Title: GIR, I Know What We're Gonna Do Today! (GIKWWGDT)
Chapter 11: Pigs and Pirate Ships

Author's Note: Whoops, I uploaded the wrong file. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged.

Candace was finally rid of the crying journalist. She'd somehow managed to get him to stop wailing and left him with a cup of hot cocoa and a shock blanket, and then ran outside. Immediately, she spotted Dib and a blond man with glasses conversing. Ignoring the serious expressions on their faces, she marched over and planted herself in front of the big-headed boy.

"Thanks for the help with Mr. McSob Story back there."

"Candace! We can't let the world know about the UTP!"

"What—"

"There's a secret, dangerous organization called the Chipped Toenails here that would want to get their hands on it. Eric told me about it!" The blond man grinned and waved. "If we let this story air or get printed and they get a hold of it, I won't be able to get back to my own universe! We have to stop the word from spreading!"

Candace raised an eyebrow. "So you're telling me that after all I just went through, you don't want to bust Zim?"

Dib cringed when she put it that way. "No! It's not that — I do want to, but don't you think it's too much of a risk—"

"Fine, fine!" Candace threw her hands up and walked away. The news van Mrs. Jones was currently freshening up in glinted temptingly in the sunlight. "But I'm not passing up this chance to bust Phineas and Ferb, not if I can help it." She ducked inside, while Eric and Dib watched a few feet away.

"Did she just —"

"Yep."

"...Candace!"

The redhead immediately spotted Mrs. Jones; she was the only person that had such a strong presence that made it no wonder she was a news reporter. "Are you in charge here?" the teen demanded.

Mrs. Jones raised an eyebrow. "Young lady, you shouldn't—"

"—be in here, yeah,yeah, I know the drill. But I have a question for you—"

"Candace, wait!" Dib burst in, panting. "You can't do this!"

"And you two are not supposed to be in here!" Mrs. Jones stepped between them and pointed firmly at Candace. "I want to personally speak to your mom."

"Yes, yes!" In the blink of an eye, Candace had her phone out and speed dialed Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. She shoved it in Mrs. Jones' hand. "Please get my mom here right away!"

"Mrs. Jones, wait. You can't air this news report—"

"Both of you, outside. Or you're next, mister."

"But-"

"No but's!"

That effectively shut them down. They obediently stepped outside, and turned on each other.

"This is all your fault!"

"What?! You're one to talk, mister!"

"Are you kidding me?! I'm not the one-"

"Well-!"

They turned away from each other, with their stubbornly arms crossed.

"Ahem. Why don't we just settle down and discuss this over a nice cuppa tea, alright?"

"No thanks!" they both yelled at the same time again.

Eric shrugged and rejoined his camera crew, leaving the two to glare at each other, then storm off.

"Gaz, you know who that is?" Isabella asked, pointing at the mysterious figure.

"Yeah, that's the ghost pirate boss pig. But this is only the fir—"

"Gaz, look out!"

Gaz easily dodged a ghost pig's weak attempt to grab her and aimed a kick in its direction, but her foot went right through it. "Yar har har! Just try to defeat my ghostly army!"

"Katie, I choose you!" The blonde reached into her pack and pulled out an iron frying pan with which she used to swipe at the hogs. Each one that the pan passed through disappeared with a squeal and a puff of smoke. Katie blew some of it off her kitchen utensil and twirled it like a handgun before starting to replace it in her backpack.

"I learned that from television, you son of a —"

"Katie, this fic is rated K+!"

"What? I was just gonna say son of a gun. Either way, that won't keep 'em away for long. They'll be back."

"Guys, I think we have more pressing matters at hand," Gretchen squeaked.

"Yar har har! That's right!" The boss pig finally stepped out of the shadows. Other than a pirate outfit that looked like it was made for a toy dog, an eye patch, and a poorly imitated accent, this "ghost pirate boss pig" looked to be like any other pig they'd fought.

"What?! How'd you defeat my army so fast?" He took one look at Katie's pan and started squealing furiously. "Cheaters! You're no fun!"

"This is the boss pig we're supposed to defeat?" Isabella asked skeptically.

Before Gaz could respond, Katie rushed forward with her pan. "I'll take care of him!" She swiftly brought it down on his head, knocking off his hat in a colorful blur, but a gust of wind and distinct lack of oinking suggested he had abandoned ship.

A greasy claw plucked Gaz up and flung her on the crow's nest, where she scowled and immediately started searching for a way down.

"Did you think I'd be that easy to defeat? Yar har har! You're sadly mistaken, maties! Now your friend is stuck up there! I hope she's not afraid of heights! Yar har har! Just try to defeat me and my ghost army now!" Said "army" returned a moment later out of nowhere, angrier and more hostile than before. They surrounded the pirate pig like a ghostly entourage.

Isabella risked a glance at a very enraged Gaz and again yelled, "Katie, I choose you!"

The same scene from before played out again as the girl brought the pan down on the snarling pigs. She blew smoke from it, replaced it with a dramatic twirl, and said, "That's for Gaz, you ugly pigs!"

The four Fireside Girls cornered the Pirate Pig, who was literally quaking in his boots. Without his ghost army to protect him, he was nothing more than a pig in a pirate costume. Isabella almost felt pity for him. However, they'd promised to save Gaz, so without further ado, she swung her foot around and kicked him into a pile of barrels. He disappeared — not burst into 0s and 1s like the other pigs they'd faced, but shimmered, then faded. They looked around, but he was nowhere to be found.

Gaz was trying unsuccessfully to climb over the edge, but some type of force field was preventing her from doing so.

"Where are you?! Show yourself!" Adyson screamed.

A loud crash, then a deep rumbling filled the air, the source the cabin that the pirate pig had originally emerged from. More crashing followed; curious, the girls cautiously approached the door. The crashing grew louder and more frequent, and the rumbling reminiscent of a drum roll. "Are those footsteps?!"

The Fireside Girls leaped to the side — just in time, for at that moment the captain's quarters flew apart, a blob of pink at the center. "Yar har har!"

"No way!"

"Is that —"

"He grew bigger?!"