DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER, OWN SAMANTHA FLACK AND ALL THE FLACK KIDS.

Late night confessionals

"Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end."
-Little Wonders, Rob Thomas

Kieran couldn't sleep.

The illuminated green numbers on his bedside clock radio read 12:22. He and Aiden had stayed up late, playing Call of Duty on the Play Station 3 and eating too much junk food and drinking too much pop. The evidence scattered around the bedroom. Crinkled potato chip bags and long guzzled and dented cans of Pepsi. An empty cardboard box that had belonged to the fully loaded pizza they'd ordered at nine thirty when the Chinese food had worn off, leaving the two rapidly growing boys hungry and craving some take out. Dad had leant them the money despite shelling out, along with a contribution from Uncle Danny, what was no doubt a disgusting amount of money to feed Chinese to the entire family, Uncle Danny and Aunt Lindsay and their brood and the new girls Alessa, whom Kieran was starting to think was never going to go home.

He wondered what her deal was. He'd heard from his sisters and his dad that the girl was stinking rich. Her father was some business guru and her mom an ex-debutante. They drove cars that cost more then what his parents made combined in an entire year and lived in some fancy, multi-million dollar penthouse. He guessed the old saying was true. Money really didn't buy happiness. Because despite having cash to burn and the most expensive, top of the line toys to play with, Alessa was in her glory hanging out with the middle class. She seemed to love being around the Flack family.

Kieran even had to admit, his folks were pretty cool. Sure, they argued a lot and always seemed to be on the verge of hating each other, but it was always in their eyes and in the way they smiled at one another that they adored and love one another. They took damn care of all of their kids, and or the most part, Kieran and his siblings were pretty damn good kids. None of them were out running the street or skipping school or doing drugs or far worse things. Sure, they argued and scraped a lot and caused their dad a shit load of grey hair over the years, but they loved each other, and were loved.

Alessa was hot. There was no other way to describe it. She was massively pretty and had a great body and was flirtatious as all hell. He had been doing a damn good job at deflecting the comments and compliments she slipped his way. Chalking her up to nothing more then a friend of his sisters' who had an innocent, school girl crush on him. But when all the kids had been called up stairs for supper, and Alessa had grabbed him by the hand to make him hold back until everyone had disappeared, he'd known right there and then that there was something different about her.

And that there was something there between them.

And when she'd dragged him off into the laundry room to secure them some privacy and proceeded to throw her arms around his neck and yank him down into her for the most intense, amazing kiss he'd ever experienced in his entire young life, Kieran Flack knew that he was a goner. Because what he felt for that girl far surpassed anything he'd ever felt for Addie. Or anything he thought he felt for Addie. And he knew that he had to do something about it in order to preserve his sanity.

The girl sleeping mere feet away in the room across the hall wasn't the only thing preventing him from sleeping. While Aiden snored and talked in his sleep on the air mattress that they'd placed on the floor by Kieran's bed, Kieran himself was wide awake and staring up at the ceiling. His brain bogged down with a million and one thoughts. About his relationship with his father and how he'd hoped, after his meltdown on the front lawn the night before, that he and his dad were beginning to have a stronger relationship. He loved his father to death and wanted nothing more then to have that bond back with him that they'd shared all through Kieran's childhood. He wanted to do his father proud, and when he'd told his parents about the scout from Notre Dame being at his hockey game and inviting them down to check the place out, Kieran had seen the excitement and the pride in his dad's eyes. His mom's too, of course. But mom was never shy about showing that kind of emotion. Dad closed himself off a lot. He was a hard person to figure out. But when he'd been told of his son's possible future as a university hockey star, Kieran had seen the emotion in his father's eyes for the first time in a long, long time. And it had meant more to Kieran then anything else in the entire world.

He thought about his grandfather. About not being able to say goodbye to him. About how his grandpa hadn't even shown any knowledge that there was anyone in the room the last time Kieran had gone to see him. He'd always shared a tight relationship with his grandfather. Grandpa Flack was his greatest and most loyal supporter for everything he ever chose to do. He would show up at seven am hockey practices in the dead of winter just to cheer his grandson on and give him moral support. He'd show up at school plays and soccer and baseball games. He was always willing to take a late night phone call when K needed to talk to someone about how things were falling about at home with his dad. It was grandpa that came and spent time doing boy things with him when his mom and dad had separated and his dad seemed to work all the time.

And it broke Kieran's heart that he would never get to thank his grandfather for everything he'd ever done for him. He was just glad, that when his grandpa was well enough to know what was being said and who was around, that he'd hadn't held back on his feelings. He had never missed an opportunity to huge his grandpa and tell him that he loved him. And he'd always remember the great times that they had together. Fishing off of Battery Park, riding the roller coaster at Coney Island, visiting the Children's Zoo in Central Park and taking the ferry to Liberty Island. No one could ever take all those memories away from him.

Tears filled Kieran's blue eyes and he blinked them back. He wasn't going to cry. No way in hell was he going to break down with his best buddy only inches away. Sleeping or not. And he knew damn well that he wasn't going to be getting to sleep in the near future either. So instead of lying there in the dark and letting his tortured mind play havoc on him all night, Kieran tossed the covers off of him and sat up and slipped out of bed. Climbing over Aiden and all the mess the two of them had made during the night as he headed for the door.

The night light plugged into the outlet across from Liam's room was turned on. His baby brother's door was opened slightly. Liam had developed a slight fear of the dark two years ago. It was all Kieran's fault, in a way. He really should have known better then to tell his then four and a half year old brother about the Bogeyman that was hiding in his closet and the monsters that lived under his bed. Liam had never been the same after that. And he always made dad check under the bed and in the closet before he'd even think about going in the room. In fact, Liam would stand at the door and make sure that their dad was doing the inspection properly. And once Liam was satisfied that dad had checked every possible nook and cranny, then and only then would Liam enter his room.

Kieran could hear soft giggling and whispering coming from Reghan and Alannah's room. He was tempted to knock on the door and ask Alessa if she wanted to hang out for a while. Either go down into the basement and watch a couple of movies or just sit out in the backyard, talking and looking up at the stars. But he knew that there'd be no way he'd be able to stop at simple, innocent activities like that. No after the way she had kissed him. And the way he'd responded.

Alessa was dangerous. But not as dangerous as facing his dad would be if he got caught in a precarious situation with the girl. Dad had zero tolerance for that kind of behaviour in the house. And with all the stress his dad was facing from both his own father's death and the constant and unrelenting phone calls from a furious Max because of the Daria situation, Kieran decided the best thing to do was stay as far away from Alessa as possible.

Kieran headed down the hallway. There was no sound coming from any of the other bedrooms. Declan and Mikayla were fast asleep. And judging by the closed door of his parents' room and not even the glow from the television poking out from underneath the door, mom and dad had probably long ago called it a night. They had planned on going back to grandma's after supper, but when Uncle Chris had called -more then likely his guilty conscience had gotten to him- and offered to stay the night with his mother, dad had been quick to accept.

Yawning noisily, Kieran went down the stairs and through the dark living room. Nearly tripping over Maximus as he lay sprawled out at the entrance to the hallway that led to the kitchen. The damn dog just slept wherever the hell he felt like it, while Cujo always found a warm, comfortable bed to crash in. Usually Liam's if he couldn't get into mom and dad's room.

The light in the kitchen was turned on and Kieran could hear the soft clicking of computer keys. He assumed it was his father. It wasn't uncommon for dad to not sleep well through the night and come downstairs to grab a snack and catch up on paper work. But usually he went into the home office when he needed to work on something. Dad was big into privacy and seclusion when he was working on something for the department. He wasn't one to leave case files out for one of the kids to get into. That had happened once. When Kieran was a kid. He'd been six when his mom had left a file sitting out on the kitchen table. Like most precocious six year olds, Kieran had been curious to what was exactly in that folder. So he'd pulled a chair over and climbed up and decided to see for himself.

It was his introductory into decapitation and evisceration. He'd had nightmares for three weeks and dad had been furious with mom for the longest time.

But instead of finding his father at the kitchen table surrounded by folders and papers, he was instead greeted by the sight of his mother, in a pair of black satin pyjama pants and a long sleeved lime green satin top with black stripes, her glasses on her face as she typed on her lap top. Paperwork and bills strewn around her and a plastic tumbler of milk and a serving of left over Chinese food sitting beside her. A fork dangling precariously over the edge of the plate.

"Hi, mom," he greeted.

She gave a small jump. She'd been so focused on her work, that she hadn't seen, or heard him come into the room. Nor had she expected company at that time of night.

"Hey," she said with a small, tired smile. "What are you doing up? Can't sleep?"

Kieran nodded. "Too much on my mind," he said. "What'cha working on?"

"Just paying some bills and getting some things done for work. I couldn't seem to fall asleep either. All these thoughts running through my head. Not to mention your dad is snoring like a bloody freight train. Aiden's asleep?"

"Out like a light," her son confirmed. "He's snoring, too. Is it okay to hang out with you for a bit? I mean, if you're busy I can just grab something to eat and go back to my room and…"

"I'm not busy at all," Sam said. "I'd like it if you'd hang out for a bit."

Kieran smiled. He went to the fridge and took out the milk and the containers of Chinese food and carried them to the island. Grabbing a fork and a plate from the clean dishes in the washer, he prepared himself a plate of food and popped it into the microwave for several minutes before joining his mom at the table.

"How come grandpa isn't have a department funeral?" he asked curiously, as he speared a chicken ball with his fork and took a huge bite. "Dad said that even retired cops, when they've had a career like grandpa and have made a big name for themselves die, they get a huge department thing."

"Your grandfather didn't want a big thing," Sam replied. "In his will he asked that it was a straightforward cremation and an interment. He didn't even want any visitation."

"Isn't that kind of weird?" Kieran inquired.

His mother shrugged. "People want different things when they die, K. It's a personal choice."

Her son nodded in understanding and took a sip of his milk. "What about when you and dad die? What do you guys want?"

"Both of us just want small things. One day of visitation, just family and friends for a Catholic mass the next day and then burial."

"Are you guys being cremated?"

Sam nodded.

"That creeps me out," he admitted. "The thought of body being buried like that. Freaks me out."

"Well you have a long way to go before you ever have to consider things like that," Sam told him, taking a bite out of an egg roll. "Just so you know, Kieran. You're grandfather left you a trust fund. It was mentioned in his will. He made your dad executor of his state and power of attorney. And one of the things he asked of your father, was that this money stayed under your dad's watch until you graduated from high school. And it's too use at your own discretion."

"Didn't he leave anything for any of the other kids?"

"He did. But not as much as he left you. And I expect that to stay between me, you and your dad? Kapish?"

Kieran nodded. "How much is it?" he asked curiously.

"Fifty thousand dollars," his mom replied.

Kieran nearly choked on the food in his mouth.

"It's a lot of money," Sam said. "And I trust you to do the right thing with it when you get out of high school. And you won't be able to touch it before then. And that's something both your father and I are going to remain very, very firm on."

"So use it for college?"

"Use it for whatever you want," she told him. "Just use it wisely. Okay?"

Kieran nodded and went back to his food. Mother and son sat in companionable silence. Each eating their midnight snack, their minds besieged with a thousand and one thoughts. K was stunned and pleased that his grandfather had done something so wonderful for him. He certainly hadn't expected it, or had even let the thought of money cross his mind when he'd heard about his grandpa's death. No amount of money in the world would bring his grandfather back. It was sad and hard to deal with. He was grieving in his own way. But at the news of the money, he was determined to one day put that cash to good use and not let his grandfather down.

Samantha pushed all thoughts of paying bills and completing paper work to the back burner. Instead she thought about the young man sitting across from her. Her son. Her baby. Her first born. She thought about how there were times it seemed as if he was just born yesterday. And how other days, when he was causing sheer hell, it seemed like a lifetime ago. She thought about how much he had grown and matured. From a seven plus pound baby to a six foot, two hundred pound young man. She thought about that night he'd been returned home safely after his incident with Dean Lessing. With hiis dirty little face and his platinum blond hair. And how his father had taken the clippers to both of their heads in the care by parent room shortly before Kieran was released from the hospital.

She thought about what Jack Doyle had done to him. About how Kieran had never shown any ill effects, psychology speaking, from being sexually molested. Physically, he'd suffered for months. He'd suffered from a tear in his bowel that went months before it was discovered and he'd regressed in some of his development and had nightmares. But he'd only been fourteen months old when he'd been taken. Too young to have lasting memories, thank God.

He had heard, as he was growing up, various and friends and family members talking about what had gone down. How someone named Dean Lessing that had had an obsession of sorts with his father had paid someone to kidnap him. But it hadn't been until he was twelve that he'd heard someone say he'd been molested. He'd gone to his father afterwards and asked what had happened to him when he was a baby. Flack hadn't known what to say, and he'd come home and discussed the appropriate answer with his wife. And together, they'd sat down with their pre-teen son and told him, as gentle and truthful as they could be, what had been done to him.

Kieran had handled the news well. He'd been shocked and stunned to say the least, and had cried when he had heard the truth. But he hadn't acted out. He'd simply gone back to being Kieran. A pillar of strength. He was strong and stubborn. Just like his father.

And he looked just like his father. It was something that Sam thought about now as she watched her fifteen year old. He was his dad from head to toe. The same hair - when he had some, that was- and the same eyes and jaw structure. The same nose save for the freckles that dotted the bridge and the same lips and chin and ears. The same broad shoulders and the same height and weight. And he had his father's disposition and personality traits. Even the majority of the same mannerisms. Kieran was a good kid. He was smart and funny and in love with life. People took to him quickly and he had a lot of friends.

And a lot of female admirers much to the dismay of his mother. Flack always got a kick out of his kid being such a ladies man. Just like his dad. Sam always rolled her eyes when her husband said something so arrogant. But in fact, it was true. Kieran was popular. And that popularity all to often came with a downside.

"Mom…" Kieran broke the silence first. "Do you love dad?"

Sam blinked. Taken aback by her son's question. "Of course I love your dad," she said. "He's my husband. The father of my children. I love him more then words could ever possibly say. Why would you ask me something like that?"

Kieran shrugged. "Just you guys fight a lot and say mean things to each other sometimes. And I wonder if maybe you guys just stay together because of all us kids."

"That is not why we stay together," she assured him. "We stay together because we love each other. Because we can't imagine our lives without each other. Your dad and I have been through some tough times. Some really, really tough times. But we always found our way back to each other in the end. And we love all of you and try our best to give you guys everything. To make sure that all of you know how much we love you."

He smiled. "You do a good job at that, mommy," he said.

She gave a smile in return. "You're just like your dad, Kieran. And I'm not just talking about looks. I mean you have that same stubborn, determined way about you. You're both the strong, silent type. Your dad does dark and brooding very well sometimes in case you haven't noticed."

"I've noticed."

"And so do you. You're just like him, Kieran. And that's a great compliment, trust me. Because when you're older, if you're half the man and half the husband and father your dad is, then you'll make some young lady very, very happy."

He grinned. That bashful, dimply grin that she'd seen his father display more then once in the past sixteen years.

"And speaking of young ladies," Sam said, sipping her milk. "You and Alessa. And don't tell me that there's nothing going on. I'm your mother. I see all. I know you better then you know yourself, K."

He sighed heavily.

"Did something happen between you and Alessa, Kieran?" Sam asked. "And don't bullshit me."

"She kissed me," he admitted.

"When did this happen?"

"Earlier tonight. After dad called us upstairs for supper. She grabbed me and pulled me in the laundry room and kissed me."

Sam nodded slowly and scooped some fried rice up with her fork. "And did you kiss her back?" she asked.

Her son nodded.

"Did you like it?"

He nodded again. "I liked it a lot," he told her.

"Did you two just kiss or did something else go on down there?" inquired Sam. "And once again, do not bullshit me."

"We just kissed. That's it, mom. I learned my lesson when dad caught Addie and I making out on the couch that night."

"Did you want to do more with her?" she asked. "Alessa, I mean."

Kieran sighed and then nodded.

"Look, Kieran, I don't know what you and your dad have talked about when it comes to safe sex and all of that. But I am hoping that he mentioned condoms to you. And stressed how important it is that you use them. I mean, he talked about this with you, right?"

"A few times. And we heard about it in school too. I know what condoms are, mom. And how to use them. I promise you that I won't get anyone pregnant. Not until I'm ready to have babies. And that won't be for a long, long, long time."

"Good," Sam said. "So you and Alessa…"

"I'm going to break up with Addie," he told his mother. "I thought that I was in love with her but now I know I'm not. Because the way I feel about Alessa is so much different. I can't describe it. I just know that what I feel for her is way different then what I feel for Addie. I'm in love with Alessa."

"First off, you barely know her," Sam said. "Second, you're fifteen. You don't know what it's like to love someone like that Kieran."

"I know how I feel, mom," he huffed.

"I didn't say you didn't. But you're a fifteen year old boy with raging hormones who thinks he's in love with every pretty girl that so as much looks in his direction."

"How long did you know dad before you were in love with him?" Kieran asked.

"What does that…?"

"You and dad hooked up pretty quickly once you met, right? You fell in love with him pretty fast. Got pregnant with me not too long into your relationship."

"Things happened really quick between me and your dad," Sam admitted. "I got pregnant with you about a month and a half into our relationship. We were engaged seven months after we met and married four months after that. I won't say that I loved him instantaneously, but it was pretty damn quick."

"So then why can't I be in love with Alessa?" he asked.

"Maybe because you've known her what? Four or five days? If that? And I was also twice your age when I met your father and a little more worldly then you when it came to affairs of the heart."

"I know how I feel," he grumbled.

"I'm not saying you don't, K. Trust me, that is not what I'm saying. I'm just saying that you're a young man with a whole life ahead of you. And you shouldn't even be talking about love and girlfriends and stuff like that."

"I knew I should have talked to dad about this," Kieran sighed.

"Well by all means, go upstairs and wake him up and discuss your love life with him. I'm not stopping you. If you think you're going to hear exactly what you want from your father, you have another thing coming. First, your father is going to be pissed off that you woke him up when he's going through some shit. Second, he's going to give you that condom talk all over again. And then, he's going to tell you that you're bound to face sheer hell at the hands of Uncle Tim for breaking Addie's heart."

"I don't give a shit about him!" Kieran cried. "What the hell does it matter to him? He doesn't want me with her anyway."

"And is that why you're breaking up with her? Pressure from him?"

"No. I don't give a crap what he says. I just don't want to be with her anymore. I thought I was in love with her and I'm not. Plain and simple. It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes, Kieran. It is. And let me tell you why. Addie is wildly and crazily in love with you. Or at least she thinks she is. And I'm a girl and as a girl, I've been in her shoes. It hurts like a bitch when you're dumped. And I know you Kieran and you are just like your father."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Your father is not the most gentle person in the world. And neither are you sometimes. And that's no fault of your own, kiddo. You've got that from him. But you're going to go and dump Addie and I'm afraid of how you're going to do it."

"I was going to call her on the phone and…."

Sam shook her head. "No. No you're not. You are not wimping out like that. You are going to do it face to face. Make it more personal. You're not calling her or emailing her or Instant Messaging her. You got that? You are going to swallow your pride and tell her one on one. In person. Am I making myself clear, Kieran?"

He bit his lip and nodded.

"She deserves that," Sam said. "You owe that to her. Okay?"

He nodded again.

"Okay?" she pressed.

"Okay, mom…jesus…"

"And I don't know what you're planning on doing with Alessa. If you're planning on asking her out or what not. But I hope when you do whatever it is you're going to do, you don't go to school and flaunt it in Addie's face. And that you don't let her flaunt it in Addie's face either."

"I won't," he promised her.

"Good. Because this isn't something to be taken lightly. Okay?"

"Okay…" he said and went back to his Chinese food.

Sam sighed and finished her milk and returned to her bills and paperwork.

"There's something else I want to tell you, mommy," Kieran said several minutes later.

"About?"

"Something important."

Sensing the urgency in his voice, she saved her work on her lap top and turned her full attention to her oldest son.

"How much do you and dad talk about?" he asked.

"A lot," she replied. "But if we promise to keep things secrets with one of our kids, we do it. We don't tell each other. Why?"

"That fight that dad and I had? When he took me out after school to get my hockey stuff?"

Sam nodded.

"Well it has something to do with the reason why dad fired Daria."

"Okay.." his mother said, giving him the chance to come clean with her.

She knew what he was about to tell her, and that he was struggling with finding a way to tell her. And she wasn't about to jump in and let him know that she already knew about the incident with Daria. She didn't want Kieran thinking that his father had betrayed him. She didn't want the kid thinking he couldn't trust his dad anymore. Because their relationship was strained enough. And Kieran losing faith and respect and trust in his dad would permanently fracture what they were trying so hard to improve on.

Kieran sighed heavily. "Something happened, mom. With Daria and I. And I told dad about it and he got pissed and fired her because of it."

"Did he have a reason to?" she asked. "Was it justified?"

"I think so…"

Sam folded her hands on the table top and waited.

"Daria and I…when I was thirteen, me and her…I lost my virginity to her."

His mother nodded slowly, letting the information sink in.

"I was honest with dad and he freaked out and I understand why he did. But it was just something that happened. Something that I wanted to happen. I know I was just thirteen. But I knew how to say no and I didn't want to. Daria didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, K. She did. She was seventeen years old. You were thirteen. There's something slightly disturbing about that."

"You don't seem too surprised." Kieran commented.

"I'm not. I've had a feeling for a long time that you weren't a virgin anymore. I am surprised however about who you had your first time with."

"I never meant to get Daria into trouble," he said, eyes downcast. "I didn't know that dad would freak out like he did and fire her like that."

"Well, in my opinion, your dad had every right to get upset. And every right to fire her. He doesn't feel comfortable having her around you. He made a decision and I'm standing behind him."

"Are you pissed at me, mom?"

"I'm not pissed, Kieran. A little disappointed in both you and her…but not pissed."

"You're not mad at dad for not telling you?"

Sam shook her head.

"He gave me the chance to tell you myself. And I wanted to tell you a couple of times before now. But I never got the chance after he fired Daria and then grandpa died and it didn't seem like the right time to be talking about stuff like that. You understand, right?"

"I understand why you're dad didn't tell me and I understand that it was hard for you to come to me with this. But I'm proud of you for getting the courage up to talk to me about it."

"Am I in trouble? Like grounded or something?"

Sam shook her head.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, mom. For letting it happen."

"Well it did happen," she said. "And it happened two years ago and we can't do anything about it now, can we?"

Kieran shook his head.

"The important thing is that you told your dad and you told me," Sam said. "Do you feel better having told us?"

Her son nodded.

"So do I," she told him with a smile, and reached out to touch his face softly. "You should get some sleep, Kieran Shaun Donald Flack."

He grinned and pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. "So should you Samantha Marie Ross-Flack."

"Smart ass," she laughed. "You're just like your father, you know that?"

He nodded and gave that dimpled grin.

"And it's not hyphenated," she reminded him.

"You're an old fashioned girl, huh mom?" he asked, as he pushed his chair away from the table and stood up. "Took dad's name no questions asked? Even though it's a crap ass last name and NOTHING sounds good with it."

"It was something I was adamant about," Sam replied, as her son gathered up their dirty dishes and she tidied up her stack of bills and slipped papers into their appropriate folders. "I wanted to take his last name. It's just the type of person I am."

"Well I can't see dad being the type to change his name," Kieran said, as he carried the dishes to the sink and rinsed them off. "He's too alpha-male for that sort of thing."

Sam laughed and shut down her lap top. "Your dad would die at the mere suggestion of such a thing," she declared. "And you and your brothers and sisters didn't fare too bad. All of your names sounds great with the last name Flack."

"You couldn't have married some guy with the last name Jones or Thompson or something normal like that?"

"Sorry, K. The last name was last on the list of reasons that made me fall in love with your father."

"He loves you a lot, mom. You know that, right?"

Sam nodded and smiled brightly at her son.

"He's a lucky guy," Kieran said. "All his shit and you still took him back."

"We've all screwed up at one point in time," his mother told him. "Your dad isn't the only guilty party, trust me. And I know it was hard on you when he left."

Kieran bit his lip and nodded. "I'm just glad things worked out in the end," he said, shutting the water off and leaving the dishes in the sink. Walking over to the table, he kissed his mom's cheek in farewell.

"Get some sleep," she told him.

"Take your own advice," he said with a playful wink and tousled her hair before heading out of the kitchen.

Sam grinned as she watched him go.

She had never felt more love for, or more pride in, her first born son.

Flack was having a hell of a time getting back to sleep. He'd woken up, at a quarter to one according the time on the bedside clock radio, and had found the place next to him empty. The sheets wrinkled and the pillows messed up. He'd snapped awake -from what he couldn't exactly remember, although he chalked it up to a dream. He'd been having a hell of a lot of them recently- and immediately rolled over onto his side and reached out for that warm, soft body that was always resting beside him.

Just it wasn't there on that night. His hand, instead of finding her back or her side, fell on cold sheets. It wasn't until he got himself oriented and checked the time that he'd heard the voices drifting up from downstairs. Easily identifying them as belonging to his wife and oldest son. It was extremely unusual for them to be up that late. Both Sam and Kieran valued whatever sleep time they could get. Both were incredibly difficult to wake up in the morning. Clinging to their blankets and whining incessantly about being tired. Always begging for that extra ten minutes of sleep.

He decided to stay exactly where he was. He imagined that Kieran was finally telling his mother about what happened with Daria, and Flack didn't want to have any part of it. He'd been told, he'd handled the situation and that was that. What was going on downstairs was strictly a mother and son moment that he had no business being part of. Instead, he'd rolled over onto his back and placed a forearm over his eyes and attempted to fall back asleep.

Which was futile. His brain was working over time. Thoughts of how his mother was getting through the night with Chris -who was less then reliable- taking care of things at the house. Questions over why his father had chosen a private, simple, no frills style funeral when he was of legendary status within the department. He though about all the years that had gone by in his life where him and his old man were fighting about something. And how a tiny seven and a half pound baby had managed to bring them back together and repair, to some extent, their relationship.

And he thought about his own kids. About how they were affected by the news of their grandfather's passing and how difficult it had been to break the news to them, and how they'd formed a united front of sorts to deal with their grief. No kid would ever be alone in that house. There was always a sibling there for you to talk to. To offer a shoulder to cry on or just some silent, unwavering support. Sure, they fought. A LOT. But when it all came down to it in the end, those kids were blood and they loved each other and had each other's backs no matter what. And he wondered how they'd cope if something happened to either of their parents. He supposed losing their father would be a hell of a lot easier on them then losing their mother. Their mom had always been around. Taking care of them, nurturing them, running the house and being mother and father when they'd separated. They'd be devastated if anything happened to either of their parents, but they would definitely have a harder time coping afterwards if it was their mother they'd loss.

It was just before one thirty when he heard the door to the bedroom open, and the softly close once again. He remained motionless and silent as his wife bypassed the bed in favour of heading into the washroom, turning the light on after she'd stepped inside and closed the door. She was in there for a few minutes and he heard the water running and the sounds of her brushing her teeth. The water shut off, as did the light and door creaked open once again.

He felt the mattress shift slightly underneath him and heard the soft rustle of the sheets and felt the satin of her pyjamas brush up against his skin as she cuddled in close, lying on her side with her head tucked under his arm and her hand resting on his stomach.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

She gave a small start. "Don't do that," she scolded, and pressed a kiss to his chest. "You scare me when I think you're sleeping and then you just start talking."

"Sorry, babe," he said, and removing the arm from his eyes, wrapped it around her slender body. His hand coming to rest on her back.

"You can't sleep either?" she asked.

Flack shook his head.

"Must be something in the air in this house," she said. "I went downstairs to have a midnight snack and pay some bills and then Kieran came down saying he couldn't sleep."

"He's okay?"

"He just needed to talk to his mommy," she said.

"Did he tell you about Daria?"

Sam nodded. "He was honest about everything and I can tell he feels really bad that it ever happened in the first place. He certainly has regrets about it. I'm proud of him for actually getting up the courage to come and tell me. And proud of you for giving him the chance to."

"But I ended up telling you before he got that chance," he reminded her. "So technically…"

"Technically nothing. You could have easily come home that day and told me and you didn't. You gave Kieran the chance to get his shit together and tell me himself. And so you know, he has no clue that I knew before hand. I didn't let on that you'd told me and I don't think he suspected."

"Why'd you…"

"Because he loves you and trusts you," she answered before he had a chance to finish. "And because the two of you hadn't had the best relationship lately and things are just starting to get back on track. And I was worried that if I told him you'd said something, he'd never trust you or want anything to do with you ever again. I'm not out to sabotage your relationship with your son, Donnie."

He smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you," he whispered into her hair.

"The things I don't do for you," she said with a dramatic sigh. "Although we may have a slight problem on the horizon."

"With?" he asked, stroking her back softly.

"Kieran and Alessa."

"There's a Kieran and Alessa?"

Sam nodded. "He says that he's in love with her."

Flack gave a laugh. "Two days ago he was in love with Addie."

"Well, apparently whatever he's feeling in that body of his for Alessa, is more then he's ever felt, or thought he felt for Addie."

Flack sighed heavily. "He's not feeling anything. He's just horny. He's fifteen years old. He just wants to get into somebody's pants."

"Speak from experience do you?"

"I was fifteen years old once too. I know what the kid is going through and what he's feeling. And trust me, babe, it's not love. He's just looking for whatever and whoever, is the easiest conquest."

"I don't know…." she said. "He seemed very sincere. And convincing."

"He's fifteen," Flack told her. "Come on…he doesn't know shit about being in love. I knew nothing about it when I was fifteen. I wasn't in love for a long time."

"How old were you?" she asked curiously.

He thought about it. "Thirty," he replied. "I met this really cute and tiny and phenomenally smart and equally as phenomenally bitchy Brooklyn girl and well…you know the rest."

"You are so full of it," she laughed. "You can't tell me that you were never in love before you met me."

"I admit, a few times I thought I was in love with a couple of my ex girlfriends. But that feeling never lasted very long."

"That's because you never had a relationship that lasted longer then three months," she teased.

"True…very true. But I did think I was in love and it broke my heart when they dumped me and…"

"They dumped you?"

Flack nodded.

"Why?"

"They couldn't handle the job. They said I was too dedicated to being a cop and not dedicated enough to being with them. This was when I was a uniform. The first time was when I was a rookie, and the second was a just before I made it into the detective division. They said I was loyal to the city, but not to being a boyfriend."

"Hmmm…" Sam said and pressed a kiss to his chest. "Their loss. And their loss is my gain."

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "But I realized, after I'd met you, that all those times I thought I was in love, it wasn't the real thing. Because what I felt for you, almost from day one?" he shook his head. "I'd never, ever felt that before."

"How did you know it wasn't just pure and unbridled lust?" she teased.

"Well that was there, too," he laughed. "But I knew pretty quick that I was in love with you. And when thinking about it didn't scare the shit out of me and send me running for Mexico, well I knew it must be the real deal."

She slid up the bed and pressed a kiss to his lips. "You can be such a sensitive and romantic bastard," she said.

He grinned and kissed her. Long and soft. "So Kieran and Addie," he said. "What's going on there?"

"He says he's going to break up with her," Sam replied, laying her head on her husband's shoulder.

"Great…Speedle is already a first class asshole. Now we have to deal with an even bigger one once our kid dumps his daughter?"

"I admit that since the whole thing with Kieran, Tim's been a real…"

"Fucking prick," Flack finished for her. "Things haven't been the same with him or Carmen since then and you know it. He opened his big fucking mouth during K's disappearance and he never once apologized to me or you and I'll never forgive him for it. Ever. And Carmen…well her panties have been in a goddamn twist since the day you and Lindsay became besties or whatever the hell you girls call shit like that."

"I told Carmen a long time ago that someone can have two best friends," Sam said.

"Well I guess she didn't agree and wanted you all to her lonesome, little self. Remember that fight she had with Lindsay? The argument over how Monroe just waltzed back into town and stole you away from her?"

Sam sighed.

"Like how fucking mature was that? What thirty something year old talks like that? That should have told you right there and then that both her and Speed were fucking wack-adoos and that we should keep Kieran far away from their daughter."

"Don't be so harsh," his wife scolded.

"Me, harsh? Me and harsh go hand in hand. Along with sarcastic, arrogant, obnoxious, abrasive…"

"Pig headed," Sam tossed in.

He frowned. "No comments from the peanut gallery," he said.

She laughed and propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him. "You are all those things and so much more, babe," she said.

"Yeah? Like as in good stuff? Or bad stuff?"

"Good stuff," she assured him and placed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "All good stuff."

"Like?" he asked, as her lips journeyed down on his neck. His hand on the back of her head, guiding her.

"Oh I don't know…" she said, kissing her way along his collarbone, feeling the slight pressure and urging from his hand. "Lots of things. Like tall, dark and handsome. Amazingly witty and highly intelligent in that unassuming, self deprecating way you have."

"I am pretty damn good at self deprecation," he agreed.

"And I must say," she said, as she slid her hand down his chest and over his stomach, stopping at the waist band of his boxers and running her finger just under the edge. "Incredibly sexy is still high on my list. Even sixteen years later."

"Yeah?" he flipped her over onto her back. "I can show you incredibly sexy baby," he said confidently, as his fingers began undoing the buttons on her pyjama top.

"You know…" she said, kissing him as he worked at undressing her. "Sex should be the last thing on your mind."

He frowned. "Why's that?" he asked, as he finished with her top and laid it open and bent his head to presses soft kisses over the swells of her breasts and trail his tongue down the valley between them.

"Your father just died."

"And your point? He's dead. I'm not. I'm very much alive. And I'm a red blooded male and incredibly horny and now that me and you got our groove back and we're working on this baby thing, I don't want to waste any time. And I don't think my dad is going to be massively pissed and haunt us from beyond just 'cause we had sex tonight."

"You never know…his spirit could be in this room. Watching."

"Well good for his spirit. Hope he enjoys the show."

Sam laughed. "You are more then slightly disturbed," she declared.

"A little," he admitted, and pulled back to look down at her. "But you love me. Always have, always will."

She smiled and raised her head to kiss him.

"And I love you so much, baby," he told her, kissing her softly.

"Always?" she asked, running her fingers through his hair as he bent to lick and kiss her neck.

"Always," he vowed. "Now let's see if we can make a baby normally instead of me having to go do my business in some cup in a doctor's office."

She laughed and flipped him over onto his back and climbed on top of him, a knee on either side of his strong body. "You just say the most romantic things," she said.

"You didn't marry me for my romance," he told her, running his hands up her sides and around the front of her over her breasts. Palming the nipples and feeling them harden under his touch.

"What did I marry you for?" she asked curiously.

"The concealed weapon," Flack replied, and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You are one perverted man," she declared, running her hands down his chest.

"You mind if I show you how perverted?" he asked.

She grinned. "Not at all," she said.

Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I appreciate each and every one of you! Even the lurkers! But please, please, please R and R folks.

I hope all is going well for those of you that have school and exams and all the stress and issues that come with! Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy!

Special thanks to:

Laurzz

muchmadness

Hope4sall

ImaSupernaturalCSI

HighQueenReicheru

LuckysButterflyGirl

Forest Angel

Bluehaven4220

Soccer-bitch

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