Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with Divergent.

Chapter Two:

"I read the rules

before I broke

them."

- Unknown

Romance was never really something that plagued my mind before Alexander. Even with all the hormones racing through me, I had liked to think I was master over my body. That my intellect and restraint would be able to overcome such juvenile feelings. Boy was I wrong.

I suppose in some ways I can blame my lack of romantic idolizations on my peers. There were no boys in my faction that had caught my eye before Alexander. Everyone was too concentrated on themselves to invest in another, especially as a teenager. And Erudite boys always seemed boring- trying to woo their partners was like trying to woo investors on their 'brilliant' ideas. And I never even considered boys from any other factions.

Despite being all about free love, Amity boys seemed painfully shy, while Abnegation ones were always painfully oblivious- not to mention their ideals on relationships. The bluntness of Candor was never appealing, and while I always appreciated honesty, I had a healthy respect for verbal filters. And the brightly coloured mohawks, tattoos and various facial piercings of the Dauntless boys had never attracted me.

It had seemed like I floated through all the other aspects of puberty without developing a sexual attraction. Sure I knew about sex- it was taught in health class at the Hub, and brought up in various clinical ways in Erudite teachings. But it had never really affected me. So this new relationship with Alexander was like an electrical shock to my system.

We would meet in secret after classes and on the weekends. And eventually migrated from his office to his apartment. It was difficult sneaking around in Erudite, as there was cameras- hidden and in plain view everywhere, but we managed. I became addicted to the feel of his lips on my lips, lips on my body, hands in my hair. I also felt a streak of pride knowing I affected him so intimately too.

It began with just kisses. Toe-curling kisses, but simple kisses all the same. Alexander had told me that he didn't want to rush me into anything I was not comfortable with. But if anything, I was the one to push for more. Moist lips on my lips had ignited my blood, causing ecstasy to thrum through my veins. Closed mouth kisses had quickly turned into open mouth kisses, and my favourite new hobby was wrapping my tongue around his tongue.

But my body still insisted on more.

And soon kisses left lips, and his hot mouth would trail down my neck, teeth lightly nipping my collar- bone. I was addicted to the way he made my body feel. I couldn't believe the disdain that I formerly held for sexuality because now I couldn't imagine not feeling this way. When I couldn't meet him I was constantly thinking about him. My rational mind was becoming plagued by this man.

Thankfully I did not let my studies fail, or else someone would have probably caught onto us. My thoughts may have been tangled up in Alexander Ferraris, but I was still the same logical girl who would not let her work slip because of a boy, no matter how he had affected me. But I could not deny that work seemed less intriguing now. My passions lay with art, poetry, history, and him.

Alexander was ever the teacher and enjoyed both exploring and teaching me about my own body. He knew where to lightly brush his fingers, where to trail his tongue, where push and where to pull to garner a response from me. It was thrilling and I soaked in his teachings like a sponge.

But what was even better than learning about my own responses to his touch was learning about his responses to my touch. Logically I knew about both male and female anatomy. I could clinically determine where the body had the most nerve endings that would stimulate pleasure. But to actually explore these facts with Alexander as my test subject was thrilling. I loved teasing his body to the brink and then watch him unravel because of my actions.

We had spent three months learning each other before taking the plunge. Unsurprisingly, I knew the statistics about sex. Most women did not enjoy losing their virginity due to pain. But once the pain faded, and if the lover was knowledgeable about female anatomy, sex for women could have multiple 'happy endings'. But Alexander had made sure that we worked our way up to that. It had driven me crazy! I was so impatient to finally feel all of him. I remember when he finally gave in.

"This weekend," he had said, kissing my naked shoulder, "come stay with me."

I had looked into those impossibly blue eyes and smiled slightly victorious. I nuzzled into his chest and kissed his adams apple, "You're finally giving in to me?"

He chuckled deeply, "What can I say, you seduced me."

I had smiled giddily into his chest and traced patterns on his sternum. "I'll have to think of an excuse for my parents."

He had rolled us over, so he was on top of me, arms braced on either side of my bare torso. He swooped down to kiss just above my right breast. "Just," another kiss, "tell," more kisses, "them" my back arched, "you" his hot mouth scorching over my skin, "are" a sinful tongue, "studying."

The conversation had been cut short, but nevertheless I had known his excuse would work on my parents. And it did, not that I had even needed it. I had fed them some obvious bullshit excuse about an astronomy project. They nodded their heads, wishing me clarity of the mind for my nocturnal studies. They were both spending their respective weekends at their true homes: their work.

I had packed a small overnight bag and then practically sprinted to Alexander's apartment. We spent the afternoon lazing around on the couch, drinking coffee and perusing art. He had shown me scandalous paintings and read me banned poetry. And after a horrible dinner of Alexander's rations that neither of us were particularly good at cooking, we had retired to his bedroom.

For the first time since that first kiss, I remember feeling nervousness along with my excitement. He had cupped my face and kissed me softly. I had clung to his blue shirt and pulled him in closer, deepening our kiss. He responded, opening his mouth and exploring my body with his hands. I remember being backed into his bed, while he shed all of my clothes and worked me into a frenzy. His clothes had eventually joined the pile and I was encompassed by smooth flesh, perfect and unmarred.

And I remember him saying, "And now you are mine, and I am yours," before entering me.

I remember pain- a sharp stinging pain at first that sprung tears to my eyes. But after the initial shock it turned into a dull throbbing pain. But Alexander, being ever the genius found ways to distract me from the stinging, until all I could feel was pleasure.

The next day he had drawn me a bath with healing oils to help ease my soreness. And then crawled in the large tub behind me. We chatted about everything and debated scientific theories. And when I felt up to it, there was round two and round three. It was the best day of my life. And I hated that it had to end with my departure.

I had known realistically that I didn't, but standing at Alexander's door, getting ready to trudge back to my house, I asked him anyways, "Do I look different?"

His crooked smile had warmed my insides, "You look beautiful and well loved to me. But to your parents you will look the same. We see what we want to see." He placed one last breathtaking kiss on my lips that made leaving all the harder, before shooing me out the door.

I had behaved perfectly normal that night at dinner. I gave my false report on the stars, and inquired into my mother and father's respective jobs.

"At the end of the August we will attending hospital function for the new anesthetic that I helped develop," my mother had informed me.

I had sat up straighter. Erudites never held parties for the sake of socializing. We threw parties either to brag about a new accomplishment that would hopefully help a person's status climb a few rungs on the social ladder, or to network (for the same purpose). I remember thinking it would be beneficial for me to attend this party, so I could start making contacts for future prospects.

"I look forward to it," I had said, and my mother graced me with one of her rare smiles.

Those days had passed by slowly, which was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand I enjoyed my escapades with my secret lover. It had made everything feel so dangerous and exciting (that really should have been a hint). But I also couldn't wait until I completed the Choosing Ceremony and could be with Alexander in public. To hold his hand in Headquarters and claim that this wonderful man had picked me. My classes with him had slowly been drawing to a close too, and I would no longer have a reason to be spending so much time with him.

We had lain together one night, his sheets pooled around our waists, and the moonlight illuminating the bedroom through a sunroof.

I had asked him, "What will happen to us after class is over?"

He trailed a finger down my waist, tickling the sensitive skin there. His blue eyes were filled with warmth, a small smile played on full lips. "We will be very sly until your initiation. Thankfully, I have no part in that process, so I am allowed to have a public relationship with you."

I had returned his smile, happy that he had been thinking about our future together too. "I don't want to damage your reputation if anyone hints about you being unprofessional," I said, worrying my lower lip. At the time, I had never even considered the damage that it would do to my own reputation.

His hand had brushed over my fuller bottom lip, and my teeth immediately released it. "We will be fine," he said, before kissing all of my doubts away. Or at least away from the surface of my mind.

Alexander was always so smart and mature, that I never even considered how naïve his statement was. Not until now.

But it was difficult. And it had only become more difficult when Sociology 104 was over. My parents had been very pleased when I passed the course will full marks, but couldn't understand why I was so miserable. My time with Alexander had been reduced significantly, as he was busy prepping for other classes, and I had more and more exams to prepare for. We had managed a few hours a week, sneaking around in his office, and my room when my parents were away. But as with all new relationships it just hadn't seemed like enough.

The next time that I saw Alexander came as a surprise. It was at my mother's hospital function. I was dressed in a sophisticated blue pencil skirt and white silk blouse, looking much more adult than when I was clad in my dependant uniform. I had dutifully stood next to my parents and watched my mother be praised. Her normally cold smile had been fixed with triumph.

Right before dinner my father had wandered off with some of the other men from his lab and a group of hospital ladies had swarmed around my mother. They all seemed delighted when they heard about my age.

"Are you excited for you aptitude test?" a woman with sharp cheekbones and a brown pixie cut had asked me.

I smiled plastically, "I look forward to it, but I already know where I belong."

"What night class are you taking? Elizabeth said you were not in her biohazards class?" my friend Liz's mom had asked.

My smile had turned slightly more genuine at just the thought of him. "I took Human Sociology with Professor Ferraris."

Thin brows had disappeared into fluffy hairlines. "Alexander Ferraris' class?" my mother's coworker, Cynthia had asked.

I had nodded, feeling slightly smug.

"Just the man we're speaking of," another woman said, gesturing across the room, to where most of the men from the lab had congregated.

"He has certainly grown into a handsome young man," my mother said, sending a sideways glance at me.

I remember the slight panicked feeling spasm through my nerves. How I kept reminding myself: there was no way she could possibly know.

"He is reaching that age where he will soon pick a wife," the pixie cut lady said.

It had felt as though ice had curdled in my stomach. And I had experienced another first as I spoke out of turn, "He is still awfully young for marriage."

All the women in the group had swung their heads around to face me. I wanted to swallow back the words, but instead held my head high and locked my eyes with them.

"Sweetie," Liz's mom had said with condescending amusement, "All men and women are expected to marry around his age. The earlier you marry, the less time you waste looking for a spouse and can concentrate on more important matters, like work. And then when the woman hits her prime, she will already have a man to impregnate her. It's simpler that way."

I remember loathing those words. They had sounded so cold and clinical- everything marriage was not meant to be. No passion, no spontaneity, no love- it was like a life checklist. Tick the box when you have found someone whose life was compatible with your own.

"And perhaps he has just found a contender," my mother had said, her sharp nails digging into my arm- a physical sign of the reprimand that she could never verbally give me in public.

But I had ignored her talons, as my head spun around again to watch him. A beautiful blonde girl- no, woman, who was obviously a fully- fledged Erudite member had approached him. She had uncharacteristically long white blonde hair. Miles of legs were made even longer by simple black heels that all the other fully- fledged women were wearing. She was my absolute antithesis. A willowy figure wrapped in a blue dress that was allowed to flirt with my lover in public.

And in that moment I truly realized how little control I truly had over my body. I had felt boiling anger bubble inside me, my cheeks visibly reddened.

"Who is she?" pixie cut had inquired.

"That's Caroline Lumley. She transferred from Candor three years ago. Lovely girl, she works in the archives," Cynthia replied.

"Well don't they make a handsome match," my mother had said, her eyes trained on me instead of the couple.

I had barely even noticed though, my eyes too riveted on the scene in front of me. Alexander had said something, and Caroline threw her swan neck back in laughter, a frail hand grasping his arm. I had watched Alexander listen to her, an expression of bored disdain never gracing his beautiful features.

By the time we had sat down for dinner, I had felt almost nauseous with the thoughts and emotions racing around inside of me. I wanted to puke, cry, scream, and make a scene. But Erudites did none of thee above (even the teenagers), so I had calmly taken my place between my parents. And I had watched Alexander's face morph into shock when he tucked into the seat across the table from me. A mischievous smile had stolen his lips, but I couldn't find it in myself to return it when she slid into the spot beside him.

And there I had to sit throughout dinner. Across from my secret lover, and the blonde goddess who was trying to cajole him into a date. I had never felt so young and self-conscious as I had at that moment. Rationally, I knew I was jealous. She was pretty, charming, and the right age. I hadn't feel like I shared any of those attributes that night. And I didn't care that jealousy was a primal and irrational feeling because it didn't change the fact that I still felt it.

But I had noticed how he did not respond, at least romantically to her. In fact, I had noticed everything about every one of their encounters. I watched every moment, and every word out of the corner of my eye, whilst trying not look too obvious (especially under my mother's hawk eye) and eat dinner. I do not think I was overly successful though because when Caroline had playfully run a finger across Alexander's neck, I had adopted a white-knuckle grip on my cutlery. And not even a minute later I felt his foot trail up my leg. My green eyes had locked with his blue, and he sent me a look full of sympathetic apology. And with that look my anger had lost its bite. All I had wanted to do was go home.

As I had approached the coat rack, ready to find my simple trench and scurry back to the solitude of my home, an arm had snaked around my waist. The crisp clean scent of Alexander's cologne had been the only thing to stop me from screaming.

"A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you," his hot breath had quoted in my ear, before sampling the skin there with a kiss.

I had turned around, a half smile feebly on my face, but before I could get any words out, Alexander was gone and my father was passing me my coat.

The car ride home had been silent. The only thing that had been audible was the rain-drops on the windshield, and the slight purr of the engine. My mother had not spared me a glance as she walked straight to her bedroom. My father veered in the opposite direction, to his office. I had flopped down on my bed and thought over the events of the night. I thought over what Alexander had whispered in my ear. A charmer seemed much more dangerous than a beauty though, and with that unpleasant realization, I had fallen into a fitful sleep.

The next time I had saw him, he did not bring up the event, and neither did I. And since then we have never spoken about that night. The vulnerable feelings had been too uncomfortable for me.

School had become more and more restless as we came closer to the short end of term break. Amity needed their children to help them collect the final harvest of crops, and Abnegation needed their children to sort and hand out the supplies. And as with every near end, the students at my school had become more chaotic, chomping at the bit with the promise of near freedom.

One particular instance stands out in my mind, especially now. I had been travelling through the congested hallway, my eyes more intent on my notes then the area in front of me. So naturally I had tripped and my numerous papers had went flying. But when I had noticed the combat boot in front of my, I knew my fall was not so accidental.

"Watch where you're going noser!"

Noser: short for brown noser. Many other factions liked to refer to Erudites as this. But what they hadn't quite figured out was that we didn't mind. Mockery almost always equated to low self-esteem and jealousy. And it had made sense that every other faction was jealous of what my faction had accomplished.

I had looked up from my squatted position on the ground, as I started to gather my papers. It was a tall Dauntless boy with lime green spiked hair and snakebite piercings that had taunted me. A couple of his friends were laughing beside him.

And I had known that as an Erudite, I was expected to take the high road and not respond to their taunting. It would be immature and un lady-like to reciprocate. But I just couldn't help myself.

"It is so very brave of you," I had said in my most pristine voice, "to knock a much smaller female to the ground. Really, I can see why you are such an asset to your faction acting like a bully, not a protector," I sneered. I was fairly sure that there was nothing Chicago needed protecting from.

His laughter had abruptly stopped, and an ugly grimace took over his wild face. Just as he came stomping over though, a horde of Abnegation students swarmed around me, all dropping to their knees to gather my notes. I accepted them gratefully from a handsome boy with blonde hair and green eyes, and he smiled shyly at me. But I was much more focused on the warm triumphant feeling of watching the angry Dauntless dependent storm away, pride insulted.

I don't know how I didn't recognize all these little incidents adding up ever since I met Alexander. Did he change me? Make me more careless, more daring? Or was I was like this, just more accustomed to suppressing it, or expressing it in socially acceptable ways? It was just one of the questions racing around in my mind.

A/N: Hello everyone, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. I tried to show Lyra's somewhat neurotic personality- girl over thinks everything! Eric will be showing up soon!

Thank you to all the new followers, I am glad that people are reading this story. And especially thank you to all the people who reviewed, I really really love hearing your feedback.

I just have one question, a reviewer said they hope my story doesn't turn into a r*** fic. What is an r***?

Please Review and let me know what you think!

Nyx