living corpse Chapter 18: she does heartbreak, a bleach fanfic

You know what they say.

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

But honestly, what is the difference between them?

When Toushirou wakes, Karin is gone.

Disorientated, he looks around, slightly desperate, scared.

It's just his luck that Karin submerges from the bathroom in that instant, clad in only a white towel.

"Karin, you…" The words die on his lips as he walks towards her, somewhat dazed.

Her eyebrow arches, lips twisted oddly as her head tilts to one side. "I… what?"

"Never mind." Cupping her face, he slants his mouth over hers. "Useless hysteria, I guess."

"Oh yeah?" Amused, Karin smiles. "Well, maybe I should give you heart attacks more often, if they're able to make you give kisses like that."

He brushes a lock of hair out of her face. "Don't even go there."

But his lips manage to curve into a decent smile.

It's only later that he realizes that the warmth was still there.

"Hey, hey, hey, dragon-san, are you here with me?" Hands on her hips, the knight demands attention, lest the dragon becomes slain by her sword, no less. "Eyes up here, big shot."

"Mm? You were saying?" Disengaging from his thoughts, Toushirou looks at Karin, drinking in the lovely sight.

"Do you know how to dance?" The speed of her weapon is short, much like her directness.

"No." Without skipping a beat, he effortlessly replies.

"Aw, that's no good. And here I was, thinking that good ole Toushirou could rescue his knight in shining armour." Slipping into the role of a drama queen, she pouts. "Never mind, we'll find a way to deal with it."

"And how are we going to do that? Go to a dance instructor?" Compelled to ask, Toushirou dryly remarks.

"It's a thought, but no. We're going to find a style of our own." Karin grins, pulling her boyfriend into the open space of the hotel. "Now, I've got one song that Yuzu will definitely put on. You should know it, since you were the one who introduced it to her, and get her addicted. Not bad, though I question some of your taste."

The radio switches on, and the bouncy music fills the air.

Before Toushirou even realizes it, one of his hands is on her waist and the other entwined with hers.

"Seriously?"

"Why? Elvis Presley rocks."

"Stop! Look and listen baby, that's my philosophy.
It's called rubberneckin' baby, but that's alright with me…"

Left. Right. Spin and twirl.

Dip, pull up and send her into a twirl before returning her back into your arms.

Let her laughter sparkle in the air.

Shimmy. Shake. Skip.

Have a good time to the jazzy beat.

"People say I'm wasting my time yeah, but they don't really know.
I see what I like, I like what I see yeah, it gives me such a glow…"

It can't be called a dance. But it's something that moulds them together, and makes them enjoy themselves.

As long as they don't trip and stumble, stepping onto each other's toes.

It's kind of hard to keep the smile off their faces; the song is too damn catchy.

"You want another go?"

"Absolutely."

There's a reason why Elvis Presley is named King of Rock 'n' Roll and he fucking deserves it.

living corpse
18 : she does heartbreak

"Ready?" Karin grins, spinning the football in the palm of her hand.

"Ready." Toushirou affirms.

"Player one moves right—" Karin moves left. "Player two falls for it."

"Player one is a cheater."

"Player two should shut up."

It continues this way with light banter and feints and real moves, each one being the commentator – and switching the ranks – whenever the ball is theirs.

"Player two does a rugby tackle." Karin giggles as they tumble onto the grass in the park.

"Player one isn't going to complain." Arching an eyebrow, Toushirou notices a smudge of mud on her face and with care, wipes it away.

"Player two is very much correct, but player one…"

"… is going to get kissed." Toushirou finishes.

They drive out one day, just before the blue sky changes colour, diffusing into the hues of vermillion and cerise, with the bright sun setting in shades of molten gold and spilt orange.

His arm around her, she leans into him, as they sit together on the boot of her red, red car; her legs swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

"It's great, isn't it?" Karin asks him, wide eyes on him, flickering something unfathomable.

"What?"

"This." Quiet, her voice barely audible, she says. "Us."

"Yeah, it really is."

When Toushirou's lips meet hers, she tries to push away a sinking feeling that claws at her heart.

His heartbeat is in sync with the thoughts in her head.

Healthy. Happy. Healed.

Karin hates the voice at the back of her head that tells her to leave him behind, because all he's going to do is tether her to one place.

He's going to settle, and she… she's not.

She's looking for something that she knows she'll never find.

"I don't deserve you." She whispers, holding a slumbering Toushirou close.

Sleep does not come easy to her that night.

There is something happening, undercurrents beneath the surface. Her smile is perfect, her warm eyes real, her pretty eyes blue like the midnight sky, but there's… something that she's not telling him. He's not an idiot.

So what does he do? Does he push her into confession, or does he let this secret go?

"Can I plead for some coffee?" She asks with a crinkled grin, cheeks slightly pink, messy bed hair windswept. "Rumour has it that it's legendary."

Toushirou thinks to the first time she tasted his coffee, the way her eyes lit up like fire crackers, spinning and spinning like a carousel ride, and her compliment took him unawares, as did her deal. Wonders why her first smile seemed the same whenever she was with him, and so different when she with her friends.

This grin is refracted.

It feels sad, radiates distance beneath the guise of happiness.

And for the first time in a while, he wonders if everything is okay under her skin.

"Yeah. Sure." Toushirou replies, breaking his reverie, shaking his head slightly. "Any preference?"

"No, I trust you." Karin says, head in her hands.

But her gaze is distracted, glazed and directed at the open window.

The window shows a sky devoid of clouds.

If she notices his concern, then she doesn't say a thing.

And he lets the subject go.

"Hey," Karin smiles, as her arms wrap around his neck in the photo booth.

"Hey." Toushirou mirrors a grin.

Click!

"Let's pose as superstars!"

Click!

"Now as hungry, hungry hippos!"

"How the hell do we do that?"

"Beats me – act hippo-like!"

Click!

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"If you wash your hair one more time, it'll finally turn back to its original colour." Karin informs him with a bright grin, as she switches places in the photo booth.

"Yay. No more greenish tinge to otherwise flawless hair." Toushirou cheers sardonically, a light parody of his girlfriend.

"I love you, you know that?"

"What?"

Their expressions are one of horror and happiness.

Click!

"Oh shit." She's out of the photo booth the second the light flashes and records that moment, almost in a run.

Toushirou grabs the product and stuffs it in his pocket without glancing in it.

It's the time to decide: chase her or let her slip by?

He chases.

"Karin."

No avail.

"Karin."

She's not slowing down, not looking back.

"Karin!"

And she stops, turning back, hair cascading past her shoulders, red lips parted, pale and lovely and rosy and scared.

"What?"

They never notice the world stop and stare at them, so why start now?

The words he chooses next will make or break their relationship.

"Do you mean it?" Breathing out, he exhales, slowly taking in her in, the flecks of light, the emotion in her eyes, her blue jeans, her red top, her mismatched socks, not even realizing that he's instinctually narrowing the distance between them.

"Yeah." Shoulder slumping, her eyelids lower, her voice lower than a passing murmur, Kurosaki Karin answers his question, wide open and hating it. "Yeah, I meant it."

But she doesn't sound happy about it.

He's not even listening to the tone, the poignant inflections, only the skin deep words that sends his heart ablaze.

"I love you."

He doesn't know what those words mean to her.

He doesn't know how she uses them.

He doesn't know why she's saying now and never more.

There's no distance between them as he's impulsively kissing her, seeking her out and tasting every nuance that reciprocates.

But she's not kissing back.

Pulling away, he slowly comes down from his euphoria, his hands on her neck, teasing her locks of black, black hair.

"I—"

And she smiles, a fragile smile, frayed and cracked, shattered by the intensity of love and selfish romantic notions.

That smile.

Her fingers flitter to his lips, padded in velvet, effectively silencing him.

"Don't."

He can't say those words.

Not the way she can.

Eyes say everything so much better than words can; and to Kurosaki Karin, Hitsugaya Toushirou is an open book.

She knows that he loves her, and she just can't have that.

"You know something? You never call me. Not once. Don't you think that's a bit odd?"

Stepping away from his warm embrace, Karin tries to change the mood, crushing her heart in the meantime with curious words that swirl nonsensically in his mind.

"You have the keys, right?"

Slowly, he nods. The hotel keys jingle in his pocket, alongside money and photos fresh from the booth.

"Okay." Eyes brimming, she compresses her lips into a thin line, she continues. "I'll see you there then."

"Wait." Toushirou says. "Where are you going?"

She turns back to face him, wanting to say something that never comes.

Her lips mock a bitter grin.

"I'm just going to get some stuff. Don't worry about it."

And she disappears into the crowd, fading away as if she's not there at all.

She whispers into the breeze, carrying a thousand confessions that he'll never hear.

"I love you."

He's been having this dream. Maybe it starts before all this, maybe it starts during, maybe it's only a recent dream, but it always concerns him and her. Somehow, he's reminded of Rinoa Heartilly from Final Fantasy VIII, the moment when she turns to face Squall Leonhart with the wind in her hair and white doves behind her, unveiling beautiful scenery of the natural-esque when they are in the flying Garden.

Suddenly it's Karin, pretty and beautifully delicate, ready to shatter into a thousand peaces with such purity.

Then she speaks, memories of him and her, flickering behind them, surrounding them.

"This is real, isn't it?"

But every time he hears it, he finds it harder to say yes.

It's just a dream, right?

Truthfully, Toushirou doesn't like window gazing – window shopping, whatever it's called.

But then his eyes lock on to a necklace that shines the way that Karin does, when she's caught up in her latest obsession. Layered with jewels with the history of a thousand pasts, rubies, diamonds, emeralds, he wonders if she'd like it.

No, he knows she'll like it. Her face will light up, and her smile will spread for miles and miles, her dimple dancing on the inside of her cheek.

Karin doesn't have to know how much it costs, or the reason he got her.

He's her boyfriend, that's reason enough.

When he finally reaches the hotel room, Toushirou refrains from smiling and decides to hide the bag containing the pretty necklace to give to Karin behind his back. It's one surprise that he knows that she'll like.

But when he opens the door—

—there's no trace of her.

Splattered clothes, messily draped across chairs – are gone, neatly out of sight; her favourite hair products, shampoo bottles and conditioners – vanished; little throwaway items that she likes to collect, no longer here.

All that remains of her is a crumpled strip of photos hidden in his pocket and a necklace never given.

"You've never call me. Not once. Don't you think that's a bit odd?"

He's never had a reason to call her; they're always together unless they're apart. What's odd it that she mentioned it.

But, it's worth a shot? If it'll help…

Calling Kurosaki Karin.

Beep… beep…

A mobile phone rings.

It's not his.

Beep… beep…

Call ended.

All that remains of her is a strip of photos, an unused necklace and a mobile phone that has been thrown away.

Somewhere between here and there, something shatters, and Toushirou's not entirely sure if it's his mind, his heart or the necklace that falls from its container.

Kurosaki Karin is gone.