"I picked out your star, turned night to day
A simple whisper from your voice
And I fade away
You wish for love, you pushed me away
Your love for me was everything I need,
The air I breathe."
-The All American Rejects

The fact that she had her head on his shoulder, the fact that here they were sitting in some beautiful, hidden park and watching night fade to day was surreal to him. Nate raised his head back, training his eyes on a particular star so that he could memorize its exact location before it faded away. He felt her yawn and he smiled gently, tipping his chin down to look at her tear-stained face, and he tightened his grip around her. She didn't love him anymore, he knew that -- she couldn't. He had hurt her far too badly.

But he had never really been able to let Jenny go.

Several hours previous, a party had been taking place in one of the fraternity houses at NYU. Blair had invited Nate to it, and although only a week of school had passed, Nate had already figured out that the NYU parties were far superior than those held at Columbia.

And so there Nate was just a half hour before midnight, smoking one of the best blunts he'd had in his life on a lumpy couch with Chuck.

"Who is that guy?" Nate asked curiously, jutting his chin in the direction of a tall dark haired boy.

"Little J's boyfriend,"Chuck replied distractedly, his eyes on Blair, who was chatting up one of the fraternity boys.

"What's his name?"

"Scott." Chuck looked over at Nate, raising his eyebrows a bit. "Do I detect a bit of jealousy in your tone, Nathaniel?"

"No," he said defensively. "I just don't like him. How can Dan be okay with him dating Jenny? He freaked out when I was with her?"

Chuck hesitated. "Because he's good for her," he said honestly. "You weren't here this summer to see, but he just lights her up. I don't know why she keeps denying that they're together, everyone knows it." His dark eyes transferred back to Blair's body, and Nate rolled his eyes. He stayed silent, absorbing the implication that he wasn't good enough for Jenny. He had nothing to say in response to that -- he was too busy trying to understand why in the world he felt this jealous, this protective, this hurt. He and Jenny were done. Not only that, but they had separated by his choice. So why was it that now, so many months after he could have had her, that he cared? Was it because she was unattainable? Had he made a mistake back in December when he chose Vanessa over Jenny, and was he seriously just now realizing it?

"Well Archibald, I'm afraid I must depart. Duty calls," the dark-haired boy said with his trademark smirk, handing Nate the rest of his blunt. He made his way to Blair, pressed his hand lightly against her hip and whispered something in her ear. Blair swatted at him as she laughed but pulled closer a moment later, pressing her forehead against Chuck's neck as he towed her away from the frat boy and to the door. Nate couldn't help but smile -- they were a funny couple, lemony and sweet and violent and cautious at the same time.

"They're a good couple, aren't they?" Nate heard a voice and looked up; Scott was standing directly in front of him, his head turned in Chuck and Blair's direction for a moment before looking down at Nate. "She's in my marketing class. She lights up when she talks about him."

"She has the same effect on him, I assure you. Do you want to sit?" Nate asked, feeling tense and gesturing to Chuck's former spot. Scott accepted. "Smoke?" He offered, holding out Chuck's unfinished one. Nate took a drag of his own and raised an eyebrow at the other boy.

"No thanks. I'm just a drinking man." Scott gestured to the beer in his left hand and Nate shrugged.

"How's Jenny?" Nate inquired; he hadn't heard from the girl in at least a week.

"She's good. I came over last night." Scott replied nonchalantly, glancing down at his cell phone. Nate sucked in his breath a little too hard and held back a cough. What the hell? So they were sleeping together, and Scott just said it like that, what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck..."How's uh... Alyssa? Daniella? Damn... oh yeah, Vanessa."

"Uh... We're not in a relationship. We just went to Europe together." Like that sounded any better. At least Scott was Jenny's boyfriend while they were sleeping together. Nate and Vanessa certainly hadn't felt the need to be in a relationship to sleep together. Nate felt almost ashamed of himself, and there was this feeling in his chest that Scott had stolen something from him. Maybe he just missed being close friends with Jenny. Nate took a heavy drag from his blunt to clear his head, and Scott drank from his bottle, and there was silence for a while. Nate felt as if he were sitting next to the anti-version of him; they were two complete opposites of each other, one was dark, one was light, one drank, one smoked, one wore expensive clothing, one wore clothes you could find at the mall. Jenny may have been their only similarity.

"Ah." Scott suddenly got to his feet and clapped his hand on Nate's back, his stride a little unsteady as he walked away and to a blonde that had apparently just entered the building. He wrapped his arms around the girl and lifted her up, spinning her around, and Nate coughed as he realized that it was none other than Jenny. Jenny and that smile she used to flash at him, but now it was trained on Scott's face as she looked into his eyes and it almost made Nate want to throw his blunt to the ground and march up there and push Scott aside because that smile used to belong to him, it was his, but Scott had stolen it.

What was she doing here? It was past midnight. Her father would never allow her out this late to a party like this one. Nate leaned forward in his seat a little, his blue eyes carefully watching. The way she looked into Scott's eyes before she looked away (had Scott just shot a direct look at him?), the way the dark-haired boy put his arm around her waist as he introduced her to a friend (his hand was a little too low there)-- it all made Nate sick, and he closed his eyes.

It was one in the morning and Nate was ready to leave. After saying goodbye to a few friends he exited the frat house; smoking had lost its usual appeal tonight. The drugs he normally did made him feel calm and at peace with the world. However, it was a bit difficult to feel like everything was okay when he had to watch a certain blonde dance with another guy. And sure, Nate had tried to dance with another girl, another blonde, but for some reason his eyes would always flicker across the room to check on that other girl once more.

The air was cool outside. Nate called up his limo, noticing a couple nearby; the boy was leaning against the railing of the steps, his back to Nate, and the girl-- Jenny?

"Jenny, J-Jenny..." Nate could tell right off the bat that Scott was drunk. "I need to tell you sssomething, Jenny. I have to tell you... But I can't..."

"What is it? Scott, what is it?" Jenny's half-lit face was clearly worried.

"Remember how a few mmmmonths ago your dad and Lily went off looking for their kid and his parents told them that he was dead? Well he's not, I'm him, I'm your half-brother, J, and I'm sorry I lied to you, I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to hurt you like I said that first day, I don't want to hurt you more than you have been already, don't be mad, please don't be--"

"You shouldn't have had so much to drink." Jenny interrupted, taking his hand. Her voice was weak. "Stop being silly." Her voice, it was that voice that pained Nate -- so much like Blair's when she was in denial, refusing to see something, looking for an escape. It scared Nate because Blair had used that voice so often with him in desperation to work things out and he had hurt Blair so badly, and Jenny didn't need to use that tone, she didn't need to fight for a way to make things better with Scott.

Scott snatched his hand away from her. "Stop denying it! Jenny, you had to have figured it out by now, all those q-questions I asked you."

She was silent. Scott took another gulp from his beer and she spoke. Her voice was a harsh whisper. "Stop..."

"No Jenny, y-you stop. Fucking accept it. I lied to you, okay? I knew who you were when I met you. S-same with Eric, same with Dan. You didn't mean anything to me when I met you."

Were there tears on her face? Nate had felt paralyzed until she shifted and the streetlight hit her watery eyes, a tear rolling down the side of her nose. "But you've been my best friend these past few months."

"Well, that wasn't my intention, I can assure you." Scott replied, his voice rough as he threw the bottle on the floor. Jenny winced openly, and Nate moved toward them angrily as his limo pulled up.

"You're coming home with me. Stay the hell away from her from now on, asshat." Nate stated furiously, wrapping his hand around Jenny's thin wrist. She struggled, and Nate gave her a look. "I'm not letting you go home with him, and you're not going alone either. So don't even try or I'll call Dan up right now." Scott reached out toward Jenny, mumbling something as he caught her elbow, and Nate shoved him off. Jenny buried her face in her hands and Nate brought her into the limo, shouting curses behind him to the drunk boy.

It was silent in the limo after the drove off except for Jenny's crying. She buried her face into her knees, sobbing, and Nate didn't know what to do. He made to rub her back lightly but she shook him off, her body curled in to her knees and her feet planted on the limo's carpet. Her arms were wrapped around her body as if she were desperate to keep herself in one piece, and Nate wanted to help her, wanted to fix up her broken heart so it was all better. He would do anything to see her smile, have her yell at him, have her ignore him -- anything but this.

She lifted her head up abruptly. "You shouldn't have come in, Nate. I can take care of myself," she said in a wobbly voice, looking right at him with angry blue eyes.

He looked a her calmly. "I know," he said softly. For some reason he couldn't get angry at her when she looked at him with eyes as anguished as these. "But I can't not protect you."

She was crying again, gently this time. "That's lie. Where the hell have you been this past half year then, Nate? Where?" She demanded angrily, brushing at the trails of mascara beneath her eyes. "Why do you do this? Why do you tell each and every girl you're with exactly what she wants to hear even if it isn't the truth? Remember when you told me at the guerrilla fashion show that whatever I decided, you were with me? Bullshit. Fucking bullshit!" She stamped her foot angrily and buried her face in her knees again, sobbing once more.

Nate stared at her wide-eyed, feeling pangs of regret. Yes, he lost interest in women a lot. But when he said things to girls he dated, he meant the words he said most of the time. And when he drifted away, they felt it, he didn't lead them on to make them feel as if he were still interested. And he also came to the realization that his argument was very, very weak indeed.

"I'm sorry. I meant it when I said it. I'm sorry, Jenny. I don't know why I left you. You know that I used to be... that I still may be.. so lost. But I'm trying to change, I really am, I'm trying to find who I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry," he said. And Jenny pulled her head up and looked into his eyes and nodded a little, because she saw the sincerity in his expression.

"Scott must be fucking twisted to be your boyfriend with the knowledge that you're related."

"Scott and I weren't ever together, Nate. Please don't say you actually believed Gossip Girl." She laughed a little at the flabbergasted expression on Nate's face, tears still trailing down her face, and pushed herself into his arms, into the arms that were once the only home she needed, and she cried into his chest.

She stayed with him that night. Jenny had told Rufus that she was sleeping over at Eric's, and she had texted Eric saying not to worry, that she was staying somewhere else that night because Eric was her best friend and she couldn't lie to him, especially not about something like Scott's confession. And so she came to Nate's empty home and they sat on his couch and he gave her ice cream. She couldn't sleep; neither could he. He wiped her face for her and tended to her and let her wet his shirt with her tears. He gave her the book of designs and she flipped through them while he studied for his Calculus class. And Jenny laughed when he told her that Math was his strong point because there were no feelings attached, no hidden literary terms or searching for emotions that weren't on the surface, just formulas and equations. She laughed even harder when he put on his glasses for her, had to try them on for herself and ended up doing his homework with him -- more like learning how to do it, really. It felt good like this, having her legs loop with his and her head on his shoulder as she ate another bowl of ice cream silently, occasionally feeding him some playfully as he computed numbers in hs head. It was perfect, for a time, until it was near dawn and she said that she had to get to Eric's. They took a cab but there was a park near Eric's home, so they stopped and sat on a bench there, and for the first time in a long time, Nate felt alive.

"There." Nate nudged her side gently, pointing up to the sky where there was a single, solitary star, a rare thing to see in New York. "That's your star." A long time ago, back when Blair was his, he used to try to make her happy when she was sad by picking out a star for her. But for some reason it was never enough, it never made her as happy as a necklace would, and so now he looked down at Jenny to see what her reaction would be.

Jenny's sad face lit up as she looked at it. "All mine? Really?" She teased in a whisper, staring at it for a long time before resting her head appreciatively against Nate's shoulder, and together they watched the sun rise before he took her to Eric's.

Nate felt something different now -- that he had all the time in the world with Jenny, that he had to prove himself worthy first, that he had to wait and see if the sparks were still there a month from now. He would wait. He could wait for Jenny Humphrey.

Gracias for the reviews everyone. Please review even if you don't like the story because I enjoy all criticisms and such. And of course your comments are what keep me going. Thanks again!