Author's Note: Ironically, I finished writing this nearly a month ago. Unironically, I like sandwiches. I am an individual of many talents. I couldn't update sooner because I was busy moving furniture, and even was regaled with a tale of Brock Hudson by a great aunt (and I quote: "Such a shocker when he turned out to be a homo." Old people say the darndest things. I can't even repeat the things my grandfather used to say). Also, my dog ate my Word file. Also also, I am a lazy bastard who just does not give a crap.

This is the final bit of smut. And fun. Jace is… a strange guy. Alec is… a whiner. Together, they are… going to have a really awkward Morning After. Thank you all for reading, feel free to think things at me or write them at me (I don't take offense easily, despite what you may read in the reviews and author's notes).

I have to go now, I have a 3 hour roadtrip to plan (at least, that's how long it will start out. If there's a giant ball of string along the way I may get sidetracked). Those lepers sure do love Fresno. I also have to find some toothpicks to prop open my eyelids so I can sit through a showing of "Harry Potter is a Hormonal Prince". IN FRESNO.

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"Ohhhh my GOD, good morning party people!"

Alec blinked sleepily and rubbed his eyes with one hand.

Had he passed out in one of Magnus' guest rooms again? As the fog of sleep cleared from his head, his throat closed.

No, no more Magnus. No more stupid parties and drag queen ogres who groped his ass and straight girls who begged him to make out with every green-skinned boy who walked by. No more glitter between his teeth, no more satin sheets and velvet pillows, no more whispered poems, no more magic, no more… Magnus.

His heart ached. It always hurt at night right before sleep overcame him, but he was unaccustomed to waking up to a broken heart. It made getting out of bed seem not terribly worthwhile.

But at least that meant he was in a bed. A hotel bed with scratchy sheets. Something weighed down the mattress near his feet, and he sat up to eyeball it.

Leander stood on the end of the bed, arms on his hips, legs planted shoulder-width apart, and grinning maniacally. The phrase "naked as a blue jay" meandered through Alec's mind as he stared at Leander.

"Shut the fuck up, it's not even noon yet," a voice growled from the other side of the bed. Alec closed his eyes as reality came crashing down around him.

Jace rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow. He glared at Leander lethally and said, "Who the hell are you?"

"I am so outta here," Leander replied, winking. Alec opened his eyes again. "I gotta go blog about how hard you boned me last night."

"I don't bone men, that's this guy," Jace retorted grumpily, thumbing at Alec. He paused, then looked at Alec. There was a blank look on his face for a moment and then the corner of his mouth quirked as if remembering they shared a secret. "Oh, hey."

"Hey," Alec said weakly. Jace couldn't be as tired as he was acting if he could do a fake double-take like that. It was jokes like those that made Alec want to tell Jace he wasn't as funny as he thought he was. Which, the way he was smirking with self-satisfaction, was apparently pretty damn funny.

"Whatever tickles your pickle," Leander snickered. "Maybe I'll just go blog about how hard he boned you then. What are you, Nephilim or the Energizer bunny? You should call me next time you get lonely, sweetness." And with that, he jumped off the end of the bed, disappearing with a blast of obnoxiously glittering confetti.

"That was gay, right?" Jace asked, looking at Alec. The question was accompanied by a wry smile; Jace knew it would annoy him. "Naked guy in a glitter-splosion?"

"Yeah, sure," Alec replied vacantly, mortified that Leander had just said it. He'd been agonizing how to bring it up since realizing he'd cum inside of Jace the night before, and that fucking little Downworlder had just said it.

Silently they sat in the bed, sheets bunched around their waists. Alec cursed Leander for waking Jace up and ruining an early sneaky escape. He squinted into the sunlight that streamed into the room through the window. Leander had probably uncovered it before waking them up, giving them an excellent view of… a vacant lot. Alec's thoughts did not distract him from the silence in the room.

God, this was so awkward.

"Is something wrong?" Jace asked him unconcernedly. Alec shook his head. He wanted to turn around and look at Jace, soft, shining, and golden in the morning sunlight and stop trying to conceal his morning wood. For a moment, he imagined turning to Jace and kissing him and asking if he wanted eggs or oatmeal, and getting pulled back under the sheets.

The silence built back up.

"You really lost your control last night, didn't you?" Jace asked him.

Panic ripped through Alec and his stomach clenched so tightly that he gagged. His hands bunched into the sheets and he stared intently at the curtains. It was all he could do to not start crying or hide under the sheets or just throw a dagger at Jace's head; answering was out of the question.

And as he didn't dare turn to look, he could only wonder what Jace looked like right then. Confused, or annoyed, or embarrassed, or disgusted, or… Alec's eyes closed for a moment. There wasn't much else Jace could realistically be feeling right now.

A soft touch on the back of his head made him jump and he turned to stare at Jace, who looked startled. His hand floated next to Alec's head for a moment before smoothing down the dark hair, gently tracing the edge of his ear, and then lowering back to his own lap.

"You were right, everything's different today," Jace said soberly. He looked at his hands thoughtfully for a moment. "Everything we did last night…" Alec cringed. "Why didn't you do any of it in Idris? Before you and Magnus got together."

Alec's mind snapped in half and his face contorted with anger. "What, when you told me to kiss you?" he spat. Jace sat back, alarmed. "When you humiliated me because you were angry at Clary? I'm not stupid, Jace. All kissing you would have accomplished was to make things weird and break my heart. It wouldn't have changed how you felt about me, and it wouldn't have changed how things happened with you and Clary."

Jace stared at him in silence.

"Go on, tell me I'm wrong," Alec continued. "Tell me that kissing you would have changed anything at all. Tell me you wouldn't have felt uncomfortable around me after."

"I…" Jace looked confused and upset for a moment, and then his face softened. "I could never be uncomfortable around you, Alec."

"And yet you're so incredibly talented at making me feel uncomfortable. You couldn't simply say something when you figured out I was gay, you had to use it against me. How long did you sit on it? A week? A month? A year?"

Jace brought his hand up to his face and rubbed at his eyebrow. "I was going to talk to you about it. And then Clary showed up, and… she just… makes me so crazy."

"I noticed," Alec said bitterly.

They went quiet again, sitting naked in the morning sunlight.

"I'm sorry," Jace mumbled after a few minutes. "It's like I turn into a completely different person when I'm with her. I don't always like who that person is."

Alec let out a short laugh. "I don't even care. I got over all this so long ago."

"Not really though," Jace noted. "Or nothing would have happened last night."

"I'm sorry," Alec muttered, looking away. "You baited me and I bit."

"Yeah, you totally lost it. It was fucking hot," Jace said smugly, leaning back against the headboard.

Blushing, Alec uncomfortably pulled the sheets up tightly around his waist. Furtively his eyes scanned the room for his clothes, unable to clearly remember where they'd fallen.

"We've got the room for another hour," Jace commented. "You don't have to go yet."

"I'm not tired anymore." Alec kept it clipped and curt, trying to discourage anymore conversation.

"Who said anything about sleep?" There was a sly tone in Jace's voice that made Alec turn to look at him in disbelief.

"What then, parcheesi?" Alec asked sarcastically. Jace grinned and Alec snorted, embarrassed. "I'm too hungover to joke around with you. I just want to get breakfast and go home."

"Who's joking around?" Jace asked, leaning toward him. Alec tilted away nervously.

"You can't be serious," Alec said with a wry laugh. Jace crawled toward him, and the sheet fell away from his hips. Quickly Alec scooted back, his hand missing the edge of the bed, and he sprawled to the floor with a yelp.

"So serious," Jace replied, climbing off the bed. Scrambling madly, Alec tried to untangle himself from the sheets, only to end up uncovering himself. His face burned as he realized just how naked they both were.

"But…" Alec's breath grew short as Jace knelt over him. "You said last night was a one-time chance."

"Well, yeah," Jace said, arching a single eyebrow. "I was horny out of my mind and begging you for it. You think that happens often? I've got this little thing called self-control. You know it, don't you? Or you used to, anyway." Alec scowled at him.

Jace moved so that their chests were only a few inches apart, their faces so close Alec could smell their shared morning breath and see the sleep in the corners of Jace's golden eyes.

"I told you I don't like joking like this," Alec grumbled.

"And I told you I'm not joking," Jace replied calmly, moving closer. He pressed their lips together and had Alec not been lying down, he would have jumped backwards. Instead, his eyes went wide and he grabbed Jace's shoulders.

"Please, please wait," Alec gasped, pushing Jace back. Silently, Jace pulled away a few inches and stared at him. "It's not that easy. I mean…" Honestly, it was too fucking much for him to process so early in the morning, and the immediate way his body reacted to Jace's touch was just plain humiliating. And then there was the fact that he didn't know where Jace was going with this kissing thing, and his chest still ached a little from thinking about Magnus and… Shit. "I just broke up with Magnus and I'm not thinking straight and last night was…"

"I can wait," Jace interrupted, bending forward again and kissing Alec's throat. His left hand found Alec's ribs and stroked them gently.

"What.." Alec's eyes closed and he held in a laugh as Jace's fingers tickled him languidly. "Wait for what, now?"

"For you to get over him." The fingers moved to the center of his body and stroked down the soft downy hair above his belly button.

"Get over who?" Alec breathed, confused, and aroused, and forgetful as Jace's fingers tickled down through the hair.

Jace chuckled against Alec's chest and licked one of his nipples slowly and roughly, his hand tracing the crease of Alec's hip down to his pubic hair.

Unable to hold it in, Alec snickered and moaned at the same time and arched his back against Jace.

Suddenly Jace groaned and stopped. He winced and sat up.

"What's wrong?" Alec asked, a concerned frown forming on his face. He made himself say it as though he and Jace had, in fact, been playing Parcheesi.

"I need to… I don't know… sit in a vat of aloe vera or something," Jace grunted, moving one hand to clutch his dick. It looked raw and too red, like he'd been rubbing it with sandpaper, and despite all that, was half-erect.

"You are such a cocktease," Alec grumbled, trying to keep the frown on his face and not start laughing again. Jace looked smug for a moment and then leaned forward to press his lips to Alec's stomach.

He blew a raspberry as hard as he could.

Alec howled and shoved him away, laughing.

"Fuck you!" He clambered to his feet, unable to stop grinning.

"Again already? Jeez, give a guy a break for a few hours," Jace leaned back against the bed, looking up at him with a smirk. "Later, you horndog."

The casual joke set off alarms in Alec. He was completely unsure whether to be excited, pleased, embarrassed, or terrified. So all he could do was pretend Jace was talking about something else, someone else, and give a short, shy laugh. He walked over the couch and dug around in the pile of clothes to find his stele, then returned to Jace and crouched next to him. Biting the inside of his cheek to stay calm, he pushed Jace back against the side of the bed and hunkered over him, tracing a healing rune onto the blonde's pelvis.

"Fuck. Me," Jace breathed, his eyes closing. Alec watched the rune burn into his skin, making the blonde's cock twitch. He glanced up and the pleased look on Jace's face made him grin and mischievously run his tongue up Jace's cock. Fingers gripped his hair almost immediately.

"Later, like you said," Alec replied, pulling away. Jace's fingers tightened in his hair, but Alec was too quick, slipping away with a wicked smile on his face.

"That's cold," Jace laughed weakly and his head flopped back against the bed.

Nervously, Alec sat back down on the bed near the pillows and pulled a sheet up over his legs. He watched Jace carefully, not sure if the other man would catch the hint that "later" meant "two minutes from now and not on the dirty-ass floor."

Jace got up and crawled back into the bed, disappearing under the sheets.

"What are–" Alec's voice cut off into a moan as something hot and wet closed on his cock. His heart stopped beating for a moment and he gripped the blankets tightly. Jace sat up, and Alec let him pull their bodies together to join in a heated kiss.

"We are going to… talk about this… later," Alec mumbled into Jace's mouth.

"Don't be such a woman," Jace breathed, licking Alec's lower lip.

"Dick."

"Cock sucker."

"Ass-hat," Alec hissed as Jace bit his tongue lightly.

"Seriously though, will you suck my cock again?"

Alec opened his mouth and tried to think of another insult before giving him an awkward smile and shrugging. It pleased him that Jace had liked the blow job so much, but the casual way Jace talked about it was so strange and embarrassing that Alec didn't really know how to keep up.

"Wait, lemme practice on you first." Jace dove back under the sheets.

Alec started laughing and grabbed Jace's shoulders, trying to stop him. Quickly Jace slipped out of his grip and planted a kiss on his hip, hugging him around the thighs.

It turned into a wrestling match before either of them had realized. But instead of growling and grunting like they did during their practice sparring, they were snickering and yelping delightedly. Jace grinned against Alec's belly, clutched his ass while wiggling lower farther down the bed; Alec bent his knees and grabbed Jace's ears, writhing when his ass was grabbed.

Despite his struggle to stop Jace's descent, Alec's body reacted with excitement to the contact. This wasn't anything like messing around with Magnus, who had never been terribly fond of rough play. The adrenaline was pounding through his body, and he had to fight his Shadowhunter blood from leaping up and trying to take Jace as fiercely as he could.

Jace's lips pressed to the side of Alec's erection and one tan arm pinned his thighs in place while the other held his narrow hips still. They lay on their sides, and Alec let go of Jace's earlobes to grab a pillow and jam it against his face to stifle a moan. Jace's mouth found the head of his cock, nipping it with wet lips and flicking it with an uncertain, lizard-like tongue.

One of Alec's legs wormed its way out of Jace's arms and wrapped around his shoulder. Jace relinquished his hold on the pale thighs and moved his hand between them, stroking Alec's ass and then his lower back.

There was a momentary pause as Jace figured out how to suck on Alec's erection. It was unpleasant for a couple of minutes as Jace accidentally bit him and then sucked too tightly, and then again when he opened his mouth widely, letting in a shock of cold air. But his mouth finally picked up a slow and steady rhythm, earning a moan from Alec into the pillow.

He wanted more of Jace, this wasn't enough. It felt so good, and it was so consuming, but the anxiety of what the sex meant made Alec scared to finish.

One of his hands groped blindly down at Jace and found the hand on his ass, their fingers twining together. His body couldn't maintain the pace for much longer, but he forced himself to sustain for a few moments, relishing the saliva streaming down his dick and balls, the arm around his hips, the hand in his, the pillow still held tightly to his face.

He held on to Jace's hand so tightly, afraid that if he let go, even if for a second, it would end, and he would be alone in bed. All he would have left would be a jigsaw of imagined memories that did not fit together properly, soggy and sad. He pulled the pillow away from his face.

"Jace, I'm going to cum," Alec panted, tugging on his hand. "Let go, I can't stop."

But Jace clamped his fingers tighter and continued suckling Alec's erection.

With a muffled growl, Alec thrust into Jace, and gave up his efforts to hold back. The orgasm hit him hard, like getting slapped in the face with a two-by-four of pleasure as he ejaculated into Jace's mouth.

Jace sat up sharply, face twisted hideously. Alec gazed at him for a moment, fuzzy headed and then burst into wild peals of laughter.

"Oh my God," he gasped, grabbing his middle. His dick throbbed happily and he couldn't catch his breath as he laughed and watched Jace jump up and run for the garbage, spitting into it. "You didn't know it tasted so bad, did you?"

"No," Jace panted, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He crossed back to the bed and dove back under the covers. "It tastes way better when it's in someone else's mouth." He stuck his tongue out and tried to look at it. "Mah tungh tingslgth."

Alec sniggered and put one hand on top of Jace's head, stroking his hair. "Yeah, it'll do that."

"Next time you're going to drink a whole gallon of pineapple juice first," Jace informed him, smacking his tongue loudly.

It delighted Alec so much to hear the words 'next time' that he didn't bother to snidely point out the flaw in Jace's pineapple plan. He could feel his face glowing against the pillow, and he closed his eyes.

"Jace…" He tried to stop smiling broadly and couldn't do it, heart swelling and fingers filtering through the soft curly hair.

"Shut up with the mushy crap," Jace said, and there was a returned smile in his voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Alec swallowed the confession that had been hovering on the tip of his tongue. A pair of lips pressed to the palm of his hand and he sighed. "You going to let me return the favor?"

"Not right now," Jace replied. "I'll think you just want me for my body."

Alec snorted and kicked him lightly. "We should go. I'm hungry and I still need a shower. I don't want to smell like semen all day."

"Can I wash your hair?"

"You went from zero to Totally Gay overnight, didn't you?" Alec opened his eyes and grinned at Jace.

"I'll let you slob on my knob," Jace offered, straight-faced.

Alec made a strangled noise and the most disgusted face he could manage. "You're a moron."

"You know you're totally reconsidering that hair-washing," Jace replied blithely, getting to his feet and stretching. "You're all, 'Mmm, suck on Jace's dick? Well, maybe his amazing hands in my hair wouldn't be so bad, even if the only reason I said no was because I worried that I'd just jizz all over his feet when he started rubbing my scalp.'"

"I don't sound like that at all," Alec replied, admiring the way Jace's ribs smoothly slid under his skin and the tuck of his ass above his thighs. He reached out and traced a finger down Jace's left hip before awkwardly pulling his hand back as Jace moved away. "I never say jizz."

"Jizz, jizz, jizz," Jace chanted, going into the bathroom. "I'm just gonna rub one out in here by myself if you don't want –"

He was cut off as Alec tackled him from behind, slamming him into the tiled wall. They both started laughing as Alec pinned him to the wall and reached around him, searching for his dick.

"No, no, don't force yourself," Jace said as sternly as he could through his own laughter, smacking Alec's hands away. "You've already said no. There's no need to cater my whims; the guests all left and I don't like mini-weenies."

"I changed my mind!" Alec grabbed one of Jace's wrists and held it behind his back, reaching around with his other hand. Jace jerked his hips away from the grasping fingers and twisted, grabbing Alec in a half-nelson. "You son of a bitch!"

"The deal is, I get to wash your hair first," Jace crowed excitedly as Alec tried to struggle out of the hold, then gave up with a sigh.

"Fine, you win. Go to town."

"Conditioner too."

"I never use conditioner!" Alec argued.

"You're such a liar, I smelled Isabelle's lavender shit on you last week."

"You imagined that."

"Like I'm imagining you going down on me right after I rub conditioner on your head and you make me moan and grab your hair and beg you to make me to jizz?"

Alec paused. "Are you going to keep saying 'jizz' or are you going to wash and condition my hair?" Jace grinned down at him and Alec sighed. "That was a dumb question, wasn't it?"

"If I don't say it again, will you let me lather, rinse, and then repeat?" He let Alec go, and the dark haired man straightened up, shaking out his arm.

He blushed and mumbled, "Just don't get any in my eyes."

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The end. Probably.