Skipper's Replacement
Chapter 4: Winner Takes All
Kowalski punched the wall with frustration. "Look. I am sick of arguing. Every moment we sit here gawking like nitwits, the less time we have until Skipper gets back. Now there is only one way to settle this."
"Yes, we are men of honor," Private agreed like they weren't just pounding on each other earlier that morning.
"Quick! Math test!" Kowalski exclaimed and pulled out a chalkboard. He scribbled down an algebra equation quickly, making sure to add plenty of advanced trigonometry in it, making it look like foreign language to Rico and Private.
"Kaboom?"
Kowalski stepped back and waited. "Go on."
Private and Rico stepped over to the board, desperate to figure it out first even though they knew it was impossible. They each grabbed a piece of chalk. Rico stood there, clueless and waited for Private to make the first move.
"Easy. You just...multiply the k and the 7?" Private began to rewrite the equation applying this method when Rico used his chalk to scribble all over Private's work, destroying it. He then began writing down the same problem.
"Cheater!" Private began scribbling all over Rico's and soon it was a war of scribbles as they obliviated Kowalski's impossible nerdy math problem.
Kowalski beamed under their failure. "You can't do it. I knew it. It was an illogical impossibility. I win." He strolled over to Skipper's office quickly this time so he wouldn't get tackled.
"That wasn't fair," Private protested. "Quick! Whoever...touches the lightpole first wins!" He scrambled up the hatch as quick as he could.
Rico and Kowalski ran after. Rico coughed up a cinderblock and Kowalski fell back down the ladder, but by the time he reached the ice block Private was almost there. "Fish!" he coughed and darted back to the base.
They threw themselves back down the hatch, bowling over Kowalski who was halfway up the ladder as they rushed to the fridge. Kowalski stumbled back to his feet and joined the stampede. They each grabbed flipper-fulls of fish and engaged in fish war, throwing the slimy fish at each other's faces.
"Um...make fish sandwiches!" Private ordered and started grabbing all the fish that were scattered across the ground.
The others rushed to do the same and prepared sandwiches side by side. Rico saw that Kowalski and Private were already almost done and quickly gulped his down in one bite.
"And eat them!" Kowalski added and he and Private followed Rico's lead and choked down their sandwiches so quickly that they could hardly even keep it down.
AH! Rico has this in the bag! Unless... "Foot massage!" Kowalski shouted and the three of them filed out of the base, prepared to give the best massages ever, ones good enough to win them the position of leader. They all split up, Kowalski and Private to the lemur habitat and Rico ran for Marlene's.
Marlene was sunning herself on a rock, soaking up the sunshine when she was tackled by Rico. "Help! Penguin maniac on the loose!" she screamed.
Rico always was unpredictable, but he did not go savage. He happily shoved Marlene into a lawn chair and began rubbing her feet.
"Wait a minute. Get out of here-" Marlene was cut off when she felt Rico's rough, explosive-handled flippers caress her paws and she relaxed back in her chair. "Actually that feels really nice...What is that lotion you are applying to my feet? That tickles! What are you doing?" She sneaked a peek and screamed with horror. "My feet! You LICKED my feet! They are ruined!"
Rico thought hard on what to do now. He did the only thing he could think of doing and coughed up a smoke bomb and it exploded,creating a smoky black cover in which he used to escape. H ran over to the lemur habitat where Private had Maurice pinned to the ground and Kowalski was practically beating up King Julien to a pulp in an effort to perform a back massage.
Kowalski jerked his head up and gasped. "Rico already finished. Quick! The first one to...make our beds gets to be leader! he improvised.
With that the stampede abandoned their victoms and threw themselves on their bunks that they neglected to make since Skipper left, fluffing up the pillows nice and tidy and spreading the sheets free of wrinkles.
"I finished!" Private declared. "I'm leader!
"Nuh uh," Rico argued.
"That doesn't count," Kowalski protested. "Clean the base!" He grabbed the mop and the bucket and made a soapy water tsunami, desperate to show to the others that he was obviously the best one for the job.
Little did the penguins know that the end of their war would come in through the front door just then.