Chapter 5: Threads combine

Cassie considered the next few days as another kind of merry little dance through hell. Sure enough, after she had taken the strange brew for about a day's time, she began to have the mother of all cramps periodically throughout the day. Thankfully, a hot bath that evening lessened the intensity. By next morning, however, she had finally noticed fibrous tissue on the pads she had requested from Winky and knew with much relief that she had passed the placenta and fertilized egg. She fervently thanked all that was holy for men like Severus and Dumbledore, and once the cramps lessened to nothing she felt much more herself than she had in ages.

As the weeks passed in the run-up to September, Cassie noted a few more strange faces in the halls. Not only did she witness Rufus Scrimgeour abruptly exiting the grounds in a huff, but she also discovered that the men she failed to recognize were in fact Aurors assigned to the castle as well as Hogsmeade in preparation for the students' arrival. Her lesson planning nearly at an end, Cassie began spending the fairer days outdoors, walking around the lake or just into the edges of the Forbidden Forest. Knowing what sort of creatures ran rampant there, she could not quite bring herself to go in very far, unless she happened to be a accompanied by Hagrid. Always, though she mentally told herself these walks were to acquaint herself with the grounds and to calm her nerves about teaching on her own for the first time, she found her thoughts instead ran the gamut from the home she missed, the education classes she'd not fully finished, and the events of the summer that brought her to Hogwarts' castle doors. True, she had been majoring in secondary education and had hoped to start the next fall as a teacher, but by no means had she expected to find herself teaching magical children in what should have been a fabled world. Cassie could not even begin to imagine what escapades such children could find themselves in; student teaching had shown her the shenanigans that non-magical kids could invent. There should be no end to the creativity of ones with these special abilities. It was bad enough wondering what to do in the event of a classroom squabble, but the thought of an outright duel replete with wands had her creasing her forehead in consternation.

Well, she'd handle that as it came. For now, she had been steeling herself for some time about approaching Severus again. Knowing that she could approach Madame Pomfrey for the same issue, she rather preferred to see him given the fact that he knew her situation and would not ask awkward questions. Besides, she was still bitter at the fact that since he made the same potion regularly for use in the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey had not bothered to offer it as a means of helping with the abortion. Well she knew where Poppy could go with her assumptions and what she could do with herself when she got there. Cassie certainly didn't need anyone's judgment. Finally resolved, she took a deep breath, braced herself against the wind as it raced around the corner of the castle, and headed to Severus' office in the dungeons.

Down the dark hall, torches lit themselves as she approached. Cassie retraced her steps from the first visit to his office. Down the end of the hall, right, left, right again and almost to the very corner of the building. As she came upon what she hoped was the correct bare patch of wall, she hesitated briefly. What in the world did she do now? Knock on the stone? She had no wand. She tapped her fist lightly in the center of the wall, hoping no one happened upon her looking so plainly confused about what must be a common convention for any other occupant of the castle. "State your business," the wall answered matter-of-factly. "Eh, I need to see Severus? ...if he's in or--not busy, I guess," she stammered feeling completely foolish to be literally talking to a wall. "Enter," it replied curtly and opened to reveal the doorway and Severus seated at his desk beyond.

"Um, I don't mean to disturb your work," Cassie said as he looked up expectantly. "I wasn't sure if you'd be busy but I had a question."

"Come in," he beckoned, conjuring a chair. "Sit."

"Thank you. Are you still planning lessons? I can come back if--"

"No, it is unimportant. Go on with your question." Severus reseated himself, shuffling the newspaper he had been reading and setting it aside.

"Well," she began, "not that I intend to do this every time I have an issue, but as it happens I didn't feel comfortable coming to anyone else considering, you've already been entirely too kind helping me before, I mean, that was above and beyond any--"

"Good lord, is there a point to this?" he cut her off, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, sorry, it's just--" she took a breath. "I can't sleep."

"Go on."

"And I remember reading that there is such thing as a sleeping draught--" now both eyebrows arched "--and I don't know if I should try that tack, but just today Minerva made a remark just in passing that I looked tired, so I thought maybe--"

"Mmm."

"but the thing is, I don't really want to be trapped in sleep for one and wouldn't want to be too out of it...and then there's the problem of whether or not it would be like Muggle sleeping pills and there would be a possibility of getting addicted...but at the same time, I can't go through this every night and I don't know what else to do." He simply continued to stare. "Like I said, I didn't want to bother you with it, but I don't feel I can talk to Poppy as easily under the circumstances."

"Am I to take it that the main reason you cannot seem to sleep well is that you have...dreams? Ones that may keep you from wanting to stay locked in them for hours?"

"Dreams is putting it lightly, but yeah, that's it. I keep reliving everything every time I close my eyes." Afraid she would once again lose her composure in front of him, she let the explanation hang. She was fairly certain that dealing with crying women was not in his repertoire. "And I know this has got to be the safest place for me but given the circumstances I don't want to be stuck in a sleep I couldn't fight my way out of or feel drugged if I do have to wake up, but I can't go on waking every hour." Not to mention being unable to go back to sleep or even go to bed in the first place for fear of the images she would relive time and again. Much worse was the dirty shamed feeling she had on waking that cloaked her as she huddled in her darkened bedroom every night.

Severus, meanwhile, was still looking at her as if taking her measure. Realizing what he may be up to, she looked away breaking eye contact and stared instead into the blazing hearth. From the reclined position he'd taken, Severus leaned forward resting his arms on the desk.

"I can, if you like, give you a Dreamless Sleep Draught that would give you uninterrupted hours of sleep. It cannot, as you mentioned be taken for long periods--no more than five days in fact--as it does have an addictive side effect. That should give you some comfort for a short while."

"So I can sleep through the night with no nightmares at all?" She watched as he summoned a vial and passed it across the desk.

"Hence it being called Dreamless, yes."

Ignoring the sarcasm, Cassie placed the vial in the pocket of her gown and took a deep breath before asking the other question that had been plaguing her mind. "So that only helps me for a week and should these things continue after that, what should I do?"

"Nothing," he replied, apparently surprised at her asking him for that sort of advice. "Short of coping with it, and ultimately getting over it, you simply have to put it from your mind."

Cassie gaped. She hadn't quite expected sensitivity, but surely he had some counsel for managing unpleasant memories. Resigned to getting at least a week's worth of uninterrupted sleep and not much more, or yet the possibility of asking Dumbledore for his advice, Cassie rose, thanked Severus for the vial and moved to take her leave.

"Of course, if it does get too much for you and you cannot simply cope I would offer the use of my Pensieve. I would, naturally, have to remove any unpleasant thoughts for you, but it would allow you to effectively take them from your mind to be able to focus on getting a night's rest."

"I would appreciate that, thank you. It beats just trying to 'get over it' at any rate. I'll see what's what after a week, but thanks."

They were interrupted by a loud CRACK! and Cassie looked down to find Dobby the house elf tugging petulantly at her skirts. "Begging pardon, miss, but Dumbledore is requesting your Muggle professor lady's presence in his office," said the high-pitched elf. "Sorry, your Professorness but he is asking that she comes right away if she can." This, directed at Severus, had him nodding once in response.

"Very well," Severus replied. "We're done here I believe."

"Yes, thanks again Severus." With another CRACK the elf disappeared leaving Cassie to exit out the door. She turned back once more to find Severus watching her, started to speak, then thought the better of it and simply walked out. Shaking her head as she went up to the headmaster's second-floor office, Cassie wondered at the fact that Severus hadn't cracked by now under all the pressure of the things he'd seen and done. She had had months of seeing things she couldn't cope with. He'd had years. But then, she thought, he had only observed them being done to others. So she had gone seeking understanding from someone who did not have it.

***

Once in Dumbledore's study, Cassie was surprised when a familiar furry presence jumped up and started licking her face. "Oh! Lump!" She sank to her knees on the floor, forgetting herself entirely as she scratched and rubbed ears, murmuring as the dog waggled and whimpered, glad to be reunited at last with his owner. Lump, who seemed to be a strange mix of Labrador and something decidedly hairier, lost composure entirely and rolled belly up in the floor writhing and snorting.

Cassie looked up at Dumbledore, her face aglow with pleasure. "Thank you so much, but how did you--and why--but?" Dumbledore simply smiled.

"I have recently returned from securing the final measures to keep your family safe and while visiting a bit with them this time they impressed upon me that though they cannot be with you now, your...er, Lump as you called him might make you slightly less homesick. In addition," he gestured to the items on his desk, "they seemed to think you could not live without these either."

Cassie broke off rubbing Lump's belly to take in the several cds and (thank God) her cd player sitting on his desk with a few pictures of her family and friends. "Oh wow, thank you!" she said taking it all in. "You didn't have to, but, how will I get it to work," she asked indicating her cd player.

"I have infused it with an Operari charm, so it should work without electricity and without interference from magics about the castle. But enough of this, you can reacquaint yourself with your belongings when we finish here." At that, he raised his wand and waved it over his desk, causing the items to disappear. "What I really called you here about was to inquire as to the condition of your pregnancy now?"

"Gone. And no more cramps. I really do appreciate you and Severus both for your help--and discretion."

"Quite so. Now, if I may, you also do not look as if you've slept."

"Already taken care of. I was just seeing Severus about a Dreamless Sleep Draught and he told me that if I still have nightmares after I've used it that he would allow me to use his Pensieve." Dumbledore looked surprised, but said nothing more on the subject.

"Well, with that taken care of I feel I must make you aware that certain of your activities have made the wizarding news. It was no small feat what you did that day my dear--especially being a Muggle--and short of becoming as much a household name as Harry Potter, you are somewhat of a legend nowadays. There have been articles in the Daily Prophet as to the nature of the things you and the other girls underwent, as well as any number of tales and rumors of how you escaped. You are now known as the Inimitable Iris."

"So they like alliteration. But no one should know who I am. I shouldn't be recognized should I? Why--"

"The very fact that not only has Harry Potter been dubbed the Chosen One, but you as well are another thorn in the sides of the Death Eaters for the sheer fact that you, like Harry, give people a person to rally around. You give them hope. This is furthered by the appearance that all the Malfoys may have met a similar end. For though we know where they are and that they are safe, witches and wizards everywhere believe they have disappeared...or worse. The tale will be even more intriguing of course once young Draco turns up at school in so many days. He does, however, have a story to cover where he has gone. I do fear he may have a hard time of things this year, now that his father is known to have been a Death Eater and worse, the circumstances under which the story came out."

"Yes, I imagine he'll be incredibly unpopular what with all the muggleborns and half-bloods."

"Naturally. Now that aside, I do approve of the lesson plans you have given for the start of term, so those seem to be in order. On the subject of lessons, however, I will add that I do plan to divulge your secret to Harry Potter, which will in turn mean that Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger will be aware of your identity also. I may, at some point need you to relate information from your wealth of knowledge and he as well as Severus may be privy to these meetings."

"Okay. I know all of them are capable of being trusted implicitly with secrets, and any rate, if you trust them with this then so do I."

"Yes, they do all have my unquestionable faith. Indeed, it seems also that Severus is uncharacteristically chatty with you as well." He tipped his glance meaningfully over his glasses. "I must confess I find that a bit surprising. Severus is typically very close-lipped with most, especially those he does not know well."

"Sure, but then what about him do I not already know?" she said, shaking her head.

"He grew up with Lily Evans and her sister, but he hasn't exactly kept in touch with the one living. And she knows plenty. There are things he won't even tell me, but there you are. Nevertheless, we have a school year upon us and by all accounts we are as ready as we'll get. Have you everything you need in that regard, my dear?"

"Yes. Absolutely, the book Professor Burbage was using for her class will suffice and it should help that they actually have a Muggle around to bounce ideas off of. I am planning on some classes doing a project later in the year that will require them to find a Muggleborn and get to know their lifestyles better."

"That sounds to be in good order. Although I don't know how this slipped my mind, but I felt I ought to prepare you for the enrollment of one student in particular who might surprise you." He paused at Cassie's questioning glance. "Draco Malfoy has enrolled in your class and over the past several weeks has been hastily trying to bring himself up to date with material from past classes."

Cassie realized her jaw had dropped and closed it with a snap. "How does that work? Why in the world? Does he still have a vendetta for all Muggles and now desires to know the enemy or what? Oh lord..."

Dumbledore raised a placating hand. "Now, make no mistake he is still very angry and grieving, but the blind rage has subsided and the old prejudices have been thrown sharply into contrast. He does want to know more about the 'filth', as he puts it, who killed his father, but I do find his curiosity promising. He is willing to learn where he once was content to believe what he was told, and as such, will likely start drawing his own conclusions. I don't know if he'll ever make a complete change of heart, but there you are."

"Interesting. Well. That'll make life much more interesting."

"You will, of course, let me know if any issues arise."

"Of course. Like you said, he shouldn't be able to recognize me, so aside from his penchant for derogatory names it should be fairly uneventful." I hope, she thought.

"Yes, quite. Naturally, you can also defer directly to Severus as his head of house as well."

"Mmm. That too."

"Well, my dear, if there are no questions I'll bid you good-night."

"Sure. Thanks again for everything." She rose, nearly tripping over the dog at her feet and walked to the door.

"Have a pleasant sleep."

"I will, thanks," she said, patting her pocket which contained the vial. With that, she headed back to her room with Lump padding along behind, his claws clicking on the stone.