Chapter 19: I appreciate that Colonel

A short time later everyone gathered in the main Conference Room for another meeting to discuss what to do next. Gate travel had been restricted to necessity only and anyone already off world had been told to hang tight until we'd resolved the current problem. The biggest issue was clearly how to detect the entity. Colonel Carter decided the only way to work that out was to collect more information about the crystal ... by going back to the planet. I initially thought I'd like to go along to help but found myself roped in to talking with Doctor Heightmeyer instead. She was hoping that I'd be able to give her more insight into the entity because I was closest to John and presumably more able to talk about all those aspects of the nightmare John that were out of character. So John and the others went to M3X-387 and I found myself sitting nervously in Kate's cosy little office.

"You know I hate all this right?" I started out honestly.

"The number of times you've been in my office over the past three years was a bit of a clue," Kate said without offence.

"Oh – sorry," I said meekly. "It's not that I discount what you do ... just that it's not for me."

"I admire the level of honestly in your relationship with Colonel Sheppard," Kate replied. "It's very clear in how well you cope with situations that could end up causing many problems."

"Um ... thanks," I smiled a bit self consciously. "So how do you want to do this?"

"Just start by describing your dream," Kate suggested, "perhaps highlighting those aspects you feel were most out of character."

"It was all out of character," I said. "The John in my dreams was completely different. He took delight in causing pain – both physical and emotional. His motives were completely opposite too - he said he was in it for the money, didn't see anything wrong in sacrificing one person for that reason alone. And of course he was friendly and patient and almost admiring of Doctor Walker – that's the guy who was holding me back on Earth. My John could barely stand to be in the same room with that guy."

Although I hadn't done any specific sessions with Kate regarding the kidnapping back on Earth she had been informed and briefed about my case via Dr. Lam and had previously reassured me that if I needed to talk she was aware of the practical aspects of my experience.

"Which suggests the entity is seeking a particular response, using specific hooks to draw the victim in," Kate suggested.

"I got the sense I was definitely being manipulated within my dream," I agreed. "Like I said before, I knew during the whole thing it was a dream and I actively tried to end it which I usually can for a normal dream. Whatever that thing was, it was able to hold on to me until John shook me out of it. How do we fight something like that?"

"I don't know," Kate admitted. "If we can find a way to communicate with it perhaps we can try reason."

"That seems unlikely to me," I grimaced at having to recall so vividly a dream I'd hoped to just forget. "There was enjoyment there too – this thing likes provoking these negative reactions from us. It's not all about need."

"Then we'll have to work out what else drives it," Kate said firmly. "Thank you for sharing your experience Sabina. I understand how difficult this is for you, more so that the others because it's not just your friend being manifest in such a negative way, it's your husband."

I actually smiled happily at her referring to John as my husband ... even in the midst of all this I wasn't over the newness and just plain giddy delight of being entitled to claim that title.

"I never congratulated you on your marriage," Kate smiled, obviously working out where the silly grin had come from.

"We had more than enough of that the first couple of days back," I said with a laugh. "But thanks for the thought."

"Let me know if you think of anything else relevant to the situation," Kate got up to see me out.

"Will do," I replied. "Thanks Doctor Heightmeyer."

oOo

The teams returned to Atlantis a short while later with both active and inert specimens of the crystals in hand. John had been closed mouthed about his feelings while on M3X-387, commenting only on the planet's 'decor' being just as wierd the second time. Since he wasn't being forthcoming with information I decided to head straight to the source.

"Is this them?" I moved a bit closer to the containments chambers in Rodney's lab, curious to see what had already caused us so much trouble. Inside was what looked like simple quartz like crystal formations, one glowing softly with yellow white light. "They don't look like much."

"Yeah well we know they pack a punch when touched so keep well clear," Rodney grumbled, fully engaged in analysis mode.

"Doctor Keller was just in here," Radek offered. "Something about the crystal's output had her almost touching it without conscious thought. We think it uses this method of mesmerising to lure it's victims in."

"Just like with John," I smiled, knowing John would be happy to be off the hook about touching things he shouldn't have. "Have you worked out how to track it yet?"

"No," Rodney said irritably. "Perhaps without all the tourist traffic we could actually make some progress?"

"Sorry," I shared an amused glance with Radek before heading off to find John.

oOo

"This isn't your fault you know," I sat down next to John, leaning into his side as I turned to face the ocean he was gazing at. It was a nice evening on our balcony and it was usually very relaxing to just sit and take a few minutes of calm.

"I know," John said quietly. "Still don't like the idea of being a sociopath in everyone's heads though."

"Who would?" I quipped, happy to see John smile. "I spoke to Kate."

"Did it help?" John asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "She seemed to think it did, that she understands the motives a bit better. Funnily enough it helped me too – talking about how different the John in my dreams was from you got rid of those last lingering edge of my head nerves. Not about there being any link to you personally ... just the echo of seeing something disturbing revisiting when you least expect it."

"I wish everyone else felt the same," John admitted.

"Did Evan catch up with you?" I asked curiously.

"He did," John nodded, glancing at me with a knowing smile, "and yes, he made a point of telling me he's very capable of distinguishing the real me from a dream. Followed it up by honestly treating me the same as always."

"There you go then," I said easily, happy that Evan had come through and backed John up just like he'd promised.

"The worse bit for me is that you've all got a whole sequence of events 'I' was in and yet I know practically nothing about most of them," John pointed out. "I'm being looked at differently because of things 'I' did, but I don't even know what they are."

"That would be frustrating," I agreed, "but I don't know - do you really want to know the details? If the other dreams were anything like mine you might be better off not knowing."

"If it's affecting the way people behave ... if it changes how they react to things then I need to know," John replied.

"But not tonight," I said firmly, loathe to have him setting out to grill Teyla, Ronon and the others on the specifics of the 'evil' John. "Why don't we take a walk, clear our heads?"

"Can we just stay here instead?" John asked. "I've had enough of being the centre of attention for one day."

"Of course," I agreed, leaning my head on his shoulder and returning my gaze to the ocean.

oOo

The sound of the door alarm chiming interrupted one of our rare late morning starts the next day. John jumped out of bed, pulling a t-shirt on to go with his track pants as he headed for the door.

"Colonel Carter?" John motioned for her to enter.

"Sorry to disturb you Colonel, Sabina," Carter replied. Her tone was serious and her face sad and I knew immediately we were about to get bad news. "I wanted to let you know immediately that Doctor Heightmeyer was found dead in her quarters a short while ago. It appears that she died in her sleep."

"She had one of the nightmares?" John's face was beyond blank, his tone grim as he sank down to sit on the edge of the bed. I shifted position to kneel behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder in unspoken support.

"We don't know for sure but it seems likely," Carter admitted. "This is not your fault John ... at this point we have no way of even tracking the entity, let alone mounting any defence against it."

"I brought it back here and it's using my face to torment, and now to kill," John pointed out angrily.

"Yeah, after it lured you towards it!" I jumped in to point out. "Radek said it almost did the same to Doctor Keller yesterday."

"Who found Doctor Heightmeyer?" John asked reluctantly.

"Teyla," Carter said sadly. "She had an early appointment with Kate and became worried when she didn't show up." John looked away without commenting. "We'll have to continue with the full lockdown," Colonel Carter concluded. "I'll be making a citywide announcement soon but I thought you should know as soon as possible."

"I appreciate that Colonel," John replied, moving to see Carter out. Returning to me he threw himself on top of the covers, putting a hand over his eyes.

"John?" I felt bad for a moment that I was more concerned about him than the fact that Kate Heightmeyer was dead. His pain was immediate – my need to help him also immediate. There'd be time later to contemplate the loss of Kate and what that meant for all of us.

"This whole situation is totally screwed," John ground out angrily. "The one place you might be forgiven for assuming you were safe is in your sleep. How can this thing kill like that?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Rodney will work out how to track it and then we can do something."

"Teyla will be even more uncomfortable around me now," John rolled over and buried his head in the pillow, his voice muffled as he continued. "Maybe I'll just take the day off."

"You will not," I said insistently. "This is not your -,"

"This is Colonel Carter. If I could have your attention please," the beginning of the citywide announcement interrupted me before I could finish. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you that we have lost a valuable member of the expedition today. Doctor Kate Heightmeyer meant a great deal to all of us. Her death is nothing short of tragic. I'm also sorry to have to report that the threat we face is still in our midst and until further notice, the full lockdown protocol will remain in effect. Try to remain calm. We are doing everything we can to ensure everyone's safety and to resolve this situation quickly. Thank you."

"You're right," John got up abruptly and moved towards the door. "I should probably go talk to Teyla, see if she's all right ... that is if she even wants to see me." He swiped a hand over the door panel, freezing when he discovered Teyla standing on the other side.

"I was just about to come and see you ... but I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me," John said uncomfortably.

Without a word Teyla moved forward and put her arms around him and her head on his shoulder. Looking back at me uncertainly John hesitantly put his arms around her and just stood there letting her cry.

I felt a sense of relief that Teyla had come to him, knowing that such an obvious show of friendship would reassure John that the entity hadn't damaged his relationships with his friends by taking on his form.

"I'm sorry about Kate," I said softly once Teyla had calmed and stepped back to look at both of us.

"I do not understand how something that isn't real can kill us," Teyla said thickly.

"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the Control Room," Colonel Carter used the intercom to patch into our room.

"Has something happened?" John asked.

"Radek managed to track the entity within the city," Carter replied.

"And?" John asked grimly.

"It's in Rodney," Carter admitted.

"Crap!" John grabbed up his uniform and disappeared into the bathroom. Two minutes later he was rushing out again. "Teyla – join us when you've had a chance to clean up. Sabina, you too if you want to – if not I'll see you later."

Teyla exchanged a worried glance with me before slowly making her way after John.

Looking at the closed door for a few seconds I finally roused myself and jumped out of bed. If I hurried I could get there before John committed himself to something stupid.

Author's Note:

Sorry ... this is another 'nothing' chapter but I had to split it from the next chapter because it was just too long combined together. Hope you enjoyed anyway ... the conclusion to Doppleganger should follow shortly.

Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 20