living corpse Chapter 14: vertigo, a bleach fanfic

Awkwardness becomes them.

Once the happy-go-lucky feeling fade and reality settles in with sing-a-long songs on the radio and silence… there is something odd.

Between them. Concerning them. Distinguishing them.

Karin could continue listing alphabetical synonyms, but it's really not worth the effort.

She is a person made of sunshine and smiles, swaying to music in the car, gazing out the window while avoiding car crashes.

He is a person that frowns and freezes, exploding on tempers and vaguely commenting on questions while trying to mull about anything important.

They are opposites yet refracted images of themselves. On the outside, it appears they couldn't be more different; but on the inside, they are more similar than they suspect, though they deal with issues differently.

And who can blame them, when they can act like children or grownups when the situation requires it, though one prefers the childish side of life and the other prefers the adult side.

Smile and smirk; push and pull; taunt and tease, however they interact, they find chemistry.

The problem is that they now rest on the cusp of friends and lovers, neither one attempting to find out where they stand.

They are closer and further apart than they originally were.

… so where do Kurosaki Karin and Hitsugaya Toushirou go from here?

living corpse
14 : vertigo

Here's a list of what to do in these kinds of situations:

One – no touchy. Contact is an evil thing that makes both of them freeze and feel butterflies scuttle up their arm and everywhere else. Then an explosion of sorts would ricochet in their mind, fused with panic and apologies. Of course, what when in their mind did not necessarily come out; usually they merely shrugged and grinned before waving the problem away.

And buying shiploads of pocky.

Two – no talky. Chitchat of the aforementioned subjects – the kiss, the confession, the date, and other stuff that led to their unhappy downfall – is extremely forbidden. Perhaps discussion of the fever is alright… in passing. But who seriously wants to talk about getting sick and locking people out while voices blur the fringes of reality?

Three – no pocky eating in front of Toushirou. Or rather, Toushirou shouldn't look whenever Karin eats pocky sticks. The girl is too damn addicted to the stuff, and really, it's not her fault that he developed a crush on her… and she does not want the mental images. They burn! Burn!

… she needs a new addiction.

At least it's not as bad as lollipops?

Life continues. And hey, it has its mishaps, but where's the fun without those bumps on the road?

He still buys her different flavoured ice creams, and she still gives him a ride to rediscover Japan. Among other things.

"So. Sunny day."

"Yep."

"No clouds, it's nice."

"Yep."

"You wanna offer your input here at any time at all?"

"Nope."

"… what about Pop Quiz! Are you up for a game like that?"

"Nope."

"Aw, you're no fun, Toushirou."

Five minutes later, the radio turns on.

And off.

And on.

And—

"… are we seriously having an argument about the radio?"

"Well. To be fair, I'd call it a button war, since we're technically not talking while we're—stop pressing the damn off button!"

"Only if you stop pressing the on button." Nonchalantly, Toushirou replies, somewhat smug about her discomposure.

"Oh, crap."

"What?"

"Missed the turn."

"…"

"I blame you." Karin mutters, quite audibly.

Toushirou is visibly annoyed.

This is precisely why the radio gets to sing for ten minutes.

Sooner or later, they find a compromise – they get half an hour each, of silence or radio music, depending on whose turn it is.

And to prevent cheating (because Karin keeps lying on when her half an hour stops and starts) they get stopwatches.

Fucking prude.

Driving is either long and slow, short and fast, or a combination of both whenever the turn switches to the next person.

Before long, it mutually grates on their nerves, making both of them cheer when there's a pit stop. Internally and externally.

Though one sighs and the other shouts: "yahoo!"

… and they start the glaring contest once more.

Eating has become significantly more gauche. Well… only to the regard that someone says "pass me that…" and fingers brush, thereby breaking Rule Number One and letting the consequences take place, which leads straight to Rule Number Three and making Karin more miserable than Toushirou.

Maintaining distance is very conscious; to avoid the other person seems like cowardice, to remain by the other person's side appears too clingy.

They are far too wary of each other for people who are not in high school.

Outsiders may find it cute, but to them it's just annoying.

Her phone rings.

"Um…" Karin bites her lip. "… I'm gonna get that."

"Sure. It's your phone, your life – do what you like." Not meeting her eyes, slanting his head slightly so their eye lines don't reach, he agrees, nodding while he wades in their grey area, still unsure where they stand.

"Okay." Standing up, she walks away, not quite out of sight, but couldn't be heard.

It was a safety precaution, in case one of them bit the bullet and decided to jump. At least she has the car keys.

Cursing, she flips her mobile open, grinning as the name registers.

Incoming call.

Kurosaki Ichigo…

"Nii-san, howdy. It's been a while, right?" Amusement laces through her voice as she reverts to being the youngest member of the Kurosaki family.

"Yep, you could say that. Momo's getting even bigger, you really should see her."

"Well. I will. At Yuzu's wedding. That's only like… a few weeks, right?" Shrugging, she waves away the resentful feeling that tightens around her chest. Karin has never been good at tracking the time.

"Two." Ichigo informs her, sighing. "What have you been doing with him? I'm surprised you haven't dragged him back decapitated, or a body bag, like you promised."

"Ah. You found that letter, then."

"Read it every day."

"I'm flattered, and slightly disturbed." She laughs at his dedication and the raptness of his reply.

"Shut up. You're my little sister; I have the right to care." Ichigo's scowling – Karin can tell.

"Never said you didn't, Captain Strawberry." Teasing, she uses her nickname for him.

"Anyway, just giving you two weeks notice before you have to get here; I doubt Yuzu will be happy that her maid of honour is missing on her wedding day." Is it just paranoia, or is Ichigo reprimanding her? There's a slight edge to his voice that Karin's never heard before.

"You can relax; I'll definitely be there for the proper wedding. You know I'll do anything for family." Gazing at the mirror, she can't help but fix her appearance. People to impress, people to ignore.

"Alright." Ichigo relents his case. "It's only a head's up. Don't get petty."

Her eyebrow lifts at this. "Has Momo been driving you up the wall?"

"… pregnancy is a slow and painful death wish. Oh, sure, it has its benefits, but man… does it have its detriments."

"Save it for someone who cares. All I want to know is if my friend, big brother, and baby are going to be okay."

"We'll be fine."

"Glad to hear it." Nodding, she can at least be satisfied that two people are getting their happy-endings-so-far.

"What about you? You fine?" Brotherly concern slips into his tone.

"Think you'd rip his head off if I told?" Offering him a challenge, Karin tilts her head sideways, before extinguishing that tangent of thought. "Nah, we're fine."

"I'm asking about you, not Toushirou, Karin." Gentle, but stern, the youngest Kurosaki feels like a child again.

"Mm. Have to get back to you on that." Pursing her lips, Karin makes a noncommittal sound. "Rukia's gone, if that helps. She moved on when we were in Kobe."

"That means Toushirou's doing okay then."

"Yeah. He's doing okay." A blush rises as the memory teases her lips and she shakes her head in trying to undo the sensation, suddenly very glad that Ichigo cannot see her.

"Hey, you haven't fallen in love with him have you?"

Beep… beep…

Call ended.

"Wait. What?"

Karin blinks, wondering what had occurred. "Ah, fuck! He's going to get the wrong idea!" Panic spreads as she realized that she had pressed the disconnect button at the completely wrong moment.

Instantly, she redials.

Calling Kurosaki Ichigo.

Beep… beep…

"… hello?" It's unclear whether his tone is disgruntled or amused.

"Nii-san, hey! Sorry about that. Guy bumped into me and my phone just… switched off."

"Switched off."

"Yeah!"

"Right."

"… you don't believe me, do you?" Karin pouts, tucking a black curl behind her ear.

"Not at all."

"Dammit. And I thought I was doing so well." Clicking her finger for further effect, she makes sure that Ichigo can hear it.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I was afraid of this happening."

"Fuck off." She scowls.

"C'mon. You. Him. You guys are the childhood sweethearts that never were."

"That's so sweet of you of remind me." Slightly scathing, she replies, curiosity no longer allowing her to delay the inevitable. "Why'd you call?"

"Wanted to know if you're coming to the wedding rehearsal."

She considers this. "… Toushirou is."

"But not you?"

"I'll be there via mobile, speaker phone." Terse, she doesn't want to elaborate on the details of her newly formed plan.

"Don't do this Karin. Karin—"

"I don't want to be selfish, and letting him go is best thing to do." With regret, she sighs, her shoulders sagging at the thought.

"Kami. It's okay to be selfish once in a while. If it means that you can be happy, then so be it."

Detached, she nods. "Alright."

She can sense his frown on the side of the line.

"Bye, Karin." He sounds reluctant.

"Ja ne, Ichi-nii."

Beep… beep…

Call ended.

Her hand shakes as she switches the phone off.

It isn't until later that she realizes that she's called him 'Ichi-nii' to his face the first time since forever.

And she smiles. Laughs a little.

It feels good to call him that.

… calling him 'Nii-san' always did sound too frickin' formal.

Something's different.

Maybe the sky's bluer. Maybe the grass is greener. Maybe Karin looks happier, and has a wider smile on her face.

… or maybe it's the fact that she's not in the driver's seat while in the car.

"What's going on?" Unsettled (more so than usual), he arches one eyebrow.

She mock-scowls, shaking her head in feigned frustration. "Didn't you hear me the first time?" Rolling her eyes, she pats her car, possibly as comfort for herself, as a goodbye request, lamenting the loss that may happen in the future.

"I want you to drive the car."

Her happiness is scaring him. Or, at least, alarming him slightly.

"Are you sure?" Slow speech patterns may be the way to go to ensure a sanity check.

Her eyebrows furrow. Dark blue eyes narrow. She is not amused – and the thought relieves him. At least it's more real that the false joy.

"Yes. Listen, you can drive, and I'll pester you for free! I've been driving my baby for ages, and I've come to know you better—" Faltering at that, she strives to continue. "—and I've decided that I can trust you to drive my car. Get in, get in, drive, drive."

He does so, before raising a hopeful question.

"… so, the radio can permanently be off?"

"Don't push your luck." Karin is quick to answer that.

He tries.

Karin begins to sing and hum, off tune, naturally, in retaliation. Dance moves appear from time to time.

… the radio goes back on.

Consequently, he finds a singing voice.

It's actually worse than Karin's.

"So… I have to ask." The question gets to him, patience no longer able to restrain him.

Karin sighs, head downcast in dramatic doom. "Go on then. And we're so close to Tokyo city."

"That night…"

"Which night? There are many nights in a year? Be specific, man." It's a desperate ploy to delay the expected.

"Fine." He directs his attention to the road, keeping one eye on her, jaw unsettling. "The night I kissed you—"

Rules One, Two and Three are in direct conduct of being violated!

Traitor! Traitor! Traitor!

… oh shut up.

Something's got to give.

Running away from the main issue can't last forever.

"—and told you…"

"… that you loved me…" Mumbling, Karin shifts in her seat, gazing out the window.

"… that I loved you, did I do anything else?"

Moment of truth… drum rolls, please!

"No." Shaking her hair, and tucking a strand behind her ear, she looks him right in the eye. "Nothing else happened. I told you to go to bed and I promised myself that when I'd wake up, I'd calmly tell you that it was all a dream."

"Shame that it didn't go to plan."

"Yeah, well… shit happens." Shrugging it away, Karin hopes that her indifferent façade is enough to fool him. "I didn't mean to overreact like that, and I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah. It's okay."

There is silence, but it's a welcome and comfortable one, nestled in their bones.

This distance… between us… is for the best.

Her grin widens as her eyes drink in the familiar sight, dimmed by the setting sun.

"Oh, hey! I can see Tokyo!"

Leaning in, and secured by the fastened seatbelt, she begins a mini parade.

"This is going to be so awesome."

With über cool energy, she directs the way with enthusiasm, a different kind of vigour that's she's ever displayed in front of Toushirou.

"Karin."

"Huh?" Pausing in her tirade, she blinks, refocusing on the subject of the voice – him.

"Where are we going?"

A devious smile is what he receives.

"You'll see. Turn left, park the car… and we'll be there."

"Oi, bitch! What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

Toushirou frowns. Karin grins.

Subsequently turns, hands on hips, to the sound of that voice.

"Why do you think? It's to beat you up and cut Zu-kun's hair!" Pauses. Wrinkles her nose. And adds, in thought. "Also to eat Pinta's cake!"

"Really?" Snide, four voices unanimously say.

"Yeah, but it's mainly just to beat you up, Ryou-chan! As per Donny's request."

And the five of them laugh, leaving Toushirou completely out of the loop.

"Kurosaki, good to see you again." The four tall, tall boys say, each in their own variation, pulled off with style.

One looks like a clown. One looks an arrowhead. One has two layers of different shaded hair. One has glasses.

They got nothing on Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"Oh?" The clown one, with frizzy, frizzy afro hair blinks, gazing away from their princess and at the uncomfortable and silent bystander. "And who's this?"

"Donny, tell me you recognise this potato!" Dragging Hitsugaya Toushirou by the arm, and much, much closer than either one are comfortable with, she prods his face for further effect.

"Let me guess: another boyfriend?" The Black Arrow attempts to answer the question.

"Nah, can't say that I do." Donny shakes his head, before grinning. "Unless, he's for me?"

"I'll set you two up at a later date. You traitor, I thought you were mine!" Acting heartbroken to the extreme and gasping like a damsel in distress, Karin parodies horror, switching from one emotion to another.

"So, seriously, who is he?" The man with hair of two different colours asks, folding his arms.

"Hey, tell me you remember these guys!" Turning onto Toushirou, she cocks her head and observed his reaction.

"… not really." The answer is slow to come, and he almost wants to apologize for his memory, if it weren't for the fact was that he has no idea who the heck these guys are and why they know Karin.

"Well damn. And here I was, rooting for happy reunions." Shaking her head, she waltzes into the embrace of her friends.

The arrowhead man, black hair and black eyes, but tall and lanky like a runner bean. "This is Toujouin Heita. Pinta."

The man with rectangular glasses and hair as brown as a walnut is next. "This is Usaka Kazuya. Now called Zu-kun."

The one with two shades of hair colour and bushy eyebrows. "This here is Toba Ryouhei. Ryou-chan for short."

And finally, is the clown-faced man, goofy but attractive. Chubbier, but good-natured. "And finally, Uehara Kei. Donny."

Huh.

Are they really those people from before?

He hasn't talked to them since… since Karin didn't talk to him.

Because they were far more loyal to Kurosaki Karin than they were to Hitsugaya Toushirou.

"You look surprised. Don't tell me she showered you with sunshine and glitter up till now?" Pinta arches one eyebrow.

Karin looks a little sheepish, to her credit.

"Oh, you poor bastard. You have no idea who the real Kurosaki Karin is." Toba Ryouhei is snarky, snickering.

"Shut up." Without regret, Karin whacks him, getting him in the chest. "I haven't introduced him to you."

"Fine. Get on with it." Usaka Kazuya rolls his eyes, glasses flashing.

"This is Hitsugaya Toushirou."

And the crowd goes wild.

"No way!"

"Seriously?"

"He's still got that fucking hair colour!"

"Why the heck are you with him?"

Karin grins, shrugging as she fits into place with her friends, the old soccer gang. "Well. 'Cause I wanted to help him out. So, what are you guys doing?"

The group shifts, glancing at each other.

"Well—"

"—we were—"

"—picking up chicks—"

"—but now—"

"—you're here—"

"—we can—"

"—party?" Karin arches one eyebrow, her grin almost like a predator. "Okay, maybe some other time."

"Oh, yeah, totally!" Donny nods, eyes on Toushirou. "For you, sweetheart, we'll do anything."

"Thank you very much, Donny, but no matter how nice you are, you're never going to date Toushirou." Karin laughs, falling into his side.

"So, spill, Kurosaki. What did you want?" Ryouhei folds his arms, slightly pissed that the plan for tonight had been changed; but happy that he got his friend back.

"Well…"

Jealousy claws at his heart, resentment too.

These are – were his friends from the past, and with them… with them… Karin radiates happiness, basking in confidence and settled in her skin.

Not like him. Not like how she acts toward him.

But she smiles at him, one that reaches her eyes, and he remembers that he knows a side of her that they – Zu-kun, Ryou-chan, Donny and Pinta – don't know.

And suddenly, it doesn't seem so bad.

Her grin is a mixture of mischief and mirth.

"… I was kinda hoping you'd let us crash at your place for a while?"