Still mourning for you know who.
Torchwood Night Out.
Phoenix stands in front of the mirror and she doesn't quite recognise herself. She didn't look like a soldier anymore, she looked like a woman, a feminine woman. Her hair was done, she had a little make-up on and she felt totally different.
"I look like a woman and not a soldier. This is strange. I haven't looked like this in a very long time," Phoenix says to Gwen who is stood behind her, looking at her in the mirror.
"Your gorgeous. Under those combats, you have a beautiful figure. I know why Jack fell for you," Gwen smiles in the mirror but Phoenix doesn't smile and then Gwen puts her hand in Phoenix's.
"It'll be ok," Gwen tells Phoenix.
Gwen's door bell rings and Gwen rushes to the intercom.
"Yes," Gwen answers.
"We are all waiting outside," Ianto tells her over the com.
"Be down in a minute," Gwen replies and then grabs her handbag from the lounge.
Both woman leave the flat together but Phoenix isn't sure of why she is even doing this but she went along with it anyway. As they opened the main door, Ianto is stood waiting for them and the limo is waiting with the door open and Toshiko, Owen and Jack looking out of the door to see Gwen and Phoenix.
"You look beautiful," Ianto tells her as Phoenix walks past and she smiles at him.
"I see what you like about her. She is beautiful," Owen tells Jack and Toshiko slaps him but he smiles at her to remind her that she was with him, Jack simply looking at her remembering the night of the ball with the black gown, feeling the same as he did then.
Phoenix got in the limo after Gwen and Ianto gets in last. Nearly all the way to the restaurant, Phoenix looks out of the window, watching the world pass her by. Everyone laughs and jokes on the journey but Jack and Phoenix who were silent.
"This is going to sound really stupid Phoenix but do you look like you? I mean, like you look now?" Ianto asks Phoenix as they arrive at the restaurant.
"I know what you meant and yes, I look like me, like I look now," Phoenix tells him not looking at him still watching out of the window, life happening all around her.
Ianto gets out first to make sure that the coast is clear and then he comes back to the car.
"Everything is clear so come on," Ianto tells everyone coming to the door of the limo and everyone gets out, Jack waiting until last, getting out after Phoenix.
"You look beautiful," Jack whispers into her ear as she steps out of the limo but Phoenix didn't reply to his comment stepping out in front of a beautiful, Chinese restaurant.
The team all goes inside and they are escorted to their table, Toshiko and Owen sitting together, Ianto and Jack sitting together and then Gwen grabs the seat next to Owen and the only seat left is the one next to Jack, Ianto being on the other side of him. He smiled at her as she sat down but she didn't smile back. Everyone looked at the menu's, deciding loudly what they wanted to eat, Phoenix not saying anything, just watching everyone else, even Jack was finally talking but Phoenix didn't. She felt uncomfortable with them. The waiter came along and took the food order and then the drinks order. Everyone gave their drinks order and then they turned to Phoenix.
"Water please," Phoenix asks him with a smile and the waiter smiled back, leaving the table.
"Why aren't you having something to drink other than water?" Owen asks her as she was the only one not drinking something containing alcohol.
"There is no point in my drinking as it would be a waste of money. I can't get drunk. There is something in my genes that doesn't allow chemicals of any kind to affect me which includes alcohol," Phoenix tells the team and they are laugh.
"I was there when she drank almost a whole regiment under the table and was still as sober as a judge," Jack backs her up.
"Does that go for all chemicals?" Toshiko asks her curiously.
"All chemicals. None of it works on me, not even Retcon which is a long story which I can't get into," Phoenix tells them knowing that was yet to happen.
"Cheap date then," Owen replies and both Gwen and Tosh slap him, one on either side of him.
The drinks arrive and every tucks in as Phoenix looks at her glass of water. She would love to have experience just once, what it was like to get drunk, even just tipsy. She never had and never would, like other things she would never experience. The food came fast and everyone tucks in, laughing and joking, Jack winding Owen up as usual, cross conversations but the only one who didn't speak was Phoenix. It was almost as though they had forgotten that she was actually there. Phoenix knew that she was the outsider, feeling it in every part of her and as she watched them, she picked at her food. It all became too much for Phoenix and she suddenly got up and left the table, walking past everyone and to the toilets.
"Where's she going?" Toshiko asks the team as she notices Phoenix leaving without word.
"She's going to the ladies," Ianto tells her and they go back to what they were doing but after 5 minutes, Gwen notices that Phoenix still isn't back.
"She's been gone a while Ianto," Gwen tells him and the team stop.
"I hope that she is still here," Ianto replies looking towards the ladies.
"Why? It's not as though any of us have really spoken to her while we've been here," Jack tells the team and by the look on their faces, they knew he was right.
Gwen got up from the table and went to the ladies after her. Gwen looked around where the sinks were but didn't see Phoenix but then she noticed that one of the doors of the cubicles was closed so she went over to it and knocked on the door.
"Are you in there Phoenix?" Gwen asks and the door opens and Phoenix steps out, Gwen could see that she had been crying.
"What's wrong Phoenix because I can see you have been crying?" Gwen asks her as Phoenix goes to the sinks.
"It doesn't matter. You go back out there and have fun with your friends," Phoenix tells her splashing her face with water but making sure that she didn't wash the make up off.
"You don't cry over nothing Phoenix and what do you mean my friends? We are all here for you," Gwen tells her.
"No Gwen, your not. You lot have brought me out to make yourselves feel better. I know that Jack has told you, told you what I am going to do so, this is making yourselves feel better," Phoenix tells her as Gwen looks at her in the mirror.
"That isn't it at all. We are thankful that you are going to be doing this, for getting us ready, protecting us and knowing how hard it must be for you to be so close to Jack whilst doing all this and knowing that he is with Ianto," Gwen tells her.
"So it's out of pity then? Just go back to them and I will be out in a minute," Phoenix tells Gwen and she sees that she isn't going to win with Phoenix.
"Is she still in there?" Toshiko asks Gwen as she reaches the table and sits down.
"She was in there and she had been crying. She thinks that we all pity her and by what she was saying, she doesn't feel that she is any part of this team. This isn't working Ianto, Jack," Gwen tells them and just as she does, Phoenix comes out of the toilets and comes back to the table.
"I am going to go but thank you for the food and clothes. I will settle my expenses in the morning. Enjoy your night out and have fun," Phoenix tells them and heads for the door.
"I'll go after her," Ianto tells the team and gets up and leaves after her without word from anyone.
He finds her about to head down an alleyway and Ianto knew that if he didn't get there in enough time, she would be gone. As he reaches the top of the alleyway, he sees her reach for her Vortex Manipulator.
"Don't Phoenix. Don't go," Ianto shouts to her as he runs to her.
"It's better I do Ianto but you lot have fun tonight and I will see you at training tomorrow so don't get too drunk," she tells him as the Vortex appears in front of her but as she is about to step inside, Ianto grabs hold of her arm and pulls her away from the Vortex.
"Just give me 5 minutes. That's all I ask, 5 minutes and then you can leave if you want," Ianto asks her holding onto her arm.
"What's the point Ianto? So you can pity me?" she asks him.
"No. I think you and I need to talk," he tells her.
"You have 5 minutes Ianto and then I am leaving," Phoenix tells him shutting the Vortex down so no-one saw it.
"I know it has taken a lot for you to do all this and tonight we wanted to thank you but you have probably figured that Jack told me what you are planning to do. I know that you have your problems, Paradox's, timelines and then Jack. I know that it can't be easy to see Jack and I together, not when you have loved him for so long and yes, I know he still loves you and I know that he has to make his choice and I am ok with that," Ianto tells her.
"I have made Jack's choice for him. I have walked away no matter how much it hurts so you don't have worry about Jack and I anymore Ianto," Phoenix tells him not being able to look him in the eyes.
"Oh Phoenix," Ianto starts but Phoenix jumps in.
"Don't Ianto. Don't pity me. I can't bare people pitying the Demigoddess that fights for everyone else, fights everyone else's wars but has nothing of her own except her nightmares," Phoenix tells him, a single tear runs down her face and she turns away from Ianto.
"Don't cry Phoenix. I can't bared to see people hurting especially as much as you are. I know a little of what you feel but I really couldn't imagine myself in your shoes. I, the team just wanted to show you that there is something to fight for, something to come back for. We wanted to show you the joy and the happiness of life. We want you to go up against The Devourer not knowing that there is something out there other than what your life has been. We don't want you to give up," Ianto tells her as they stand in the alleyway.
"I have lived a long time Ianto. Fought so many battles of my own and so many battles for other people, I'm tired Ianto. The things I see when I close my eyes would drive normal people insane. I'm not as strong as I used to be. Too many things have happened and I made the mistake of caring. I used to go in, do what I needed to do and walk out again, no thanks, no feeling about it but after I meet Jack again, everything changed and I have been getting weaker and weaker in my heart and soul. Please understand that I am not doing this to make anyone feel guilty Ianto, least of all Jack. I just don't have the strength to do this anymore, I can't live with the memories and the nightmares anymore and no-one can take them away from me like I can take them away for other people," Phoenix tells him and Ianto knows that she is telling him the truth, he knew and it hurt him to see her hurting though he didn't really know her but he felt her pain and a tear runs down his face.
"Don't cry for me Ianto. It's just my time. Everyone eventually has to die, even Jack will but so far in the future when none of us are around. I am at peace with the fact that I have chosen to do it now, protecting the Earth, protecting Torchwood, Torchwood Cardiff, defenders of planet Earth," she tells him as she wiped the tear from his cheek with a little smile on her face.
"Go back to your friends and to your lover, take his hand and enjoy him, enjoy what you have. Go and live, have fun, laugh and be happy Ianto Jones. I will see you in the morning," Phoenix tells him as she turns away from him.
"No. Not without you. Come back with me Phoenix. Have some fun, even just a little. We want you to be there with us. Take my hand and come with me, please," Ianto almost pleads with her as she turns to look at him, his hand stretched out in front of him.
"You know that nothing will change my mind don't you?" she asks him with a mournful look on her face.
"I know," he says to her quietly, knowing that she was telling him the truth.
Phoenix reaches out and takes his hand and Ianto holds onto her hand tightly as they walk out of the alleyway together.