Chapter 26: At this point you don't even know me!
"Change of plans," John announced as he and the rest of his team walked back into the Control Room a short time later. I'd been sitting with Colonel Carter, both of us waiting with little conversation to hear back from John and his team. "We're not gonna get that Gate crystal from Zelenka so we go to the mainland instead."
"The plant should grow in abundance here as it does everywhere else in the galaxy," Teyla confirmed.
"All right," John said confidently. "Assuming we can find the stuff, how're we gonna distribute it?"
"I'll figure something out," Rodney offered with a long suffering sigh. Not waiting for further input he turned and headed in the direction of his lab.
"I will stay with Rodney," Teyla decided, looking at Ronon intently. "Do you know what to look for?"
"It grows like a weed on Sateda," Ronon confirmed.
Teyla nodded once before following Rodney's course.
"You're flying the Jumper to the mainland?" I asked John hesitantly. "Do you think that's wise?"
"I still remember how to fly," John retorted indignantly.
"Yeah – now," I agreed. "What about in an hour from now? Because that's how long it's gonna take to get to the mainland. Then there's the time it'll take to find what we need and fly back here."
"Go with them," Colonel Carter ordered me. "I'll coordinate efforts here to keep everyone in the Mess Hall."
Thankful that Colonel Carter had directed my inclusion on the Puddle Jumper - because it meant I hadn't had to insist on taking the pilot's chair in John's place - I jumped up quickly and followed John and Ronon up to the Jumper Bay.
No words were exchanged ... John and I came to an unspoken agreement that he was still good to fly the outward leg ... he did everything the same as always, bringing the systems on line and getting us ready to depart. Only the slight hesitation before he got us airborne gave away that John had to actively think about something that usually came without conscious thought.
"Hold on kids," he announced, taking the Jumper up through the now open roof and into the sky.
The flight was smooth and the landing precise and just as soft as always.
Ronon jumped up immediately, grabbing the sacks for the plants and his blaster and making for the open rear hatch.
"Wait a minute," John's voice was suddenly confused. "What ... where ...," he broke off without asking a real question, slumping back in the pilots chair and covering his eyes with one hand.
"Ronon, go," I said softly, moving over to John. "Go ... get that plant. I'll look after John."
Ronon sprinted off without another word, leaving me to fend for both of us.
"John?" I knelt down beside his chair and put a hand on his leg. He flinched, taking his hand from his eyes and looking at me worriedly.
"I don't know who you are," he admitted in a voice that sounded uncertain ... and strange to my ears. "I don't know ... I ... why are we here?"
"You're sick," I said, keeping my tone even and gentle even though inside my stomach was clenched in tight knots and my nerves were jumping. The change had probably been gradual the whole time he'd been flying us over here but it seemed so abrupt – one minute he'd been John and the next this confused and troubled man I didn't know. "There's a plant that can help you, that can help everyone back on Atlantis. Ronon's gone to get some."
"You want to keep me here," John announced suddenly, jumping from his seat and knocking me to the floor as he moved for the rear of the jumper. "You're planning something." He looked at me with suspicion and not a speck of recognition.
"I do want to keep you here," I admitted freely, trying not to take his suspicion personally. I got up and walked slowly towards him. "Because you're sick and you might get yourself in trouble out there without realising it."
"How do I know you didn't do something to make me like this?" John demanded harshly. "You don't seem to be sick yourself – why is that?"
"I don't know," I ground out, unable to keep a hint of impatience from colouring my voice. "All I know is that when Ronon gets that plant we'll distribute it and make everyone better, including you."
"I don't want to stay in here," John announced, turning as though he were going to run out the rear hatch.
I couldn't let him do that.
"Stop!" I grabbed the Wraith stunner Ronon had gotten from the armoury and pointed it straight at John. He turned slowly, frowning when he saw what I was pointing at him. "Just in case you can't remember, this won't hurt you but it will knock you unconscious for a while. Don't make me use it."
"You're shaking," John drew attention to the fact that the stunner was wobbling slightly as I struggled with the idea of stunning my own husband. Sure - it wouldn't kill him but I knew from first hand experience that is still hurt like a son of a bitch.
"You don't want to do this," John said with certainty. I could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to work out why. "Who are you ?" he asked suddenly, piercing me with an intent glance that was John Sheppard all over.
"Look in your top pocket," I told him sadly. He made to protest. "Just do it!" I shouted in frustration.
Keeping his eyes on mine John patted down his shirt pockets until he felt the crinkling of paper. Reaching in he pulled out the photo and looked at it silently for several moments.
"You and I are ....," he waved a hand between the two of us, "involved?"
"Every chance we get," I quipped. "We knew you wouldn't remember so I wrote you that message."
"But it doesn't really mean anything," John said thoughtfully. "I don't know but ... I don't think I just let you tell me what to do all the time. I don't trust that other guy and I just want to check on what he's up to."
"What he's up to is saving your life," I said forcefully. "And no ... you don't let me tell you what to do. Usually that's because you're a lot smarter and more reasonable than you're being right now!"
"I'll be back in a few minutes," John turned to leave again.
"You won't," I said urgently, my tone freezing him in his tracks. "You'll forget what you went out there to do and get yourself lost ... or worse. I won't let you do that – why would I let you do that?"
"I love you," John told me in a cajoling tone, trying to win me over without really understanding what he was saying. He held up the photo as though that should be proof enough.
"You love me?" I laughed grimly. "At this point you don't even know me!"
"I do know you," John disagreed. "I can't remember how but ... I feel the connection."
"Then listen to me for God's sake," I said impatiently. "Just sit down and stay put for five damn minutes – give Ronon a chance to make it back here. If he'd not back by then I'll take you out there myself. Deal?"
"Deal," John capitulated suddenly, sinking down onto one of the back seats and putting his head in his hands.
"Headache still bad?" I asked worriedly, moving to sit beside him.
"My head's throbbing," John admitted freely. Curiously one of the things he'd forgotten was that he usually only admitted to pain if he could hardly walk in a straight line and even then it was vastly understated.
"I'm sorry I can't give you anything," I put an arm around him cautiously, not sure the personal contact would be welcome. He let me though, both of us sitting silently gazing out into the forest. It had still been light when we'd set out but now it was dusk – the darkness making everything seem that much more ominous ... and depressing.
The crashing through the trees announced Ronon's approach before we caught sight of him. John started to become agitated again until I reminded him that it was Ronon and we'd been expecting him. I wondered whether he even remembered the beginning of our conversation only a short while before. The fact that he was clutching that photo tightly and looking down at it every now and then as if to check the words told me short term memory was just as much an issue with this disease as long term memory.
"Did you get it?" I called out to Ronon while he was still a ways from the rear hatch.
"Yeah," Ronon held up two bulging bags, throwing them inside the jumper and looking at John curiously. "He okay?"
"You mean apart from the fact that he doesn't know who anyone is?" I asked sarcastically. "Sure ... we're all just peachy here!"
"She's my wife," John announced proudly, holding up the photo for Ronon to see.
"That she is buddy," Ronon smiled when he read what I'd written. "You'll be remembering that without assistance just as soon as we get this plant back to Atlantis."
"Okay, everyone have a seat," I took the pilots chair and quickly got us into the air and headed back to Atlantis.
oOo
"That's it," I announced, parking the Jumper in the Jumper Bay.
"Come on, help me with the stuff," Ronon gestured for John to pick up one of the sacks. "We've gotta get this to Teyla right away."
"Who?" John predictably asked.
"Never mind," I took his hand and drew him down the ramp. "Let's just go with Ronon for now."
Of course that was going to be easier said than down. As soon as we got clear of the Jumper we were confronted with a group of soldiers, all aiming Wraith stunners at us.
"Hands in the air, now," Lieutenant Kemp ordered. I slowly raised mine, looking for Ronon to get them on our side.
"Listen, Lieutenant, this is medicine," Ronon tried to explain. "We need to deliver it."
"I said hands in the air," Kemp said intently. He watched dispassionately as Ronon dropped the sacks and raised his hands, glaring in anger at the soldiers who stepped closer to disarm him.
"Let's take them to the Brig," Kemp decided.
"You can't do that," I protested. "The plants in these sacks will help everyone get better."
"What the hell is going on here?" Major Lorne arrived, looking pale and sweaty and frankly a little scary with the level of hyper awakeness he seemed to be exhibiting.
"Sir, we caught these people trying to infiltrate the base," Kemp reported.
"Lorne, you've got to listen to me," Ronon insisted. "Everybody on this base is gonna die if you don't."
"And who are you?" Major Lorne demanded without any indicator we looked remotely familiar to him.
"Evan," I urged him to look at me. "I'm Sabina ... I'm on your team - you know me."
"I'm sorry ma'am but I don't know you," Evan replied, his tone suggesting he thought I was the one with the problem. He looked at me too - gave me the once over and everything ... it was disturing how someone I'd spent so much time with over a span of years could see nothing that gave us a connection.
"You do!" I insisted a bit childishly, barely resisting the urge to stamp my foot in frustration. "If you look in your pocket you'll see - we have proof."
"What?" Evan asked in confusion.
"Just look in your vest pocket," Ronon ordered sternly.
Major Lorne reached into his pocket and pulled out the photo of John we'd given him. I watched as he read the words printed at the bottom. "Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. He is your commanding Officer. Trust him."
"You took that photo – wrote those words – just in case it came to this," I reminded him.
"They're telling the truth," Lorne told his team as soon as he'd digested the meaning - there was no hesitation in his decision but I wasn't sure if that was because he remembered writing the words themselves or because they were enough to have in believing in us. He looked at John and added "This is our commanding officer."
"That's right," John said in a vague tone. "I am your commanding officer, so you should do what I say."
"Yes, sir," Lorne replied respectfully. All the soldiers put away their stunners and stepped back. "What are your orders?"
"Do what she says," John decided after a few moments of thought, pointing at me.
"Ronon, take that medicine to Teyla," I said immediately. "We'll follow along but don't wait for us."
"Gun," Ronon demanded, taking his blaster back and then bending down for the sacks of native plants. "Follow me."
oOo
I wasn't sure what to expect once we'd hooked up with Rodney, Teyla and the others so it was a huge relief to find that they'd completed the programs necessary to dispense the effects of the plant sap to everyone. Teyla took care of all of that herself, leaving Ronon and I to prepare everyone. When the plant took effect it would knock everyone out – they wouldn't wake up until the illness had run its course - so we needed to make sure they were all as comfortable as possible before we administered the treatment.
It was easy to settle Rodney and his little band of rebels. In fact they all seemed relieved to have someone else in charge who gave the appearance of knowing what they were doing. John was a little more difficult, still fighting the need to give up all of his control so that someone else could look after him.
"Come on," I took his hand and led him back to the infirmary, still deserted since we'd decided to keep everyone in the Mess Hall rather than relocate them. "Time for a sleep," I announced, urging him up onto one of the beds, taking his boots off and then tucking him in tight.
"Don't," John grabbed my hand when I moved to get another blanket.
"I wasn't going anywhere," I reassured him. "Just to get more blankets and clean up in here a bit." John let my hand go slowly, keeping a solemn glance on me as I moved around the infirmary, putting to rights as much of the mess as I could. Bringing his blanket back I tucked it around him and then pulled up a chair.
"Okay?" I put a hand over his, my heart warmed at the way he turned his hand over and then held on tightly to mine.
"Don't go anywhere," he said quietly.
"I'm here for the duration," I promised him.
"Sabina," Teyla's voice came over the city intercom system. "We're releasing the medicine now. Stand by."
"Sleep tight," I pulled John's hand to my lips and pressed a kiss there. He kept his eyes on me. I could see the desire to sleep washing over him moments before he closed his eyes and relaxed.
oOo
It took John nearly twenty four hours to wake up, much longer than almost anyone else. Doctor Keller had given up on trying to get me to leave .... and on trying to convince me I shouldn't worry just because John was slower to wake than the others.
"Sabina?" John's voice called me back from the light doze I'd been drifting in. I watched hopefully as he opened his eyes and looked around. When he turned his gaze back to mine and I looked into those beautiful hazel eyes it almost brought tears to mine ... I saw recognition there. He knew who I was and the relief of that was overwhelming.
"You're awake," I gave him a slightly wavering smile. "Do you know who you are?"
"Captain Han Solo," John replied seriously. "What happened?"
"Oh very funny," I shook my head at him before trying to explain the whole sequence of events that had led to him waking up in the infirmary 24 hours later. "How's your memory?"
"All there ... I guess. Maybe a bit fuzzy," John replied thoughtfully. "Of course I won't know if I'm missing anything unless someone calls me up on it."
"True," I let out a jaw splitting yawn that had John frowning.
"Did you stay here the whole time I was out of it?" he asked.
"Had to," I dismissed. "I promised you I would."
"Well I'm awake now so you can go get some sleep," John returned sternly.
"I'll just get Doctor Keller to check you out first," I replied, looking around for Jennifer.
It was only after she gave John the all clear that I truly relaxed inside, happy to head back to our quarters because Jennifer promised that John would be released from the infirmary probably while I was still catching up on my sleep.
oOo
I would have just put the whole Kirsan fever thing behind me if not for the conversation I had with Doctor Keller about a week later.
"You wanted to see me Doc?" I stood in the doorway of her office, a bit nervous because when a doctor says they want to talk to you the immediate assumption is that it can't be good.
"Thanks for coming down Sabina," Jennifer motioned for me to take a seat. "With things back to normal in the infirmary I finally had a chance to compare your blood test results with Ronon's."
"And?" I asked hesitantly.
"And we have ourselves a bit of a medical mystery," Jennifer admitted. "You have antibodies to Kirsan fever so you did have a mild case of the disease. Only problem is they're not all from the outbreak we had here."
"How could you possibly know that?" I looked at her in confusion.
"Because I finally found the Ancient records on the virus," Jennifer explained. "Teyla and Ronon have antibodies only to the more modern version of the virus, the one Doctor Beckett studied. You have those too but also antibodies much more closely related to the ones described by the Ancients. That's why you suffered some of the effects of the virus initially – because your body had to adapt its defences to account for the changes in the virus over thousands of years."
"Maybe I had the original virus sometime in the last three years and we just didn't know it," I suggested weakly. "That could happen right?"
"It could," Jennifer agreed in a tone that said 'unlikely'. "I checked your medical record though and apart from that one cold which Colonel Sheppard had at the same time you haven't been sick enough to have had Kirsan fever. Clearly that cold wasn't the fever because John didn't have any defences against this latest outbreak."
"So what are you suggesting?" I asked weakly.
"To be honest I don't know," Jennifer replied. "I'll do some more research as time permits but for now it'll have to remain a mystery. I just thought you'd want to hear where we were at so far."
"Thanks for letting me know," I got up, thoughts whirling, and absentmindedly wished her a good night.
oOo
Explaining what Jennifer had told me to John in our quarters late that night left us both puzzled and in my case frustrated too. John seemed quite relaxed about it, willing to go with the 'I'd been exposed somehow' explanation that did make the most sense, no matter how unlikely it was in practice.
"It's just an antibody, Sabina" John tried to put it into perspective for me. "Don't we all have hundreds of those, most of which we'd have no idea how we got?"
"Not to an illness native to this galaxy! This isn't something I was born with John," I almost snarled angrily. "How the hell did I get antibodies if I never had Kirsan fever before this outbreak?"
"I don't know," John admitted. "All I do know is that you said Doctor Keller is following it up for you – if there's a way she'll find out why. In the mean time you need to let this go – there's nothing you personally can do."
"Maybe not," I agreed as a sudden thought occurred to me. "Did you destroy that paper Rodney gave you when he was super-gened – the one about my parents?"
"Ah," John hesitated, clearly trying to assess my mood.
"Don't worry," I smiled easily, "I'm not gonna be mad if you didn't. I clearly remember telling you to get rid of it - as in get it out of my sight. What you chose to do with it afte that was up to you."
"I kept it," John admitted. "It was too valuable to just destroy ... I couldn't help but think one day you might want to find out more."
"Yeah, well I'm not sure I do," I replied thoughtfully. "But if Jennifer can't find anything else I might have to."
"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it," John put an arm around me bracingly. I let myself be comforted by his familiar strength and reassurance ... he was right, time enough to worry about that when there was a need.
Author's Note:
Reader Traffic on the story has dropped off considerably since the beginning ... am I posting too much/too fast/too slow? I'd rather go with one of those explanations than the more obvious "it's just not blowing up my skirt" interpretation *winks*. Please stick with the story - there's good stuff coming up, I promise!
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 27