"AHHHHHHH!"

Everyone in the kitchen looked up at the sound of the scream. "Déjà vu," Hidan muttered thoughtfully.

As if on cue, Ahato ran in to the room screaming with a teary Boom fast on her heels. "Sis is gonna DIE!" Boom wailed.

Deidara, of course, began to panic. "What's happened, un?!"

"I can guess," Itachi muttered.

"I-I was in the b-bathroom-"

"Oh crap," Sasori thought.

"-and there was blood in my panties!" Ahato cried.

"I don't want sis to die!" Boom screamed.

"I don't wanna die!" Ahato added.

"…Erm, Ahato, sweetie, you're not going to die, un," Deidara began, his eyes darting to Sasori and begging for help.

"Come here," Sasori groaned after a moment. "I'll take you to see Konan. She'll explain everything." After the redheaded trio had departed, the others began speaking.

"Damn, now that I think about it, none of the kids but Tenshi have had sex ed," Hidan remarked as he sipped on his coffee.

"That's not good, un," Deidara stated. "We should probably get the boys now so Konan only has to give "the talk" one time, un."

"That's the first intelligent thing you've said in ye-"

"Don't finish that sentence, Uchiha, un."

--

Hours later Amaifuyu walked into the living room, looking nervous as his eyes darted around and he wringed his hands. Magenta pupils finally settled on the couch, and he smiled weakly. Target found.

Kakuzu watched calmly from his reclining position as his son crossed the room. He would have sat up on normal occasions to greet the boy, but at the moment Hidan was asleep and using Kakuzu as a body pillow, effectively pinning the miser down to the couch.

The banker propped his head up with one arm, the other hand still occupied tousling Hidan's silver locks. "What's wrong, Amai?" he inquired. Rarely if ever did his son look so distraught. The teen had inherited Hidan's ridiculously cheery nature, minus the constant bitching and whining.

"Well, um…Konan gave us a sex talk," the teen began.

"Yes?"

"And she told us how all that shit works…"

"Go on."

"But, erm…" Amaifuyu's tan skin darkened beneath his blush. "I kinda don't get how the hell I'm supposed to do it…without a bitch for a partner."

"Hmmm? What are you-oh, oh." Kakuzu sat up and gently shook the still-sleeping Jashinist on his lap. "Hidan, wake up."

"Huh?" the masochist slowly blinked his eyes open and looked up at the banker. "Kakuzu, what the hell? Dammit, I was-"

"Amaifuyu has some questions for you," Kakuzu interrupted.

"What about?"

"Sex."

"…Kuzu, Konan's supposed to be telling the kids that shit-"

"He needs to know how we do it. And I think it would be better coming from your point of view than mine."

By now, Hidan was wide awake. "Oh. Damn, why didn't you say so earlier, dumbass?" The zealot gave his lover a quick kiss before scrambling off Kakuzu's lap and sitting on the floor, motioning for Amaifuyu to do the same. "Amai, here's what you do…"

Kakuzu rose from his seat and exited the room. The conversation would be awkward enough without his added presence.

--

Several hours later, Pein began making his rounds through the Akatsuki base. He came across the children playing outside. Well, technically Tenshi was training with Heki, Hakushi was staring off into space with a dazed look on his face, and Boom and Ahato were curled up on the ground, looking as though the weight of the world was on their shoulders.

"Konan must have given them the talk," Pein decided. A frown crossed his face. Hmm, Amaifuyu was missing…choosing to investigate, the leader returned inside the base.

His search was relatively short, ending in the living room where he found Hidan sitting on the ground, talking, with Amaifuyu nearby, nodding and taking notes. Wait, why would Amai-

"And remember, his hands are occupied in that position, so you have to find something else to hold onto."

"But wouldn't daddy crush you like that?"

"Normally, so it's very fucking important to build up your back muscles before trying this shit. Now, the next position's called a 69-" At that point Pein bolted from the doorway. No wonder people discouraged eavesdropping. You never knew what bad mental images you were going to get from it…