~~~~~~~~~~~rewind, one month~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hidan was sitting up in bed, propped up by several pillows. Kakuzu was standing at his side, looking down at the bundle in Hidan's arms. "Finally we get some testosterone around this place," Hidan mumbled.

"Pein ought to be glad that we had a boy," Kakuzu replied, looking down at his son. "Too bad he looks like me, though."

"Why the hell's that a bad thing?" Hidan demanded. "Girl's dig the dark and handsome thing."

"Apparently so do Jashinists," Kakuzu stated with a smirk.

"Shut the hell up," Hidan commanded. "And yes I do."

The baby began to whine, disrupting Hidan and Kakuzu's conversation. "Shh," Hidan whispered, rocking the child in his arms in an attempt to calm it down.

"What's his name going to be?" Kakuzu asked.

"I like Amaifuyu," Hidan said.

"Amaifuyu? That's kinda long."

"Like I give a-" a wail from the baby cut him off, ending the argument before it even started.

~~~~~~~~fast-forward three months (sounds like VCR instructions)~~~~~~

Deidara was sitting on the ground in front of a rocking chair, where Ahato and Boom were currently stretched out. He gently rocked the chair back and forth with one hand, watching his daughters sleep. "You're smarter than you look," a monotone voice stated.

The sculptor turned to see Itachi walk into the room, holding Amaifuyu in his arms. The miser and masochist had recently been sent on a mission, and the weasel had been drafted to watch the infant.

The Uchiha approached the bomber, sitting down on the ground beside him. "It took me four months to figure out that Tenshi liked being rocked in the chair without me."

"That's where I got the idea, un," Deidara admitted. "Speaking of her, where is she?"

"Kisame's playing with her before he has to leave. She has to go to bed before he departs, so he's trying to squeeze in a little playtime." Amaifuyu began to squirm in his arms, so he set the infant down on the couch behind him. Immediately the child calmed down, falling back asleep.

"I do not look forward to the day where that child can speak, un," Deidara said, shaking his head.

"Or figures out where we keep the knives," Itachi added.

"Daddy!" the two Akatsuki turned to the doorway, where Kisame was standing with Tenshi in his arms.

He set the girl down, and she hurried as fast her little legs would allow across the room to her father. "Bed?" Itachi asked knowingly. Tenshi was already dressed in her light blue footie pajamas, and she had a tired look in her eyes.

"Uh-uh," Tenshi said, yawning as she did so.

"That's a yes," Itachi stated, hugging the girl and kissing her forehead. "Goodnight Tenshi."

"Night daddy," she replied as Kisame came over and picked her up. "Love you."

"She pretty developed for a two-year-old, un," Deidara stated.

"She'll be three in a few months," Itachi argued.

"She's going to turn into a little genius like you," Deidara stated flatly.

"I'd prefer her to be completely average," Itachi remarked.

Deidara raised a brow at the words. He hadn't expected the weasel to take such a negative attitude towards his daughter's capabilities. "Why?"

"She's going to have social problems," Itachi replied, eyes falling on the bomber's daughters.

"So? That didn't stop you from, erm…"

"See?"

"Well, your life didn't turn out too bad, un. You're with Kisame and you have a kid, don't you?"

"Hn."

"See? Tenshi'll be fine. You'd be better off worrying about Amaifuyu," Deidara said, motioning to the sleeping boy. "Considering what kind of parents he has, he'll never get a date, un."

"Neither is Tenshi. At least not until she's thirty."

"Ahato and Boom have to wait until they're forty," the bomber declared. Boom awoke, and began whimpering softly. "Now hush," Deidara ordered, picking up the girl and bouncing her gently in his arms. "That's just the way it's going to be, un."

"There's nothing wrong with waiting that long," another voice called out.

Deidara turned around just in time to see Sasori appear behind him. "Welcome back danna," the sculptor said.

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Itachi asked the redhead.

"As a matter of fact, yes," the Akasuna replied, slipping his arms around the blonde's waist. "I didn't meet Dei until a few years ago, after all," he murmured, kissing down the blonde's neck gently.

"Not in front of the babies, un!" Deidara protested in an angry whisper, blushing madly.

"Relax, they won't notice if you stay quiet," Itachi assured them, picking up Amaifuyu and walking out of the room. Leaving Deidara in the hands of his very horny danna.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, in Finland~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zetsu?" Tobi asked.

"What is it?"

"Why are Zetsu and Tobi in Finland?"

"Because Tobi, the evil author of this abomination doesn't need us right now. Damn bitch."

"Zetsu, you shouldn't anger the evil author!"

"Why not? It's not like-" Zetsu was cut off as a he was trampled by a herd of rabid Finnish elks.

"Tobi tried to warn you like a good boy," the masked nin stated, trying to scrape his friend off the ground with a spatula.

--

A.N. Amaifuyu means sweet winter