Disclaimer: I do not own 'Shadows of Amn', the 'Forgotten Realms' or any characters therein. Wizards of the Coast do, at my last check. Lucky them.
I do, however, own Fritha and certain other characters and plot points. Basically, if you don't recognise it from the game, it's probably mine.

-Blackcross & Taylor

Truth will out

Anomen could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest, as though it wanted to prove to him he did not belong there, in that city of the dead, the group of them stood once more just inside the yawning stone gates of the cemetery. The sky overhead was already a pale hazy grey and though he could not see it, Anomen suspected they were waiting until the last sliver of sun had sunk beneath the Sea of Swords. And then it began, an unnatural chill creeping into to the air about them and one that had nothing to do with the dusk, the shadows in the doorway of a nearby mausoleum seeming to deepen, finally coalescing into a familiar form.

'Good evening, Parisa,' Fritha greeted, the pale woman smiling as she stepped from doorway, deep wine red skirts rustling richly.

'Good evening, Fritha, you have come to a decision?'

'Indeed, and I would come with you to see Bodhi if I may.'

Parisa smiled generously. 'You are most welcome. Come, this way.'

The group set off once more, Parisa leading them through the dark narrow avenues as she chatted blithely with the girl at her side, Fritha's manner easy as they spoke, as though they were old friends reacquainted after a long separation.

'Well, it is good to meet with you again, Fritha; when last we spoke I wondered if you would even make a return here, so reticent seemed your companions,' the vampire made a show of dropping her voice, though she was still quite audible, 'but I will admit, they look little better now.'

Fritha nodded, her voice suddenly heavy as she sighed, 'No, and I wonder how many will even be travelling with me in future. Still, life is full of changes; I have made my decision in this freely and that is how I will walk into it. So,' the girl continued, plainly casting about for a change of subject, 'do you make a home in some of the mausoleums here?'

Parisa gave a genial laugh. 'Oh no, it would not be safe enough for those of our kind to be so close to the surface. We have a hold in an older area of the crypts beneath.'

'Truly? We have been down there for days now searching for some lost priests amongst other things. Goodness, perhaps we even came close to meeting!'

Parisa shook her head, seemingly amused by her naivety.

'Oh, I doubt it, the way is well warded with illusions and traps, and even if some persistent soul managed to somehow get through, the doors to our vault are heavier than any mortal could move; we Children of Blood enjoy more than just immortality.'

Fritha laughed, looking rather in awed. 'Gods, immortality -my bard-mistress used to say the only way for mortals to live on after they died was to write -a song or play or book, it mattered not -that your name might live on in the minds of men for all eternity.'

The vampire sent her an indulgent smile. 'Well, she was not wrong; fame, or infamy, lends a certain perpetuity -though how much more preferable to exist in blood and bone too! There are still some parts of Faerûn where my name is whispered with a fear that will last a thousand years!' Parisa laughed, a cold delight twisting her face, Fritha joining her, as though they had just shared some wonderful joke.

'Is that how you recruited your thieves: promised them forever? I am not surprised they deserted!'

'No, no, Fritha,' Parisa corrected, grave now, though she did not seem angered by the girl's mistake, 'it is a gift we do not give out lightly. They were mostly tempted with the same few mortal desires that have festered within men's hearts for centuries: gold, power, a chance to see men they once envied toppled from their lofty perches. I swear, the inns of the docks and slums are crawling with those turncoat vermin, just waiting to be offered something better -though it takes a certain stomach to go and round them up. Amongst others, I was chosen for the task as I hide my contempt better than most,' the vampire added with a hint of pride.

'Gold, power; how cheaply people are bought.' Fritha sighed sadly, 'I would just be happy to see Imoen again.'

'Ah yes, your stolen companion. Serve my mistress and I suspect your friend's return will be the least of the rewards you will glean.'

Fritha nodded, still something of the melancholy about her.

'I know she is being held by the Cowled Wizards somewhere; is it far away, do you think? I know I am promised transport to her under the terms of the deal, but it I have yet to raise the five thousand needed and I am very conscious of the time that has already passed.'

Parisa frowned, ignoring her question as she shook her head, clearly trying to fathom out something well beyond her comprehension.

'You go to so much effort to secure one who is not even strong enough to aid herself; within my people, those not able to protect themselves are seen as a weakness to the rest of clan, and we let them perish. Now you, Fritha…' the vampire continued, a hungry admiration lighting her face, 'I do not know of what my mistress plans for you, but if you are to be embraced then I will happily be your sire; I will admit, I see much of my former self in you and you would make a worthy addition to any clan.'

Parisa smiled, eyes still fixed on the girl as she held up a hand, bringing them to an abrupt halt before a large marble vault, the columns either side of the doors entwined with carvings of morning glory, sinuous vines creeping up each, weighted here and there with the deep trumpet-shaped blossoms, the pale stone flowers forever in bloom.

'Ah, and we are arrived. Please wait here, I shall inform the mistress of your coming.'

The vampire turned to disappear into the mausoleum, the heavy stone doors moving at her slightest touch, leaving Fritha stood alone before it. Anomen took a step forward, closing the gap between them, his previous feelings of peace just a distant memory as the shadows of that place loomed over them.

'There is still time, Fritha.'

She glanced to him. 'Time?'

'Yes, to turn back, to change your mind.'

She smiled gently, shaking her head. 'No, there is no more time. Do not worry, Anomen, I know this path is not for you, I will make sure you are kept free of its taint.'

He felt an angry desperation surge through him, unable to stop himself from grabbing her shoulder roughly.

'That is not what I am worried about!'

Fritha wrenched free of his grasp with an annoyed look just as the rumble of shifting stone from the vault heralded her arrival and they both turned to meet the smiling face Bodhi, an entourage of vampires at her back.

'A problem?' she inquired politely. Fritha sent Anomen one last glare and shook her head.

'No, no problem, my lady.'

Bodhi nodded, the hint of a smile curling the edge of her mouth at this immediate deference.

'So you have reached your decision?'

Fritha nodded, a tense silence buzzing about them, those that still breathed not daring to, and Anomen closed his eyes, waiting for this pronouncement of his ruin.

'Yes, Bodhi, my answer is no.'

Anomen's eyes snapped open, taking a moment of adjust again to the gloom, though even for that he could not miss the way Parisa had suddenly paled, hollow black eyes now fixed upon Fritha. Bodhi, though was not looking at the vampire to notice, focused on the girl before her she was, her jaw tense behind the coolly drawled words.

'I see, that is… a pity.'

'I'm sorry, Bodhi, but my loyalty was and must remain with the Shadow Thieves.'

'Your loyalty is misplaced. The thieves have used you from the very start. Why even now you raise coin for them.' Bodhi feigned a look of repentant surprise, 'Oh, did you not know that?'

Fritha shook her head evenly.

'No, but it doesn't matter. We were always were raising the money for someone and as the sages say,' she smiled faintly, 'better the devil you know.'

Bodhi sent her a cold look. 'Very well, you may yet serve my purpose, though you will not realise it until it is too late. Go, aid your wretched thieves; may it be your downfall.'

Bodhi turned to sweep back into the mausoleum behind her, the vampires following though one seemed more reluctant than the others, Parisa lingering, her gaze still fixed upon Fritha and filled with loathing, the woman looking like she wanted nothing more than to lash out and snatch her about the throat, before she at last swept after her mistress and they too turned to depart, the group making a brisk pace through cemetery, no one speaking until they were safely outside its walls once more, Aerie whirling on Fritha as soon as they had cleared the gate.

'You, you had no intention-'

Fritha gave a hollow laugh. 'Ah, the faith you lot have in me.'

'So you never…' came Jaheira, looking just as stunned.

'Oh, don't get me wrong, I was tempted.' Fritha turned a wan smile upon her, 'I may not be a saint, but even I draw the line at working with ones as so obviously evil as they.'

'Ah, Minsc and Boo knew it would be so!' boomed the ranger, the only one among them who looked in any way pleased, the man giving her shoulder a hearty slap. 'Never would young Fritha agree to ally us with such creatures!'

'The way you chatted on so merrily… you merely wanted information, did you not, my raven?' confirmed Haer'Dalis, looking somewhat astounded himself.

'Got it in one, sparrow,' Fritha chirruped with the same tired smile, 'Parisa always seemed an affable sort -well, for one of her kind; I was rather hoping she would let some clue of Imoen's whereabouts slip, but she would not be led and I will have to suffice with just some hints of where they keep their stronghold and how they recruit the thieves -still at least Renal will be pleased.'

'Well, then why didn't you say as much before?' the druid demanded. Fritha shrugged.

'I needed your reactions to be genuine. Parisa could have believed my desire to find Imoen might have swayed me to Bodhi, but the rest of you? It would looked too suspicious if we'd all pitched up elated at the prospect of allying with vampires.'

Aerie swelled with righteous outrage. 'So you- you just lied to us?'

Fritha halted to send her a stern look.

'Name one instance where I told you we would be allying with the vampires. I merely refused to comment either way and you all assumed I was desperate enough to go ahead with it –and, goodness, if you all weren't almost right,' she laughed ruefully, her eyes taking on a certain distance. 'To have Bodhi before me, someone tangible who could stand there and say, "I know where Imoen is"… it was almost like being next to her herself…'

Fritha shook her head, the dull resignation back to her voice as she continued, 'Anyway, I needed to talk to them, however unlikely it was they would let something slip; I had to try… We would have been watched from the first moment Parisa approached me; I could not tell you of my plan and risk them discovering what I intended. I'm very sorry if you feel betrayed in this, but it was the only way I could see to proceed… Still,' Fritha sighed, turning to resume their course and seemingly unconcerned as to whether anyone was following her or not, 'at least I've enough information now to clear my debt with Renal.' She smiled faintly, 'I would have before hoped that, had we learnt enough, he could have been persuaded to put the resources of the Shadow Thieves at our disposal to aid in Imoen's search, though that seems rather unlikely now we have discovered their part in this production…'

There was a bitter finality to her voice and no one spoke again until they reached the Coronet, their group taking a table together in the bustling common room and bringing with them the unnatural cold of the graveyard which seemed to be, unsurprisingly, directed at Fritha. And it was an atmosphere that someone, at least, felt was overly harsh, Haer'Dalis volunteering to get the first round of drinks in and pointedly asking Fritha if she would help him and they were gone, the group's order arriving on a tray borne by an obliging maid shortly after with no sign of the pair's return.

Anomen gazed down at the dark heavy ale that half filled his tankard, letting the clamour of his surrounds drift over him unheeded. Minsc had already retired, bidding them all a cheery 'Goodnight', merely glad they were not to be working with the vampires, though Cernd, Jaheira and Aerie lingered at the table still, the former two in quiet conversation, while the latter was sat but one place from him. Anomen glanced to the elf from the corner of his eye, Aerie taking to the wine with a much more enthusiasm than usual and she was already on her third cup, her eyes fixed unwavering on the bar and he craned his neck to see at what she was staring so vehemently, though he was sure he could have made a good guess.

Fritha and Haer'Dalis were sat at the bar, presumably where they had first arrived, two large pitchers he could only assume were full of alcohol making them instantly popular, and the pair were both engaged in talk, Haer'Dalis chatting with the traveller on his right who looked to be some sort of minstrel from the balalaika slung across his back, while Fritha…

Anomen felt his face flush as he watched her talking animatedly with a blond elf whom he recognised from that summer spent in the Coronet looking for a company with whom to make his name when he was but a squire. Salvanus, as the elf was called, had spent his evenings looking for company of another sort, trying to charm his way into the bed of any woman within the tavern who was not inclined to charge. Though, for all that, he did not seem to be getting too far with Fritha, whatever courting techniques he had at his disposal no more than the height of hilarity from way she was laughing, Haer'Dalis always with half an eye on her as they spoke.

Anomen sighed, lifting his tankard for a flat warm mouthful, her exuberance grating on him in a way it never had before. He wished he could just be as Minsc, and a part of him was as well; so relieved that they were not to be allied with the vampires, that he would not have his loyalties to the Order tested so harshly, and Fritha's reasoning for the deception had been rational enough. But for all that, he could not reason away the hurt he felt, his mind and heart stuck in that moment back at the cemetery, his desperation at its peak as the girl had wrenched herself away from him, all his concerns dismissed as selfish worries for his own reputation, and all he could think on now was how she had known then that she was to refuse Bodhi; how it had all been an act…

The past few days he had spent in worry and turmoil were now found to have been utterly unnecessary, and though he understood her reluctance to reveal her plans, the knowledge did nothing to ease the ache of her duplicity.

Anomen shook his head, letting his eyes find her again in hope that the sight of her would soothe him as it had many times before. She was still in conversation with Salvanus, the elf now sat on the stool next to her and the knight watched as he leaned closer, long slender fingers stroking suggestively around the rim of her cup as he shifted in his seat, a leg suddenly pressed against one of her own.

Anomen did not recall standing but he was certainly on his feet now, marching across to them, the elf's voice rising from the general din as he approached.

'Women are like wine-'

'Yes,' interrupted Fritha promptly, 'you can't tell the difference once the label's off!'

She, Haer'Dalis and the minstrel promptly burst into raucous laughter, Salvanus undeterred as he leaned closer.

'Oh, my lady, you do me great wrong. I guarantee, let me peel the clothes from your form and I shall lavish attentions upon you which are wholly-' a shadow fell over him, the elf turning to gaze up at the huge form looming behind his seat, Anomen's eyes almost black under the scowl he was sending him and the knight felt a slight satisfaction as Salvanus paled. The elf emptied his cup in one gulp. 'Oh, I appear to be quite dry, perhaps I should-'

He was gone in an instant, Fritha laughing as she kicked out the stool he had left, Haer'Dalis and the stranger going back to their previous talk.

'Ah, Anomen, pull up a pew. Can I offer you a drink? We've ale or wine.'

Anomen eyed the two earthenware pitchers with a frown, her blithe ignorance merely fuelling his temper.

'No, thank you,' he answered, each word clipped, 'So, you intend to save your feet and get drunk here for a change?'

Fritha smiled wryly, taking another sip.

'Well, I don't think Parisa is very happy with me at the moment and she might just be foolish enough to ignore Bodhi's orders and come to have a go; not the best time to be wandering about the city.'

'Well, I am glad, at least, to see that you have not allowed your myriad of deceits to ruin your evening.'

Fritha slammed her cup down with a force than made him start, unmindful of the dark red wine she had just spattered up her sleeve.

'Oh yes, I'm having a bloody marvellous time, can't you tell? Gods, I was so close to her…' she breathed, her eyes narrowed and bright with a darkness he had not seen in them before. 'Do you know what it was like? To be stood there before Bodhi, to know she knows where Imoen is, that if I could just somehow make her tell me…' Fritha snorted bitterly, 'But, no, and I refused to ally with her too, and now my only hope of seeing Imoen before midsummer is to find a man who can't be found! And to top it all off, I've got Aerie over there sending me a look that could vinegar mywine, and now you've arrived to upbraid me!' Fritha sighing deeply, her anger seemingly spent, 'Not that any of this was unanticipated…'

Anomen just sat, silent as she turned back her cup, lifting it from the puddle of wine and leaning casually over the bar with the manner of one who was on first name terms with the servers to fetch a rag from under the counter. So much misery and frustration all borne so resignedly, as though she really had stopped expecting anything better, her raw emotions mixing with his own, and it was all he could do not to embrace her where she sat. He watched, rigid in himself, as she dropped the rag back under the bar, leaning back to sigh and raise her cup for another sip.

'I'm sorry if you feel betrayed, Anomen. The chance to find Imoen might not have been worth allying with vampires, but it was certainly worth you all hating me and that, I fear, is that.' She glanced to him with a tired smile. 'You'll understand one day.'

Anomen drew back with a sharp breath hardly able to believe her words. He had been willing to lose everything, to endure the condemnation of both his peers and his superiors for her, and yet there she sat, cool and belittling, as he was once again judged as the man he no longer was.

'And that is how you see me, is it?' he demanded, everything around him falling away as his resentment was suddenly in control, 'Some- some self-centred lout who has never had the desire or even the thought to put someone ahead of his own interests? Who- who cannot understand what it would be to risk everything for someone! The things I would have done, Fritha!' He shook his head, jaw clenched as he forced the confession back

No, not like this…

Anomen drew a deep breath, stepping from his stool as he did so. 'I know very well of the sacrifice of which you speak, my lady, so do not presume to condescend to me merely because you are blind to anything but your own troubles –and ones which, for once, you mostly brought upon yourself!'

Fritha made no word in her defence, merely dipped her head in deference to his anger and turned back to her drink, Haer'Dalis noticing to place an arm casually along her shoulders and bring her into his conversation, topping up her cup with his free hand as he continued his talk with the man at his side. Anomen stared down at them a moment longer before turning to sweep away; many more things were waiting behind his tensed jaw, too close to being said, and some on matters that should never be shouted in anger.

xxx

Jaheira let her hand close about the banister, the stairs seeming a much steeper climb than they usually did, her bones creaking like the wooden boards beneath her feet, Cernd but a step behind her, though they were not the first pair to have retired that evening.

Haer'Dalis and Fritha had left the common room together about an hour ago and the atmosphere over their table had got, if possible, even worse; Anomen sat nursing his ale with a permanent scowl while the elf had drunk almost a whole carafe of wine to herself and Jaheira really had no desire to see the monster that would awaken, the druid finally deciding to call it a night, Cernd rising as she did and together the pair had left the table. She glanced to the man just behind her, his face dipped slightly as he climbed and though she did not need to see it; he had been wearing the same lifeless expression since he had left the park, as though all the colour had been drained from the world.

Not that she had expected much else, and for a moment she was back there, at the far side of the park where a grove of trees had been planted, so close their branches entwined above them, the pair having left their group only moments before to allow Cernd some time to vent his emotions, the man no less than raging at existence for the injustice of his situation before breaking down, Jaheira stood beside him in the gloom, silent as he had wept.

A sigh behind her as they finally reached the landing, the hallway now wide enough for two and Cernd moved to stand next to her.

'Well, it has been quite the day; it seems an age ago that we were sat downstairs together, looking up at a moon that defied the dawn.' He smiled absently to himself. 'I feel like a different man…'

Jaheira sighed. 'I am sorry, Cernd, I do not know what to say.'

He shook his head, smiling, albeit weakly. 'What can be said? What words will change the mistakes that have been made. But I should remember that my pain is just that: my own. Ahsdale seems well and happy in his home and that is the most important thing. I must learn to accept this and move on. Well, goodnight, Jaheira,' he finished hoarsely, pointedly avoiding looking back to her as he moved off down the corridor.

'Yes, goodnight, Cernd.'

She watched as he disappeared into his room, wishing she could do the same, though one remaining task fell to her before she could finally take her rest. Jaheira walked along the hallway, past her own room to halt outside another of the plain doors, the sound of singing drifting through the wood. She knocked.

'Fritha?'

But no answer was made and she pushed open the door, the scene that greeted her quite as she had expected. Haer'Dalis was sat on the floor, back resting against the bed frame, a large pitcher of wine at his side, while Fritha lay supine on bed behind him, cup in her hand and her head hanging over the edge of the bed to rest level with his, albeit the wrong way up, a waterfall of copper curls cascading down to pool on the floor next to him. They had not noticed her entrance, the pair of them singing earnestly as they were.

'It is good to be merry and wise, it is good to be honest and true, it is best to be off with the old looooove, before you are on with the new!'

Fritha was smiling, straightening only slightly as she brought her cup to her lips and the druid watched, waiting for the liquid to surge over her face as the girl tipped the cup almost vertical, but it did not happen, and Jaheira wondered if even the girl realised how her powers were growing.

'Fritha.'

The girl let her head hang back, regarding her from an upturned face. 'Ah, hello Jaheira.'

Fritha handed her cup to Haer'Dalis, sitting in one smooth movement and turning around to face her again, her hair falling about her, so wild and dishevelled she was almost lost in it, the girl looking pale and small within as she continued. 'I'd ask if you are here to join us, but I know you are not.'

'I would talk with you,' said Jaheira simply.

Haer'Dalis heaved himself to his feet with a sigh. 'Ah, this sparrow is enough of an actor to hear his cue. I shall return anon, my raven.'

He set their cups on the dresser at the foot of the bed, pausing only to affectionately ruffle Fritha's hair as he made to leave. Jaheira sighed, sinking on to the crumpled covers next to her as the door clicked shut.

'What are you doing, Fritha?'

Fritha smiled wearily. 'The best I can. Are you here to lambaste me for it too?'

'Oh, Fritha, why do you play such games? You must have known how well some of our company would accept your deception –Yes, I know, you did not actually lie…' she added with a sigh in face of the girl's indignation, Jaheira placing a conciliatory hand upon her knee as she continued. 'I am not here to condemn your actions, Fritha, but I am worried as to what prompts them… I sometimes wonder whether you don't want us to be angry with you, perhaps as a way to distance yourself from us all.'

Fritha glanced down to her hand with an absent look.

'There is no distance for some of us…'

Jaheira snorted crossly. 'Oh, you speak of Haer'Dalis, do you? I should have know that troublemaker would have a leading role in this!'

'Do not blame him,' Fritha objected sharply, 'this was my plan and mine alone. I make my own choices and I would still do the same were he here or not –though I will not deny they are easier to make when I know there will still be at least one person speaking to me afterwards.'

Jaheira shook her head, feeling tired and certainly not the person to be lecturing anyone about matters of trust.

'And can you blame them? You misled them, Fritha, and I understand your reasoning, but for some it is not enough to take away that sting. You are their leader; they trusted you.'

'Yes, you lot trust me -let us make no mention of the fact you all thought I would ally us with the vampires,' Fritha snapped, pulling back from her touch, 'But, yes, I am your leader and you all trust me to make the decisions that will keep us alive… Every mission we undertake to raise this coin brings with it dangers; risks of injury and death and it is I they trust to lead them through unharmed. My plan was uncertain but even so, to have been given something that could lead us straight to Imoen's whereabouts, to instantly be able to end the need for us to crawl through sewers and battle dragons and do who knows what other treacherous work we will have to accept to raise the rest of the coin if this fugitive remains untraceable!' She shook her head, calming as she added, 'You can question much of me, Jaheira, but the fact that I want to get Imoen back and keep everyone alive while we do it, the fact I always have the best interests of this group at heart, that you cannot doubt.'

Jaheira scrubbed a hand across her face, feeling suddenly old as she realised how much such worries clearly pressed upon the girl.

'Oh, Fritha, I do not doubt it, and I do not believe the others do either, but there is more here at stake than just hurt feelings.'

Fritha nodded, sighing deeply. 'Yes, I know, Parisa and her, no doubt, raging desire for vengeance. I knew that my decision would make an enemy of her but I stand by it nevertheless; the risk was worth the slim possibility of success and I do not regret it.'

'Worth it?' cried Jaheira; the self-destructive path the girl seemed so content to walk merely worrying her further, 'Fritha, the woman likely wants you dead!'

Fritha shook her head, the absent look back as she turned to gaze at the dresser behind her, the two cups of dark red wine set side by side.

'No, she won't kill me, not once she's calmed down anyway. You heard Bodhi, "you may yet serve our plans". This wasn't about the money or even the guild war; they want something, something from me.' Fritha turned back to her, her voice firm. 'Parisa won't dare kill me, not when there's a chance something even more horrible will happen to me; I sincerely doubt that whatever Bodhi has planned is going to be pleasant.'

xxx

Haer'Dalis leaned back against the wall with a sigh, rather wishing he had brought his wine with him as he waited outside Fritha's door for the druid to finish her admonishments and leave the pair of them in peace once more. The poor raven; she had suffered much at the hands of the Fates lately, and her ongoing resilience reminded him of his friends in the troupe. Dramatic sensitive people who were all too willing to bemoan their fortunes and drown their sorrows, but with that same steel which rested beneath the histrionic exterior, and all knew that, when the time came, they would be the first to get their heads down and just get on with it.

'Oh, so you're out here then,' came a voice along the corridor and Haer'Dalis turned to see Aerie stood at the top of the stairs, the girl swaying ever so slightly as she set off towards him. The man shrugged loosely, knowing she was likely in a temper with him and not much caring.

'For the moment, yes. Jaheira arrived to speak with the raven not long ago and I am waiting for her to leave before I make my return; you can join us if you wish.'

Aerie sniffed coldly. 'No, thank you, I wouldn't want to intrude.'

Haer'Dalis just checked rolling his eyes; why hadn't he just waited in his room?

'Aerie, it is no secret. The raven and I are merely following the grand theatre tradition and expunging her sorrows in wine and song -the former something you yourself seem to have been partaking of this evening,' he added in an undertone that Aerie missed, the girl still choking on his first sentence.

'Her sorrows? Fritha is the root of all this! And what of anyone else's troubles? What of mine?'

Haer'Dalis sighed, trying to keep his tone more on the side of concerned than exasperated.

'What in the planes is wrong, Aerie? You did not wish to work for the vampires and we are not; I truly thought you would be happy.'

'Happy?' she repeated shrilly, 'Fritha lied to us! All that worry and uncertainty; I feared this group would fracture under the weight of the decision –and you have no idea what poor Anomen had been prepared to do!'

Haer'Dalis snorted his disdain. 'Hand her over to those paladins, more is like! Fritha did what she had to do. Just as I did when the troupe was being hunted, and I seem to recall you were forgiving enough of my own lies back then.'

'That was different. You were fleeing for your lives and we hardly knew you. But Fritha is our leader; doesn't it at least bother you?' Aerie drew back from him, eyes suddenly narrowed in a calculating look, 'Unless- unless, she told you of her plan.'

'Of course, she did not, my dove. She knew to tell me would only have put me in a poor position lying to you.'

'Oh, so you would have lied to me then.'

'What?' he cried, hardly able to believe how he was getting backed into an argument, 'Aerie, I refuse to quarrel with you about things that are irrelevant! Fritha did not tell me of what she had planned and I do not care either way; it was a worthy gamble and I am sorry it did not pay off for her.'

Haer'Dalis shook his head, heaving a sigh as he pushed himself upright and set off down the hallway.

'Where are you going?' Aerie called after him.

'To my room -and I think you should retire to yours.'

She did not heed him though and he listened to her footsteps follow him to his room, the man sinking on to the bed as soon as he entered, turning to find Aerie lingering in the doorway looking small and dejected.

'I'm sorry, Haer'Dalis.'

The tiefling sighed and patted the space next to him, putting an arm about her and kissing her temple once she was at his side.

'As am I, dove. I know you were worried that you would lose your place in the world; I just do not think Fritha needs your blame at the moment. Ah, how the tempests of this life harry and toss us fragile birds as the world falls to decay around us; it is times like these I do not doubt that the silence of oblivion is the only true peace.'

Aerie glanced to him, the hurt plain on her open face. 'Oh, Haer'Dalis, why do you say such things?'

'Because experience has shown me it is so and I believe you would have a much existence if you accepted it as well, my dove.'

The elf shook her head. 'I can't and I don't understand how you can either… but I want to…'

She fixed him with those clear blue eyes, Haer'Dalis drawing back as to better read her face as he confirmed, 'You wish to know of the Doomguard philosophy?'

'Yes, and how you came to believe it… I want to understand it all.'

Haer'Dalis sighed; it was the same question over and over, phrased a thousand different ways. When would the girl understand that trying to force him to recount his past would do nothing bar make him relive it?

'And what do you wish to hear, Aerie? That the theatre can be an escape for the actors as well as the audience? That sometimes a philosophy is all one has? The Cage is a place of wonders, my dove, but it expects recompense, in either blood or spirit. Lokith, Deev, sweet Kaerid; all friends, all dead before their lives had even begun!'

He halted the rant before it got away from him, drawing a deep breath as he continued, 'I was but fifteen when my mother died, not old for one of my kind and still young enough then to be lost without her guidance, however sparing it had been. I was homeless, destitute, with no useful profession. There were still my mother's friends, of course; they would not see Violisé's son out on the streets.' He sneered bitterly, 'Though, naturally, I was expected to fit in. It was almost as though she had not died. The way I was welcomed into their circle with open arms, bowed under the weight of her mantle they had placed about my shoulders; no pleasures, no horrors, all acts justified as experiences.'

And for a moment, the room about him seemed to darken and he was back there, shapes moving in the shadows about him, faceless in the gloom, the air heavy with incense and smoke and he could feel the hot stale breath on the back of his neck. Haer'Dalis blinked and it was gone, the bard back in his room with Aerie, the girl staring up at him with that soft pleading look.

'Yes,' she murmured, easing a hand under his, 'all of it. I want to hear all of it.'

He shook his head, firm and unmoved. 'No, you do not. And I do not wish to tell of it. I found the playhouse a year or so later, and the Doomguard not long after that and I, at last, came to realise that such things were not something to be suffered, but rejoiced in. That this entropy and decay in which we are so steeped is not only the way of things, but a necessary one. This world, this existence is flawed to its very core, only when it ends can a better one be born…'

He glanced back to find Aerie still staring at him, her expression a mask of the predictable pity as she moved to lean her face against his chest.

'Oh, Haer'Dalis, I am sorry, I am so sorry… But, don't you see?' she continued, her voice stronger and filled with a sudden conviction as she straightened, 'You don't have to feel like that anymore. I can understand that back then, to embrace it was easier than to fight on. But it is not like that now. You're here, you have me and together we can make it better; you can be happy.'

He gently cupped a hand about her face. 'Sweet Aerie, and what makes you believe that I am not? And I have no doubt that my upbringing helped me to my present understanding of the world, but does that make the philosophy any less true? Everything I have seen and experienced has affirmed this belief within me. I am a Doomguard, Aerie; it is who I am.'

She pulled back from his touch with a desperate anger.

'But why? How can you be happy, believing in such things? An existence without hope, where all you have to rejoice in is destruction and decay and the end!'

Haer'Dalis gazed back at her, tired of arguing about something that served only to make them both unhappy. Somewhere in the hallway outside a door slammed shut.

'That will likely be the druid leaving,' he said quietly, making to rise, 'I should return to the raven.'

Aerie snorted, uncharacteristically embittered.

'Oh, yes, Fritha. Go running to her as you always do, the both of you together, making merry toasts to misery rather than attempting to pull yourselves from it.'

Haer'Dalis turned away, feeling dull and tired. 'At least she accepts this sparrow as he is.'

'And I don't, is that it?' the elf cried, 'It is only because I care! You have suffered as I have, I- I just want to make it better for you.'

'But do you not see, Aerie?' he moved to crouch before her, imploring her to understand, 'Those experiences, however unpleasant- they shaped who I am and I accept them.' Haer'Dalis sighed deeply. 'Perhaps I am broken, Aerie, but maybe I am better this way… My dove-'

'Don't call me that!' Aerie snapped, 'Gods, it's like we're in a play, giving each other these names and acting out a part, anything to keep you from actually connecting with another person.' She stared down at him, brow furrowed in her distress. 'To be paired you become part of one another, you share things, even if they are painful. You say it is what made you who you are, that you accept the things that happened to you, well then why won't you talk of it? You haven't accepted it, you've just buried it all; shrugged it off as the way of things –the eternal dirge of the Doomguard!' She reached a hand out to him, 'Haer'Dalis, please, I know I can heal you if you will let me.'

Haer'Dalis shook his head gravely, making to rise.

'But for whose benefit will you do so, Aerie? This is who I am now and I am happy in myself. To dredge all that up for nothing… I am not you; I do not want to be healed. You have suffered and you say you have accepted it, but have you? Have you truly? This desperate need you seem to have to learn of my past and somehow erase the mark of its trials… Perhaps I am not the one who requires healing.'

Aerie looked astounded; wide-eyed and flushed in her disbelief. 'Wh-what do you mean?'

'You could wipe away my past and make me anew, Aerie, but it will not bring back your wings and it will not return to you those stolen years.'

'How- how can you bring that up?' she breathed, looking suddenly close to tears in her shock, 'I have accepted my place here, chained to the earth under the sky that was once mine –and at least I have come to terms with it rather than telling myself such miseries are unavoidable and letting the rest of the world suffer as I have!'

Haer'Dalis snorted. 'Come to terms with it, Aerie, or merely ignoring it? Even the way you speak of your loss, of your scars-'

'No,' Aerie cut in, flustered and nettled, the elf standing as well, 'I am done with this! Keep your secrets and your misery, I cannot help you if you will not help yourself.'

She brushed passed him and he did not try to halt her, just listened as her footsteps faded into the hall and a door was slammed shut. Haer'Dalis stood a moment in the silence she had left him in before he turned to leave too, moving along the hallway to a familiar door.

He did not bother to knock, just pushed it open to find Fritha laid upon her bed once more, half curled on her side, her bare feet resting on the pillows, the girl turning her head and smiling faintly as she recognised him.

'Hey sparrow.'

He returned her smile, moving to sit at the foot of the bed, combing gentle fingers through the soft mess of curls at her forehead.

'Hello dear raven, has the ptarmigan finished her scolding?'

Fritha nodded, eyes fluttering closed with an almost feline pleasure, her voice quiet.

'Yes, though to be fair, she was more worried than anything and it was no less than I deserved. They're right to be angry with me; I knew they would be, but I acted anyway.'

'Angry with you?' Haer'Dalis snorted crossly, 'They should be proud of you! That performance was wonderful, my raven. The way you crept so carefully, every question hidden by a veil of artless curiosity and melancholy worries. I have all the more faith in your ability to lead us after such a display!'

Fritha smiled wryly. 'I don't think Jaheira quite sees it like that. She thinks I am being reckless for the sake of it, that I am happily dancing towards my own ruin. But it is not like that. It's just… life is experiences and not all of them are good, and sometimes you must just accept the bad ones and let yourself be broken.'

He laughed quietly, tousling her hair. 'And who is my happy little Doomguard?'

But the girl shook her head, frowning as she tried to explain herself.

'No, it is not about hastening or even embracing it, but accepting that things exist to be broken and change and grow.'

'Ah, if only the dove could see the world as you do.'

'Tut tut, Haer'Dalis,' Fritha reproached with a smile, shifting on to her stomach to rest her chin on her hands, 'you do not like it when Aerie tries to change you –besides, I think you rather like her eternal optimism.'

Haer'Dalis sighed, sinking on to the floor next to her to lean back against the bed frame as he had been before he left.

'Perhaps I do, though I do not believe the same for her about me. I fear she has had her fill of my doom-saying, however cheerfully it is borne.'

'You've had another argument?' Fritha confirmed, sighing ruefully. 'It was my fault wasn't it; this trick with the vampires.'

'Yes, on the surface, though, to be truthful, I am beginning to see that Aerie and I have been arguing about the same thing now since we left Trademeet.' He wondered for a moment whether it would make any difference if he elaborated for her, but perhaps Fritha understood better than he had thought, the girl turning her head to pillow it upon her forearm, eyes staring blankly out at the world.

'People like Aerie, they get hurt badly early on in life and they can live in fear of it forever more. They don't get to understand that however you start out -like children, so innocent and full of love- you cannot remain so. You live, you break, you mend and change and grow; it's not destructive or tragic, it is just living.'

He watched her sigh.

'But at the same time as it is natural to break, it is also natural to mend.' At last, Fritha glanced to him, her eyes black in the lamplight. 'I am not saying you need to change your philosophy, Haer'Dalis, but you came by it from your experiences in the world and it would seem strange to resist further and some might say more pleasant ones for fear of losing your beliefs. Aerie is still trying to work through her pain and you are content remaining broken and neither of you is doing the other any good at the moment.'

She shifted slightly, turning away from him again. 'Life is not a simple thing, but it can be lived simply. What do you want, Haer'Dalis? Just find out what you desire more than anything and then go for it.'

Haer'Dalis frowned, feeling strangely exposed. He did not like Fritha when she got like this; all slow and measured and too insightful by half.

'Interesting advice, my raven, though I do not see any evidence that you are following it,' he accused, but the girl merely laughed tiredly.

'You do not believe that. This whole evening should have shown you what I strive for.'

Haer'Dalis swallowed dryly. 'But at the expense of everything else?'

'Yes, if that's what you want. If it's worth it.' She fixed him with an unyielding look, a quiet intensity to her face, 'Is it worth it, Haer'Dalis?

He turned away from her, staring down at his pale hands, calloused from lyre and blade both. Well, was it?