~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two years later~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small blue-haired girl toddled into the kitchen, looking around. The room was oddly vacant, meaning she had no one to play with. To make matters worse, both Kisame and Itachi had been sent on a mission, so she couldn't call for her parents. "Jashin dammit!"
Wait, someone was coming! The girl hurried to the other doorway as fast as her small legs could carry her. Sure enough, Hidan came storming into the room moments later, looking ticked off. "Hidan!" she squealed.
"Go away kid," he muttered. The zealot lazily dropped his scythe on the floor before walking to the fridge. "I've had a fucked up day."
"Oooooooh!" she said, looking to the Jashinist's discarded weapon. She walked over, reaching out to touch the bright red blades-
"Back off bitch!" Hidan ordered, pushing her back to avoid her getting cut on the deadly weapon. Unfortunately for him, she stumbled backwards form the shove and fell down, hitting her head against a chair. Immediately the smile fell from her face, and she began to whimper. "Oh crap, Tenshi, please don't-"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" the toddler began to sob, tears running down her face.
"Dammit…" Hidan began panicking, not sure what to do with a crying child.
"Hidan, what did you do to Tenshi, un?!"
"Nothing! The bitch just started-"
BOOM
Hidan was now laying in several pieces all over the kitchen. Deidara smiled when he saw Tenshi laughing and clapping her hands. "You liked that, did you, un?"
"Up, up!" she begged, holding her hands up to the bomber.
Looking around to make sure no one was watching, Deidara scooped up the toddler and walked out of the room. "You want to see more explosions, un?" The child's reaction was to smile and giggle. "All right, I'll show you more."
Deidara carried the infant to his room and grabbed his clay pouch. Now armed, he then walked out of the base, hopping onto the roof with Tenshi in his arms. "Here we go!" he said in an excited tone, tossing a small sculpture of a bird into the air.
BOOOOOOOOOOM
Tenshi laughed and clapped through the entire display, not stopping until Deidara had run out of clay. "Tenshi, be a good girl and stay right here, ok?" the child nodded as Deidara hopped off the roof and ran back inside, presumably to get more clay.
Just after the blonde left, a small butterfly touched down on the edge of the rooftop. Tenshi's eyes widened; the insect's wings were so pretty! She crawled across the tiled roof, reaching out to the bug-
When she suddenly lost her balance and tumbled through the air, heading twenty feet straight down.
The girl laughed as she fell, loving the feeling of freefalling through the air. Her trip was abruptly halted as a man dove forward, catching her before tumbling across the ground. "That was close. Tell me about it."
Tenshi laughed as Zetsu stood up, holding her to his chest. "Again, again!"
"Gotta admit, she's annoying, but cute. Cute? More like tasty. True…she does look good enough to eat-"
WHAM
"No eating Tenshi!" Konan bellowed, making the girl whimper and cry in her arms. "Shh, shh, it's ok Tenshi. I was just yelling at the big bad plant man…" she continued her cooing as she stepped over the fallen schizo.
Once they were gone, Zetsu rose to his feet, spitting blood onto the ground before walking off.
--
"Tenshi, I'm back, un!" Deidara chirped, looking around the rooftop for the girl. Only to realize Tenshi was gone.
"Tenshi?! Where'd she go, un? She couldn't have climbed down, so that means-ACK! SHE FELL!" Deidara began frantically looking over the edge of the roof, trying to find any signs of the girl. Finally, his one visible eye located a tiny pool of blood on the ground.
Upon leaping down to the dirt, Deidara could find no other evidence of the girl but the blood. "Wait a minute, un. This is Zetsu's garden…" The sculptors' blood ran cold. "This can only mean one thing, un. Tenshi fell off the roof, died, and then Zetsu found her dead body and ate her!" He began pacing the area nervously. "This is bad, un! Pein'll kill me, Konan's gonna castrate me, and Itachi-Shit, what am I gonna tell Itachi and Kisame, un?!"
--
"Tenshi, how about we put some bows in your hair for Itachi and Kisame?"
"Yes please!"
"Aww, you're so cute!" Konan squealed, hugging the girl to her chest. "I wish Pein would let me-"
"No," Pein said, sticking his head through the door and then disappearing just as suddenly.
"Now that is just plain creepy. Ok, how about red bows?"
"Uh-huh!"
--
Deidara was sitting in the living room, munching on Itachi's dango. Hey, he was going to die soon anyway; may as well go out with a sweet taste in his mouth. He'd written his will, said his farewells, and was now waiting for the shark and weasel to return to the base.
He heard a door open and shut, followed by Kisame's cry of, "We're back!" He gulped and rose, tossing away the dango stick as the duo walked into the kitchen. "Hey Deidara!" Kisame called out. "Where's Tenshi?"
"I, um, need to talk to you two about her, un," Deidara said weakly.
Itachi shot across the room, standing inches from the blonde. "If you've harmed one hair on her head, you're dead," he whispered.
"I didn't do it! Well, maybe a little, but it was Zetsu's fault in the end, un!"
"Deidara, what did you do?" Kisame asked, all humor gone from his face.
"Well, I took Tenshi up on the roof to watch some of my explosions, which she really likes, but I ran out of clay, so I left her on the roof to go get more-"
"WHAT?!" Kisame screamed.
"And when I got back…she wasn't on the roof, un."
Deidara felt himself get slammed into a wall, Itachi's fingers around his throat. "Where is Tenshi?" he hissed.
"I went looking for her, but, um…Zetsu ate her, un."
"…"
"…You are dead."
--
Konan hummed softly as she carried Tenshi down the hall, a smile on her face. "They'll be so happy when they see you like this!" she declared, nuzzling the girl gently. As they approached the living room, the woman began to hear several crashes and screams. "Hmmm? What's going on?"
When the two of them finally got into the room, they saw Itachi and Kisame standing over a bloodied and battered Deidara. Most of the furniture in the chamber was broken, and there was a large puddle of blood under the blonde. "What do you two think you're doing?!" she demanded, setting Tenshi down on the floor.
The two men looked to her, failing to see their daughter tottering across the floor to the fallen blonde. "We're killing Deidara," Kisame said.
"Painfully," Itachi added.
"Why?"
"He killed Tenshi!"
"Hn."
"What are you talking about?! Tenshi is right there! She's…er…finger-painting with Deidara's blood."
The two looked down at the ground to see their daughter making red swirls on the stone floor, drawing a crude smiley face with the crimson liquid.
Instantly the girl was scooped up by Itachi, who began kissing the girl's head repeatedly. "Daddy!" she cried, hugging the man who held her. She suddenly noticed Kisame and began wiggling in Itachi's grasp, reaching for the shark with outstretched arms. "Poppa!"
The Uchiha reluctantly passed his daughter to the shark, who proceeded to hug her tightly. A moment later, however, she was whining to get back to Itachi. "Aw, she can't pick which one of you she likes more!" Konan said, grinning widely.
"That's probably a good thing," Kisame said, walking over to Itachi so they could hug their daughter at the same time. The four of them gradually drifted out of the room, leaving Deidara to be found hours later by Sasori.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hello? HELLO?! Jashin dammit, where the hell is Kakuzu? Bastard needs to hurry up and stitch me back together…"