Chapter 2: Not Like This
There was so much blood, and all from one little slit across her right wrist. She was enervating significantly with every ounce that poured out, down into the drain. All she could think about was her mom. Would she even get to see her? She had done so wrongly in this life that facing Saint Peter and the Gates of Heaven just didn't seem to fit her circumstances. She began to panic at the thought of going to hell. She'd been through enough torment in her life. An eternity of scorching in flames was not what she had in mind for relief.
She closed her eyes and feigned for an end to come. Why was it taking so damn long? Perhaps it'd be quicker if she cut her other wrist as well. More blood loss, and at a quicker pace, she figured. Though, just as she was about to inflict more self harm to herself she heard her door get thrown open, then people were parading inside. Then she heard voices.
No.
No way. Could this really be? She began to freak out when two men marched in and grabbed her. The next thing she knew she was being lifted up and carried out of the bathroom, her wrists being pressurized with thick clothes to stop the bleeding. Selina was still coherent enough to retaliate, but only slightly.
"NO! Goddammit, NO! Let go of me! I don't want any help! Fuck! Come on, please! I want to die! It's none of your damn concern! NO!"
They ignored her pleas and continued carrying her out of her apartment. She could hear people speaking around her, the only voice she could recognize was her landlord's. He was speaking badly of her, of course.
"Shoulda' known she would resort tuh this! Bitch wasn't even botherin' to pay her rent anymore! All I heard was a scream, officer. I figured that either someone had broken in or she was doin' sumtin drastic, like this!"
Selina was far too weak both physically and in spirit to put up an effective fight. She had no choice but to allow them to load her into the ambulance and off to the ER. Once she was strapped into the bed inside the truck, she heard the doors slam shut. She decided to keep her eyes closed. She felt better that way anyways. She heard someone sit next to her and grab her hand.
"We're going to help you, Miss Kyle. You'll be alright," she heard a man speak. 'Yeah right' she thought. She was far from alright. A world away from it. She was damaged, hurt and lost. She didn't even want to think about carrying on. Not like this.
She kept silent. She had nothing to say. She had been this close to death, and these dutiful men took that away from her. She felt that she had no purpose left. No reason to carry on with life, especially in as miserable a state as this. She was disgusted with who she was. She hated herself. She wanted away. There was nothing left for her, really. Death seemed only rational.
After she felt the vehicle stop, she found the courage to speak. "Where are we?" Her hand was being held by the man next to her so gently. She actually felt comforted by his presence.
"The Hartford General. We need to get you to the ER. You've lost a considerate amount of blood." His voice was calm yet a tad on edge. Maybe Selina wouldn't make it after all. She was wheeled out of the ambulance and into the hospital. Things just seemed to be getting increasingly hazy for her. She could hardly decipher what the doctor's were saying. She could hear one of the M.D's ask for her name and age. Her heart sped up upon hearing that she may need a transfusion. NO! That would save her. She didn't want to be saved. Didn't they understand? She wanted to meet Death and go wherever with him! Anything but going on in this screwy life, was her reckoning
Upon news that she might be pulling through this, she decided, 'fuck it', and she peeled her eyes open. Her vision was blurry and voices around her were somewhat distorted. All she could make out was, "We'll need her blood type, and we'll need to run through the standard test as well... Get her to the North Section, asap."
'Oh great...' Even in this hazardous state she couldn't hold down a sigh of defeat. Once she was wheeled into an actual room she was bombarded with questions.
"How long ago did you do this?"
"Are you still with us?"
"Can you understand me?"
"How many fingers do you see?"
"Do you feel nauseous or dizzy?"
She felt no need to speak. The more they were oblivious to, the less they could do, she presumed. And if they couldn't do anything, then she'd perish, right?
She was lifted into a bed and leant upright. Her head crashed back into the soft and plump pillow behind her. She felt a sharp poke go into her arm. Morphine? Vicodin? She didn't know what they gave her, but she felt more relaxed with whatever it was. Then the doctor stretched her right arm out and wrapped a band around her upper arm, followed by a dab of rubbing alcohol then- 'OW!' They drew her blood, though that was really the last thing she needed.
She turned her head the other way and gazed out the window. It was nightfall. A large full moon glistened up in the sky. She had always loved the night over day. She fit in beautifully with the darkness. The sunlight reflected the truth in people a bit too much, as she found logical. She preferred having her shady little secrets and keeping them too.
She drifted into sleep after a few minutes. She was just too fatigued to remain conscious. Who cares if it worried the doctors? She didn't. They could do what they wanted with her.
She heard a light beeping sound near her. She groaned to herself and moved around in her bed. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. It was dimly lit. She could see clearly now, and she had felt better physically, though her mind still ached of negativity and pessimism. She felt her face burn in vehemence upon realizing what had happened. They had saved her life. She was supposed to be dead. 'Damn these healthcare laws and their petty promises to the public!' She hated it. All of it.
She saw her clothes rest on a black chair by the door. She looked down. She had been wearing a fresh hospital gown. She growled at the recognition of her bra having been off of her. The perverts! She slumped back into the bed and sighed. What now? They certainly wouldn't let her go back to her apartment, or any one at that. She was in big trouble, she knew this.
She then shrugged. 'Ah, maybe they'll just throw me into rehab for a while then I'll be off on my own again', she thought, though that did seem too easy. But it wasn't like they'd throw her in jail, right? She hadn't hurt anyone but herself.
She shut her eyes for a moment then reopened them when she heard the door open. In walked another doctor. She rolled her eyes, already pretty much aware of what was coming.
"Feeling better, Selina?" asked the female doc who came by her side. Better? That was hard to feel those days.
"Define better, eh-" Selina glanced at her tag. "Doctor Connolly."
She went through and checked her vitals and her I.V. then warmly smiled down at her. "We gave you a blood transfusion, though you actually didn't need too much of it. Type AB negative... the rarest."
Selina scoffed. Yup, she was unique, wasn't she? Nothing normal about her. The doctor held one of her bandaged wrists and rubbed it soothingly, as if trying to appear friendly, like she was trying to help her feel better. This bullshit was unbearable.
"Do you have any family members we can contact? A mother? Father? Sibling?"
"Nope."
"Are you alone?"
She hated that word, but it was the case for her. "For the most part, yes."
"I understand that you're in pain, Miss Kyle. We're here to help."
"I don't want any help! I'm depressed, and I want to die! Don't you nimrods get that?!"
"Yes, you've made that quite obvious with your self-harm, Selina. We can help you lead a better life. We can get you on the right pills and therapy you need in order to regain that happiness you've lost."
"Oh, what? Some rehab? Nice, that'll put me back in shape," Selina deadpanned, while her doctor took things a little more seriously. She sighed and made eye contact with her troubled patient. Her mien went from soft and sweet to stern.
"Miss Kyle, we've noticed that you have done this before, regarding your other more worn marks and scars on your wrists. It's come to our attention that you've been clinically depressed for some time now."
"You don't say..."
"Due to the circumstances, we find that it may be best for you to stay in... an institution, for awhile. In your case, it is too necessary."
"You're gonna lock me up in a nuthouse?!" Selina grew horrified at that news. She wasn't crazy! She was just sad, very very sad!
"Don't look at it that way. We will help you. You'll be safe and you'll get to converse with other people with your condition. You'll benefit from this experience-"
"NO! I wont let you take me there! You can't force me!"
"We have no choice, Miss Kyle. You're suicidal." She stood and gave her a look of sympathy. "We're sorry."
Selina felt her heart sink even further, if that was even possible. She was getting locked up in the loony bin? As if she wasn't depressed enough! She felt sick when she imagined what would happen to her in there.
"You will be transported to the Arkham Asylum after you regain some of your strength. Think of this as your road to recovery, Selina."
She patted her shoulder with all due respect, then departed the room. Selina then took the opportunity to inspect the room for anything she could use to finish herself off. Though she spotted nothing incisive, she contemplated thrashing her head against either the wall or the metal barring of her bed. She then shrugged that off figuring the docs would be back in a jiffy, upon the viewing of her suddenly skyrocketed heart monitor. She wouldn't have the chance to induce too much head trauma.
She then looked down at her I.V. 'Hmm, if I could just yank it out of my wrist and stab it back in its place, then-'
The door swung back open and in came the familiar female doctor. She had a big stack of papers in hand and a laptop on a wheeled table. Selina anticipated what was coming up.
"Alright, we need to get down your personal information to register you in. I believe that we have most of what we need of you already, but let's just make sure..." Selina rolled her eyes and decided to just get this fruitless pursuit over with. She planned on making an escape later that night anyway.
"Your name is Selina Dawne Kyle, correct?"
"Yes."
"Date of birth is April 11th, 1987?"
"Uh huh."
"Eye color: brown?"
"Yeah."
"Height: 5'3, Weight: 117...well, we can redo those later on, since those records were taken over two years ago when you were admitted to the Dilworth hospital in Los Angeles."
Selina sighed and leaned back into her now more flat pillow. How long was this going to take? She had business to attend to. Unfinished business.
"Do you see a physician, Miss Kyle?"
"No."
"Do you have an insurance plan?" She asked that with a hint of dissatisfaction.
"What do you think?"
Connolly sighed. "Well, we're all set for now. Just sit tight and we can make the transfer tomorrow if you're feeling well enough. Goodnight, Selina." She smiled and made her way back outside. Then Selina smiled. Time to make a break. She was getting the hell out of here.
The digital clock on the wall showed it to be 2:38 a.m. Her room was dim and she was still hooked up to an I.V. Death and suicide weren't swamping her troubled mind so much now. Escape from this trap, was.
She was not going to be forced into a nuthouse. Absolutely not. She was sad, but not crazy. And Arkham? Why, their funding was so low that she'd be shocked if their toilets flushed completely. Even if they did, she still wasn't going there.
'Hell no,' she thought. 'I'm leaving right now, while I have the chance...'
She'd have to be quick. Once that I.V. of hers was no longer injected, the doctors were bound to rush right back into her room and catch her before she got a chance at escape.
She leaned upright and threw her petite and bare legs over the edge of her small hospital bed. Her clothes were over on the chair about six or so feet away from where she sat. She had to test the length of her I.V.'s cord to make sure that it could stretch out to where Selina needed to obtain her clothing. She knew that she had to get dressed before she yanked the needle out so that the alarm wouldn't be set off until she was already out of the room. She was at the end of her bed reaching for the chair's arm - almost - BAM! She got ahold of it and dragged it more into her proximity. Now she'd just have to dress and exit the room warily.
She got her pants on with almost no struggle but her tank wouldn't properly fit over her considering the I.V. that was in the way. She figured she could just pull the shirt on after pulling the needle. She could be fairly swift, after all. Once she had her flats on she quickly jerked the intravenous out of her fore wrist and let it drop onto the sheets. A trickle of blood escaped her small mark proceeding the fierce yank of the needle, and the monitor began to beep in response. Selina pulled her shirt on. Time to jet!
She sped over to the doorway and glimpsed through her ajar door. The hall was bare minus some doctors she didn't recognize that were way down the long and bright hall. Her eyes stung as she fully removed herself from the room, for she had been surrounded by darkness for at least four hours, more or less.
She took in a deep breath and nonchalantly walked down the hall, hopefully the right way, she mentally pleaded. Chances were that she was in the Mental Health section of the hospital, so she'd just have to try to make her way out of there. Couldn't be too difficult, right?
After having turned a few corners she came across two wide doors that were attached to one another, appearing to lead out of this section, presumably. She took the opportunity anyways and pushed her way through the doors and into the next section of the hospital, whatever that be. There was no time to stop and scheme her actions, not that doing so would have benefitted her any better anyhow. It wasn't like she had ever been in this hospital, let alone know of its routes even adequately.
No matter, she'd have to fend for herself. It wasn't like she could stop and ask one of the docs, receptionist or even passersby. Visiting hours were long over and she was already suspicious looking as it was. She assumed that she was doing fine anyways. How lost could she get? There was a way out of everything, including hospitals.
After having turned a few more corners and gone through more doors she was sure that she was out of the Mental section and somewhere more general. She tried to shrug off any odd looks she'd get from passing doctors as she strolled casually down these halls. 'Just act natural', she kept telling herself. It was all she could do until she was out and about.
But then, when she did get out, where would she go from there? Not back to the apartment, of course. Her place had probably been officially evicted at this point anyways. That ass of a landlord detested her guts. She hadn't made a single payment to the old bastard, mostly because she had gotten too depressed to work. He was likely true to his word on calling the cops by dawn if she didn't pack her belongings and beat it. Though, she was far too financially ill to go anywhere. She reckoned that even the Gotham's most run-down hovel wouldn't accept her poor credit.
Well, she had been acquainted well enough with Bruce Wayne in the past, but now things were far too wrecked between them to even consider staying at his place. She had gone against the rules, for her stealing and violent tendencies did not abide with the billionaire vigilante too well, and she was left on her own.
Her old best friend, Pamela, had died a year prior, due to a heroin overdose. So, it looked as if the Cat really was on her own. Where would she even crash once she got out? The alley? She'd be raped in an instant, especially in that part of town. She was in no mood for forced sex with filthy hobos or gangsters anyway. There was the YMCA on Fanner street. She could perhaps start a 'plan' with them, and simply use it to crash there for the night. It looked as if that was the only option at this point. That would do.
She'd just have to travel the 25 to 30 minutes on foot until she got there. It didn't seem like a feat at all, really. She'd put herself in good hands. Yes, she could fend for herself, even if it would ultimately lead to an early grave. That was her goal anyways, right? To die, and die soon. She had nothing and no one left, so what was the point in keeping a broken heart beating?
Now was not a decent time to go over exactly how she'd try to kick the bucket this time. She just had to focus on getting out of the hospital. So far, so good. She had to be nearing the exit at this point. She'd been walking for nearly ten minutes. Probably just several more turns and maybe a few more doors to push before the solace would be in her hands-
"Excuse me, miss, visiting hours ended at 9 o'clock..." a passing nurse stated pointedly. Selina almost panicked.
"Oh, sorry, I was just visiting with my dying mother. I'm on my way out right now," she replied, fighting to keep her cool. The nurse was skeptical of that excuse, however. She walked up closer to Selina, her eyes slightly narrowed and her arms crossed.
"Were you? Critical care is all the way on the other side of the building. What is her name?"
Selina grew nervous. She decided to quickly throw in her late mother's actual name. "Winona Curtis."
The bitch of a nurse kept her over plucked eyebrow raised high. God, she wasn't actually going to check the system for that name, was she?
"What is her illness?" she nearly mocked, but deadpanned more. What a BITCH.
Selina sighed lightly to herself and continued to keep herself together for her own sake. "Lung cancer." That was how her mother actually passed anyways. She was just 38. Selina was 18.
Damn, if that brow would've raised any higher it would hit her hairline. "...Fair enough. Now, you're going to have to leave, because family and friends are not allowed to waltz around here after visiting hours. Have a nice night."
Selina sighed in relief. The nuisance had let up. She was off the hook, for now. She smiled in return and turned to head off, but didn't get too far once the nurse's communicator went off. Selina kept on her feet. She faintly heard "Patient Selina Kyle? ... Escaped? ...Hey, I think-" Selina was practically sprinting now.
"HEY! STOP!" yelled the nurse from down the hall. Selina kept on her feet, not looking back once. She was in trouble now, and had to get out pronto. Now the security had likely been alerted to keep at eye out for the petite and multi racial woman in her mid twenties.
She slammed herself into the next door she faced. She turned right guessing that it had to lead somewhere, that place being the outdoors with hope, and plenty of it. The nurse and some other docs were tailing her ass so she couldn't afford to slow down. Running at such a momentum was really a challenge for her, since she was still pretty weak from that night's big incident. This was the last thing she needed, aside from staying put at this hospital. She direly needed to get out of there.
There were now at least four practitioners on her trail, but she wasn't entirely certain, for looking over her shoulder was something that she had refused to do. It may have hindered her chances at escape. They continued to holler after her, pointlessly, for there was no way in hell Selina would be stopping. Mental ward—her ass!
Her chest heaved and ached as she continued her fierce jog. So close...so close... Then, two tall and muscular security guards stood by the EXIT doors. Selina was rear-ended. She'd have to try and get past them. She closed in on them and gave an almost playful "excuse me!" before her palms met the cool metal of the 'PUSH' door, but only for a second. They had gotten ahold of her small body, and she was restrained from making an escape quite easily. Still, even if Selina Kyle was somewhat of a half-hearted quitter, Catwoman, was not.
She kicked and bit and even tried to claw at the men with her long and incisive fingernails—with no avail. The physicians had caught up and assisted the two brutes in restraining the small yet ferocious woman. Selina screamed and fought relentlessly until she felt a needle go into her arm. She then slowly grew weaker and began to fall back into the docs' arms with ease.
She woke hours later in a bed, bound by straps to hold her in her place. Once she was fully conscious and aware of her situation, she fought against the long strips that held her down securely. She squirmed and writhed under the bindings and had not freed herself any. They had her trapped effectively this time.
She growled and let her head fall back down onto the pillow that had been supporting it. Bastards. How could they do such a thing as this? 'This is inhumane! Unjust. Vile. Cruel. What kind of fuckery is this?'
Suddenly the familiar Dr. Connolly stepped in sporting a not-as-genial mien like she had hours earlier. She was probably a bit frustrated with the bound girl for trying to escape earlier. They had to take higher precautions now, thanks to the antsy little victim of depression.
She stood by her side and frowned down at the now helpless woman. "Miss Kyle... trying to escape like that was, in blatant honesty, quite foolish. We're here to help you, and what I can't understand is why you do not want assistance with your struggle. We are going to do what we can to get you back on the road to recov-"
"Ignorant pricks! I thought I made myself clear when I said that I wanted to die! I don't want to be saved! I have nothing to live for. Living in artificial bliss with a hundred cats until I die of old age is not the way I wanna go!"
"Listen, Miss Ky-"
"No, you listen! I will not let any of you certified morons take me to the crazy house! I'm not a lunatic, dammit! I can make my own decisions. I can live my own life, even if I chose to end it! It's my choice, not yours."
Connolly sighed and removed her glasses to rub her temples. This was a tough one indeed. All bitch and no sweetheart. She wouldn't let this slip. She was a patient in need and she was going to fix her, even if it ultimately led to nothing but months or years of turmoil.
"You are not alone. Thousands of other people out there struggle with clinical depression, Selina. It's both treatable and curable. The Arkham Asylum is not just for mentally disturbed people as you seem to describe, but it houses people with depression as well. All you need is therapy and other people with your condition to communicate with. It's not like you'll be kept in a padded cell or anything like that-"
"I don't care! I'm not going anywhere." She wished she could cross her arms and legs to show her contentment. She was final with her word. Connolly, was not.
"I'm afraid you have no choice in the matter. You'll be transported in the morning after you are registered. Now, try to get some sleep, Selina. You'll be cured soon enough." She then departed the room, leaving the restrained Cat alone.
And miserable.
A/N: Thank you for reading. Review away :)