Chapter 17: It was just a dream ... right?
It's interesting how things can continue as normal even amidst big changes ... kind of like the death of someone you rarely see. If you don't think about it too hard you can almost believe they're still there.
Being in contact with the leader of Atlantis had never been a daily occurrence for me and I found in the weeks after Colonel Carter took over that I could almost get to that stage – pretending it was Elizabeth still up in that office instead. The mission to rescue John and the others, discovering Ronon's friends had betrayed him ... my interactions with Colonel Carter during all of that had been like an aberation and I quickly went back to the routine of only reporting direct to the leader when I had to.
John let me get away with it for a couple of weeks before he called me up on it.
"You'll have to talk to her eventually," he pointed out one lunch time when I'd declined being included in a progress meeting about Rodney's work. Since my own work was part of that I had attended those meetings from time to time in the past.
"Who?" I tried for puzzled confusion but knew I hadn't pulled it off when John looked at me pointedly. "I have ... what about her first few days with Ronon and his buddies?"
"That doesn't count," John returned. "That was all heat of the moment, not day to day."
"I will talk to Colonel Carter," I insisted, "when I have a need."
"She's a good leader Sabina," John said softly. "The past couple of weeks have been difficult and she's copped the flack with a lot of the non military staff over Elizabeth."
"At least I haven't done that," I said a bit defensively. "No point in holding her responsible – she wasn't even here then!"
"But you haven't really welcomed her either," John replied gently. "I can understand why ... more than most people here you do feel responsible for what happened to Elizabeth."
"I did welcome her," I pointed out, "but now ... I don't know what to say," I admitted uncomfortably. "She outranks you, she's really smart and impressively skilled not to mention beautiful. It's a little intimidating – I'm surprised Rodney's handling it so well, given she could give him a run for his money in his own job."
"I think if you talk to her you'll see you've got more in common than you realised," John suggested. "I'm not gonna say more ... just ... can you spend some time with her, look for some common ground?"
"Not to make it easier for her," I said honestly, "but for you, sure I can do that."
"Thank you," John stood up, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Want to change your mind about that meeting?"
"Not this time," I shook my head, adding when John looked a little disappointed. "I promised Radek I'd look at something for him ... I'll join in – next time."
Nodding at that, John gave me a smile and a quick wave before heading off.
I thought about it over the following days, particularly that conversation I'd had on the balcony and how Colonel Carter had seemed to empathise more than I would have suspected. John had never worked at the SGC so I decided to talk to Major Lorne, see if he could add any insight.
"You knew Colonel Carter back on Earth?" I asked him. We were walking back to the Stargate after a routine check in with an off world trading partner. Brown and Parker were walking some distance ahead and I hoped Evan would confide in me – if there was something to confide.
"Yeah," he glanced at me with a frown. "Why?"
"John asked me to look for something in common with the Colonel," I admitted awkwardly. "You know – to make accepting she's the new leader a bit easier."
"Ah," Evan nodded with an amused smile. "I can see where he was going with that."
"Are you gonna enlighten me?" I asked irritably.
"I can't say too much," Evan began seriously, "and this is all unconfirmed rumour but ... if it's true then there's a very good reason Colonel Carter would empathise with your position being on a mission with someone you love."
"She was in love with someone back at the SGC?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Who?"
"Doesn't really matter," Evan pointed out. "If she wants to share that level of detail with you she can make that decision, but it's not for me to say."
"It makes sense," I said thoughtfully. John was right – if Sam had been in a situation of having what could have seemed like conflicting priorities she would understand how I felt when John needed help and I wanted to be there.
"Don't talk to anyone about this," Evan cautioned me seriously. "There are rules about this kind of thing ... she could get into a heap of trouble if the wrong people pay too much attention."
"Oh," that brought me up short. If the rumours were true then along with what Evan had just said the only conclusion I could make was that Sam's 'love' was military too.
It was hard enough without those rules and it raised my compassion for her situation along with my admiration. John had been right ... it was the common ground I'd needed to see Colonel Carter as a person instead of just as a replacement for Elizabeth and I resolved to begin building some kind of relationship around it.
oOo
"What'd you do to yourself this time?" I greeted John as I walked hurriedly into the infirmary a week or so later. Teyla had radioed me when they'd returned from M3X-387 because John had taken some kind of energy hit during the mission.
"Nothing," John insisted. "Just a mild shock ... hardly worth mentioning!"
"A shock that winded you and knocked you to the ground," Teyla added, turning to me to explain. "Rodney believes the planet has a power source within the crystals that grow on the trees. One of them began to glow at our approach. When John touched it the power was released and the crystal stopped glowing."
"You touched it?" I looked at John incredulously. "After telling me repeatedly not to touch anything without Rodney's approval?!"
"As I already told McKay, I don't know why I did that," John explained, his look of confusion giving real weight to his statement.
"Did something make you want to touch it?" I asked in concern. Before John could answer Doctor Keller walked around the corner with a pleased smile on her face..
"All your scans are clear. Blood tests are normal. As far as I can tell, you're in perfect health," she reported.
"See? I told you," John said smugly to Teyla. Turning to Jennifer he added "Thanks, Doc."
"No more touching strange things," Doctor Keller ordered with a stern look.
"That's good advice," John quipped. Doctor Keller smiled again before heading back towards her office.
"I will leave you to go and get some rest," Teyla said graciously as I offered John a hand to get up off the infirmary bed.
"See you tomorrow Teyla," John replied, grabbing my hand and making me tingle as he pulled me sharply into him.
"Okay, enough of that," I laughed as John put on the puppy dog look that always seemed to serve him so well. Leaning down I kissed him quickly before breaking away. I could see him considering his next move before a huge yawn overtook him. "Time for some sleep Colonel," I announced firmly.
"I am exhausted," John admitted, letting me lead him from the infirmary. "It was a long day."
"Are you sure it's just that?" I looked at him worriedly as we strolled down the corridor hand in hand.
"I'm fine," John insisted.
Even though my day had been much easier than his I must have picked up on some of his tiredness because I found myself more than ready to sleep once we were back in our quarters. Mumbling a weary goodnight once I'd done all the usual pre bed stuff I let myself fall into sleep only moments after my head hit the pillow.
oOo
I opened my eyes what seemed like only seconds later, frowning up at a ceiling that was vaguely familiar and yet not what I had expected. Attempting to sit up the strangeness factor rose sharply when I realised I couldn't move. My arms were strapped down - that's when my heart rate picked up as I glanced from side to side and worked out where I was. Back in Walker's sicko lab ... back on that cold metal examination table.
"Help!" I called out, pulling against the restraints even though I knew from experience that they wouldn't budge.
"Ah, Ms Scott," Walker's slimy voice grated over my nerves like nails on a blackboard. "Awake at last. That was some dream."
"No," I protested weakly. "This isn't real - John came and rescued me!"
"Why would I want to rescue you?" John himself strolled into view, sharing an amused smile with Walker. "You're worth much more to me like this than you ever were as a girlfriend."
"Not girlfriend! Wife!" I shouted. "I don't know what this is but I know what happened - you can't convince me otherwise."
"It appears that my serum has an unexpected side effect," Walker commented to John like they were partners, friends even. John walked closer, looking at me with a sad condescending expression.
"Delusions, hallucinations," John ticked off each term by flicking my face with his index finger ... hard. I flinched at each hit as he continued to speak. "Detachment from reality. Perhaps we need to try the serum again ... see if we can't perfect its performance."
"A man after my own heart," Walker laughed evilly, an enormous syringe suddenly appearing in his hand.
"The others will come for me," I insisted confidently.
"You mean us?" Rodney appeared in front of me, asking his question with a detached, academic curiosity. "Why would we do that?"
"Wouldn't want to risk valuable lives just for you," Ronon took Rodney's place between one blink and the next.
"Our team is already complete," Teyla, predictably was next. "There is no room for you between us."
"This is insane," I started crying in frustration as I tried to wake myself up from what I was sure was a dream, without success.
"Time for that injection," John's expression had everything in me freezing in panic. He looked at me with dark intent, his expression blank and yet at the same time I could see enjoyment sitting at the back of everything else.
"Don't do this," I sobbed. "John, please stop this."
"No reason to," John commented, leaning in close to whisper in my ear. "You're expendable ... once we have what we need from you. A pity ... you really do incite some ... lustful urges." And then he licked the side of my face ... rather than being arousing it was sickening, making the bile rise up into my throat.
"Oh God," I swallowed hard, turning my head away, still straining to get free.
"This won't hurt a bit," John rose, back with the syringe poised. "It'll hurt a lot ... each time more than the last. It's quite remarkable actually. Say goodbye Sabina."
The moment the needle tip touched my skin I felt the fire raging, consuming everything almost instantly. Screaming in pain, I struggled to get away, to break free.
"SABINA!" John was holding me tightly to his chest, yelling to try and wake me up.
"Let me go!" I yelled back, scrambling from the bed as soon as I was free and hurrying into the bathroom - all the while avoiding looking at John. As soon as I'd made it in there I deliberately mentally locked the door so he couldn't follow me, slumping to sit on the floor, shaking slightly. I knew it wasn't him in my dream but still I needed a few moments to clear my mind. Unlike other nightmares that faded as soon as they were done this one felt too real ... real enough that I was checking my arm for needle marks even though I knew there wouldn't be any.
"Sabina?" John called from the other side of the door. "You okay?"
"Um," I got up, still shaky and moved over to the mirror. "Just give me a few minutes okay."
John must have moved away and I slumped down over my arms, holding onto the sink as I continued to shiver in reaction. The quick glance I gave myself wasn't reassuring – I looked pale and my face was actually dotted with visible beads of sweat. All this, over a dream? Splashing water on my face and brushing my hair took a few minutes and yet I still felt unsettled deep inside. Knowing I couldn't avoid John any longer I concentrated on a few deep calming breaths before opening the door.
"What was all that about?" John asked as soon as I reappeared.
"Nightmare," I said simply, climbing back into the bed and turning away as I curled up on my side.
"About what happened back on Earth?" John persisted, putting a hand on my shoulder and almost certainly not missing my instinctive flinch. Sighing I turned over to face him, not surprised to see the puzzled and edging on hurt look sweep over his face.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "That was just the most ... bizarre dream I've ever had."
"How so?" John sat next to me, carefully not touching me but close enough that I could have touched him if I wanted to.
"You were in it," I admitted. "Only it wasn't you ... it was like the evil twin version of you."
"Tell me what happened," John practically ordered, and I did, leaving nothing out until finally I ran out of words.
"See - bizarre," I finished, watching John's expression as he thought about it. "I don't think you'll be able to put a logical interpretation on that one."
"Probably not," John reached for me again and this time, thankfully for both of us, I didn't feel that uncontrollable urge to avoid contact. Both of us relaxed at that, John sliding back down to lie on the bed beside me and pulling me into our comforting spooned embrace.
"Sorry I flinched away from you," I said softly, holding onto the arm he had around me.
"Don't worry about it," John replied. "It was just a dream ... right?"
"Just a dream," I agreed, closing my eyes and thinking sleep.
oOo
It was no use. I'd tried to get back to sleep for what felt like hours but I just couldn't relax enough ... I felt almost afraid to sleep just in case I had another 'horrible John' dream. Slipping quietly from the bed I stood gazing down at John's sleeping form for a few moments. As usual he had his face buried in his pillow, hair sticking up messily making him look more little boy than grown man. Smiling at the picture I sneaked around the room, getting dressed and carrying my shoes out into the corridor. Perhaps a run would tire me out enough that I could finally get some sleep.
"Sabina?" I turned a corner and almost ran over Teyla coming in the opposite direction.
"Teyla!" I grabbed at her arm, stopping us both from toppling over. "Sorry! I wasn't paying attention ... didn't expect anyone to be around at this time of night."
"I missed dinner and awoke too hungry to ignore it until morning," Teyla admitted with a rueful laugh. "Why are you up so late? Is everything all right?"
"Yeah," I grimaced before admitting why I was up. "I had a ... disturbing nightmare ... couldn't get back to sleep."
"Perhaps John being injured on the mission troubled you more than you would admit," Teyla suggested.
"Maybe," I agreed uncertainly. "It was pretty minor in the whole scheme of things though."
"Yes, but this is the first mission he's been injured on since the two of you were married," Teyla pointed out with a smile.
"True," I raised an eyebrow because that hadn't occurred to me. "I guess that might make a difference." Realising that I actually did feel better after talking to her I smiled gratefully. "Thanks Teyla."
"You are most welcome Sabina," Teyla replied. We'd been walking side by side until we came to a junction ... Teyla headed off to her room and I walked slowly back to mine.
John was still sleeping when I slipped quietly back into the bed. Turning over to face him I lay for a time just watching him. Somewhere in the midst of that I fell asleep.
oOo
When I arrived at the commissary early the next morning I spotted Teyla sitting at a table with Rodney and Ronon on the outdoor balcony overlooking the ocean.
"Hey guys," I carried a tray over and sat down in the remaining empty seat. Silence greeted me. Looking up I frowned when I realised their conversation had stopped abruptly at my presence. "Ah ... it is okay to join you right?"
"Of course Sabina," Teyla said. "I was just telling Rodney and Ronon about a dream I had last night.
"You too huh?" I said in surprise.
"You had a nightmare as well?" Rodney asked curiously.
"Yeah, early in the night," I admitted. "I bumped into Teyla trying to run myself back into tiredness. What was your dream about?"
"Many things," Teyla said evasively. "I cannot even begin to tell you how bizarre it was."
"Please, you want bizarre? Let me tell you -," Rodney began.
"You know what? Don't," Ronon interrupted with a long suffering expression.
John chose that moment to arrive, bringing his tray over and pulling up another chair so he could sit beside me.
"Morning," he said, putting a hand on my leg and looking at me closely, probably trying to work out if I was all right after the previous nights little adventure.
"Morning," I returned, once again noticing the unusual behaviour of the others. Teyla was shifting uncomfortably in her chair and Rodney and Ronon were watching her much too closely. John noticed it too, a puzzled look briefly flitting over his face.
"What?" he demanded.
"Teyla had a dream about you last night," Rodney announced.
"Rodney," Teyla glared at him in annoyance.
"You never said John was in it," I frowned in confusion, feeling that sinking stomach sensation at the coincidence.
"Really?!" John looked across at me before turning back to Teyla. "What was it about?"
"Actually, it was more of a nightmare and I would rather not talk about it," Teyla said dismissively.
"Did I try to save you from a big bad monster?" John tried to joke.
"Actually, you were the big bad monster," Ronon said with a slightly amused look.
"Really?" John said again, his expression telling me he hadn't missed the coincidence either.
"Like I said," Teyla stood up abruptly, "I'd rather not talk about it."
"Teyla, are you okay?" I asked in concern.
"I'm sorry," Teyla apologised. "I have a headache. I did not sleep well last night." Not waiting for any of us to make further comments she turned and walked away.
"That was odd," John commented to me. "I feel kind of responsible ... not that I can control what people dream."
"Really? You think you can't control a person's dreams?" Rodney demanded. "My father read me Moby Dick when I was seven years old. I mean, seriously, what was the man thinking? Do you have any idea how long I had nightmares about being eaten by a whale?"
Ronon glanced at the two of us before looking back to Rodney pointedly. "They haven't stopped, have they?" he asked.
"No," Rodney admitted sadly.
Author's Note:
Ah - Doppleganger ... gotta love it! Just a quick note re posting ... with the kids at school weekends are even busier than usual now, so I'll state up front that weekend posts are probably going to be a rarity ... that way if I do one it'll be a bonus! Thanks to everyone reading this ... hope you're enjoying it.
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 18