I had awoken today to him bursting through my door demanding my presence and attention. I noticed the growing bags under his eyes almost immediately. I figured he must have been up all night working on the tesseract with Dr. Selvig. His patience was wearing thin, as was his sanity. After being here for such a long period of time I've grown to understand his behavior. The constant need to feel as though he's in control of something. Even if its a human being. He believes himself to be entitled. The power he has received is eating him from the inside out. It frightened me.
Almost immediately after he barged through my door, I was up and getting ready. I shuffled him out and put clean clothes upon my back. Clothes Loki had chosen for me. A long purple gown made up of two layers of a thin cotton base and a sheer overlay. The neck line was in the shape of a high V, while the sleeves tied at the top of my pale shoulders. The dress was simple, but showed me that the women of Loki's realm still valued complete modesty and elegance. After puling half of my long black hair behind my ears I slipped out of my room in plain brown ankle boots. A touch of midgardian culture is exactly what this outfit craved.
I found myself in Loki's room sitting in one of his plush chairs as I listened to him go on and on about how everything was starting to 'come together'. The way that he spoke of the future frightened me. I knew a reckoning was upon us, but the more he spoke of it the more I found myself becoming weary of my safety.
"Loki?" I called his name meekly and he stopped pacing and turned to me.
"Yes my pet what is it?" Sitting up straighter I coughed awkwardly.
"I was wondering if you could...help me...with my abiilties." Phrasing this foreign topic was strange to me.
He cocked his head to the side and gave a slanted smirk. "Eager are we?"
"You could say that I suppose." I shrugged.
He put his hands behind his back and gave a nod. "I can assist you yes. It will take much of my time and patience...so you must do everything that I say and you must keep an open mind. Literally. This is imperative you see. I must be able to witness the progress going on internally, and externally. Do you understand?" I quickly nodded and rose from my seated position.
"I do. But...how do I...well...unblock my mind?" Confusion dripped from my voice.
He swiftly approached me and stood directly in front of me. "I will help break the first time, only once though my sweet. Self-teaching yourself is almost as important as me teaching you. " He put his middle fingers on my temples and instructed me to close my eyes.
"We may have to attempt this multiple times, I advise you prepare yourself. This will hurt." And then I felt his power rip through my blockade. A stinging pain surged through my head and i hissed loudly.
It felt as though he was hitting my head with a hammer. The pounding feeling and stinging sensation ripped my mental stability apart. It was becoming too much to bare. As I hissed again, I also heard him growl. His fingers fell from my temples and I instantly dropped to the floor in a heap of gasps.
"You must assist me Isabella. You must want me to break the wall, otherwise I will be unable to penetrate your mind." I looked up at Loki with frustrated tears threatening to spill out of the corners of my eyes.
My greatest weakness was my lack of confidence. I had always known this. Still never before had I felt so weak and unsure of myself. Even after only one try, I still felt as though I was being scolded like a small child. I was beginning to hate myself for it. That constant feeling of being a nuisance to everyone I come in contact with. I lacked control over my own mind, which was ironically illogical.
Wiping the childish tears from my eyes, I rose from the ground and stood before Loki again. "Again." I said.
And he put his lean fingers against my skin once again.
This time I felt myself fighting my urge to keep the blockade up. Instead of hissing in pain, I ground my teeth together and bit down on my tongue. Loki's frustration radiated off of his power. He pushed and I pulled. He pulled and I pushed. It was so simple to put the walls up, but so much harder to break them down. How poetic.
Finally, I felt subconsciousness relent and cease. The control returned and without the god's assistance, I pushed the walls down and forced them to retreat to the back of my mind. Loki let his hands fall to his sides and he opened his eyes.
His fierce green ones met by brown ones and he sighed. I saw pride drift over his expression. My stomach did a backflip right then and there. He was proud of me, and I was proud of myself.
"Well done little swan." I smiled at him slightly.
Can you hear me? I asked with my thoughts. He responded instantly with a slick yes.
This went on for days. Maybe even weeks. Telling time was beginning to become an unnecessary and mundane activity, and I found myself growing tired of caring about anything other than discovering my true self.
With my walls down, Loki was able to assist me internally. Slowly, yet at a quick pace he began breaking down my inner consciousness. I knew of things, I believed I had no knowledge of. I understood things much to complex for the average human mind, and my gifts were beginning to blossom as if they were alway meant to.
Never before have I felt so alive, and free. Not even with him did I feel so proud and prideful. Edward. I could say his name a thousand times and not feel an ounce of regret or disappointment, only wonder remained.
I tried not to think of him often, especially not around Loki. When I had privacy though, I wondered where he was. What he was doing. What the Cullens were doing...It felt like a thousand years had gone by since I had their company, yet it couldn't have been more than 3 weeks.
It was no matter. Not anymore. I had to keep my mind focused.
Loki told me that in a couple of days, he would need me to go with him to Germany. He failed to tell me why, but I assumed it had something to do with his precious tesseract.
It would make me a hypocrite to say that I believed the power of the alien object was going to his head. Considering the fact that my very own power was beginning to shape my very being. I mean this literally. Not only mentally had I grown stronger, but my appearance was changing.
To saw the least, I was shocked when I awoke the day after our first full day of training, to find that my hair had grown nearly 6 inches and my changed to a deep onyx. After the second day, I didn't wake up to pasty pale skin as I always did, but instead found myself to be a brilliant ivory. The day after this, I found a dazzling white streak hidden underneath my long locks. To say the least, that is when I panicked.
I found Loki sitting on a staircase. This staircase faced all of his puppets, and he seemed to be staring all of them down. He was thinking very hard about something very important. As reluctant as I became to interrupt his already irritated thoughts, his head shot up to me the second I began to turn around.
"Up early are we?" His lips stayed in a firm line and I shivered abruptly.
"Loki, I'm changing." I mentally scolded myself for my choice of words. This is obvious is it not?
"Yes Isabella, that thought did cross my mind. As obvious as it is." He rose to stand before me. I instantly thought back to my previous encounter with the white streak on the back of my head, and my brows fused together in frustration.
"Show me." He commanded. And I did. I turned around and brought my hand to the strand, it was easy to find considering the endless length of my black locks.
He took the strand from me and fingered it idly. "You fear that you're growing old, young one?" His amusement set me off. This would be the first time I would witness his fury, but most certainly not the last.
In rage I spoke fearlessly and turned toward the God, "Don't speak to me as If I am a child Loki. I'm changing. Every day I wake up and find one of my usual traits have disappeared from sight. I feel off. Nothing feels the same anymore. I barely recognize who I see in the mirror, and I feel as though I am beginning to forget who I am. I am beginning to forget my morals. I live in this rotting place." I emphasized what was around me with my small hands, and I grit my teeth.
"These people. They have lives. They have families and friends and I sit by everyday and watch you play with them, and use them for your own selfish reasons. My beliefs have been forgotten Loki, but not altered. And I do not believe in slavery, or using others. I don't believe that Earth is for the taking, and I especially do not believe that you have the right to rule anyone on this planet."
With a swift movement Loki smacked me. Hard. My heard turned to the side and I felt the sting. His actions shocked me. I couldn't move or breath and I suddenly felt like the weak girl he met the day Edward left me. I felt pitiful and disgusted with myself.
Seconds went by and Loki raised his hands and grabbed my upper arms. Roughly he pushed me into the nearest wall and I whimpered upon impact.
"Do not ever speak to me like that again. Ever. How dare you disrespect me. How dare you defy me. I am a god you insolent quim. I will not allow you to speak to me as if I am anything less. " He roared. He slammed me up against the wall once more with a great force. Had I not been of the Vanir, I might have died right then and there. Still, I couldn't hold in the cry that escaped my chapped lips.
"You knew nothing before I found you. You were destined to live a normal midgardian life. A life I so willingly took you from so you could join me on my quest for conquest. And this is what I receive in return?! I train you, help you and assist you in ways no other can and you betray me by spouting your ridiculous words about equal rights?" He released my arms and I fell to the floor in anguish.
Once again a broken child laying on the floor in defeat. If the universe continued to kick my ass this way, I don't know how much more I'll be able to take. I briefly wondered how pathetic I truly was. In a way, I was strong. Being able to live with the pain I have been through made me stronger and stronger everyday. Still on the other hand, I still felt like a little girl trying to keep up with a broken dream. Sitting on the floor this way, gasping in shock due to my new injuries, I felt anything but strong.
Suddenly, I felt Loki's demeanor change. He sighed and sunk to my level. His lean fingers found their way to my white strand once again and he twirled and tugged it ever so gently. "You're not weak. You have been misled all your life, corrupted by whoever condemned you to such a punishment. I searched across the nine realms to find you, and when I did..." He trailed off. He didn't need to finish. I knew where his thoughts were going. He was disappointed when he found me.
He pulled me to my feet by my hands and spun me around so that I saw the hardworking humans. My back rested against his chest and I felt his cool breath on my ear. My heart was beating so loud I was sure he could hear it. I could practically hear his dreadful smirk.
"Look around you Isabella. This is what you're capable of." His hushed tone and gentle caresses down my arms sent chills down my spine. Loki's right hand pulled my hair behind my ear and he whispered ever so gently to me, my eyes closed in fright.
"This will be ours. This world was meant to be ruled, and you were meant to rule it by my side. You and I can do great things Isabella." I spoke out of turn, still unsure of my own intentions by my comment I said,
"You act like I have a choice." He laughed at this idly.
"Dearest Swan, the choice is yours. You can abide by my rules, or refuse." He spat the words with sharp tongue. Another shiver ran through my body.
"And If I refuse?" I craned my neck far enough to see his features go grim.
It was then when Loki backed away from me, and turned to head down the hallway. His boots were the only sound to my ears besides my desperate and trembling breaths.
"Then you will kneel with the rest of them."