Chapter 15: He called them family
"Ronon and I came across some Satedan survivors on M5G-899 yesterday," Teyla told John and me at breakfast the next day. She and Ronon had gone off world following up a rumour that suggested some of Ronon's people might be there, but noone had actually expected the rumours to prove true.
"Really?" I asked in surprise. "He must have been excited!"
"More than," Teyla said with a frown. Turning to John she added "He is thinking of leaving Atlantis and joining them."
"They have a settlement?" John asked curiously. "How many survivors made it?"
"They are only three," Teyla explained. "And from all accounts, on the run from the Wraith but still they carry out irresponsible strikes in an effort to seek revenge."
"That doesn't sound good," John admitted.
"Ronon was on the run for too many years," I commented worriedly. "Surely he doesn't want to go back to that kind of life?"
"Do not underestimate the power of a shared past," Teyla advised. "These are not just people from his planet – they are his friends. He grew up with them and fought beside them for many years before the Wraith destroyed their planet. He called them family."
"I'll talk to him," John promised.
I didn't give it another thought, sure Ronon was too attached to Atlantis, too attached to the friends he'd made to just leave us behind. Even when John took his team to talk with the leader of these Satedan survivors, Tyre, about a possible joint mission I wasn't worried. And then they returned to Atlantis and I knew things were much worse than I could have expected.
oOo
"Ronon says he's leaving after this mission," John paced around his office in agitation. He'd called me down there a short time after their return already angry and it hadn't gotten better after I arrived because now I was agitated too.
"You have to tell him he can't go!" I retorted.
"I already tried to change his mind," John bit back.
"How?" I demanded, still thinking that if we only said the right words Ronon would reconsider.
"Told him the past isn't somewhere he can go back to, no matter how much he might wish otherwise," John replied, rubbing a tired and frustrated hand over his face. "Ronon wasn't listening Sabina ... I'm sorry but I don't think we're gonna influence him on this.
"Did you tell him we need him here?" I persisted.
"Yes!" John returned. "He seems to think things won't change here even if he's off with his Satedan buddies, who by the way I don't exactly trust."
"Why not?" my anger dropped by the wayside to be replaced by that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach ... the one that said things were about to get a whole lot worse. I was too used to John's instincts on things like that to discount them.
"Tyre is hiding something," John replied. "It may be nothing to do with why he's so keen to get Ronon back with them ... but why is he so keen to get Ronon back with them?"
"They're friends," I pointed out the obvious.
"Yeah, but they've heard stories of a Satedan runner for years," John explained, "and yet they never looked for him - never tried to find out who it was. That doesn't make sense."
"Maybe they just assumed it wasn't anyone they knew personally," I suggested. "Only now they know it's their own friend do they want to do anything."
"Maybe," John allowed the possibility. "Anyway, Colonel Carter approved the joint mission – we head out in a few hours."
"Should I ... can I talk to Ronon?" I asked quickly. "Not that I think I can change his mind but ..."
"I already spoke to Colonel Carter and she's gonna talk to him too ... it can't hurt if you want to have a go," John agreed. "But be prepared for Ronon to be stubborn and closed off about this Sabina – he may cut you out before you can say anything."
"Thanks for the warning," I got up, turning to look at John. "I'm sorry this got dumped on you, on top of everything else. You're already under a lot of pressure."
"I've officially handed over the reigns ... along with all those files and requests," John excused with a casual wave of his hand. "I was starting to feel a bit light anyway."
Smiling at his attempted humour I turned and headed for the section of the city housing the living quarters.
oOo
Before I was ready I stood nervously outside Ronon's door, waiting for him to answer my chime.
"Not you too," he greeted me irritably, turning to stride back inside, assuming I'd follow rather than inviting me in.
"Yes - me too," I said firmly. "I might have a different perspective ... if you'll listen?"
"I'm not gonna change my mind," Ronon cautioned, picking up things and throwing them into a carry bag – that alone was a pretty clear message he wasn't open to being convinced but I persisted anyway.
"I understand what it's like to be alone in the world," I began, "to have nowhere to belong and no one waiting when you get there. Sure, not to the extent that you do, but more than the others. I get what your friends mean to you ... if I had the chance to see people that I thought were lost to me I'd jump at it too. But it's not like you to be so trusting."
"You don't know who I used to be," Ronon rumbled. "I did trust Tyre, Ari, Rakai and the others. We grew up together, fought together ... it's more than just friendship. We're family!"
"Then why did they never search for you?" I asked simply, borrowing John's argument as my starting point. "You were a runner for seven years and you've been here on Atlantis for another two."
"Because they thought I was dead," Ronon replied.
"And yet Tyre had heard of Atlantis, of the runner who lives here," I pointed out. "Surely they would have wondered, even just a little bit, who that runner might be. Enough to at least explore the rumours. It wouldn't have taken much for them to find out it was you. But they didn't. You heard of three people who just sounded a little like Satedans and you were there, trying to find out more."
"You don't know them so I don't expect you to trust them," Ronon evaded commenting on what I'd said. "Just wait - in time you'll see why I need to do this."
"I know John said you can't go back because the past is gone," I moved closer to Ronon, putting a hand on his arm, frowning when I realised how tensely he was holding himself. "I'm sorry for the truth of that ... and I'm scared you're gonna find out in the worst possible way just how true that is."
"I'll be fine," Ronon insisted.
"Do you promise?" I asked sadly, knowing in that moment that nothing I said was going to make a difference, just as John had warned.
"I'm not leaving for good," Ronon pointed out. "I'll visit, help out when you guys need me."
"It's not the same," I was surprised to feel the tears rising inside me as I realised the truth of that. Ronon was my big brother but in a different way than Rodney. He was the one who'd seen the worse of me and stood by silently supporting me, the one who truly seemed to understand the enormous value I placed on being on Atlantis, on being with John. "I'm sorry - you don't need me getting upset and making this harder for you." I turned to leave, thinking that I couldn't have messed up the conversation any more than I had. I tried not to let him hear that I was upset but my voice shook and I knew I hadn't been successful.
"Sabina," Ronon's voice stopped me cold.
"You said they're your family," I said thickly, quickly swiping at an escaping tear before dropping my hand back to my side. I didn't turn back to look at him, even more determined he wouldn't see me cry. "But we're you're family too and we love you as much as they ever did. They were just lucky enough to be there first." Not waiting for him to reply I hurried from the room.
I ended up back at my lab, hoping work would help take my mind off what was going to happen once Ronon and the others had completed their joint mission. It didn't, and I spent the remaining time until their mission lost in my own troubling thoughts.
oOo
"We're heading off," John stopped in to say goodbye a few minutes before they were due to depart.
"Be careful," I said, trying to put a bright face on but failing miserably.
"You spoke to Ronon," John stated, "and I'm guessing it didn't go well."
"Not especially," I admitted. "It could have gone worse - I could have stayed and cried all over him at the end instead of retreating back here."
"Ah," John moved into the room and across to my side. "We'll still see him you know."
"That's what he said," I said in a voice that made it clear the statement didn't cut it for me. Getting up from my chair I paced to the window and then back to John. "Aren't you angry about this too?"
"I am," John agreed with just a hint of frustration in his voice, "but I have to respect Ronon's wishes and let him do what he feels he has to do - even if I don't agree with it. He trusts these people Sabina ... I might not see why that is yet, but I owe it to Ronon to give them the benefit of the doubt, because I do trust him. Wouldn't be much of a friend if I acted otherwise."
"It's really not fair that they get to be his family just because they knew him years ago," I complained. "It's not like they're blood relations or anything. We should get to keep him because we've been there for him the past two years! And I know how childish that sounds okay."
"You don't like changes," John put an arm around me and drew me into his side.
"I don't like losing people!" I said angrily, looking down at the floor. "This is what happens - you let people get close and then they leave."
"Sabina," John put a hand under my chin and brought my eyes up to meet his gaze. "You're not losing Ronon ... or anyone else. We'll get used to this. Plus we'll make sure we keep track of Ronon just in case he needs us, okay?"
"It's not okay but I know nothing's gonna change it so ...," I trailed off, sniffed a couple of times and then just let my head drop down to John's chest. He let me rest there for a few moments before I straightened up. "You have to go ... just ... be careful."
"I'm always careful," John smiled, pulling me up into a more intense than usual goodbye kiss. "See you later," he looked at me a moment longer before turning and striding away.
oOo
Of course I should have known things wouldn't go as planned. Obviously my break away from Atlantis had given me amnesia about the whole Team Sheppard easy mission turns to disaster rule. When I heard Ronon was back alone I ran down to the infirmary to find out more.
"I said I'm fine," Ronon was grumbling at one of the medical staff. Colonel Carter and Radek were already there, waiting to hear more about the status. "I tried to radio Sheppard but got no response from him, Teyla or McKay," Ronon admitted.
"And what about the Satedans?" Radek asked.
"We got separated," Ronon replied. "I'm guessing the Wraith got to them too."
"And John said this was going to be an easy one," I commented in frustration.
"Okay, we've gone from support to rescue and recovery," Carter announced. "Doctor Zelenka, ready a Jumper."
"Yes, Colonel," Radek turned to organise that.
"They'll be expecting us," Ronon warned.
"Make that two Jumpers," Carter told Radek.
"Colonel - did you have any Jumper pilots in mind?" I interjected, trying to be casual and hoping Colonel Carter wouldn't see how much I wanted to go on the mission.
"I assume you're offering your services?" Carter returned. She had a good poker face - I couldn't tell whether she thought that was a good idea or not.
"Yes I am," I agreed confidently. "I've got experience with Wraith facilities too - it's not personal. Well it is, but even if it wasn't I've got skills that could be very useful for getting our people out of there."
"Agreed," Colonel Carter nodded her understanding. "Go help Doctor Zelenka get ready."
"Thank you," I smiled, hurrying away before she could change her mind.
Author's Note:
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 16