~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~weeks go by~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The entire Akatsuki was gathered in the kitchen, eating a hearty breakfast of pancakes and squirrel bacon. Pein was drinking his coffee slowly, a haggard look on his face. He appeared ready to drop dead from exhaustion. "What's wrong?" Itachi asked calmly.
"Konan," the leader replied, taking another swig of his steaming beverage. "The woman is determined to get pregnant no matter what."
"How is that a problem?" Itachi asked. "Most people would kill to be in your position."
"Besides the fact that certain areas are getting rather sore, I'm a bit worried about what will happen if she actually does get pregnant."
"Hn?"
The man sighed and set his coffee down. "Itachi, you're aware that my parents died at an early age, right?"
"Hn."
"That being said...I have no idea how to be a good father."
"Don't die," Itachi suggested.
"Ha ha," Pein said, glaring half-heartedly at the Uchiha. "And what else? I'm the leader of a criminal organization! How is that supposed to set a good example for my kid?!"
"Hn."
"Furthermore, absolutely nothing about my life qualifies me to be a parent."
"You're in charge of this lot," Itachi said, motioning to the other Akatsuki members. While they'd been talking, a food fight had broken out, with Tobi hurling pancakes to and fro while Deidara and Hidan attempted to choke their semes with bacon. "If this doesn't qualify you, nothing will."
"If my kid turns out like any of you people, I'm jumping off the roof. After I enjoy a plentiful helping of arsenic."
--
A sudden high-pitched shriek cut through the night, awakening Deidara and Hidan, the only Akatsuki currently in the base besides Pein, Konan, and of course Tenshi. "What the heck, un?" Deidara grumbled, sitting up in bed. Grumbling softly, he rose from his bed and walked into the hall, intent on finding the source of his sleep's disturbance.
He wasn't the only one who was curious as to the source of the scream; Hidan was also in the hallway. Wordlessly the two began walking towards the source of the scream, stopping in front of Pein and Konan's room when the heard the sound of the blue-haired woman chattering in an excited voice. "The bitch had better have a damn good excuse," Hidan muttered as Deidara began pounding on the door.
Moments later the door opened to reveal Pein, wearing an unreadable expression on his face. "What the heck's with Konan, un?" Deidara growled, eyes squinting against the harsh florescent lighting of Sir Leader's room.
"It turned blue!" Konan squealed in reply, holding a small stick for all to see. "That means I'm pregnant! All that sex paid off!"
"Does that mean I can sleep tonight?" Pein muttered, yawning shortly thereafter.
"Yes honey. You've earned it."
"…Ok, we're just gonna go then," Hidan said, trying to escape the increasingly awkward moment he and the sculptor had become trapped in. Their escape came in the form of the sound of a certain child crying. "Dammit, you scared Tenshi," Hidan stated, hurrying behind Deidara to Kisame and Itachi's room.
When they arrived they found the girl sitting up in bed, tears running down her face. "Shh, it's ok Tenshi," Deidara cooed, picking up the three-year-old and rocking her gently in his arms.
"You got this?" Hidan asked.
"Un."
"Night," the Jashinist muttered, exiting the room in hopes of getting a few more hours of sleep before dawn.
The blonde and zealot had grown used to taking care of Tenshi during the shark and weasel's absence, and soon Deidara had calmed the child down. "Better?" he asked softly.
"Yes," she answered, eyelids drooping as she spoke.
Deidara smiled and tucked her in under the sheets. He then turned and began walking towards the door. Time for him to get back to bed and-
"Don't go!" Tenshi whispered, voice pleading.
"Tenshi…"
"Pwease?" she begged, giving Deidara her best chibi look.
The blonde groaned in defeat and spun around, walking further into the room. "How your fathers can resist you I'll never know, un," he grumbled, situating himself at the foot of Kisame and Itachi's bed. This was going to be a long night.
--
"Mind explaining what you're doing on our bed?"
Deidara woke up to stare into the eyes of a familiar shark. He turned his head to see Itachi gently waking up Tenshi, hugging her to his chest as the girl began to stir in his arms. "Well?" Kisame went on.
"Your daughter got scared and wouldn't let me leave, un," Deidara explained. "By the way, your mattress sucks." Not like his was any better though.
"Tell that to Kakuzu," the shark muttered, shaking his head. "Thanks for looking after her while we were gone."
"It's fine," Deidara said, waving his hand dismissively in the air. "And now, I'm going to get some breakfast, un."
"See ya."
Deidara walked out into the hall, pausing a moment to pop his back. Damn, he was going to have a talk with Kakuzu about the beds around here. "Did you have fun while we were gone?" Was that Itachi?
Deidara peered into the room through a crack in the door. To his shock, the Uchiha was sitting on Tenshi's bed, brushing the girl's hair and smiling down at her.
"Uh-huh! Deidara played with me, and I colored, and…" the girl rambled on and on, Itachi nodding and commenting every now and again.
When the weasel finally finished brushing her blue locks, he set her on the floor and rose. "Kisame, can you get her dressed?"
"Sure angel." Itachi walked across the room, coming closer to the door, but turning at the last minute and walking into the bathroom. Moments later Deidara heard the sound of running water. The weasel must be showering.
"Let's see, what to put you in," Kisame murmured, digging through the drawer of their dresser reserved for Tenshi. While he was occupied, the child dove under the bed, intent on staying in her pjs all day.
The shark finally pulled out a sundress and turned around to show it to his daughter, only to find that the girl had disappeared from sight. As he began walking around the room in search of her, however, a giggle escaped from under the bed, giving away the girl's position.
Kisame was down on his knees in a flash, sticking his head under the bed. "Tenshi, come out."
"No."
"Tenshi, come out or no cookies today."
"No!"
"Tenshi Uchiha Hoshigaki," Kisame began, crawling under the bed. The child was fast on her feet though, and darted out from under the mattress before the shark could react. Laughing at the game, the child ran across the bedroom-
and straight into the bathroom.
Deidara heard several thumps, a cry, and scuffling noises before an enraged Itachi emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and his child held at arms' length in his hands. Tenshi was staring below the beltline on her father, a curious look on her young face. "Daddy, what's that thingy?"
"…"
"What is it?"
"What's she talk-oh," Kisame said as the realization hit him.
"What is it?" Tenshi repeated, reaching for her father's towel. "Tell me!"
"Kisame, take her. And try to keep a closer watch on her," Itachi requested, glaring at his lover. The shark plucked the girl from his arms, whispering apologies again and again.
"Poppa, what is that thingy daddy has?" Tenshi asked, looking up at the shark with wide eyes. "Why don't I have one?"
"You'll get one when you're older," Itachi lied, disappearing into the bathroom a moment later. Leaving the shark to fend for himself.
"Poppa, is that true?"
"Um…"
"Do you have a thingy too? Lemme see!" Tenshi begged, reaching for Kisame's pants.
Deidara took off down the hall, praying to whatever deities existed that when he gave birth five months from now he would have a boy and be saved this embarrassing explanation.