Avoiding The Past.
Phoenix had been on the dead planet for two days and she desperately needed some food, some human contact even if it was only to walk amongst other people. There was no-one and nothing where she was and needed to get away. She had run out of clean clothes, wearing the last ones she had and she had run out of drinking water too. She knew that she had to go back, stock up on supplies, wash her clothes but she also knew that she didn't want to go back to the hub either.
Getting off of the dusty bed, Phoenix gathers her clothes together, putting it all in one bag and then she leaves the hut, leaving her weapons, helmet and coat behind, knowing that no-one would steal them as no-one would come to this dead planet. She takes the bag out of the hut and lays it on the ground as she sets new co-ordinates into her Vortex Manipulator. As the Vortex manifests, she picks up the bag and then she walks in and comes out in a quiet alleyway near Cardiff town centre.
After about an hour of walking around the city centre, Phoenix found somewhere where she could do her laundry. She put her things into the washing machine and then realised that she didn't have any powder so she went over to the machine and when no-one was looking, she put her hand on the machine and closed her eyes. She manipulated the machine to think that she had put money in and it spat out a small box of washing powder. She opened her eyes and took her hand off, taking the small box.
She adds everything to the machine and then manipulates the machine to start washing. As the washing machine starts, Phoenix's stomach starts to rumble. She needed food but she knew that she didn't have any money so the first port of call would be a cash machine. She leaves the laundry and finds the nearest cash machine. There were people lining up so Phoenix stood at the back. The line soon moved down and it was her turn. She put her hand over the cash machine and the money amounts came up on screen.
Phoenix didn't need that much but she needed to feed herself and get water too so she pressed the button for £40.- and a second or two later, the machine spat out two £20.- pound notes and she took them. She went to the nearest shop and got a few 2 litre bottles of water for drinking and washing and a few things to eat after she went back to the dead planet. She then made her way to the nearest place to get hot food and she dived inside. She sat at a table and ordered the biggest full English breakfast she could and when it arrived, she tucked in and finished the lot.
Once she had finished her breakfast and her coffee, she paid and left with her bag of water and food. She went back to the laundry and the washing was almost finished. She moved the clothes from the washing machine to the drier and as she did, she dropped a pair of underwear and as she bent down to pick it up, a hand was passing the underwear to her.
"Thank you," Phoenix tells the person who handed her them and then she sees who it is and she backs off.
"Hello Phoenix," Ianto tells her as she puts it in the machine and closes it.
"Let me get that for you," Ianto tells her getting some change out of his pocket but as he goes to put the money in, Phoenix puts her hand on the machine and it starts.
"I can do it myself," she tells him taking the carrier bags to the side and putting them in the bag that she had brought.
"Where have you been? We are worried about you," Ianto tells Phoenix as she sits down on a bench and watches her clothes going around in the huge tumble drier.
"Does it matter where I've been? I am better off alone wherever I am," she tells him, blanking him.
"Jack has been out of his mind after what was said about his son. He needs to talk to you," Ianto tells her as he sits down next to her.
"I knew this would happen. The conversation would turn to what Jack needs. What about what I need?" she asks him with anger in her voice.
"Don't you think he has the right to know what happened?" Ianto asks her defending his man.
"No Ianto I don't. He abandoned me, abandoned us when we needed him the most. He has no right like I had no right to say goodbye to my own child," she tells him getting up and going to the machine, her voice now containing sorrow as well as anger.
"Phoenix, I understand that you feel hurt but at least you knew your were pregnant and you have had time to mourn. Jack has just found out that you were pregnant with his son and then he lost you and his child. He needs answers, answers only you can give him. He is mourning and he needs help to mourn from you," Ianto tells her with a kind and gentle voice.
"I never wanted him to know Ianto afterwards. After it happened, I felt such rage, such anger. I don't want to go back to that place, I can't do that again Ianto. It was hard enough the first time trying to deal with my mourning without having to takes Jack's on too," Phoenix tells him.
"But how can he mourn when he doesn't know what happened?" Ianto asks her getting up and going over to her.
As he stands next to her, she turns away and he knows why. He put his hand on her shoulder and her head drops.
"I can't see him again. I can't go through that pain again and especially not with the team around. They fear me as it is," Phoenix tells him, pulling away from his hand.
"So what are you going to do? Go back to wherever you have been hiding, mourning all over again on your own and prepare yourself for fighting the entity all on your own?" he asks her as she gets her bag ready.
"You don't really have a problem with that do you Ianto? If I'm not around, you can be happy with Jack so I'm going back," Phoenix tells him as she stops the tumble drier and starts getting her clothes out.
"You don't really think that you are going to fight the entity alone do you?" Ianto asks her as she stuffs her clothes into a bag.
"I will do all I can Ianto. I will give everything I can," she tells him as she zips the bag up and takes hold of it, slinging it over her shoulder.
"You are willing to destroy yourself? Why?" Ianto asks her as she leaves the laundry and Ianto follows her out.
"That hasn't got anything to do with you," she tells him as she heads up the street.
"Is all this, your being alone, your wanting to fight the entity alone and destroy yourself got anything to do with the fact that you still love Jack?" he asks her, stopping her dead.
"He loves you too you know, in his own way and I'm fine with that. Seeing you again brought back memories for both of you," he tells her and the bag drops off of her back.
"I am so sorry Ianto. I can't help but love him. When I am near him, all I want to do is be with him and that isn't fair on me but mostly on you. Let me go Ianto and go and be happy with Jack. He deserves someone like you," she tells him and then lifts the bag up again.
"How can you talk about things being fair. Is it fair that Jack doesn't know anything about his child, his son? When he was conceived, when you found out you were pregnant and anything else. He needs to know so he can mourn properly and move on like you have," Ianto tells her and turns around, eyes burning bright white.
"I haven't moved on. I miss my child more than anything, more than I miss Jack. I loved the idea of being a mother even though it was only for a very short time. I wanted my son more than anything but I couldn't protect him and no-one else could either as Jack ran off. I tried to tell him but as I was about to, we were called to arms and I knew I couldn't tell him after that. I had people to protect and I couldn't let Jack get in the way of that. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't and I paid the ultimate price," she tells him and she turns back to where she is going and she sees someone she didn't want to see.
"Hello Phoenix," Jack tells her as he stands there with his hands in his pockets, looking right at her.
"Why Ianto? Why did you do this?" she asks him over her shoulder.
"You need to talk. You need to work through your grief and your history and you need to move on," Ianto tells her making a stand for all their sakes.
"And where do we do this Ianto? In the hub in front of everyone? Your place?" Phoenix asks him as Jack walks towards her.
"No. That wasn't what I had in mind. Take him with you to wherever it is that you go," Ianto tells her as he had thought of everything.
"And who is going to watch the hub?" Jack asks him as he reaches Phoenix and she can't look at him.
"Gwen has that covered. Don't worry Jack. You need to work this out, both of you. We need you sorted for when the entity arrives as you are not fighting alone Phoenix," Ianto tells them both.
Jack walks over to Ianto and looks right into his eyes.
"Are you sure that you want me to do this?" Jack asks him and Ianto takes his hand and holds it tight.
"You need to work on this Jack for your own sake or you will never mourn properly and you will never have peace of mind. You go and find the answers you need and then come back to me," Ianto tells him and kisses Jack.
Phoenix can't bare to turn around and see the man she loves kissing someone else, not her. As she feels Jack come to her side, she activates the Vortex and grabs hold of her bag with the other hand and grabs Jack's arm and almost drags him into the Vortex.