And so it is just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me, most of the time
And so it is the shorter story no love,
no glory, no hero in her sky
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you, and so it is,
just like you said it should be, we'll both forget the
breeze most of the time. And so it is.

-Damien Rice

The months passed. November turned into December which turned into January which turned into February. New York became unbearably cold just like it did every winter; snow fell on a regular basis, and it would have been beautiful if beauty could have been found. Nate and Jenny rarely saw each other and each time they did was simply unhealthy. He kept count of the times -- three -- and every detail of each run in stayed etched permanently in his mind.

After the funeral they kept no contact -- no texts, no visits, nothing. This was the way Jenny wanted things and even though it killed Nate inside, he would wait. He had told Jenny that he'd wait for her and he would stay true to his word and wait. He continued devoting himself to his internship and studies, he didn't smoke nearly as much as he used to and girls weren't even an option for him. Of course it was difficult because girls weren't exactly repulsed by him -- quite the opposite -- and given the amount of parties he went to, it was a miracle that he didn't get trashed every weekend.

Nate would never forget the first time that he saw her after the funeral. It was raining and cold, sometime in late November. He had come with Chuck to visit Blair and her friends at NYU; her friends turned out not to be there, so Nate left early to give the couple some alone time. He would always remember how there was no wind but he still felt like he was freezing his ass off, even with his thick coat, and he would never fail to recall how cold his hands had felt. But he would also never forget walking down the street and seeing Jenny and Dan Humphrey in front of the entrance to one of the dormitory buildings. Dan was looking at her with concern, and Jenny was silent as Dan rambled on about something, her small hands clutching an umbrella.

And then she looked right at him.

Nate felt the air being sucked out of his lungs and he couldn't help but wonder how she managed to do that to him every time; one glance from her wide blue eyes and he was done. His mind was reeling and what was that expression in her eyes, if it could even be called that? It was too cold outside and all he wanted to do was go to her and wrap his coat over her thinner one, hold her umbrella for her, and most of all, take her inside where it was warm so that he didn't have to worry about her dying from some sort of disease that came with the rain. Jenny lowered her eyes for a moment and he thought he caught a glimpse of a hurt expression -- did the corner of her lips just pucker downward, did her brows just knit together?-- before a cool sheen came over her features and she looked at him again with the blankest of emotions.

Dan turned and saw Nate. His face contorted into the most disgusted of expressions and Nate was taken aback by it. Dan placed his hand on Jenny's shoulder, and his sister looked at the dark haired boy and raised an eyebrow at him, and he lead her inside, shooting a nasty look at Nate before he shut the doors behind him.

The second time was a month later on New Year's Eve. Nate had been one of the few to work at his internship that day; there was some big international scandal going on, and since so few of the interns wanted to work on a holiday, it was the perfect opportunity for him to actually work alongside a politician and take notes on what they did, the way they handled themselves when talking to a foreign dignitary, and so on. Nate loved it, but unfortunately arrived at his apartment at around ten at night. He knew Blair would be furious if he didn't attend her big party, and there was a huge chance Jenny would be there, so he prepared himself as quickly as he could. He arrived at the Waldorf place with only half an hour to go until midnight, but at least he made it, right?

He saw Dan and Serena and Chuck and Blair and even Eric but not Jenny in sight. Nate couldn't help but feel hugely disappointed and ended up on one of the balconies smoking a blunt with just a minute to go until midnight; the fireworks had already started.

"You're supposed to kiss someone at midnight." The voice was unfamiliar, calm and cool as ice with a I'm-bored-already tinge, and Nate almost choked on what he was inhaling when he saw it was none other than Jenny. Jenny Humphrey with her light blonde hair curled and pinned up, stray tresses tickling her collarbone in that way, the way that drove Nate insane. The fact that she was in a very revealing white dress made Nate blink hard, wiping his hand over his face as he tried to absorb what was going on.

"J-Jenny." He stuttered as she came closer to him, putting all his willpower into not letting his thoughts go there because then certain instinctual bodily reactions would happen and it would just be terribly awkward. "It's cold. Do you need a jacket...?"

She looked at him in an amused way, like there was something he didn't know. "Don't move." And Nate, of course, had no choice to obey. He wasn't sure if he could have brought himself to rebel in the first place because she was stepping close to him until her body was lightly against his, and one hand was on his shoulder and the other was sliding down his arm to his hand as her face came closer to his. He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing as she pressed her forehead and nose softly against his own, and he thought she was going to kiss him. All of a sudden he felt her fingers plucking something out of his hand and she was backing away and he opened his eyes to see Jenny Humphrey taking a drag of his blunt, a slightly curious glint flashing in her eyes. Nate was stunned as she tilted her head back and-- oh God, there was her neck again -- blew the smoke into the air, before looking back at him with a foreign smirk on her face.

Jenny placed the blunt back into his hand and patted his cheek lightly as she maneuvered past him. "Happy New Year," she called softly before disappearing and leaving a very confused Nate behind her.

It was so out of character for her that Nate chose to believe that it was a hallucination for a week. A hallucination or a very hot but unsatisfying dream. But when Chuck mentioned that Jenny had been acting really strangely ever since the funeral, Nate had to accept the fact that it had not been his mind playing tricks on him. Nate was both worried and terrified at the same time. She dominated his thoughts; he needed to see her.

And one day he did -- the third time he saw her after the funeral -- and it was completely by accident. Chuck had forgotten his scarf at Blair's dorm and the two were apparently in a bit of a squabble at the moment, so Nate had to play the messenger boy and retrieve it. He didn't do it so much as for Chuck as he did to sort-of-maybe run into Dan. Yes, Dan hated him. But if anyone knew what was going on with Jenny, it would be her brother.

Nate was exiting from Blair's dorm building, Chuck's scarf tucked into his pocket, when he saw a couple a little ahead of him. They weren't moving, just standing there on the sidewalk, and he realized with a dull pang in his chest that it was Jenny with Scott. They were silent, just looking each other, Jenny's arms crossed in front of her chest and Scott's hands cupping her cheeks. The intense way he looked at her made Nate furrow his eyebrows and his hands clench defensively. Scott looked away from Jenny and over at Nate, and he nodded curtly in greeting, his hands dropping to his sides.

Nate hesitated before them. "Scott. Jenny," He called her name and it felt absolutely forbidden to say it out loud. She turned slowly to look at him, her eyebrows raised. "Can we talk?" She followed him out of earshot. "What was up with New Year's Eve? You were acting... I mean, I thought you wanted us to be done, but..."

She tilted her head a little, looking at him with oddly lifeless eyes. "We are done. I was just a little buzzed from the alcohol I'd had. It didn't mean a thing."

It was hard to describe what he felt. Disappointment that it didn't mean anything, definitely. Concern because she seemed so different. Hurt, certainly.

Nate glanced over her shoulder and saw Scott watching them. "What are you doing with him? I thought I told you to stay away from Scott. We both know he's bad news." There was an angry edge to his voice now. He wasn't used to this; he wasn't used to her disinterest and it seemed like she was over him. How could that be possible when a few months ago they were all each other needed? It had to be his imagination, but then she spoke.

An icy laugh escaped from her pink mouth and Nate felt a chill run down his spine. It felt almost as if she'd slipped an ice cube along the skin of his back. "I think you're confusing me with the Jenny Humphrey who cared."

And with that, Jenny left him.

A few days later Nate attended a frat party at NYU. Rather than doing his usual overtime at his internship or at times even showing up lately, he'd decided to smoke until his thoughts were a calm blur. He couldn't smoke as much as he used to. He'd weaned himself off of the habit during the past few months, and now he was suddenly picking it up. Nonetheless, he felt good right now. Calm even though his hands were shaky and some colors and details stood out more brightly than they normally should have. Nothing sounded better to him right now than a bottle of beer and a good-looking sorority girl. Or any girl, really, as long as she didn't remind him of a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed fashion-oriented high school queen. What was the point of exhausting himself and working hard if she didn't care for him? Apparently Jenny had no problem spending time with Scott, but Nate was simply out of the question. It infuriated him. She didn't care anymore, and now, neither did he. Or at least, he'd try not to care. What was the point of fighting a battle you knew you'd lose? What was the point of waiting for someone who didn't want you anymore? What in the world was the point in changing if Jenny didn't want him anymore?

An hour into the party and Nate was getting rather familiar with an unnamed redhead's lips on a couch, a beer in his hand, when he heard his name being called in a questioning voice. Nate barely managed to pull his lips off the girl's neck to find Scott towering over him, looking bewildered. Nate mumbled some unpleasant curse and returned his lips to the girl's skin, choosing to ignore the other male.

"Look, man, it's about Jenny. Five minutes and you can get back to whoever this chick is, okay?" Even now Jenny's name was a warning signal and Nate pulled himself away from the girl to look at Scott again.

"What about Jenny? From what I saw, it looked like you have her --" Nate began to make a snide remark about how he literally had her in the palm of his hands, but Scott interrupted.

"It's important, okay?" The two men stared each other down until Nate slowly got up with a sigh and followed Scott to a quieter portion of the frat house. Nate crossed his arms and waited for Scott to speak.

"You weren't at your internship today. Why?" Scott asked after a moment, looking concerned.

"How do you know about that?"

"Blair's friend told her and Blair told me because it worried her. We already have to worry about Jenny, and now about you too?"

Nate's eyebrows knitted together. "What does it matter if I do or don't go to an internship? It's my business. And like I tried to say, it seems like you have Jenny where you want her. She refuses to even keep contact with me, so I don't know why you need to talk to me about her."

"I was looking at her eyes when you came. There was something different about them. It scared me..." Scott sighed. "Look, even I know that you were different before, that this whole internship thing brought out a good change in you. The way you're acting now, it's like you're not fighting for her anymore." When Nate made a sarcastic noise, Scott raised his eyebrows. "She's different lately, Nate. This is the worst time for you to give up on her." They were silent for a moment before Scott continued. "Today was the first time I've talked to her in months. She refused to see me, too, until today when I ran into her after she visited Dan. And she was different... she doesn't care anymore about anything... She's not Jenny. She's cold. She's like this ice queen now and it worries me. I don't know if she's damaged or what but I can't heal her this time."

Nate felt a pang in his chest as his suspicions were confirmed. Jenny had changed, and for the worse.

"She told me I didn't mean a thing to her, Scott." Nate replied weakly.

"It's the same with the rest of us. The only one she remotely acts like she respects is Eric, and he's more worried than the rest of us. But look, I know how Jenny felt about you. I just think that maybe Vanessa's death scared her and hurt her more than it did the rest of us. Maybe she doesn't know how to cope with it. I don't think in all this time Jenny's ever stopped loving you. Otherwise she would have loved me..." Scott trailed off here before shaking his head a little. "We're all asking you not to give up on her -- Blair, Chuck, Eric, me..."

Nate was quiet for a long time as he walked to a window and stared out of it, his mind reeling. Finally he nodded. He couldn't bury his feelings for her because of a momentary setback; he had to keep fighting for her, earn her trust again, and be true to his word. He would wait for Jenny Humphrey, but he wasn't going to wait on the sidelines for her to come to him again. He had to win her back.

He realized that he couldn't keep living without her, and that now she needed him more than ever.

Man this chapter was hard to write. Thanks to Susan for all her help with this. I completely appreciate it. Hopefully the next chapter won't be so difficult to write. Thank you all for your reviews!