living corpse Chapter 19: fall so hard, a bleach fanfic

Hitsugaya Toushirou waits a day in the city he's been dumped in.

He doesn't know what he's waiting for; he knows that she's not coming back.

But he finally calls Ichigo when all his restraint expires and that last shred of hope has diminished.

"She's gone." He says to Karin's older brother, and Toushirou is surprised that he doesn't sound as hollow as he feels.

"Yeah." Ichigo nods, lips quirking into something understanding. "She does that, you know?"

The silence eats away at him in the car, neither one in the mood to talk.

When he arrives at Karakura, instantly letting Hinamori Momo hug him and mother him, he's barely listening to a word being said.

"Alright, I don't know what happened between you guys, but whatever. Don't have such a grumpy face when you see Yuzu."

Her hand finds his as she leads him into their safe haven, but Toushirou doesn't feel a thing.

The sky is blue, transparent blue like an ocean calmly swaying back and forth.

Yuzu gazes out the window, curled up in a t-shirt that is far too big for her, hand resting on her cheek.

She can hardly believe that there's four days left until the wedding.

living corpse
19 : fall so hard

"You stupid bitch." Ryouhei sighs as he opens the door. "Why'd you have to ruin such a great thing?"

Karin only looks at him, pale face blank.

"Well, whatever. No doubt the sock puppet oddity will rear its ugly head sooner or later." Raking his hand through his hair, he gestures for her to enter his apartment. "Come in, come in, and make yourself at home."

It doesn't feel like home. Not anymore.

Not even Pinta's delicious cakes can make her feel welcome as she crashes down as she realizes what she's done.

Let it all out.

Donny's arms are encircled around her and he's murmuring these words that don't mean a damn thing.

Let it all out.

She's holding on more than ever and yet she can feel the sensation of a sure thing falling.

Karin thought of a lot of things during the journey back to her friends' residence, but she never considered how much she would miss him.

She doesn't know when she fell asleep as she wakes, upside down and sprawled against the sofa and the floor, cringing as bones click back into place, tasting the bitter sense of loss in her mouth.

Even her favourite patisserie can't wash away the flavour, the sweetness of Toushirou's lips against hers.

Glass shatters; robotically she picks it up and disposes of it into the bin.

This is her mess, and just like before, she will fix it, even if she started it in the first place. The problem is she doesn't know how.

Or, at least, not one that she deems acceptable.

It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date.

The words drum into Toushirou's head as he sits uncomfortably at the table beside this woman that he doesn't even know. Oh, there are other people beside him – a group date – but it hardly makes him feel any better.

It's just…

… he misses her.

Karin.

And another thing – it's not a group date – it's a wedding rehearsal.

But that hardly makes him feel any better.

Come to think of it, if it's the wedding occasion, then technically, should Karin be here?

Yuzu doesn't look very happy as she talks to someone on the phone.

He wonders who it is.

"Ne, Karin-chan. You're supposed to be here." Yuzu pouts as she sways side to side. "I'm putting the rehearsal on hold just for you."

"Ah, gomen, gomen; I'm just… a little preoccupied here."

Yuzu gasps. "Are you saying that there's something more important than my wedding day when you're the maid of honour?"

"No, no! Don't get me wrong – the guys are here too when they're supposed to be with you!"

"I'm still holding you accountable. You and your bad… influence." Yuzu shakes her head as she lightly teases her younger sister, smiling slightly.

"Oh all right. Be that way. I am sorry, but – left you idiot!" Karin's voice rises considerately into a shriek. "Left! Left! Le—ooh. That poor car."

"Karin. Please don't tell me you're playing a video game instead of attending my rehearsal?" Yuzu takes a deep breath. Though she has the patience of a saint, even saints may become sinners when dealing with Kurosaki Karin, youngest of all the troublemakers and rebel rousers.

"Um… would you understand it if I said that technically, the rehearsal isn't the real thing and playing on Zu-kun's video game is actually far more interesting despite – and I say despite that the wedding rehearsal is actually more important?" It's kind of sweet the way Karin is backtracking and stressing the main issue.

"Well, I suppose." Yuzu shakes her head, relenting just this once. "But you're still not off the hook, sis."

"Duly noted." Karin solemn says with slight tease laced within her voice.

"You are going to be at the wedding, right?"

"Yeah! Duh! I'm the freaking maid of honour – you aren't going to look half as good in those photos without me by your side."

"Okay, just checking." Yuzu laughs, relaxing. "Do you want to talk to anyone? Toushirou, maybe?"

"No." Her answer is slow to come and hesitant. "I don't want to talk to him."

"Karin…"

"Look, can you just drop the subject? I'm happy for you, I am. But just leave him out of this."

Yuzu swears for the first time in a while, knowing her sister far, far too well. "You told him you loved him."

"…"

"And then you left, like you always do."

"I have to go."

Beep… beep…

Call ended.

Yuzu hands the phone back to her big brother with a soft smile on her face, lips pressed together. "Thanks."

"It's what big brothers do. Now tell me you told her off for not attending the wedding rehearsal and being a flipping idiot?" Ichigo slips a smile onto his face, whilst ruffling Yuzu's auburn hair.

"Ah, not quite." Yuzu shakes her head gently side to side. "I did more of the former than the latter. Didn't have the heart to tell her off about love, not when my wedding day is… well, tomorrow."

"And you're supposed to be a good role model." The orange haired man grumbles. "We'd better get back on track."

Maybe it's just the combined forces of Ichigo and Momo and Yuzu hanging around together, but it sure as hell feels like Karin is with them, and he's just not looking close enough.

Perhaps if he turns around, he just might find her.

"For fuck's sake, Donny – you're the only one who can help her when she's reached this state!" Ryouhei scowls. "I'm begging here – and you know I don't beg."

"Oh, come on—" Donny protests.

"She's using her own goddamn smelly socks! It's never gotten this bad before!"

"Yeah, but—"

"Renji was one thing – I could handle her raiding our nice and clean socks. But you fucking well know that Toushirou is another thing completely!" Ryouhei all but shouts, cheeks red and ears emitting smoke.

"Alright. But you still owe me ten thousand yen from before." Donny gives in, mumbling about Ryouhei being 'a dipshit' and other things that are far nastier and well deserved. "Fucking bully."

Toba Ryouhei does not care what other people think of him; but Karin's sock fetish and hiding under the bed covers when she's upset grates on his nerves.

It's fucking weird.

Donny knocks, taking a deep breath, reflecting on the last few days. It starts with waking, being generally happy – perhaps too happy, forgetting the main issue before Kazuya – being the idiot that he is – brings Toushirou up again. Then the denial occurs, the absolute banning from alcohol – since they want to look their best for Yuzu's wedding and can't be arsed to go to the rehearsal – and rugby tackles as the strongest pours every single glass into the toilet, and the fixation on video games – 'cause they're all addicts and if it's not one thing, it's got to be something.

And then… Karin became quiet. Even as she became part of the losing team, she became… quiet. And not even in the rambunctious manner.

That was before she sought refuge in his bed, barricading the room and making it hers. Not that he minds but… it's his room, dammit!

The four of them will let her have free rein when everything is okay, but she's more than a little bit lovesick… scratch that, love-psycho… that's when they swoop in and then save the day! They are the unsung heroes and go where no man has gone before!

Donny takes another deep breath for good measure.

As long as he doesn't stop breathing, then everything's alright.

"Now, Karin, as your friend, you do understand that we care about you, right?"

The left hand sock – stripy blue and black – 'looks' up, slithering from the duvet.

"Mmmhmm."

"Great. But, sweetie, you've got to stop this issue of yours. I mean… we thought… I thought… you'd finally got over it with Renji. He seemed nice, and could match Ryouhei in a cussing contest, but still. We thought… we thought you would settle after dating him. But then, we found out the bad news. Still, he was the only person who you'd let say 'I love you'. So…" Trailing off, Donny sits on the bed, curiously watching the right hand sock – dotty red and white against a bland colour, snake closer towards his hand. "… we thought it was an improvement to your wayward nature. But then, then you got worse. And a bunch of stuff happened, but finally Toushirou came."

Donny hates the way she looks at him, blue eyes looking forlorn and all puppy-like.

Feeling somewhat awkward, he squeezes the left hand sock reassuringly.

"You know, when we saw you with him, you looked happier than you had been in a while. And you knew that. You really, really knew that."

"Yeah." Karin softly agrees. "I knew that."

"So, then, why?"

Why'd you let him go?

Why'd you make yourself unhappy?

"You know why."

Because if I love, I leave. I let them go.

"That's bull. It's such a stupid reason. You're just scared. It's why you fell for Renji – you've got a thing for lost causes." Pinta snaps, leaning in the doorway, smelling of baked apple pie.

"No, seriously—" Karin begins to raise her voice.

"Look, we love you. It does not mean that we are going to leave you. And you can say it all you like – kami knows that you have – but you keep running back to us and we don't fucking mention it, 'cause we trust you, 'cause we think you've got it all under control. But shit." Kazuya shakes his head. "It wasn't Hitsugaya Toushirou we were meant to butt head with and fucking shove in the right direction – it's you."

"So, you stupid bitch." Toba Ryouhei says fondly, in a gentle tone. "What say we go crash that wedding tomorrow acting like a pair of hooligans?"

"Better not." Karin grimaces. "She invited you because she was spurred on by your praises of cookery – especially you, Pinta – but I don't think she could handle that. Not when it's her Big Day."

"Ah, well. It's the thought that counts, right?" Ryouhei shrugs. "Now admit it, and promise us that you won't run away this time."

"I love him. So much. If I saw him again, I really don't think I could leave. Not this time."

"Alright. Let's go!" The five of them cheer.

"Wait." Donny says, slowing down the parade.

"Oh what now?" Zu-kun whines, all hyped up.

"Take off the socks, Karin, please?"

Laughing, Karin complies, wiggling them back on to her bare feet.

"Girls." Ryou-chan scowls. "Are. Weird."

But he loves her anyway.

It's the day before the wedding that Hitsugaya Toushirou decides to enter his apartment – dusty and in loving memory of a girl that no longer exists on this plane.

Yuzu is already there, making sure that everything is okay. "Consider it my last thing as a bachelorette."

"You…"

Again, she smiles, one so familiar that it could almost be mistaken for her sister's smile. "Karin asked me to."

"Thank you."

"So, everything's okay, right? You're not grieving anymore and living in the past?"

It's been a while since she last checked up on him, so used to it during the mourning stage.

"Yeah. I'm okay." He replies, offering a smile.

And, really, he is.

Karin helped him move on, and he's grateful for that.

Although if he'd feel even better if she's by his side.

"She's coming to the wedding, right?" For the first time, he voices his question to the older Kurosaki.

"Well. What do you think?" Tilting her head and widening her eyes, Yuzu waits for his response, almost certain that she knows the answer. Being the older sister of two hopeless sweethearts tends to do that to a person.

"Yeah. She wouldn't miss it for the world."

Her smile is as bright as sunlight.

"And when she comes, don't let her run away."

"I won't."

This he promises.