Chapter 9: How long was I asleep?

You don't need to hear the nitty gritty details of what happened next. Suffice to say Dr Lam turned up less than two hours later, took both John and I to task for not going back to the SGC infirmary, and then gave me a very thorough exam, all the while asking detailed questions about what I'd been through.

The rest of team Sheppard cleared the way so that could all happen with relative privacy but John stayed where he was, a constant presence I appreciated, both because him being there calmed my nerves and because Dr Lam's questions ensured there'd be less to tell him once we were done. Rodney had been right too ... doing all the required medical checks in an atmosphere so very different from Walker's hospital feel lab did make it easier.

"Sabina's wounds have been well treated. There's no sign of infection and they should heal with minimal scarring," Dr Lam reported to John. "She's a little dehydrated and exhausted and I'm guessing she hasn't had much nourishment the past two days. Again a couple of days rest and care should alleviate that."

"What about the serum Sabina mentioned?" John asked worriedly.

"That concerns me just a little bit," Dr Lam admitted. "We really should have Sabina back at the SGC so we can conduct some tests but given her current level of emotional distress I'm willing to overlook that as long as she does what's required to recover outside the infirmary. I've taken blood samples – along with what Doctor McKay found on Walker's computer I should have a better idea on whether there are likely to be long term effects from the serum." When John looked disconcerted at the lack of a real diagnosis Doctor Lam put a reassuring hand on his arm. "I don't think we have anything to be worried about Colonel. The fact that Sabina has recovered so quickly from where she was when you found her suggests Walker was telling the truth about neutralising his serum. We just have to confirm that and make sure there weren't any affects he hasn't accounted for."

"Okay, thanks Doc," John stood to the side while Doctor Lam packed up her gear.

"Now remember what I said," Dr Lam looked at John and I sternly when she was ready to leave. "You follow my instructions to the letter .... and no overdoing it. Colonel - I'll expect you to ring in a report daily, at least for the next couple of days. And if there are any new symptoms I expect you back at the SGC infirmary immediately, no arguments."

"Of course," John agreed for the both of us without protest, thanking her again before escorting her back outside.

I slouched back in my seat, mind strangely blank now that all the official business had been completed. The entire ordeal with Walker hadn't been that long ... less than two days during which I'd slept and eaten, although Dr Lam had been right in assuming not as much as normal. Even the after effects of knife wounds and stick fighting were familiar to me, these ones not that much worse than I'd suffered in the past. So the overwhelming exhaustion I was feeling mystified me ... the only thing I could surmise was that the serum had been the kicker - the one thing that had pushed my endurance past it's limits. I knew there were still difficult conversations ahead for John and I and I wanted to get them over with but the tiredness was pressing down on me and I found myself leaning my head back and drifting instead.

oOo

"Sabina?" my head snapped forward and I frowned at John squatting down in front of me. "Time to get you to bed."

"Where are the others?" I asked, again submitting without protest when John lifted me into his arms and carried me out of the diner.

"They've found us a place to stay - the local Holiday Inn equivalent," John replied. "That's where we're going."

Being carried like that was beyond comforting – I felt surrounded by John's warmth, his strength ... I could hear his heart beating steadily, the sound lulling me into full on drifting.

"I'm just gonna ...," I mumbled, pressing my head up under his chin. And then I finally let myself go, dropping into sleep between one breath and the next.

oOo

I knew it was a long time before I woke up again because, as consciousness slowly returned, it felt like it – both timewise and because the way the room was lit made it clear the sun was again low in the sky. Hoping I'd just lost the better part of one day instead of more I raised myself up and looked around.

"Hi?" my voice came out more uncertain than I would have liked as I realised John was sitting in a chair by the window.

"Sabina," John got up and came to me, sitting on the bed and putting a hand to my forehead.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked, frowning when I realised my voice was still huskier than usual. I tried a quick swallow, happy to discover it didn't hurt anymore.

"14 hours," John replied, looking at me intently. "I woke you a couple of times but you just mumbled you were okay and went back to sleep." Seemingly happy with whatever he'd decided the state of my forehead was gonna tell him, John sat back and watched me, waiting for something.

"Is it just us?" I pulled myself fully into a sitting position, not looking at him but trying not to make it obvious that I was deliberately not looking at him. Glancing around the room provided about three seconds of distraction ... it was a standard motel room with nothing to distinguish it from any other I'd ever stayed in.

"Rodney took Teyla and Ronon out to sightsee," John explained. "They should be back for dinner in an hour or so."

"I didn't think there'd be anything to see out here," I joked, making my hands busy with smoothing the sheets over my legs and tucking them in on each side.

"They wanted to give us a chance to talk uninterrupted," John brought everything out into the open with that one statement. Moving across to the bed John stretched out to sit beside me, putting an arm around me and drawing me into him. "I need you to tell me everything that wasn't in your medical report ... anything that's got you worried because of what happened."

In the past I would have prevaricated, tried to get him believing the whole thing had just slid off me like water off a ducks back. Since Asuras and what happened to Elizabeth, everything we'd been through and where we'd taken our relationship, I couldn't do that anymore. Truth was, I didn't want to do that this time – I wanted to tell John everything, unload it all on him so we could work out how to fix it together.

"Walker and Brown are both in custody?" I checked before beginning.

"I can't go back and beat the crap out of them again, if that's what you're asking," John retorted.

"Good," I reached for John's hand, holding it tight as I took him through all the things that had happened since we'd been separated at the airport. I didn't leave anything out – not the threats they'd made against John so I'd go without a struggle or the specific details of Brown's treatment, nor the sickening kiss and grope from Smith or the way Walker had treated me like a curious medical specimen instead of a person.

When it was done John gave me all the missing scenes from his side – how an overheard conversation had been the difference between rescue and continuing captivity. He didn't leave anything out either, including the angry threats that wouldn't be making it into anyone's reports.

"You did good," I said softly after we'd sat in silence for a few moments, not sure what else I could say because he knew I'd been on the other side more times than either of us wanted to think about.

"Not really," John admitted, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. "Didn't take long for me to get beyond frustrated. I had this ... energy ... but nowhere to direct it ... if we hadn't found that lead when we did I would have put my fist through something because I was that close to loosing it. And that wasn't even the worst part ... no, that was not knowing what they might be doing to you ... and filling in the blanks from my own imagination so you know how that went."

"I'm sorry," I swallowed hard, struggling with my own emotions again in the face of his.

"No," John said sternly. "It's not your fault ... none of this was your fault. If you could promise that you'll never put me through something like that again I'd take it but we both know neither of us can make promises like that." John's chest rose sharply as he took in a deep calming breath - glancing up at him quickly my eyes were captured by the depth of emotion in his.

"John?" I asked worriedly.

"It's okay," John said quickly, hugging me tight as he buried his face into my hair. "Just let me hold on to you for a while."

"Okay," I whispered, leaning my head against his and closing my eyes with a sigh.

oOo

"How do you feel now?" John asked after we'd comforted each other for a while.

"Better ... detached ... a bit silly for refusing to go to the infirmary," I admitted.

"It's not surprising you wouldn't want to be in a medical environment after what Walker did to you," John excused. "It would have been easier to just override your fear but in the end I couldn't do that to you."

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I do feel better now but last night? I was a lot closer to the breakdown edge than I would have admitted at the time."

"I should have stayed with you," John said abruptly.

"What, at the airport?" I asked in confusion.

"They got to you because I let down my guard," John insisted.

"They got to me because someone sold us out," I denied. "If it hadn't been then it would have been some other time. There would have been opportunity – unless you're suggesting you should have gone everywhere with me, including the ladies room."

"Rodney said the same thing," John admitted with a weak smile.

"That's because Rodney probably is smarter than you," I teased.

"So can we just put this behind us now?" John asked hesitantly, getting us back on topic.

I agreed with the worry behind that – could we just move on from there without the need to delve into anything more than we already had? Strangely for the first time I understood why the psyche people kept harping on about talking things through. Talking to John, telling him everything left me feeling like we'd already made significant progress towards fixing it – for me anyway.

"I'm intending to do just that," I confirmed confidently.

"You know Dr Lam is gonna suggest you 'talk to someone' about this, right?" John pointed out.

"Yeah, but she can't make me do that," I replied. "If I really need to I'll talk to Kate when we're back home but right now I'd rather just keep it between the two of us. Is that okay?"

"As long as you tell me if you're struggling," John agreed after looking at me closely for a few moments. "I can't let you bury this one Sabina."

"I won't but truthfully I really do feel a lot better already," I countered firmly. "I'm not promising I won't have the odd nightmare but the fact that you extracted some payback from both Walker and Brown goes a long way for helping me deal with it. And I know that sounds bad. The truth is, right there and then, in the heat of the moment? I wouldn't have stopped you if you could have shot Walker without it coming back to bite you. I don't really know how to feel about that."

"I don't know if I was really gonna pull that trigger," John admitted. "Maybe ... I don't know if I'm even glad you stopped me."

"You won't kill for me," I said starkly. "Especially not like that. Besides, it would have taken a mountain of paperwork to explain away."

"Do you care that it wasn't you personally who did the beating?" John asked, looking at me carefully.

"You know, I probably should but strangely no, I don't care," I admitted honestly. "That goes against my whole tough girl persona but it's not like I didn't help you bring Walker down – I totally fooled him when you were sneaking up on us. I'd rather win by being smart ... especially since I wasn't really up for anything else."

"What about the other guy, Brown?" John persisted.

"He bothered me more in some respects," I admitted. "Walker was a little psycho I think but Brown was just doing it as the hired help. But seeing you beat Brown like that? It's blood thirsty again I know but that really was much better than beating him myself ... you were scarily impressive by the way." Before John could comment on that I quickly changed the subject. "I'm glad we don't have anything like that to have to explain away ... and speaking of explanations, you still owe me a couple."

"Ah – okay?" John looked uncomfortable, like he already knew what I was going to say. Sitting back from him so I could see his reaction I continued.

"Before I knew what Walker had taken me for I thought it was a ransom thing," I noticed John raise an eyebrow – clearly that wasn't the beginning he'd been expecting. "When I pointed out you were career military and wouldn't even be able to cover what he'd spent on getting me Walker said I obviously didn't know you as well as I thought I did."

"That bastard really did dig deep," John responded irritably. "Don't worry – I can see why he said that but he was way off base. You already know I'm not close to my Dad or my brother ... part of that had to do with the disapproval I got over wanting to fly instead of joining the family business."

"Which is?" I asked curiously.

"They've got their fingers in lots of different pies," John admitted.

"So you were well off growing up?" I wasn't sure how I felt learning that. John was still John so I guess in the end it really didn't matter.

"Some people would think so," John agreed. "Depends on what criteria you use. Personally I couldn't wait to get out of there ... everything they have, the business and all the money? None of it has anything to do with me. I don't want any of that now any more than I did twenty years ago."

"Fair enough," I let that one go with relief. "The other thing wasn't so much what was said as how he referred to you. He called you my soon to be fiancé – said you'd spoken to the IOA about us."

"So much for that secret," John muttered angrily, getting up and pacing around the bed in agitation before stopping at the window.

"John?" I looked at him worriedly.

"Sorry," John put a hand to the back of his neck, glancing at me before looking away again. "I'm not sure I can retrieve this without screwing it up even more."

"Retrieve what?" I asked in confusion.

John looked at me for a few moments – I could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. The suddenness of his next movement had me blinking in surprise. One second he was standing by the window, the next he was kneeling on the floor beside me clutching my hands in his.

"Sabina, you really have to marry me because the last three days have just confirmed what I've always known - there's no way I'll ever be happy without you." John delivered the words without rushing, his expression determined and his eyes dark with feeling.

"You're proposing?" I'd known he would eventually – hell I'd practically ordered him to when I told him I wanted the whole box and dice. I just never thought about how I'd feel when he did. My insides had clenched – a large part of that was nerves but the rest was embarrassingly ... intimate. Who knew it'd be a turn on to have John kneeling on the floor declaring himself to me like that (that was definitely one aspect that wouldn't be making it into future retellings!)?

It was more than that though ... it was a huge rush of love and pride ... and fear because to me John was every compliment I could think of to bestow and he wanted me. I was so not gonna screw it up.

"I guess so," John looked a little bit lost for a moment before he regrouped. "Not how I'd planned but ... are you gonna say something?"

"I can't really think of a worthy response, apart from hell yes!" I admitted, smiling madly.

"That'll do," John sprang up from the floor, pulling me into his arms and kissing me senseless.

Author's Note:

Just in case you noticed I deliberately changed the rating on this back to T ... and for purely self centred reasons. I didn't realise before that the story won't appear in the general SGA fan fic list with an M rating until I couldn't find it myself. Since most of it isn't M rated and I don't have many people 'alerting' it I've gone back to the T rating with chapter warnings if needed. There are too many hours in this for me not to want to present it to the widest audience possible and the previous three stories were all T rated so I'd hate for someone to miss FJS4 because they didn't know it was there.

I was a bit nervous about this chapter so I hope it came across okay :D

Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 10