Chapter 20: Consolation
The boat was rocking again, and the dream was deep.
She was back in Mournhold. The streets were empty, fresh, new. She stood on the Temple steps, gazing down into darkening twilight, while the light of a thousand stars shone in the heavens above. The trees were dark and silent, full-leaved. The cobbles were slicked with the light of the twin moons. It was not a memory, or a prophecy. It just was.
Llovesi stepped forward to feel a soft breeze stir her, a whisper dance behind her. She turned momentarily, and when she faced forward again there was the waiting woman in the draped blue dress.
Azura smiled, and lifted her slim arms skywards.
You have done well, mortal.
The death of Almalexia is a boon for all of Morrowind, though it may take time for this to be understood. She would have betrayed the Dunmer as surely as she had betrayed all those whom she loved.
This was her curse, and her undoing.
Weep not for Sotha Sil. He shed his mortality long ago and I am certain his death was no small relief to him. These Gods lived with the burden of a power no mortal was meant to posses.
Your work in Morrowind is not finished, Nerevarine. Vivec still lives, but I believe his time grows short.
Protect my people. Defend these lands. Embrace your destiny and go with my blessing.
Then, quickly as she had come, she was fading. Llovesi ran forward, arms outstretched, but she met only empty air. Then her fingers were brushing worn metal, she was sprinting down a dark corridor and the sound of clicking cogs and drawn-out screams filled the air...
"Llovesi, wake up!"
She blinked awake in an instant, heart thudding. But already the dream was distant, chased away by the gentle creaking of the boat and Julan's concerned face. He crawled into her bunk next to her, and held her as she shook.
"You were dreaming," he said.
"It was the Clockwork City again," Llovesi said, more for something to say than anything else. Julan knew it was the Clockwork City. It was all she'd dreamt about since they'd left Mournhold a week ago. It had started on the carriage to Othrenis, then again throughout the journey to Old Ebonheart. Now they were finally on a ship bound for Vvardenfell, and still the same images occupied her every sleeping moment. When she closed her eye, she saw Almalexia there.
Llovesi shifted slightly under the rough cloth blanket. "There was something different this time," she said. "Azura was there. She spoke to me. Told me it would be all right." Told me it wasn't finished yet.
"It will be," Julan said. "We'll see." He paused, then swung his legs back over the edge of the bunk. "I'll go up top and find out how close we are." He kissed her on the cheek, then left the cabin.
Llovesi hugged her legs close, glancing around. This particular cabin was much like all the others, cramped, with three rows of bunks lining both walls, except it was empty. Not many people from the mainland still wanted to risk travelling to Vvardenfell, and when their few fellow travellers discovered she and Julan were on board they'd quickly chosen the other cabins. Whispers travelled fast.
Something of her dream had stuck with her, a niggle in her mind that refused to be dislodged. Vivec still lives... She would have to speak with him. An idea struck her suddenly, and she reached under the bed to pull out her pack. Rifling through it, she quickly found what she was looking for: a thick book, with an elegantly gilded cover. One she'd forgotten to return. The 36 Lessons of Vivec.
She flipped it open, fingers tracing the table of contents, finding the right page. Then she started again.
'He was born in the ash among the Velothi, anon Chimer, before the war with the northern men. Ayem came first to the village of the netchimen, and her shadow was that of Boethiah, who was the Prince of Plots, and things unknown and known would fold themselves around her until they were like stars or the messages of stars. Ayem took a netchiman's wife and said:
'I am the Face-Snaked Queen of the Three in One...'
They stepped off the ship onto the Ebonheart docks in the last few days of Sun's Height. The air was stiff with salt and heat. Soon Vvardenfell would again be baking beneath a Last Seed Sun, and Llovesi would see the anniversary of her arrival on this island. It was a strange thought. She walked with Julan through the port, dodging sweating sailors as they shifted barrels and sacks of goods.
"I spose we'd better find which of these ships are heading north," Julan said, craning his neck this way and that in the crowd.
"Julan... go back without me," Llovesi said.
"What!?" Julan looked aghast.
"I have to go to Vivec. I have to talk to him. Go back to the tribe, we've left them waiting long enough. I'll catch the next ship up, I promise."
Julan seemed to sense she'd made up her mind as he took her hand. "This is to do with that stuff you've been reading? I told you, it's just mad nonsense. You shouldn't let it get to you."
"I just need to try and understand." There was a hint of pleading in her voice that hadn't been there before.
"I know. I don't like it though. Azura was right. 'Vivec still lives', which means the prophecy isn't over yet. Be careful. Stay safe."
"I will," Llovesi said with a tight smile. She knew this had to happen and perhaps that made it even harder watching him turn and walk away. She stared after him until his dark head disappeared into the crowd, then felt the warm ring on her finger to know he was always with her in part. Then she turned on her heel to find the ship that gave passage to Vivec.
The Palace of Vivec was as cool and dimly lit as she remembered it, and in some odd way it was a comfort. Vivec stood from a cross-legged seated position as she shut the door quietly and approached his plinth. He looked almost tired.
"Nerevarine," he said.
Llovesi didn't speak, unsure of what to say first. How strange it was to be back here, face to face with one who had once been a God. When had it been decided that she, Llovesi, would be the one to dream of Daedra, consort with immortals and carry the burden of a people on her back? It was strange, and also somehow inevitable.
Vivec stepped down towards her, his grave eyes studying her face.
"I see you have something you are preparing to say, Nerevarine. And perhaps I do not have to be a prophet to imagine what it is."
Llovesi felt her throat tighten. "You know?"
"I both know and I do not. Above all, I suspect. I know where you have been this past month. And know you have come to me. So tell me your business, Nerevarine."
"Almalexia and Sotha Sil are dead." It was a little easier to say each time, as if she were convincing herself of a truth as much as anyone else.
Vivec closed his eyes briefly, but no emotion crossed his face or stirred his body. When he opened them again, his voice was as deep and measured as always.
"That is very sad. I presume she killed Sotha Sil. I thought she might harm me. And I presume she tried to kill you, Nerevarine. It is all very sad. But death comes to all mortals – and we are all mortal now. In time, death will come to me, Nerevarine – perhaps even at your hands. It is futile to deny one's fate."
Llovesi shook her head vehemently. "No. I haven't come here to kill you. I came because... because I thought I understood! I thought it all made sense! I thought I could choose my fate, make my own destiny. But it seems none of my choices are my own..."
She sniffed furiously, and fought to retain her composure. She wasn't going to cry in front of him.
"Well, they'll know my story in time. I won't be silent. Things are going to have to change."
Vivec watched her, expressionless, his eyes combing her face. Then he spoke:
"A poet can have no higher purpose than to tell the truth about the human condition. But what truth? And what condition? We are all striving in this world."
"Your riddles are a poor consolation," Llovesi said. "Which reminds me: I read your sermons."
"Ah. And what did you glean?"
"Nothing much. Last time I was here you told me to reach heaven by violence. I was foolish enough to expect I might find an explanation for that. If I did... I'm not sure it was the one I wanted. Besides, death has brought me nothing but sadness."
"For you, perhaps. I hope Dagoth Ur, Almalexia and Sotha Sil have found some peace now. It is a mortal's hope, but I hope it nonetheless."
Llovesi was silent for a while, and they simply looked at one another, Hero to faded God.
"I think I do know what you're asking," she said. "It's the same thing Azura wants of me. But I'm not ready. It needs time. After what happened in the Clockwork City, and in Almalexia, we all need time. I think... I think I will disappear for a bit."
Vivec bowed his head, and turned back to his plinth.
"It is as you decide, Nerevarine. It is hard to be a God. Perhaps it is harder to be a Hero. Goodbye, then... Llovesi. Perhaps we shall speak again, but I believe it will not be for a while."
Llovesi simply nodded, and turned to leave. She was exhausted of words now. Time, time had to be allowed to pass. And she intended to let it.
And so time passed. First all was chaos: a veritable volcano of political activity and speculation seized the province. Had the Nerevarine gone mad? Why had she decided to retreat from political life? Was it true what she said? And for that matter, what lay behind King Hlaalu Helseth recent decision to step down from the throne? Some whispered he might have finally had a taste of his own poisoned medicine, a claim that quickly disappeared as he remained healthy, if reclusive, over the months. Others swore they had seen the Nerevarine going to speak with him hours before the decision was announced, a claim that seemed largely supported by a new edition of 'The Common Tongue', which painted outlandish details of spying, secret plots and the Dark Brotherhood.
Was Almalexia truly voyaging the land, or was she hiding in her Temple? Worshippers banged against the chapel doors, demanding to know the truth. Recent reforms from Vivec worried them, news that the Temple was changing its focus to the old Gods, the Good Daedra, and that the Living Gods were to be honoured as saints. The days of the Tribunal were nearing their end.
At first, the politicians and leaders of Vvardenfell clamoured to speak with the Nerevarine. It was said she spoke with a few, though what words passed were unknown. Eventually, they stopped going to Ald Daedroth. So too did the streams of pilgrims, who had once been so keen to see their saviour. Now they seemed content to let her be.
For her part, Llovesi continued to protect Morrowind. There were always dangers to be fought, Sixth House remnants to be stamped out, smugglers and bandits threatening the uneasy accord with the Empire. But she took herself away from grander politics. She had never been more than a symbol, and if Morrowind's greater workings were in as safe hands as possible, then she could focus on the small scale, on cleaning up what was left behind. On building constants.
For there would always be change and uncertainty, that much was clear. Llovesi knew her trials in Tamriel were not over. But she had created something small, solid and worthwhile with Julan, with their tribe and family, something steadfast, trialled in blood and fire. And so, even after the new dreams, after the north, the Bloodmoon and the final meeting, after the gates of hell and the scourge of the land, she, he and they would always be a constant. And they would build their own little world. A son, Casimir, a name picked from imagination. Then a daughter, whom they called Mashti: a name picked from their hearts.
There is a world that is sleeping and you must guard against it.
For by the sword I mean the dual nature.
For by the word I mean animal life.
For by the sword I mean preceded by a sigh.
For by the word I mean preceded by a wolf. – Sermon 6, The 36 Lessons of Vivec
To be continued...
A/N: Well, hello there! Okay, so firstly massive apologies for my incredibly long hiatus, due in part to my dithering over the ending, and to the fact that this past year I've been busy finishing my degree! And now I'm finally done, which means I can have a life again! As to the ending, it has been worked and reworked and I was never entirely satisfied. I actually wrote both chapters a little while back, in March, before I started revising for my exams. Now I've had time to read them over and I thought that if I didn't put them up now, I never would. So there you have it! Many thanks to those who have continued to read, review, follow, fav and PM in my absence, I'm working on replying to you all! Particular thanks to OnnaMusha, AnthonyR89 and Daedric Princess of Madness for your reviews! Oh, and Fire and Ash has hit over 11,000 views! Of course this is a trifle compared to all those popular fics out there, but it made me so happy to log in and see that number. Thank you all!