As soon as the children got over their colds, their thoughts drifted to the one thing that made the dark and dreariness of wintertime worth it; Christmas.
"Dei-dei, is it Christmas yet??" Ahato asked, tugging on her father's sleeve. She, her twin, and the blonde were all seated at the table in the kitchen, eating breakfast. Or rather, Deidara was eating breakfast while trying to coax his energetic daughters into consuming their breakfast cereal, which was becoming increasingly soggy as time went on.
"Is it?" Boom repeated, pulling on the bomber's other sleeve.
"No, un, and it won't be for another week," Deidara explained, gently tugging his sleeves free.
"Dei-dei, make Christmas come sooner!" Boom demanded.
"Yeah, and save us all the headache this Jashin-damned heathen holiday brings," Hidan muttered. The zealot appeared to be rather agitated, as made apparent by the fact that he rubbing his temples as he walked into the kitchen.
"You're just mad 'cause Santa isn't gonna bring you anything!" Ahato declared.
"Yeah, 'cause you always say bad words!" Boom added.
"Let me tell you a little something about your Santa Claus-" Hidan began. Fortunately, Sasori noticed what was about to happen as he entered into the kitchen.
He was quick to attach chakra strings to the zealot and then slam him into a wall, effectively shutting him up. "Don't pay any attention to him," the redhead commanded, sitting down beside Ahato. "He's just mad that he won't be getting any presents this year."
"Only because there are children here, dammit," the masochist grumbled, rising to his feet and rubbing his head. He smirked at Deidara. "We can't exactly give them the kinds of presents we used to, eh blondie?"
Deidara blushed while his children looked at him with questioning eyes. "Dei-Dei, what's he talking about?" Boom asked. "Did you give Danna bad presents?"
"It's nothing," he assured the girls as his blush deepened.
"MUM!" Amaifuyu ran into the room at top speed, stumbling slightly before charging at Hidan and pouncing on the zealot. "Mum, daddy punched another hole in the Jashin damn wall!" he tattled.
For some unknown reason, Amaifuyu addressed Hidan as mum. Deidara and Konan were suspected of implanting the name, and it drove the zealot nuts, but Hidan did nothing to change it. In fact, Sasori, Itachi, and Pein were beginning to suspect he secretly like being called mum.
The zealot sighed and bent down, straightening himself after picking up his son. "Dear Jashin, you dented your glasses again," he muttered, trying to adjust the round, black frames of Amaifuyu's eyewear.
The child frowned, swatting his father's hand away. "Heki pushed me down. Stupid bastard."
"Amai, if you keep saying stuff like that, Santa won't get you any gifts!" Ahato cautioned.
"Eep!" the boy quickly shut his mouth, paling at the thought.
"Tch, don't worry," Hidan said, carrying his son to the counter and setting him down. His hands now free, the Jashinist walked across the room to the fridge and opened it up, prepared to find something for him and his son to eat. "Worst case scenario, you get coal, and we put it in the Jashin-damned furnace since a certain dumbass that shall remain nameless refuses to turn on the heat..." the rest of his grumbling was lost, both because of his low tone and for the sake of the censors.
--
Tenshi was in the living room, trying to do a crossword puzzle that had been left out on the coffee table. The entire room had been done over in Christmas style, complete with an evergreen tree, stockings by the fire (despite Kakuzu's complaining that they were a fire hazard) and mistletoe over the doorway. All this yuletide effort, though, was lost on the girl, so engrossed in the puzzle was she. "Seven letter word for catastrophic or destructive...Deidara!" She proudly wrote in her answer, failing to notice Kisame walking over behind her.
Smiling, the shark crept up from behind the couch, slowly leaning over, until, "BOO!"
WHAM
Kisame stumbled back clutching his nose, while Tenshi stared at the shark in horror, fist still raised from when she spun around and punched him. "Poppa!" Immediately she rushed to her father's side, radiating worry and regret. "Poppa, are you ok?!"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Kisame assured her, rubbing his nose.
The girl began sniffling. "I'm sorry, poppa."
"Tenshi, don't cry," Kisame said, bending down and putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's fine. You didn't hurt me very badly." In all actuality, he was pretty sure his nose was broken, but there was no point in getting his daughter even more upset.
"You're lying," she accused, tears in her eyes now.
Kisame silently cursed the observational skills of the Uchihas. He'd been hoping that it would be a trait that skipped over his daughter. "Tenshi, it's fine. You didn't mean to hit me. Besides, you daddy used to do that whenever I'd sneak up on him." Actually, the one and only time he'd tried to sneak-attack Itachi had resulted in several kunais burying themselves in his vital organs, but he was desperate to comfort his child by now.
It worked. "Really?" Tenshi asked with a few more sniffs.
"Yup," Kisame replied, grinning widely.
"Poppa?"
"Yes?"
"Why'd you come in here in the first place?"
"Daddy wanted me to ask you what you wanted for Christmas."
This brought a smile to the child's face. "A copy of The Art of War!" she declared.
Kisame was only mildly surprised that she'd ask for something like that. "Erm, are you sure you'd want that, Tenshi? Why not something else? Like something children your age normally read?"
Tenshi frowned at this. "No way. Those other books I have are boring. I want something else to read!"
"Which ones?" Kisame asked, unable to recall his daughter ever complaining about the literature she'd been provided with.
"The Three Little Pigs, for one thing! Honestly, if the wolf had just set up a blockade around the brick house, he could have starved the pigs into submission, perhaps under the pretense of one being thrown out to him so the others could escape!"
"..."
"Better yet, he could have set fire to the straw and stick houses, roasting the pigs alive so he wouldn't even have had to bother with the brick house!"
"..."
"Or..." Tenshi continued on explaining her various strategies for the wolf, while Kisame stayed kneeling in front of her, staring in shock.
--
Itachi looked up when he heard the sound of Konan's door being opened. He and the female were in her room, wrapping a few more presents up. She quickly threw a blanket over the gifts while the weasel stepped in front of the bed, blocking the view in case it was a child.
To his surprise it was Kisame, clutching his nose in a pained manner.
Frowning, the Uchiha approached his lover, gently pulling the shark's hand away. His eyes widened when he saw the swordsman's damaged nose. "What happened?" he demanded, gazing at the shark with concern in his eyes.
Kisame shut his eyes and took a deep breath before he spoke. "Your daughter," he began, "wants The Art of War for Christmas. Had she been the wolf in children's fairy tales, everyone would be dead. And she has one hell of a right hook."
"...?"
"...?" Konan and Itachi both stared up at the shark, wondering what he meant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~one week later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mommy mommy!"
"Pops! Pops!!"
Konan and Pein both groaned and rolled away from their respective sides of the bed, which caused them to collide with one another. Immediately they sat up, clutching their faces from the force of the contact. "Yes kids?" Pein mumbled through gritted teeth.
His sons, of course, were unfazed. "It's Christmas!" They declared, now trying to drag their parents out of bed.
"And?" the leader grumbled as Konan rose from her side of the bed.
"They want to open P-R-E-S-E-N-T-S," she said, smiling at her sons. "Now get out of bed!"
Pein looked to his digital clock on the bedside table and groaned. "Konan, it is 5:30 in the morning." He lay down and rolled over, back facing his family. "Wake me when the sun's up."
The blue-haired woman frowned. "Get out of bed, or I won't do that thing you like in bed anymore."
Her threat worked and moments later Pein sat up, rising to his feet in a groggy manner. "Curse this holiday," he mumbled as he was dragged into the hall.
As fate would have it, the other children had woken up, and were also dragging their parents out of the rooms and down the hall. "Next year, we're making a no-getting-up-before-eight rule," Sasori grumbled as Ahato ran ahead of him, calling for the puppet master to hurry up.
"I second that motion," Kisame stated with a yawn.
By the time the adults arrived in the living room, the children were all gathered around the tree as Tenshi passed out their presents. "Hey, no opening anything until everyone's got their stuff!" Tenshi ordered as Heki began ripping into his gifts.
"Sorry," he muttered, impatiently waiting for the distribution to be finished.
Five minutes later every child had their presents. Thirty seconds after that, the floor was littered with wrapping paper.
Ahato was the first to squeal in delight from her gift. It was a puppet, carved in her likeness and roughly half her size. She rushed over to Sasori, begging him to show her how to play with puppets, the rest of her gifts forgotten.
Boom let out a twin cry moments later, shortly followed by Pein going white as a sheet, much to Deidara's joy. The bomber had gotten (what else?) explosive clay for his little firework. She, like Ahato, rushed over to her father, so eager to begin her art that the rest of her gifts were abandoned.
Heki and Hakushi had been hard to shop for, but Pein had finally settled on giving the gift of bunk beds. The two were already fighting about who would get to sleep on top. Konan, being the wiser of the two, had opted for a soccer ball, in hopes of wearing the children out before they went to bed. With any luck, they'd be too tired to put any real argument in who slept where.
Amaifuyu was sitting at his parent's feet. A Jashinist pendant hung around his neck, much to Hidan's delight, and the child was ripping into his other gift. When the box was unwrapped, however, Hidan began blinking in surprise. "…You got him a checkbook?"
"It's never too early to start saving!" Amaifuyu declared, making Kakuzu smile as Hidan gave his partner a flat look.
"You brainwashed our kid, you bastard," he accused, cuffing the miser upside the head.
"Just because I'm teaching him not to be an impulse buyer like you does not mean I brainwashed him," Kakuzu argued.
"You loved some of my impulse buys!"
"Name one."
"Your birthday, eight years ago. Or the year before that, dumbass. And that outfit I bought at the festival in the Land of Waves? And-"
"All right, I get it. But that last one only counts because you looked hot in it."
"There are children here!" Konan reminded the two before their chat went any further.
Meanwhile, Tenshi was oh-so-slowly opening her gifts. She carefully ran her nails along the package's tape, slitting it without tearing the wrapping paper so it was left in tact. "C'mon Tenshi, rip!" Kisame urged.
"Hn," was all she said as she finally removed the paper, smiling at her gift. "Yay! You got the book for me!"
Kisame smiled as Itachi gently handed another box to her. "Here Tenshi."
The girl quickly unwrapped her latest present. Kisame looked to his lover, hoping to catch some signal as to what was in the box. Itachi's face was stoic as ever, offering no hints. When the box was finally opened, Kisame sucked in a shallow breath.
The box held a white cat mask with red stripes.
Tenshi carefully picked it up, turning it over in her hands. Even if she didn't know what she was looking at, she knew there was something special about this. "Daddy, what's this mask for?"
Itachi smiled. "It's an ANBU mask. You've asked me before what other ninjas wear; there's your answer."
"Ohh…" she breathed softly, staring at the mask with renewed awe. She held perfectly still, as if considering her next move, before turning the mask over and putting it on. She then looked up to her fathers. "How do I look?" she asked, happiness apparent in her voice.
"Like a ninja, of course," Itachi assured her. Kisame smiled and nodded, words still beyond him.
"Tenshi, wanna play with us?" Heki called out from across the room. Hakushi was holding their new soccer ball under his arm, Amaifuyu at his side. Since the redheads were busy with their newly gained art, Tenshi's presence was no doubt needed to even the playing field.
"Coming!" she called out, standing up quickly.
The mask slipped off her face, but she managed to catch it before it hit the ground. "It's a little big," Itachi mused, "but it was made to fit a grown adult."
"Daddy, can you hold onto it?" she requested, holding the mask out for her father to take. The weasel took it from her, making the girl smile before turning and running to her friends.
When they were gone, Kisame turned his attention to Itachi. "Why did you give her your ANBU mask?" he asked quietly.
"I was cleaning out our closet, and happened upon it," Itachi explained. "Tenshi is becoming more and more interested in what life's like outside the Akatsuki…including what we were like before Akatsuki. Giving her the mask seemed the easiest way to break into the subject."
"It's scary, you know," Kisame stated. "She did look good in that mask. Like a real ninja."
"Hn."
"Although…" Itachi smiled as he felt an arm wrap around his waist. "I can think of someone who looked much better in it."
Itachi moved closer to the shark, snuggling into his side. "Love you, Kisame."
"Love you too, angel."