By the time the bomber and zealot were four months pregnant, Pein had started sending Kakuzu and Sasori on more and more missions. Itachi and/or Kisame were often drafted to work with these two, leaving their child in the hands of the pregnant Akatsuki members at the base.
Needless to say, the shark and weasel constantly feared for their daughter's life.
--
"Hidan, what's this?" Tenshi asked, picking up a kunai.
"That a knife, you-OWW! Little bitch," he growled, pulling the knife out of his leg.
"Oooh, blood!" she reached for the shiny liquid and then wiped her fingers across the wound.
"Will you cut that out?!" the Jashinist snapped.
"*Sniff*…I'm sowwy…" she whimpered, tearing up.
She began to cry softly, much to Hidan's dismay. "Crap, stop it Tenshi!" More tears. "Stop it or I'll sacrifice you, dammit!" The girl was positively wailing by now. "Stop and you get a cookie?"
"Cookie!" she squealed, tears immediately stopping.
The immortal let out a sigh of relief and picked the girl up, moving to set her on the counter. "And that bastard Kuzu says I'm bad with kids," he muttered while walking to the cookie jar on the other end of the counter.
"You are, un," Deidara called out. Hidan looked up to see Deidara walking into the room, frowning at the zealot. "Bribing a toddler to keep quiet about verbal abuse with a cookie; how low will you sink, un?"
"Hey, at least the bitch is quiet now!" Hidan and Deidara were so busy arguing that they failed to notice Tenshi crawling across the counter, heading straight for the stove.
Now, this wouldn't have been a problem if Tenshi's little hand hadn't brushed against the dials to the stovetop burners. Almost immediately a small blue flame leapt up, fascinating the girl. It was such an appealing shade of blue; she simply had to touch the pretty fire-
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Both Akatsuki spun around to see the girl bawling and sucking on her burnt finger. "Crap!" they exclaimed, rushing over to the stove. Deidara picked up the girl as Hidan shut off the flame. "What now?!" Deidara asked above Tenshi's crying.
"Put water on it, asshole!"
Deidara turned on the sink with one hand, using his other hand to pull Tenshi's hand away from her mouth. In only a matter of seconds her burnt finger was under the cool running water, her cries reduced to sniffles and hiccups.
Deidara shut off the water and brought her hand close to his face, kissing the finger gently. "There, all better, un."
"Cookie?" she asked softly.
"Right, you must be hungry by now, un," Deidara said, looking at the clock and noticing that it was past one in the afternoon. "Ok, time for lunch!"
"Hell yeah!" Hidan said, hurrying to the fridge. "Let's see, we've got pickles, mayo, grilled chicken…" he began passing these things to Deidara as he spoke.
"Hey, un!" the blonde protested. "I've only got two hands, un!"
"Give me Tenshi, dumbass," Hidan commanded, holding an arm out to take the girl. Once the child was passed to him, he went back to extracting the foodstuffs.
"Rice, refried beans…oh, chicken!"
"We already have some, un," Deidara said, handing it back.
"Jashin dammit, wait we need those f-ing tortillas, and soy sauce…" the zealot began juggling the items around in his arms, eventually putting up the chicken and extracting the other lunchtime necessities. Deidara joined in, and an odd loop of food being extracted or put up was formed, with Tenshi caught in the middle. "Here we go!" Hidan exclaimed after they had finally acquired all the dishes necessary for a meal.
Minutes passed, and soon the two had prepared an adequate lunch. As they sat down at the table ten minutes later, a thought occurred to Deidara. "Hidan, where is Tenshi, un?"
"Huh? Don't you have her…" the two looked at each other for a long moment, before slowly turning their heads to look at the fridge. "CRAP!" They bolted across the room, ripping open the appliance's door.
There was Tenshi, sitting on the top shelf, a Tupperware container of chicken in her lap. "Cookie?" she asked hopefully.
"ACK!" Deidara pulled the girl out, cradling her to his chest. "Oh, you poor thing, un! You need a hot bath now, don't you?"
"Deidara, not even Konan's allowed to do that," Hidan pointed out. "You'll get your ass kicked by weasel-boy."
The child in Deidara's arm sneezed, sending waves of panic through the two. "She needs a bath to warm up, un!"
"Dumbass-"
"Keep quiet about this, and I'll make sure no one finds out you put Tenshi in the fridge."
"You helped, asshole!"
"Your fault, un," the blonde replied, carrying the girl out of the room. He walked down the hall and into the bathroom, setting the girl inside the tub. "Tenshi, I'm going to close the curtain, un. Just throw your clothes out here, and I'll turn on the water for you, un." The girl did as told, Deidara focusing on the water taps to give her as much privacy as possible. Unfortunately, Pein began loudly calling his name. Sighing, the blonde rose and left the room.
The leader was standing in the hallway, waiting for him. "What, un?"
"I just came to tell you Itachi and Kisame finished early, and will be back soon."
"All right, I care because, un?"
You're in charge of their kid, aren't you?"
"Un."
"Well, they'll no doubt want to see Tenshi, so I suggest you make her presentable. Speaking of which, where is she?"
"Hmm? Well, I was giving her a ba-THE WATER'S STILL RUNNING!" Deidara turned and shot towards the bathroom at top speed.
The water was up to Tenshi's neck now. The girl, however, didn't notice, since she was busy splashing water over the side of the tub.
Deidara heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that the girl had not drowned. "I was scar-"
WHAM
Tenshi blinked at the blonde. His leg had slipped out from under him when he stepped into a puddle, causing his head to smash into the side of the tub. She began tugging his ponytail, wondering if he would do any more funny tricks as the water began overflowing the bathtub.
--
"There. She's dressed, bathed, and ready to see her parents, un," Deidara declared. He'd spoken not a moment too soon.
Kisame and Itachi had just arrived home, and after dropping off their report they were eager to see their daughter. "Daddy!" Tenshi yelled, holding out her arms to the weasel expectantly.
Itachi plucked the girl from Deidara's arms, bringing her to his chest. A moment later, he sniffed her hair and frowned. "Who gave Tenshi a bath?" he asked quietly, glaring at the two pregnant Akatsuki members.
"I did, but I had to, un! It was the only way to warm her up after she got stuck in the fridge-"
"WHAT?!" Kisame cried.
"It was Hidan's fault, un!"
"At least I didn't forget the bitch and almost let her drown like some blonde dumbass!"
Kisame could only gape in horror, while Itachi looked over his child for any other signs of trauma. "What happened to her hand?"
"Oh. Um, she may or may not have burned herself on the stove, un," Deidara explained weakly.
"Before or after the fridge incident?" Itachi asked quietly.
"Before, but after Hidan made her cry, un."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Pein's office, 2.5 seconds later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BAM
Pein looked up in time to see an enraged Itachi storm across the room to him. "I refuse to leave my child in their incapable hands ever again!"
Pein rolled his eyes. Hidan and Deidara must have screwed up again, this time royally so. "Itachi, there is no one else to watch her," the pierced man explained calmly.
"Why not Konan?"
"I need her for missions. The only reason Hidan and Deidara stay here is their pregnancies, and you know that."
"Knock up Konan then."
"Out of the question," Pein said firmly.
"Pein," Itachi began, voice frighteningly calm. "Do you know where the most dangerous place you can be around a mother is?"
"No, do tell," the leader said sarcastically.
"It's between the mother and her child. That's where you are right now. Pein, you are going to put Tenshi in Konan's care when we are gone, you are going to do it immediately, or so help me (his eyes flashed red) you will regret it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~that night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Konan?"
The woman looked to her boyfriend, who was sitting on their bed, a frown on his face. "Yes?"
"I've been thinking…"
"About what?"
"You wanting children." There was a pause, where Pein took a deep breath as Konan held hers. "I guess one or two kids wouldn't hurt."
GLOMP
"Time for sex!" the female declared, all but ripping the clothing off Pein's body.