A/N: This story is AU and OOC...again, thanks to my beta, blackfang-kun and as promised, longer chapter.
"when I open my eyes and there you are, beside me, you've become the meaning of my life"
-shuu-
Chapter 14 - Guilty
With both her hand inside her pocket, Shizuru stared silently into the midnight sky. The sound of rain pouring heavily around her drowned her inner turmoil. Her tongue flickered the lollipop inside her mouth, indulging her sense at the sweetness of it. Strawberry flavour. Quiet contrary to the normal taste she favour most; green tea. But finding a green tea flavoured lollipop is hard and even if she found one, the taste will be different from what she wants. It's an artificial flavour so, it's far from the genuine tea flavour.
Natsuki lips...they taste...salty...
'What am I doing? She was crying, pleading me to stop. I have betrayed her trust... again, I disappointed her'. Shizuru sighed. Closing her eyes, she tried to get rid of the turmoil inside her heart. Whenever she thought about a certain blunette, her heart screamed crazily as if she wanted to drown Natsuki inside her, feel every inch of her body, hear every beat of her heart and taste the sweetness, devouring it all... indulging herself until she became lost in the heat of passion. Like now... how much she wants to reach for the blunette, but... after all that she had done, how can she dare to look at her without lust in her eyes, without the fierce love that burning her soul. 'Such a greedy human I am. I want to have Natsuki all to myself, her body and soul...but...it is impossible. No woman will love a monster like me. Not Natsuki. Not her'.
At those words, Shizuru remember the wide green pool staring into her with shock as an arm covering those pink luscious lips that she had devour earlier. She was shocked... terrified... feeling betrayed... violated.
Biting the last remains of the lollipop, Shizuru decided it was time she should be back to her post. Maybe Chie is out of hand, since she had to handle everything on her own again after she transferred back to her own department. After the event with Natsuki, Shizuru decide to distance herself a moment from her tormentor to cool off her head… Or fire in her heart. She had told Youko-sensei about the event and volunteered herself to return to E.R. This time, Youko didn't say anything to her. She just stayed silent and listened to her, and when she told Youko her decision, she just silently nod her agreement. What was Youko-sensei thinking? Why wouldn't she say anything to her?
Walking leisurely toward E.R, Shizuru finished the remain of sweetness that still lingered on her tongue when suddenly, a noisy commotion came from in front her. Dr. Kanzaki stradling a patient on the strecher while his hand rapidly pressing the patient's chest in a fast rhythm. His shirt and forehead already soaking with sweat. Two nurses pushing the stretcher, obviously toward ICU. Shizuru could see the critical state of the patient judging from the panic and serious face of Reito. Shizuru stepping aside to give a way for them to pass and if Reito need her help, he would definitely call her then.
"Ara, Rei..." As the stretcher passed in front of her, it all happened in slow motion in Shizuru's view. Her red orbs widen in shock, and panic started to crept inside her heart. Her body froze. Shizuru could feel her mouth dry and a lump stuck inside her throat that she unable to continue her words. The only word that crossed her mind was the only word she learned to love recently.
Natsuki...
Natsuki...
'Shizuru...wake up! Move!' Her steps felt heavy, and she couldn't even move her hand as the view in front of her terrified her so much that it suddenly began shutting down her whole body. Bitting her lips until they bled, the sting from it finally managed to wake Shizuru from her paralysis state. Without more ado, she ran forward and caught up to the stretcher. Her hand gripping the iron bar as she could feel her heart freezing up again at confirming the patient in front of her is none other than her patient. 'Natsuki. Her lovely Natsuki. Her cute Natsuki. Her...love.'
My...Natsuki...
"Reito!" she could hear her voice raised in a high pitch.
Reito turned his head toward her and smile weakly "Ah..Shiz, help me! I..."
"Let switch!" with the firm command from Shizuru, Reito immediately jumped off the stretcher and switched places with her.
"Natsuki!" Shizuru slapped Natsuki's face softly. The face felt cold. Now Shizuru realized the body under her is cold and soaking wet. Taking over Reito's task to perform the CPR, Shizuru tried not to panic and be strong. She had to be strong. She needs to increase the heart beat until they reach the ICU and the machine can take over the task.
"Shiz, a while ago, she walked pass me and knock me out of her way. She was soaking wet, maybe from the rain outside. Although, I can feel her body temperature is burning hot, so I followed her. That's when I saw her collapse in the hallway. When I reached her, she was already unconscious." Reito stopped, looking at Shizuru with his worried eyes. "Shiz...she's your patient, right?" Reito's inquiry met no answer as Shizuru silently focused in her task.
"I haven't read the patient's files, so in my opinion, the patients is having cardiac arrest due to heart failure. Is that it?... If so..." Reito word cut as they finally reach ICU. Reito immediately push open the door and with help of more nurses, they set up more devices to help the patient. A beeping sound from the AED giving Shizuru signal to descend from her position and unto her next task. All through it all, Shizuru just stayed silent apart from a few orders exchanged toward the nurses and Reito. Not long after that, Youko then also came running into the room to help them until the patient was finally stabilized.
Exhaling a relieved breath, Reito could see that Shizuru was also doing the same, though, her eyes still focused on the face in front of her. The patient's face was as calm as the view right after heavy storm. Eyelids closed and steady breathing could be heard amid the beeping sound from the machine. As all the nurses retreat for a moment, the only one left in the room was Reito, Shizuru and Youko. Shizuru's eyes still steadily looking at the patient for a while before her hand reach to cup the cheek and closing the distant between them. Lips touching lips as Shizuru kiss her patient lovingly.
"Wake up, my Natsuki. When you wake up, I will be next to you."
With that promise, Shizuru retreated from the room. Another voice from Shizuru could be heard from outside as she was giving orders to the nurse. Youko chuckled at the event before she too retreated outside. No words escaped Reito's mouth as he now glanced back at the patient face. A pink tinge coloring the patient's pale cheek. Tucking his hands inside his pocket, a smile creep upon Reito face before he too followed everyone else outside.
-0-0-
"Shiz...hey, wait up!" Reito ran after Shizuru trying his best to catch her. " Shizuru!" this time, Reito raised hisvoice more. The peoples around them stop to look at the sudden outburst. Shizuru stopped and turned toward him.
"Wait..." Reito walk towards her, his hand rose to touch Shizuru's shoulder, but he paused as he felt uneasy coming from Shizuru. "Can we talk? We need to talk about that patient."
Shizuru made a motion to ignore him again but this time Reito grab her shoulder. A hand came up slapping his hand out.
"Shizuru... please. Let's talk" Reito looked straight at Shizuru, trying to convey his sincerity. After a moment, Shizuru finally nod and follow him to the cafeteria.
"Shizuru... what is the case of that patient? She's having a heart disease, isn't she? If so, have you found the donor?"
"That patient... Natsuki. She's not having a heart disease. Its better if you check her file yourself."
"O...kay. I'll do that. Trust me; I want to help you in this."
"Why?" Reito could feel awareness in Shizuru stare.
"Why...?" Reito sighed. "Because, she is important to you, isn't she?" After no reply or motion coming from Shizuru, Reito continued. "Look. I... know, I was a jerk before."
"You are" Shizuru cut in.
"So I'm sorry... but now... now I'm a different person. Let me prove to you that I have changed"
"You don't need to prove anything to me. No matter what, I will not fall in love with you. My heart already belongs to Natsuki even if she... she might feel I am disgusting and throw me away. It's better this way." Shizuru averted his eyes.
Reito could feel sadness in her voice. "Shizuru. I also..." inhaling, Reito braved himself. "I also had fall in love."
"I already said I don't-"
"Not you!..." Reito look at his ground. "Not you..." after a pause, he continued. "I… I had falled in love with Mai. We... are dating right now."
"Ara.. ka..kannin na. It seem I misunderstood. Ermm, Mai… who is that?"
"Tokiha Mai, she's the new nutritionist assigned to our hospital since last month. I'm sorry."
"Why?" Shizuru now can look at Reito without hatred in her gaze, but only understanding.
"Well, first, for me being a jerk in my act to gain your love forcefully. I hope you don't tell Mai about that. And then, well... I told you I will love you always… so, I'm sorry, I can't keep that promise anymore. I can't wait for you to love me anymore now that my eyes are already on someone else."
"Ma… Reito. It's okay. Even if you waited for me, it was an impossible thing to ever have happened. You know I will never love you." Shizuru smile assuredly. "So... This Mai is daughter to which company's president?"
"Ha ha.." Reito scratched the back of her neck "No, she just from middle class family. It's not a matter of money or company anymore. I love her and I can picture my future with her as just a simple life somewhere at the outskirt of this town in a cozy small house, where she can cook me healthy and tasty meals every day. We will having two kids, spending times with family on weekend at park… well sort of like that."
"Ara... I never thought Reito-san can be this... hopeless"
"Ma..ma, Shizuru..." Reito felt unsure to continue so he kept silent and debated how should he ask Shizuru about the event before.
"Shizuru..."
"If you want to ask about me and Natsuki, I just can tell you, nothing had happened between us."
"Okay..." taking a sip from his cup, Reito stole a glance towards Shizuru. "Then, did the kiss also mean nothing?"
Shizuru just sighed at the question and look away.
"Shizuru… You still remember out bet, right?"
"Yes...what about it?"
"Well, can I withdraw from the bet? It's not like I'm afraid to lose, but... as I can see, this is not a game anymore. It's not something we can play a game or put our bet on."
"Huh!? Reito... you sure have changed"
"Ehe…" Reito smiled sheepishly, his eyes looking at the serving area nearby. His face showed happiness.
Following Reito's gaze, Shizuru found the focus is more to an orange head girl clad in white chef's uniform. As if aware of the two doctor's gaze, the orange hair chef turned toward them and waved, specifically towards Reito. Waving back, Reito smiled sweetly before turning his attention again to Shizuru.
"Shizuru... I know, I'm not a good friend to you before, but now, I want to be a friend that could help you. So, please, don't put all the burden just onto yourself. You have me..."
"…And me.." came a voice from another person standing next to them. Both unaware the person had reached their table, a soup in her hand. "And this is for you.." putting the soup in front of Reito, the chef now pulled up a chair to sit next to him. "Hi, I'm Tokiha Mai, and you?"
"Shizuru, Fujino Shizuru."
"Ah, Shizuru-san. I heard a lot about you from Reito." Mai glanced at Reito with a devious smile.
"I hope you heard good things from him."
"I told her only good things about you..." Reito cringed, fearing slightly from the scary look in Mai's eyes.
"I'm glad.." Shizuru smiled softly that the dazed Mai.
"Woah, you have a beautiful smile, Shizuru. I might've had fallen in love with you if I hadn't met Reito first."
"U… Uhum.." Reito cough a warning.
"Awe, don't worry, I wouldn't be unfaithful to you, darling. Why would I? After all, I got a very nice food tester out of you"
"Shizuru here..." Reito motioned towards the doctor across him. "…Already belongs to someone. So you can take your hand off her, Mai dear."
"Such a lucky person he is. So, who's the lucky prince that got Shizuru-san's heart?"
"Ara? Mai-san, hasn't Reito told you?" turning toward Reito, Shizuru asked silently to Reito. As if answering Shizuru, Reito just shrugged.
"Mai-san, I'm only interested in girls."
"..." after a moment of silence, Mai was quick to break the somewhat awkward silence. "...Sorry. So, who's the lucky girl?"
"No one."
"But, Reito said..."
"Mai, dear… It seems the kitchen needs your guidence." Reito cut in.
"Ah! I forgot. Gomen ne, Shizuru-san, I have to go" standing up, Mai kissed Reito on the cheek before she hurried back towards the counter. After Mai had left them alone again, Reito now had to know his answer from Shizuru himself. Shizuru, still not answering his question earlier just continued to avoid his gaze.
"Shiz, you still haven't answered my question."
"What question?"
"You and that patient... What happened? I saw you kiss her right in front of me, it's not mistaken. Why is she out in the emergency room, soaking wet and running aimlessly. And why are you suddenly transferred back to the emergency room. If I'm not mistaken, you are responsible to look after that patient. So why didn't you?"
"What do you mean she was in the emergency room?" Shizuru raised her voice at Reito's claim, finding herself easily losing control of her emotions.
"I told you, I saw her walking from the ER, knocked me out of way and collapsed in the hallway. It's obvious that she was looking for you."
"Why would she looking for me? It's not like she had anything to do with me."
"You tell me... And, why are you transferred back to ER?If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were running away from her. Is that it?"
"NO! I'm not!" her voice lost control in volume as Shizuru stood on her feet, her hands slamming against the table earning a rattling noise from the cutlery.
"Don't lie to me Shiz. I've known you since childhood. At least, don't lie to yourself." Quick onto his feet, Reito grabbed Shizuru by her shoulder.
"I..." realizing her fault, Shizuru cover her mouth to stifle her sob, finding she could not hold back the tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Reito..." a kind voice interrupted him as a soft hand reached for his arm. Knowing the person present behind him, Reito retracted his hand before he stepped aside giving Mai room to hug Shizuru. It seems that Mai had notice the arguement between them and decided to interfere and she came at the right time to comfort Shizuru.
"Shhh... Shhh..." came a soft coo from Mai. "I'm sorry that Reito can be dense and cruel sometimes," At the word dense, she heard Reito grunt at her back. "...but he has no ill will. I know he cares for you. I'm sure he wants to help you. Whatever your problem is, if you feel uncomfortable with him, you can talk to me. Don't keep it all inside you" Mai held her arms lightly around Shizuru, turning her eyes back to Reito. "As for you, you'll be getting a spanking later."
Wiping her tears, Shizuru released herself from the comfortable hug.
"It's okay, Mai. Thank you. But I need to face this myself."
"Are you sure you can handle this your own? If you need us..."
"No. I want to finish what I had started on my own. It's better this way. Thank you, Mai. Really." Shizuru hugged Mai briefly before she took her leave.
"Reito...I hope she will be fine soon."
"Let just pray for her for now. If she needs us, let's be sure we are ready for it." Reito grabbed Mai's hand and squeezed it gently.
-0-0-
Beep...beep...beep...
A stirring motion came from the figure on the bed alerting her that her patient is waking up. Sitting straight, Shizuru cleared her vision as she retrieved her glasses at the side table. A yawn managed to escape her mouth before she turned her attention towards the patient. Her eyelids were still closed, hiding beautiful green orbs behind them, but the change in the patient's breath was telling her that her patients was awake.
"Natsuki..." Shizuru's hand reached for Natsuki's cheek, feeling the coldness on the skin.
At the calling, eyes slowly began to open; revealing hazy emerald pupils as they slowly began to awake. They blinked a few times before turning to look at the doctor.
"W… Water.." came a hoarse voice from her patient.
Shizuru silently walked to the coffee table next to the window, pouring the water into a clear glass and slowly brought it to Natsuki's mouth. Emptying the glass, Shizuru rose again to get another glass of water only to find a hand holding a strong, firm grip on her sleeve stopping her. As if understanding Natsuki's act, turning her head to face Natsuki, her left hand touch Natsuki's hand to reassure her that she won't be leaving soon. After placing the glass on the bedside table, Shizuru sat at Natsuki's side on the bed. After a moment of silence, she braved herself to look straight at those emerald orbs that were torturing yet taunting her.
"Natsuki… How do you feel? Do you hurt somewhere? Or feel any uncomfortable?"
At the question, Natsuki's just gaze stared into her eyes. A long, silent moment goes by before Natsuki took her hand and placed it on against her chest. Taking the stethoscope, Shizuru placed one end at Natsuki's chest, checking the beating pattern. Her right hand was raised in front of her as her eyes were counting a second on her watch.
Slowly, Natsuki's lifted her hand up towards Shizuru's cheek, bringing the doctors face towards her. Her hands then moved behind Shizuru's neck and pulled Shizuru down slowly. Her lips crack open as if trying to tell Shizuru something.
"What... What is it, Natsuki? Where do you hurt?" Shizuru closed the distance, trying to hear from Natsuki. As Shizuru tried to turn her head slightly to hear a reply, what she received from Natsuki was not what she had expected. Natsuki had raise her head slightly and captured Shizuru lips in a kiss.
The time seemed to stop for Shizuru, her eyes widened in shock from what was happening at the moment. Unable to process the event and feeling confused, Shizuru's body froze. Natsuki's kiss was innocent as she only pressed her lips on Shizuru's like a peck, but not as brief as a peck. Retreating from the kiss, Natsuki embraced her, whispering softly into her ear. "I love you, Shizuru." the words came as a mere whisper but for Shizuru, they were as clear as daylight to her.
Those words finally crushed the walls around Shizuru as she embraced Natsuki tightly, never wanting to let her go. She cried silently, burying her face unto Natsuki's shoulder, breathing in Natsuki's scent mixing with the hospital's fresh laundry odour from Natsuki's clothes.
"Ah, Natsuki. I love you. I love you so much."
"I… I'm sorry for not realizing sooner, Shizuru." Brushing her fingers tips across Shizuru's face, Natsuki wiped the remaining tears from Shizuru's cheek with her sleeves.
"Natsuki..."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
"Yeah.."
With the simple reply from Natsuki, Shizuru knew, Natsuki will not resist her as she descend again to close the distantce between them to initiate another kiss. Again, it was just like a peck and brief.
"A… Anooo… Gomen, Shizuru." Natsuki scratched her cheek meekly.
"It's okay… I understand"
"No, urm... it's just… I've… never kissed before, so...I don't know... not sure… how.." Natsuki felt herself fidgeting at trying to find the right words to say, her hands playing with the bed sheet.
"Ara!.. ma-ma. Don't worry too much Natsuki. If it's a kiss, let me teach you" closing her eyes, Shizuru again initiated another kiss, but this time she let her tongue trace the sweetness of Natsuki's lips. Biting softly on the lower lips, Natsuki jolted a little, giving an opportunity for Shizuru to slide her tongue inside Natsuki. A moan could be heard from the body below her encouraged Shizuru to explore more. Fingers then slowly began tracing Natsuki's arm in a taunting motion, causing a deep shallow breath from her victim. Deepening the kiss, Shizuru moved on to lie on her side, bringing Natsuki close to her, embracing her tightly yet comfortably. Parting from the kiss for much air, Natsuki reached for Shizuru's glasses, resting them on her bedside table.
"Ne, Shizuru… you...you look different with glasses on."
Not replying to Natsuki, Shizuru dived in for another deep kiss. This time, Natsuki showed no resistance in giving full access to Shizuru and parting her lips. She shivered as Shizuru's tongue lightly brushed over hers before slowly melting Natsuki's tongue into a gentle rhythm with her own.
Leaving the lips, Shizuru smiled warmly towards the bewildered emerald eyes staring at her as though they were still lost in the ecstasy of the kiss. Licking her lips, Shizuru leaned in against, finding Natsuki's lips perking out to meet her only for Shizuru to avoid the soft delicacy, instead tracing kisses aside Natsuki's lips. Her kisses slowly began to move along Natsuki's cheek, every kiss bringing a moan from Natsuki as they found their way towards her neck, sucking it gently and licking them, inducing another deep moan from Natsuki.
"Different... you mean I look more sexy?" Shizuru voice became deep and sultry, lacing with lust as it almost dripped off her tongue like poison.
"Uhn... no, more like… wise."
Her left hand was already massaging Natsuki's back, drawing a circle while her other hand slowly ran a finger down past Natsuki's neck and towards her chest. The fabric of the patient's clothes couldn't hide the warmth pressed against the tips of Shizuru's fingers. Trailing down past Natsuki's chest, Shizuru's hand made its way under Natsuki's clothes, enjoying the smooth and warm skin as her fingers tip toed up the woman's stomach. Shizuru smiled in hunger as she found the soft skin of Natsuki bare breast, she couldn't help but inhale at the warmth and feeling on Natsuki's breast. Her crimson eyes glanced back towards Natsuki to find the younger girl with her eyes closed, her face looking as though she was enjoying the sensation with mixed emotions as Shizuru took it as an opportunity to then encircle her fingers around Natsuki's breast, tightening her grip as it induced another moan from Natsuki.
"Ah.. Shi.. hah... zuru.."
Shizuru return to kiss Natsuki lips, embracing the younger girl tightly.
"Natsuki... My Natsuki..." Shizuru pecked Natsuki's forehead.
Natsuki's breathing slowly calmed down as she buried her head at Shizuru bossom. Inhaling the refreshing and calming scent of green tea and chamomile that still lingered there, Natsuki felt her heart's beat slowly calming.
"I love you, Natsuki." Shizuru's hand stopped and retreated from under Natsuki's shirt as it instead circled around Natsuki's back, bringing the blunette close to her.
"Uhnn..." Natsuki looked up in confusion, her cheeks were flushed in red as Shizuru just smiled warmly at her.
Knowing that Natsuki is not in best of health, Shizuru knew it would be dangerous to go further than this. So she decided to just lay beside her love and embrace her until they drifted sleep. This time, the kisses taste much sweeter than strawberry lollipop.