Kisame walked into the living room where Itachi and Tenshi were currently playing. The shark smiled when he saw the look of pure delight on his daughter's face as Itachi bounced her up and down on his lap. As he got closer, both Itachi and Tenshi turned to the shark. "Hn?"
"Hn! Hn! Hn!"
"Itachi, quit "hn"ing. Our daughter is going to become a mute. And I just came in here to warn you that in about five seconds, Konan is going to pounce."
Itachi was about to reply, when the blue-haired woman came flying into the room, quickly scooping Tenshi up into her arms. "Two o'clock! Time for play time with Auntie Konan!"
"YAY!" Tenshi squealed.
Lately, Konan had been forcing the duo to give her an hour or two of play time with Tenshi each day, claiming that Tenshi needed to be around someone with estrogen every once in a while. Failing to find a valid argument with this, the shark and weasel were forced to allow "Auntie Konan", bonding time with their little angel.
"Say bye-bye sweetie," Konan said as she carried the girl out of the room.
"Bye-bye!" She waved back to her parents, smiling until she disappeared from sight.
"She's growing up fast, isn't she?" Kisame asked.
"Hn."
Kisame turned to his lover and frowned when he saw the look on Itachi's face. "Angel, what's wrong?"
"She's growing up," Itachi repeated. "But she doesn't have anyone to grow up with."
"Hmm?"
"Kisame, the closest person to her age here is me. Tenshi will have no friends to grow up with or socialize."
"What do you want to do?"
"Get another kid."
"You want me to knock you up again?" Kisame asked, not quite able to keep the hopefulness out of his voice.
"No," the weasel replied firmly. An evil smirk spread across his face. "But I know someone else for the job."
--
Deidara could never be certain exactly what happened to him. One minute he was walking down the hall, trying to decide whether to put a bomb in Hidan's room or seduce Sasori, and the next instant he was lying on the ground, being dragged into Kisame and Itachi's room. "Help, un!"
WHAM
"Ow!" he began rubbing his head as he sat up, looking at the two warily. "What do you want, un?"
"Your cooperation. Kisame, hold him," Itachi ordered.
Deidara's eyes widened as the shark bent down and grabbed him firmly by the arms, while Itachi reached onto the nearby desk and picked up a syringe. "What are you doing, un?!"
"Hn."
"What is that suppo-ACK!" Deidara jerked as the needle broke his flesh.
Itachi quickly injected the fluid, pulling out the needle second later. "And now, we wait."
"Huh? Wait for what…" Deidara's pupils dialated, and his body slowly relaxed. "What did you do, un?"
"We borrowed some of Konan's hormones," Kisame explained. "And now we're taking you to Sasori."
--
Sasori didn't even look up when the door to his room opened and shut. "Brat, where have you-"
GLOMP
The redhead was knocked to the floor by a flash of blonde. "Brat, what do you thing you're doing?!"
"Danna," the bomber whimpered, sniffling down at Sasori with a pained look on his face. The Akasuna felt his anger depart when he noticed the tears in the sculptor's eyes. It had been a very long time since he'd seen his blonde look so distraught. "Deidara, what's-"
"I want a baby, un!"
"…" Sasori stared at the blonde in disbelief. "What?"
"I want a baby," Deidara repeated.
"Why?" the puppet master inquired, still not entirely sure he'd heard right.
"Because they're adorable and sweet, and they've got such cute little bodies, and I want one to hold and love and call my own, un!"
"Deidara, no."
"Please danna-"
"NO! Ask for anything, and I do mean anything else, and I'll give it to you," Sasori said, rubbing his temples. He truly hated refusing the sculptor anything, but he had to draw the line here.
The bomber growled and put his hands on Sasori's cheeks, jerking the puppeteer's face towards his own. "Give me what I want, or I will get it from someone else, un," he growled.
"You wouldn't dare."
"Fine, un," Deidara said, rising from the floor and walking to the door. "I'll just go and tell Itachi I need his help." The blonde suddenly stopped in his tracks. He could barely resist smiling widely as he felt the chakra strings attached to his body turn him around and carry him back to Sasori. He knew the redhead would give in. He always did. "You're going to help me, un?"
"Henge now before I change my mind."
~~~~~~~~~~~later that night~~~~~~~~~~~
Itachi smiled as he heard the screams echoing through the base later that night. "Did it work?" Kisame asked.
"Hn."
"Sweet! Let's celebrate!"
Ten minutes later the two were splitting a bottle of sake. They'd barely downed their first cups when Hidan and Kakuzu walked into the kitchen, interrupting their celebration. "Sake!" Hidan cried, pouncing on the bottle and gulping down a mouthful before anyone could react.
"Hidan, put that down," Kakuzu ordered before turning to look at the shark and weasel. "How much did that cost?" he asked.
"Not as much as this one," Kisame replied, holding up a second bottle.
It was immediately snatched out of his hands by a rather irate banker. "We're returning this for a refund," he stated.
"Aw, lighten up Kuzu," Hidan commanded, taking another swig from the bottle in his possession. "You're just acting like a Jashin-damn prick because you're a lightweight."
"Oh really?"
"Hell yeah."
"Um, can we have our sake back?" Kisame asked.
"No," Kakuzu said, opening the bottle and gulping down a mouthful. "Now put your money were your loud mouth is, Hidan." The shark and weasel left the room then, the sounds of the miser and the masochist arguing mingling with Deidara's screams.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~three weeks later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Pein and Konan jerked in their seats at the table. "What was that?" the leader asked.
"I think it was Deidara," Itachi replied, eyes focused on the food he was cutting for Tenshi.
"What did you do?" Konan asked suspiciously.
"Simple. We made sure Tenshi will grow up with friends," Kisame stated calmly.
Pein stared in shock at the shark and weasel, before springing up from the table. The other four soon went after him.
They hurried down the hall and into the bathroom, where they saw a rather shocked Deidara staring at his reflection in the mirror.
It was Tenshi who spoke first. "Daddy, Dei has boobs!"
"Why yes she does," Itachi replied.
"I am not a she, un!"
"Then where's your dick?" Kisame asked, biting back his laughter.
"JASHIN DAMMIT!"
Everyone froze. "Itachi, did you…" Pein began.
"No," the weasel said.
Quickly Pein, Itachi, Kisame, Tenshi, and Konan ran out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into Hidan and Kakuzu's room. The fivesome stopped short when they saw the zealot standing before them in a woman's form. "Hidan, why are you a chick?" Pein asked.
"The hell if I know!" he said, staring in horror at his new body.
"Wait a minute…." Kisame said, thinking. "Do you two remember the night you took our sake?"
"Yeah, of cour-oh HELL NO!"
"We didn't," Kakuzu said, holding his head. "I can't believe we…oh crap…"
"More babies!" Konan exclaimed happily, jumping up and down. "Pein, now can I-"
"Absolutely not!"