette hiding from the light. Squinting her eyes to try to get a better image through the dark, she could trace a white lab coat on on the figure. Slowly, Natsuki closed the door, tipping on her toes toward the sleeping person. From her place, she could hear soft breathing from the sleeping beauty.
What am I doing? Baka, I'm invading her office.
Nonetheless, she reached for the side of sofa, now looking down at the body lying in front of her. The doctor look tired as her brunette hair was in a slight disarray and those pink lips open slightly to breath ever so softly. Her eyes were closed, hiding the deep ruby eyes that full of mystery.
"You are a mystery to me. I couldn't understand you..." Natsuki whispered to no one but herself. Kneeling in front of the sleeping form, her nostrils inhaled soft scent from the doctor. Chamomile and green tea, it felt refreshing at the same time calming. Again, jade eyes were tracing the outline of the perfect shape of her porcelain face as it stopped at those closed eyes.
"...Shizuru."
"I didn't know Natsuki like my name so much..."
"..." a moment of silence and then her eyes were shifting to those pink lips. Her mind was still slow in processing the voice as Natsuki kept herself quiet.
"Like what you saw?"
"UWAAA!" Natsuki stumbled backwards, her feet hurried back along the floor that she stepped on an unknown object causing her to fall back. Closing her eyes tightly, waiting for the incoming impact on her back, only to be met with a soft ground. Opening again her eyes, she could see crimson eyes staring deeply into hers. Those mysterious eyes seemed taunting her as if drowning her in the gaze.
"Can you stand?" came a soft word from Shizuru.
Realizing their position, Natsuki flinched and abruptly stood up straight.
"Uhmm… Anoo, I..uhmm..this, I was.." Natsuki stumbled on her words and she didn't dare to raise her her head.
"Would you like some water?" her doctor asked.
"H..hai.." her voice squek a little.
Natsuki heard footsteps leaving her side for a moment before it approached her again. A hand extended in front of her with a glass of clear water. Taking the glass, she took a seat on the sofa that was now vacant. Shizuru left her again and a sound from other room obviously a bathroom invaded her ears. Raising her head, Natsuki once again stared at those two eyes that were now looking at her attentively. What was hidden behind those two deep red orbs was beyond her comprehension.
What are you thinking, Shizuru?
She noticed a white towel slung lightly on her shoulder as the white porcelain skin now look more refreshed. Beads of water still lingered on her nape and forehead.
What's on your mind...?
"You..."
"...Eh?" Natsuki raised her brow at the question.
"I'm thinking about you."
"Excuse me...?"
"You asked me, what's on my mind, then my answer is I'm thinking about you."
At the answer, Natsuki face darken in red hue.
Did I say that out loud to her? Baka... Natsuki closed her eyes tightly at her slip.
"I'm always thinking about you." she heard a creak as Shizuru took a seat beside her. "From the moment I saw you."
"D..Don't say it so easily. Baka"
"Ara? We are friends, aren't we?" the voice tilted slightly.
"Friends?" Natsuki turn her face toward other person in the room.
"Friends. Only friends call each other by first name basis. Then, we are friends."
"A..ha.."
Friends ...what are friends?
I never had a chance to know what it is. Even before this, never in my life has anyone wanted to be my friend, nor that I needed to find one. I don't know what to do to be a friend, what is the importance to having one? Yet, this person, out of the blue, have said that I am her friend. I have been living alone all this time, and never in my life I would hope to find someone who will pass by my life's history. Will she be staying for a long time? Or will she just be another short wind that blows and one day she will disappear.
Disappear...
Just like mom. Just like everybody...
Taking advantage of me, get what they want and then leave...
The hand of friendship that was offered to me, am I strong enough to face a sadness that will come together with parting? Or will I crumble under the misery and emptiness after being used. Left alone again. Never pet a puppy if one day you want to leave it. They will remember you and will be sad because of you.
Friendship is just an illusion, temporary in its awake, a short time of happiness and hope and then...all that comes crashing..
"Believe me, there's no harm in trusting people. If they stay on, you have a companion, but if they don't, you earn an experience."
"So.." Shizuru's kind voice woke Natsuki from her reverie. "In what honor do I have a visit from Natsuki?"
"Eh?..urm..I.. The book. I have finished reading it, so I wanted to give it back to you."
"Natsuki...you can always press the button and speak to the intercom in your room. I can go there to meet you."
"..."
A hand extended in front of her showing a smooth palm.
"Eh?"
"The book..."
"A..ah..I..erm.. I forgot to bring it. It's in my room."
"Ara ma...fufu..." the doctor chuckled. Something wicked in those chuckles that Natsuki missed so much few weeks ago. "Is Natsuki teasing me? If she is, I won't let her back to her room tonight, my Na-tsu-ki"
"N..NO!..I want to know what happens next in the story."
"Fufufu...kawa-ii...Natsuki can just tell me that through the intercom, and yet she came here herself to pay me a visit. I'm flattered."
"B-Baka...!"
Am I just an entertainment for you? Just a doll you like to tease when you feel so? Someone you want to play and then...
"...Here you go." Shizuru hand her another volume of the manga. "Natsuki can enter my office anytime she wants if she wants to read another manga."
Natsuki traced Shizuru's finger that point toward a bookshelf at the right of the working desk.
"Natsuki is welcome here, even though I'm not in the office all the time. Feel free to come. If the door is locked, the password is 1219. It's easy to remember, ne?"
"H..hai..a..arigatou" Natsuki looked at the book in her hand. 'Mai Hime, Volume 2'. A smile plastered on her face as she look at the book's cover. Rising up to her feet, she turned to leave when a pair unexpected arms caught her and wrapped around her waist.
"Uuwaaaaa..."
"See you tomorrow, my Na-tsu-ki" the words come out as a soft whisper from the doctor behind her. Her lips were too close to her ear that Natsuki could feel the breath tickling it. Pushing out of the hold, Natsuki cover her ears as her face turned as red as a tomato.
"Ba-Baka! Shizuru" Natsuki looked at Shizuru defiantly and hurriedly stormed out of the office. Even though her words showed her angry, her tone betrayed her as the doctor's name being said softly and with care.
...
The door closed as the doctor sighed as she walked into her office but she was paused on her way.
"Ara!?" her brow raised to show her mild shock. "No wonder I couldn't find you in your room. You got me worried." Shizuru look at the body that was leisurely leaning on her office sofa while the person's hand resting on the laptop's keyboard. The person in question stared up at Shizuru with questioning eyes.
"Natsuki. You should be in your room for this afternoon's checkup." Shizuru walk and stood in front of the culprit.
It has been two weeks since they established their friendship. A visit from Natsuki is not unexpected. Shizuru knew, if she didn't found Natsuki in her room, she must be in her office, whether she was reading the manga or borrowing her laptop. Since Natsuki had finished reading all the manga she had in her office, which is only the Mai Hime manga, it would be the latter. If only Natsuki knew her other collections she had store under her bed...
"Yo!" Natsuki look at her for a moment before returning her serious eyes onto the laptop screen. "I have something I must submit before the deadline."
"What that would be? It sounds so important to you." Shizuru sat beside Natsuki and follow Natsuki gaze. "Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviour and Hypnosis Therapy?" Shizuru read the title of the document aloud.
"Yeah. It's the article I write for my column this month. Last month I have failed to submit it, so I was thinking to give them some useful and interesting topics to compensate it."
Their friendship had eventually become close in such a short period of time. The uncomfortable and guarded Natsuki slowly opened up to Shizuru and didn't so much as blush or stutter when in Shizuru's present. They would talk leisurely and sometimes Natsuki would get angry with a playful manner at Shizuru. A little hug and flirt from Shizuru didn't shock Natsuki much for now she was accustomed to being the receiving end of it. Natsuki had come to accept the doctor's pervert and flirting behavior as normal traits of Shizuru.
Well, the person in front of me is still a mystery for me. I couldn't pin exactly her behavior. I am a psychologist. Yet, I could determine her inconsistent traits. Sometimes she speaks and behaves in a serious manna, and then in just a blink of eyes, she become a perverted old man. At one time we can talk about things seriously, about health and food, then suddenly she talk about s..se...
"Na-tsu-ki...you look delicious when you blush" came a soft whisper near her ear.
"Uwaaaa!" Natsuki jumped, still blushing as she turned to look at two red eyes staring at her. That look...it feels like she want to ea...eat me... "B-BAKA!" she shuddered. "Don't ever do that again to me!"
"Oyaa? I didn't do anything. You seem to be in a 'la la land' and your face was blushing. Not that I didn't like it, but I must say, I couldn't resist to do this and that to Natsuki when she blushes like that." Shizuru rested her hand on her cheek with a dreamy eyes looking at Natsuki.
"Sh..SHIZURU! Quit it, woman!"
"Ma...no matter what, I love Natsuki. We are friends, aren't we?"
"Baka..Don't say such word so easily."
"But it's true, we are friends."
Natsuki just ignored the comment and focused on the task ahead. Clicking the send button, now she can feel relieved.
"Mind telling me, what exactly is Natsuki writing? She didn't even tell me much about her life other than the medical records. All I know is she is a lecturer and professor at a certain university."
Natsuki look at Shizuru, unsure how to start. "There is nothing I can tell you about my life. What's there for me to tell aside from... well, there's just nothing."
"Well..." reaching her working station, Shizuru retreated few equipment for the medical checkup and approached Natsuki again and started to perform the usual procedure. "I want to know, about Natsuki's family, where Natsuki went to for High School, where she works, and what she writes... and... how Natsuki had reached where is she now at such young age."
"Ahh...that." as if on cue, Natsuki laid on her back and let the doctor examine her thoroughly. She flinch as the needle pierced her skin. "As long as I could remember, I am the only daughter to my single mother. My mom left me at the Institution for Gifted Children when I was eight, and she would visit me once every two weeks. I was different from other children that were same age as me, for I am quite well in academic. So at the age of ten, I enter Fuuka Advanced Learner Institution, where I study for my high school exam. Well, there were many of us who excelled in our own fields like music, academic, physic, sports and so on and we just need to learn and practice in the fields we are excelled at. So, I pass my High School Exam with expected result and further my study in psychology at Toudai University at the age of fourteen, took my Master Degree three years later and end it with a doctorate. At first I was working with Toudai, but then the management transferred me to Fuuka University as they needed more experts there and for me to conduct my research paper. At the same time, the Psychology Magazine had asked me to write for one of their columns, so I guess, since I have nothing to do to pass my time, I decided to accept their offer."
"What about a lover? A boyfriend? Perhaps..." Shizuru chimed in.
"Shizuru!, I don't have time for that. I spend my whole time reading books and studying."
"No boyfriend?"
"NO!" Natsuki pout.
"Fufu, kawaii..."
"Quit it, Shizuru or I..."
"Or Natsuki will what?"
After a moment a hand came pinching Shizuru nose. "Ouch! That hurt."
"Hmppphhh!" Natsuki crossed her arms and looked straight at Shizuru with defiant eyes. "Shizuru, can't you get another book...maybe, a manga for me?"
Shizuru massaged her nose, trying to rid of the pain. "But, Natsuki told me she didn't read childrens picture books."
"Ack...well...I..." Natsuki played with her point fingers as she stared at them.
"I don't have any others than what Natsuki could read, but ermm… maybe I could show Natsuki something that she might find interesting with." taking the laptop from nearby coffee table, Shizuru type in few words and press enter.
"Fanfiction net?" Natsuki's voice tilted at the enquiring.
"This is a website where people around the world can post their own version of stories for the manga they like." Shizuru placed the laptop in front of Natsuki and walk back to her workstation. Putting back all the equipment back into their respected places, Shizuru stripped her lab coat and placed it on her office chair. She was now only clad in a simple form fitting sleeveless shirt showing her alluring curves.
"This site is unusual. It's...weird… but an interesting kind of weird. Haha...So, if I'm...iyaahhhh!" Natsuki couldn't finish her sentence as two arms pull her towards the soft body behind her.
"Ne, Na-tsu-ki… will you stay here tonight?" again, the breath tickled her ear.
"U..urm.." Natsuki could only answer simply as she was now blushing deeply. "S-so Shizuru.. how do I...?" at hearing a soft breath from behind her, Natsuki turn her head and was now met with a peaceful sleeping face.
"Baka Shizuru." she pouted.