I like this chapter, even if its a bit long. :D Oh wells.

Nothing insulting intended by this chapter. I dont think i wrote anything that could be seen that way, but you know, gotta be careful in this day and age....

I'm thinkin i need to update 'It's Not Who I Am'. Any of you read it? Any of you think i should just not bother and delete it? Whatever.

Disclaimer: i own nothing!

Enjoy!!

Twas the night after my 'wedding', and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a blonde, gun-obsessed, hair-like-a-lap-dog, angsty, obviously-in-the-closet mafia boss. He had decided to drown his humiliation in alcohol. Big mistake, bubs.

I snuck into his room to find some way of annoying him. I didn't go too near to his bed, because I didn't want to wake him up, but I could see he was still there. His room was unusually tidy; there were just some clothes on the floor. Nothing I could use to annoy him there. Unless…

He really should think of a better hiding-place for his chocolate. Some careless person could easily accidentally find it if they were cleaning under the loose floorboards…or not. But still, I had a plan.

I wandered down to the kitchen, waving a friendly howdy to my 'husband', and then dug out the carrots from the fridge. I saw L shudder.

"What's the problem?"

"Those…things."

I looked at the carrots. "These?" L's eyes went wider, if possible, and he nodded. He looked terrified.

"What's wrong with carrots? Do you have some kind of aversion to orange things?"

"No…no, they're... vegetables." He hissed, and his eyes suddenly narrowed.

"L, have the leprechauns been telling you that vegetables are evil again?" he nodded. I sighed, grabbed a red pepper, and threw it at him. He ran from the kitchen, screaming about vegetables taking over the world. I shook my head and got to work.

Cutting carrots into rectangles the same size as a Hershey's is really very difficult. You need HUGE carrots, and lots of them when dealing with someone like Mello. I think I may have wiped out a month's carrot supply. Hopefully Mr. Wammy would forgive me.

I sneaked back into Mello's room and very very carefully opened each and every chocolate bar, and replaced all the candy with carrots. I resealed them with a tiny bit of glue and re-hid them. I am a freaking super-genius. J-Sama, super-genius supreme…it had such a nice ring to it. Before I left, I turned to check if Mello was nearly awake. Nothing on earth would have prepared me for what I saw that day. I may be in therapy for the rest of my life.

Our beloved Mel-Chan was naked and settled in the middle of his bed, with his left arm wrapped around naked Matt and right arm around- it couldn't be- naked Near. Using my super-geniusness to suppress my laughing, I took a picture on my phone for later annoying, and yanked Near out of bed and out of the room before he could wake up. I chucked him into his room before he knew what was happening, and then sat by Mello's door to wait for the fireworks.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!"

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK!?!"

Hehe. Fireworks, people, fireworks.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY BED??"

"WHY THE FUCK AM I IN YOUR BED??"

"Did we...you know…"

"…Cant remember"

"Shit…"

"Was I on top?"

"Of course you weren't, Matt- OWW MY ASS!! Okay, you were top…"

By this time, a crowd had gathered and everyone at Wammy's was listening to this…rather embarrassing conversation.

"You tell anyone, Ima shoot your bitch ass, got it Matt?"

"Technically Mell, your ass is the bitch-"

"SHUT UP, ASSHOLE! I need chocolate...get the fuck out!"

"Dude, I need clothes."

"Grrr…" Everyone heard Mello rummage for chocolate, rip off the paper, and chomp without noticing what he was eating.

"EEEWWWW! Matty! Someone's trying to poison me!!!"

"Mell, its just carrots, just get another bar…if I were you, id be more concerned about what happened last night than chocolate…"

"Fuck up, Matty! You know I hate vegetables!"

"Matty? Did you give me a pet name last night? How sweet…"

"GODDAMMIT IM TRYING TO FORGET EVER WAKING UP TO FIND YOU IN MY BED!! STOP BRINGING IT UP!!" He was evidently getting more chocolate. He bit again.

"Shit! Matt, someone IS trying to kill me!" Everyone outside fled as there were stomping feet headed to the door. Me and Amanda were leaning nonchalantly against a wall, smoking bubble-pipes and pretending we didn't know what was going on.

"That's it! You die!" I found myself face to face with a gun. Uh-oh.

"Well, Melly-Chaaaaan…" Was Amanda gonna say something to save my life? Hopefully.

"Just thank god it wasn't Near you woke up with?"

Ahahaa…yeah, give god the credit for that one. Mello stomped off, muttering something along the lines of albino stripper puzzle-boys. Odd.

"Thanks, A, I didn't really wanna get shot…"

"J?"

"Mmm?"

"Where did you put Near?"

No real pipes/tobacco/anything was smoked during the making of this fic. Only those little plastic pipes that squirt bubbles. Lol.

Thanks again go to Amanda Shortcake, whos fic really need to be checked out. All of them. Seriously. Read them. Go on, not like youve got anything better to do! :P Joking.

Every review you send me makes more fairy dust availible for wishing. You want wishes, you give me reviews :D