I'm trying to ease myself into the storyline I said I was going to follow. I'm going to do my best with it because there a lot of people who could catch her, a lot of opportunities to intercept whatever she's going through and how she's dealing with it. but I will try. I hope you enjoy.
Bella- it is so sweet of you to say that I am your favorite writer. I am absolutely honored that you think that of me and I am honored to accept that role. Thank you Thank you for such encouraging words.
JARLY4EVER- thanks so much for reading and reviewing, the feedback is much appreciated. Here is the long awaited update.
"NO!" she screamed, sitting upright in her bed and startling the wolf awake beside her. Her heart pounded in her chest, beating almost painfully. She struggled to take even breaths. Basil whined is Emily's right hand shot to her chest over her heart. Then she barked, warning Emily that she sensed things weren't okay. Looking over, Emily saw how her emerald eyes had darkened gravely to a grassy green, and she nudged at Emily's elbow, trying to insist to her that she should take a shot of her medicine. But Emily didn't have the strength to do anything else, after the nightmare, things started to click, come together. The dots formed lines, suddenly painting the picture clear as day, though it was too hard to even think about.
The door opened, "Come on monkey, we gotta-oh my god" Gaby exclaimed, finally poking her head around the door and seeing Emily in the state of being she was currently in: staring straight ahead, eyes puffy, still in bed. Seeing the deep worry in the wolf's dark eyes, she came forward. It was obvious in that moment that she hadn't heard the scream Emily released as she woke. Gaby sat down on the comforter, fluffy, but not heavy, with a cherry blossom tree on it, just the dark brown trunk coming up the middle of the comforter, and then the pink flowers as it neared the top. Gaby was only able to study Emily for a moment before the teen folded herself into her sister's embrace. The sobs came unexpectedly, her entire body shaking with the force of them. It stunned Gaby, but only for a moment before she began to stroke, starting at Emily's head and bringing her nails all the way her back.
The ripples that shot through Emily's contracting muscles were strong enough to make anyone get a few shivers of their own. "I've got you" Gaby murmured into Emily's ear, tightening her grip in response to the way Emily did. It took five minutes for Emily to calm herself before Gaby extracted herself from her grip and stood, placing a kiss on her forehead and taking a moment to stare into her eyes. Gaby's brown pools sent a contrasting wave of warmth through Emily's body, releasing some of the tension in her muscles from her waterworks session just moments before. Finally moving to finish her morning chores, Gaby let Basil out to stretch and do business before taking at last look at a lost looking Emily and moving to the kitchen to finish making Emily's breakfast and lunch for the three of them.
Emily only sat there, not having the strength or motivation to do much else. She got up only when Basil persisted enough at the door and in her mind to let her in, leaving a wet nose mark on the outside of glass as a trophy of her hard work. Emily opened the door and let Basil in, closing only the screen door so there was a cool breeze to kick-start her morning routine. However, this morning's routine would only consist of administering medicine, washing her face, and pulling her thick hair into a sloppy ponytail before hiding back under the covers.
All she could do was stare at the ceiling, "I killed them" she breathed inaudibly, making Basil look at her with such an intense reprimand, she almost felt bad for saying it. Almost.
"Come eat!" her sister called. It only made her tear up. She didn't want to eat; her parents didn't get to eat anymore, unless of course there's food wherever they went. I killed them… Her sister stuck her head in the door and frowned once again at the sight staring back at her and slapping her open-handed across the cheek. There was her sister, looking miserable as ever, laying on her back in bed, staring at the ceiling. Basil sat on the floor to the right of the bed, back to the screen door to let the breeze ruffle her fur. Her head rested on the comforter under Emily's left hand. She lifted it to look at Gaby with eyes that portrayed only sorrow at this moment in time.
"Come eat" she said again.
"I'm not hungry" Emily replied, voice thick with tears.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I miss Shay" she whispered.
"She's coming back to the firehouse today, full shifts, fit as a fighter. Picture perfect health, full range of motion, full strength; all that jazz" she finished, studying Emily's reaction. It only consisted of a lone tear and a nod.
"I'll pack your shake but we have to go" she said, moving back to the kitchen to pour the contents of the blender in a hard plastic, removable to-go-cup. Emily got up and grabbed her book-bag, filed her laptop into the built in sleeve and tucking the chord in a longer horizontal pocket towards the base of the bag. Completing herself by grasping the chunk of fur on Basil's neck, she made her way to the car to wait.
She was excited for Shay, she hadn't gotten to see her much. She was all hospitaled out after the first night there, and after she got to stay with Gaby in her room for a few hours. While Peter took care of Gaby for a while at his apartment, Emily stayed with Matt for a few nights. As much as she wanted to see Shay, she couldn't handle it. The hospital hadn't been her friend since she finally got out of it. By the end of the next day in the hospital after she fell asleep with haley on the cot, she could barely walk out with the way her scars ached from being in such and internally high-stress situation. However, she did really appreciate the way Shay understood the way she was feeling. Shay went home for a week, sadly not moving in with them; it would have been great. But Gaby didn't want Emily to see the lack of range of motion Shay had from the shoulders up. She wanted to shield her sister from the pain it would cause her to remember it for herself- the way she couldn't move for so long. Emily didn't much want to see it either, but she did want to see Shay.
Mouch was in his usual spot on the couch, complete with Pouch climbing his chest to get the food that made its way into Mouch's mouth. She dropped her book-bag by the oak table, squealing when Matt wrapped his arms around her slight waist and pulled her onto his lap. She struggled as he blew raspberries into her neck. When he stopped, so did she, relaxing into his body, resting the back of her head on his strong chest. Basil rushed away as soon as she was settled to reprimand Pouch's behavior, having taken the stray pup under her maternal paw to teach him the ropes of being a real firehouse dog, even though she wasn't one, she was as close as they were going to get in the city.
All she wanted to do was close her eyes and rest, but it wasn't that simple; never was. Her legs hurt, preventing her from feeling all the way relaxed , they ached with the sadness and longing she felt in her heart. I killed them…
"Come on monkey, get in the water with me" Gaby said. Six months after the accident and she was still working to put it behind her. That was the big thing, she couldn't forget it... she wouldn't forget it. She needed to be able to remember. The fact of the matter is that it happened, mom and dad were gone, and Emily was in a wheelchair. Her progress was…progressing. They needed to move on. Emily was withdrawn; she didn't want anything to do with anyone or anything else. Her spleen, now 1/3 of the way gone, made her incredibly susceptible to infection and sickness, which is why her surgery scars haven't done well. They were infection prone, one after the other before it finally healed all the way over. They were now jagged, raised and white in contrast to the caramel skin that covered her body.
They'd encouraged her to swim, so they went to a rehabilitation center that had a pool for all those who were encouraged to do so, and it was in an environment where you didn't get the judgmental stares from the people whose legs actually worked and looked at you like you were simply a waste of space in an area that could easily be filled with people who could do what they came here to do, and do it on their own. She was being difficult as always, like she'd accepted that the doctors told them she might not be able to walk again or have the use of her legs. She knew the sacrifices they made in their personal lives, their social lives, their educational lives, and their financial lives for her to be able to go to physical therapy and have the treatment she needed to get better one day. After the panic attacks started, that led to the seizures, they went to pick out a service dog who would be able to alert someone when there was something happening, or be able to tell by behavior training that something was going to happen. She wasn't allowed at the center, so they left her at home, all forty pounds of medium-sized, white fur. She was a mix of huskies and malamutes, or so they assumed since she didn't have a pin-pointed background.
"No" she replied. Her jaw squared and her eyes hardened slightly.
"Why now monkey?" Antonio asked from behind Gaby, causing her to turn to face him just as he splashed water at her. Emily raised one eyebrow in challenge as if to say the gesture he just made was all the reason she needed to not get in the pool.
Her challenge was quickly accepted as he pulled himself onto the concrete surrounding the pool and knelt in front of the wheelchair to look at her, "Hmmm?" he hummed.
"Because I can't" she whispered, pulling her gaze from her lap to lock her colorful eyes with his chocolate pools. He turned to look at Gaby, who shrugged because she hadn't heard what she said.
"Pero no es cierto mona, no se puede renunciar a la esperanza. You can't give up hope. You tried two months ago and you didn't like it, but we have to try. You're too special to give up on." He told her softly.
Tears built behind her eyes as she struggled to make her decision. She nodded, "Okay" she whispered, nearly inaudible.
"Okay?" He asked.
"Yeah" she confirmed.
He pulled her up, placing her on his hip and walked to the edge of the pool and waited for Gaby to swim over. Being lowered to the water was something Emily never really wanted to feel again; the feeling of incapability was one that would paralyze you if you weren't already. And then something happened. The water was warm. The water was more noticeably warm than it had ever been. And then she kicked.
Emily Dawson kicked her leg. She kicked her leg again. And then she broke down. Her sobs began immediately and she began struggling to get out of her sister's grip. To try this new phenomenon. And then she went numb again. Strong arms held her around her waist.
She was beginning to squirm. Casey had noticed five minutes ago that she had dozed off. But now she was fidgeting. The men hadn't seen a nightmare in more than a year; Emily didn't sleep in the common room anymore. They'd seen slight hints in the aftermath- but hadn't seen it happen in a while. Her body twisted around on Casey's lap. He frowned and looked down at the top of her head, barely able to see her once peaceful face. He took his arms and wrapped them around her midsection, holding the opposite forearm and squeezing her tight to his chiseled chest.
Basil stopped with Pouch's paw in her open mouth. She hadn't yet bit down when her eyes darkened and she looked up at Emily. Her head shot up and turned to see her owner struggling on Casey's lap. Basil untangled herself from Pouch and trotted slowly to Casey, nudging his forearm with her nose. He looked down, his frown deepening at the sight of her now moss-colored eyes. He shook her gently, tightening his arms in pulses to draw her out of her nightmare.
She managed to wriggle out of Gaby's grasp- only to flounder beneath the surface of the water, unable to stay above it after the feeling fell from her legs. But then she was above water and-
She woke with a gasp, coughing and choking for the air, struggling to rid her lungs of the nonexistent water. She clawed at her throat- gaining everyone's attention in the process- only to receive handfuls of strong arms. Fighting, she managed to pry the arms off of her and drop to the ground. Casey sat in astonishment, unsure of what to do. Basil took careful steps toward her and amounted to standing over her in protection.
And that's when Shay appeared and immediately jumped back into paramedic mode. She dropped to her knees beside Emily and Basil backed away, standing to the side.
"Emily? Emily!" Shay cried, placing a hand on either of Emily's shoulder's to steady her. She continued to choke and sputter until she began heaving and running for the sink. Gaby ran into the room, swinging herself around of the doorframe as she ran in. She looked around in panic to see Matt empty armed and Shay holding the hair back of her little sister as she wretched into the sink. From nearly across the room, you could see the muscles rippling in her back with each heave, the way her knees were giving way with each round that poured into the sink. She began to move forward and stopped at the counter, listening to Shay as she tried to calm her little sister.
"Shh, let it out; it's okay, I'm here, shh…" she repeated. Emily was already sweating through her shirt. Shay rubbed in circles, realizing the heaving wasn't stopping and reached up to pull the hairband from her hair and secure it around Emily's.
When it stopped and Emily pulled back, she nearly collapsed, having only Shay there to catch her in her descent to the floor. Shay managed to pull her back into a standing position and hold her up while she pulled a glass from the shelf and fill it with cold tap water, offering it to Emily who spit half of it out and drank the rest of it greedily. Shay turned her around and pulled her up to set her on the counter; she grabbed a towel and wet it down before taking it to her mouth to wipe away the vomit, before folding it twice and using it to wipe the little girl's face and cool her down.
"You alright?" she asked softly? Emily nodded, still choking in a few breaths. "Wanna tell me what's up?" Emily began to look around but was suddenly restricted by Shay's hands on her cheeks forcing her to look at the blonde she hadn't seen in so long. "Me and you monkey, tell me what's up."
"I-I was tr-trying to swim a-and I could m-move my l-legs a li-little, and I was f-fighting Gaby and then I got f-free and I w-was dr-drowning before she g-got m-me out of the wa-water. " she gasped, her tears now coming in steady waves down her cheeks, and rolling off of her chin and onto the material of her jeans.
"Oh baby…" Shay whispered, sucking her teeth and pulling Emily towards her. Instinctually as always, she allowed this adult to pull her close, resting her thin legs on her waist and crossing her ankles behind her back. Holding the opposite forearm around her neck and breathing in the mixture of her lotion and her conditioner. Shay didn't struggle to hold up her sister; though they were both thin and Emily had a lot of hidden muscle, there was little fat on her body and she was still really tiny and lightweight.
"I-I K-killed th-them" she choked, holding tighter.
"No no, no no no baby. No honey." She told her. Gaby sat stunned and looked up when she felt the heavy arm of the fatherly Chief Boden on her back. Matt looked to Severide, who looked back with just as much confusion on his face. Shay held her tighter, squeezing her hand around the top of Emily's thigh, where it ended up from having Emily's bottom on her forearm. She pressed Emily's head closer into her neck with the other hand holding the child securely to her body. She began to move, moving them away from the crowd and the common room and towards the bunks.
Emily began to scream. Her scream echoed through the building as she looked up and took note of where they were going. Her desperate attempt to get out of Shay's arms worked and she tumbled to the floor before getting up and taking off. her un-plan was set in motion and she was headed for the garage in less than a second. She dodged Hermann, Severide, and cruz before making it outside- only to be dragged to the ground by Antonio, hugging her back to his torso. He lowered them to the ground, fear mingling in his features and lingering in his eyes. He looked up to Gaby, who ran after her and scrunched his face in disbelief that this is how he got to greet his little sister. Tears waterfalled down her cheeks, her mouth open in pain and yelling to be let go. He only held her tighter, holding her arms against her body while hugging her calm at the same time.
All Antonio could do at this point was ignore the stares and hold his baby tighter and tighter- and not let go.