Title: GIR, I Know What We're Gonna Do Today! (GIKWWGDT)
Chapter 9: Level Up (Newspaper Blues)
Characters: Candace, Dib, ~Phineas & Ferb, ~Zim, Jimmy Collins (OC), Isabella, Katie, Gretchen, Adyson, Gaz, Mrs. Jones (OC), currently unnamed blond British camera guy (OC)
Word count: 1462
Disclaimer: I only own the story and my OCs: Jimmy Collins, Mrs. Jones, and currently unnamed blond, British camera guy.

Author's Note: If you know me, then you know where I got the reporter's name from. And if you don't, I'd be happy to explain. (You may as well just skip this, since I doubt anyone cares.) In Supernatural, Jimmy Novak is the angel Castiel's vessel. The actor that plays Cas is Misha Collins. Now you know something new about me. I'm very unoriginal when it comes to names.

"The reporters should be here any minute now," Candace informed Dib, between rushing from the mirror to the window and back to check on her hair. "And then we'll finally bust Phineas and Ferb!"

"And Zim for the filthy alien he is!" Dib added. The two began to laugh diabolically until they were interrupted by a doorbell. "They're here!"

Candace ran down the stairs and Dib followed close behind by sliding on the rail. When she opened the door, there stood a man with wild, salt-and-pepper hair and an almost ridiculous grin. He had the kind of easy-going blue-green eyes that knew how to draw in a crowd. "Hello! My name is Jimmy Collins!" His smile grew wider, showing gleaming white teeth, and he stuck out his hand to shake.

Candace nervously held out her hand. Jimmy shook it with enthusiasm and a dazzling smile. "So! Why don't we start with the interviews?" Candace and Dib exchanged an anxious glance.

Isabella jumped at the closest snarling pig, tackling it in its midsection, a move so brash and unexpected coming from her that the Fireside Girls were caught off guard. The pigs jumped on this opportunity, pouncing on the girls the second they turned their gaze from them. Katie, Gretchen, and Adyson screamed and threw their arms up, providing little protection from the growling pigs' rabid fangs.

Gaz immediately sprang into action, rolling her eyes at how uncoordinated the girls looked.

"Amateurs," she scoffed, then ripped a squealing pig off of Gretchen's back. She swung it around like a bat and two more pigs dissolved into 0's and 1's. Four more swarmed in to fill the space. The girl ducked their razor sharp claws, and kicked their legs out from underneath them. As the pigs disappeared, Gaz was already fighting off another handful of enemies.

Meanwhile, Isabella was fending for herself almost as well as Gaz. She had three patches in wrestling and martial arts, after all. The Fireside Girl was doing pretty well fending off the pigs' slow, clumsy advances, when a gang of snarling bomb pigs surrounded her, seemingly out of nowhere. She glanced around, scanning for a way out, but found none. Since the other girls were preoccupied with their own opponents, Isabella knew she would have to find a way out of this on her own. She took a deep breath and positioned herself into a fighting stance.

"So Candace... when exactly did you begin to suspect your brothers are in cahoots with an alien?" Jimmy Collins inquired, his ever-present smile replaced by a dead-serious expression.

"Well... from the beginning, I guess." She frowned thoughtfully. "I mean, it's obvious from his green skin that he's either an alien or Phineas and Ferb are involved." The reporter nodded and began scribbling furiously in a small, plain, brown notebook.

"Can you describe to me what your brothers are like?"

Dib huffed impatiently, and they continued on like this for another 10 minutes, all the while Jimmy scrawled away in his little spiral notebook. The boy began to pace back and forth until Jimmy Collins stood up. Dib took the chance to pounce on him with questions, "So is it my turn to be interviewed? Or do you have what you need already?" Jimmy stretched and scratched his neck.

"I need a break," the reporter yawned. "Honestly, this is all a bit dull."

"Dull?!" Dib cried.

He nodded slowly, taking a swig from a water bottle seemingly produced out of nowhere. "You know, I only took this story because my son wanted me to. He loves all this alien conspiracy stuff. Can't get enough of it," he chuckled.

Candace's eye twitched. "But Mr. Collins, we have proof!"

Dib chimed in, "Yeah, there really is an alien!"

"That's good!" He took another drink and nearly spit it out when Dib suddenly appeared in front of him with one of the many cameras they'd planted around the house.

"Look! On this tape, we've captured the alien working on the UTP with Phineas and Ferb! This will prove to the world that aliens exist!"

"But wait, how did you-?"

"And that my brothers are up to no good!" Candace added/interrupted the confused, spluttering reporter.

Jimmy Collins wrinkled his nose at the device. "This type of camera would never do!"

"Well, why not?!"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, to begin with, I know for a fact that it doesn't record audio well." He took it from Dib and examined it. "Terrible quality. It wouldn't look good on TV. The people deserve only the best!"

"Don't they deserve to know the truth more?" Dib asked in a small voice.

The reporter continued talking, appearing not to have heard him; if he did, he ignored him, a crazed glint in his watery blue eyes, "That's why news anchors are handpicked to be so attractive! They have to be perfect, so the mass public will love them! They have a certain quality, a natural talent! The people love them! They deserve only the best!" His voice broke and tears welled in his eyes as he dramatically reached for the broken pieces of his dream. "Am I not good enough?" he cried to no one in particular. Dib began to slowly back away. "I'll always be a lousy newspaper reporter, a journalist without a face! No one even reads them anymore!" The broken man fell to his knees and began to cry into the nearest object — which happened to be Candace's shoulder.

Dib stared in shocked silence, but was distracted by a van pulling into the driveway. "The Channel 5 news van!" This caused Jimmy to sob harder. Dib rushed out the door, without so much as a backwards glance.

The Channel 5 K-DNVL crew was already setting up their cameras and equipment on the Flynn-Fletchers' front lawn. An important, official looking woman in a suit strode past him. "Excuse me, ma'am—"

"Mrs. Jones!" a voice called.

"Sorry, son, I'm going to have to get back to you later," Mrs. Jones informed him. She walked just as quickly in the direction of her makeup artist, collecting various items, such as a cup of coffee and a bagel, "Even though it's in the afternoon...?" Dib mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, she's always like that, at all times of the day. I myself prefer tea," a British accented voice said. Dib turned to see the voice belonged to a young man with unruly blonde hair and easy-going blue eyes that looked very familiar. He smiled at the boy from behind the camera that he lovingly polished. "So... do you believe in aliens?"

Isabella's heart raced. Her eyes flickered back and forth between the bomb pigs, trying to watch them all at once, the red digital numbers counting down. Her stomach lurched when she noticed one particular countdown clock with only 10 seconds until detonation.

Thinking quickly, she took a running leap into the bare tree branch and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Everybody take cover!" Gaz and the Fireside Girls leaped behind a conveniently placed boulder just in time to safely observe the pigs, either rigged with bombs, wings, or neither all explode in a chain reaction. The only things left were faint trails of smoke and vanishing numbers where they had stood just seconds ago.

Isabella climbed down and the other girls vacated their hiding spot to automatically form a back-to-back circle. Even though it seemed as if they had defeated all the pigs, they wisely kept their guard up.

The scenery began to shift around them into a similar landscape with the addition of pits that stretched 3 feet across and to uncertain depths. A deep rumbling sound that reverberated through the air and ground alerted them of a pirate ship floating high above them like an ominous, low-hanging storm cloud.

"We're in the next level," Gaz murmured. "Exploding pigs get dropped on you from the pirate ship while you avoid the pits." She groaned. "It's so impossible to beat. Instead of just defeating all the pigs like the last level you have to avoid the pigs and pits and get the key to the next level."

"So we have to find the key to beat the next level?" Isabella asked.

Gaz frowned. "Yeah, and after that, I heard there are zombie hogs waiting to eat your brains."

Isabella made a face, but hardened her resolve. "Whatever it takes to get out of here. Fireside Girls, let's find that key!"