There were several things Kisame knew he could expect from Itachi's pregnancy. Strange cravings, morning sickness, and the like. Still, the Uchiha's mood swings took him by surprise. Namely because he wasn't used to the Uchiha showing any emotion at all.

"Will you still love me when I'm fat?" Itachi asked one evening.

"You're not getting fat," Kisame replied, turning the page in his book. "Just heavier."

"You're avoiding the question," Itachi whimpered, eyes tearing up.

"No, I'm just stating the obvious," Kisame argued, setting down his book.

"Answer my question!"

"Of course I'll love you!" Kisame said, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"You're just saying that because you don't want to make me mad," Itachi muttered, sulking. "What if our kid does that? What if they're scared of me? What if I'm a bad parent and they hate me?"

"Itachi, you'll be a good parent. You're doing a great job as a mother so far."

"I am turning back into a guy as soon as this is over!" Itachi snapped, slapping Kisame across the face. Instantly tears returned to his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kisame."

"It's ok," Kisame replied calmly, rubbing his cheek. He was used to this. Itachi had to vent his frustration somehow, and since the Sharingan was off limits until after the baby was born, he had to settle for hitting the shark.

Itachi smiled and wrapped his arms around Kisame's neck, nuzzling into the shark's cheek. "I love you."

"I know, angel," Kisame said, stroking the weasel's back gently. Itachi seemed to be in control of his moods at the moment, allowing the shark to relax. "I wonder what it'll be," he muttered thoughtfully.

"Dunno. But if it's a boy, I want it to look like you."

Kisame smiled. "Thanks. If it's a girl, I want her to look like you."

WHAM

Kisame found himself on his back a moment later, staring up at the ceiling, lying on the floor. "When will you learn, Kisame," he muttered, rubbing his recently punched nose.

"I want food," Itachi stated, climbing over his fallen boyfriend and heading out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Kisame arrived in the kitchen, the room was filled with the scent of beef ramen. He looked to his partner, and a sick look crossed his face. "Ramen and pickle slices?" he asked.

"Hn," Itachi replied, taking another bite of his concoction.

"That's disgusting."

"Got that right, un." The two Akatsuki turned around to see Deidara standing in the doorway, a bag in hand. "I brought you something," he said, walking across the room and setting the bag down on the table.

Curious, Itachi opened the bag and peered inside. "Dango?"

"Yup, un."

"No thanks," the weasel said, pushing the treat away.

Kisame and Deidara stared at him in disbelief. "What did you just say, un?"

"I said I don't want dango. It smells gross."

"That's weird," Deidara said, shaking his head. "You've never turned dango down before, un."

"I don't want it, ok?!" Itachi snapped. The next instant he put his head down, muttering about cruel blondes.

Deidara looked to Kisame for an explanation. The man only shrugged his shoulders and mouthed the words, "mood swings." "Well if you don't want it, I'll eat it, un," Deidara stated, picking up the sweet and popping a stick into his mouth. "At least I tried to make amends."

"What for?" Itachi asked, his question muffled by his shirt sleeve.

"Getting you into this mess, un."

"Hmm?" Itachi looked up.

"Well, see, I made a bet with Kisame to see if he could have sex with you while you were a girl, un, so he got you drunk and did it, which is how you ended up like this, un," Deidara explained, ignoring the signals to shut up Kisame was desperately trying to send him.

"...You made a bet with Kisame," Itachi slowly repeated. "To see if he could screw me while I was a woman."

"Uh-huh. Didn't he tell you, un?"

"No," Itachi spat out, bending his fork in half.

"...Oops, un."

"Run," Kisame whispered, bolting from the room moments before Itachi pounced.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright. We've removed the bones fragments from Deidara's internal organs, taken care of the head wounds, and bandaged the burns. Kisame's cracked ribs should knit back together in a few weeks, and we finally managed to stop the bleeding. That being said," Pein went on, looking at the nearby Uchiha, "you are forbidden from leaving your room until this pregnancy is over."

"I'm sorry, Kisame," Itachi whimpered.

"It's ok, angel," Kisame replied, praying the painkillers would kick in soon.