~~~~~~~~~~~~~months go by~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kisame opened the refrigerator door, immediately followed by a sigh. The fridge was empty. Again.

The shark walked out of the kitchen and straight into the living room, looking for his partner. Sure enough, there was Itachi, sitting on the couch and eating a loaf of bread that was dipped into a jar of peanut butter at intervals. "Damn Itachi, how much are you going to eat?"

"As much as the baby needs. And I though you said you'd still love me if I got fat."

Kisame merely shook his head and sat down by his lover. Itachi had reached the phase of his pregnancy where he was practically gaining a pound a week, and was eating the rest of the Akatsuki out of house and home.

The Uchiha suddenly grabbed hold of Kisame's hand and brought it to his stomach, pressing it against his bulging belly. It didn't take long for Kisame to feel the baby kick against his hand. "It's getting more active lately, isn't it?" he asked, spreading his fingers out against the weasel's stomach.

"Hn," Itachi affirmed.

"If you get much bigger, your stomach's gonna pop, un." The two looked up to see Deidara leaning against the doorway. He smiled and pushed himself up, walking over to the couch. "When's the due date, un?"

"Two weeks from now," Kisame replied, smiling as he felt another kick against his fingers.

"What do you want?" Itachi asked, positively radiating annoyance.

"I've figured out how to beat you, un."

"Deidara, we've been over this before," Kisame said. "You are never going to beat Itachi. Give up while you're only a little behind."

"But I've got it this time, un!"

"All right. What is it?" Itachi asked, mildly curious.

"This," Deidara said, grinning as he picked up the remote, held it in front of Itachi's face…

and dropped it on the floor.

Despite the confused looks on the other two's faces, Deidara's smile did not waver. "Pick it up, un," he commanded.

Itachi rolled his eyes and bent forward, only to find that his stomach got in the way. He made several more attempts, meeting with the same result each time. He finally got off the couch and kneeled down, reaching for it and once again failing. "I knew it," Deidara said smugly while beaming widely. "What are you gonna do now, un?"

WHAM

Five seconds later Deidara's head was pinned under Itachi's shoe. "Pick it up," the weasel ordered, applying more pressure to the blonde's head.

"Itachi, you might want to take it easy," Kisame suggested as he heard several cracks coming from the blonde's skull. "Stress isn't good for you in your condition."

"My condition?" the weasel hissed, turning to Kisame. The shark instantly knew he'd screwed up. "Kisame, I am pregnant. I'm not dying, and I'm not some sideshow attraction," he growled, looking down at the now-free bomber.

"We know that, Itachi. We're just…um…"

"Well?"

"Taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity, un?"

Before Itachi could pummel the doomed sculptor, Konan ran into the room with a determined look on her face. "Itachi, I am not leaving you alone until you tell me what your baby is!"

"Konan," Kisame said while eyeing the ticked off weasel warily, "we really don't know what it is. And besides, now really isn't the best time-"

"I am leaving," Itachi stately flatly, walking to the doorway.

"ITACHI!"

GLOMP

"TOBI!" Konan screeched, yanking the masked nin off the fallen Uchiha, who was immediately helped to his feet by a worried shark. "You should know better than to tackle a pregnant wo-" she snapped her mouth shut, but too late.

"…Konan, what were you about to say?" Itachi asked, his voice disturbingly calm.

"Nothing! Nothing at all-"

"No, you were about to say something. Go ahead."

"Really, Itachi-"

"Finish. Your. Sentence," the weasel hissed through clench teeth.

"I was just saying…Tobi should know better…than to tackle a pregnant…woman."

"I hate you."

"Aw, come on Itachi!" Deidara exclaimed. "You're a chick right now, un! Just accept it."

"I am not a female!" the Uchiha all but screamed. "I only look like one! Don't you forget that."

"Well for someone that's not a girl, un, you sure are PMS-ing."

"How can I be PMS-ing while I'm pregnant?!"

"Dunno, un. You tell me, manlady."

"I am going to my room, and I am not coming out. Ever."

"Itachi, you can't do that," Kisame declared.

"Watch me," the weasel replied.

"No angel, you really can't," Kisame repeated, stepping in front of the weasel.

"Why not?"

"Your water just broke."

Itachi looked down at the ground, back up to the shark, and finally to the shocked blonde who stood beside him. "I blame you for this."