Author's note: Roll up, roll up! Come and read the latest chapter, posted for your reading pleasure!
Chapter nineteen
No longer was my recurrent dream characterised by hazy blurs forming vaguely familiar shapes. Those shapes had now blended into one solid, discernible form. It was humanoid, but still lacked any recognisable features. The colours were more vivid and each seemed to contain with it a myriad of shades. The yellow sparkled with golds, ochres, oranges and lemons. The white was speckled with every kind of grey and silver known to man and the blue dazzled with all the hues of the ocean. It was mesmerising, but utterly baffling. Just what did it all mean? I could feel my dream self reaching out to the figure, desperate for a clearer glimpse, but it remained elusive, teasingly out of reach. A breath of wind passed by, caressing my ear as a sound entered the drum. I couldn't understand it, at first, but waited patiently for the breeze to return. When it did, I was sure I heard a word, but, again, couldn't be sure. Third time was the charm and I relished the sound as it entered, whispering through my brain like a peaceful sigh. It wasn't so much what was said, but the tone of the voice that said it
Isabella.
I was woken by a deep buzzing sound in my right ear. I opened my sleepy eyes, squinting as a beam of daylight peeked through a gap in the curtains and rested across my face. Rubbing my eyes, I reached over to the bedside table for my phone to check the time. The text message symbol blinking in the corner explained the buzzing that had woken me and I pushed the button to open it. Rubbing my eyes again to ensure I could read it properly, a smile slowly spread across my face as my brown orbs took in the words.
Good morning.
I hope you slept well. I would have called, but wasn't sure you would be awake. I just want to remind you that, should you need to call, please do not hesitate. Take care and let me know how it goes,
Carlisle.
I lay there for several minutes, just enjoying the warm wave of contentment that ran through me as thoughts of the beautiful vampire danced around my brain. To be honest, he hadn't left my thoughts since driving away the night before and I knew I'd have trouble concentrating on anything today. Even the prospect of speaking to my mom couldn't dampen the delight he provoked. It was surprising how the realisation of my feelings for him had suddenly opened the floodgates for my adoration. After reading the text a couple more times, I finally got round to the reason I'd picked up the phone in the first place and checked the time. It was twenty minutes before my morning alarm went off, but I knew there was no point lying in bed much longer, so stretched languorously, before kicking off the covers.
In the kitchen, I buttered a couple of slices of toast, before sitting myself down at the kitchen table and plucking up the courage to contact Renée. As it was early, I didn't know if she'd be awake, yet, so, like Carlisle had done with me, I opted for texting her, instead. It wasn't anything elaborate, just a simple request to see her after work. I left the phone on the table beside my plate as I ate, waiting for a reply, but none came. Habitually punctual Alice Brandon arrived soon after, so I grabbed my things and headed for work.
Carlisle must have filled Alice in on yesterday's events as she immediately started asking about it during lunch, apologising profusely for not being home when I needed her to be. In the end, only the threat of hot coffee staining her new white blouse silenced her. I told her I was hoping to speak to her after work that day, but, had no need to ask her advice, as she offered it freely, echoing Carlisle's offer of moral support. Again, I was tempted to accept, but knew cowardice wouldn't help. If Mom was going to see what a mature woman I'd become, I couldn't hide behind others. Speaking of the Devil, my phone buzzed and I checked it to see she had replied to my text. My pulse quickened as I began reading.
When and where?
The reply was brief, but that wasn't necessarily a reflection of her current attitude towards me; she never had been one for long-winded texting. She was free after my shift, so we agreed to meet in Port Angeles for a coffee. I'll admit I was hoping a public meeting place would keep our tempers in check. When my attention returned to Alice, I found her gazing absently ahead, a faraway look in her mesmerising eyes. I gave her a moment, but when her distraction lasted longer than a couple of minutes, I waved a hand in her line of sight. She blinked furiously as she fell back to Earth, before a wide smile split her face in two.
"Are you okay?" I asked slowly.
"I..." she began, obviously still gathering her senses. "Yes! Sorry, got lost in a daydream, there." She smiled. "Was that your mother?"
I nodded and explained the plan. She listened intently and must have sensed my nerves about the meeting, because she stretched her arm across the table and squeezed my hand.
"You'll be fine, Bella," she said, projecting every ounce of faith she had towards me. "Just remember to stay calm."
I wanted to believe her, I really did, but keeping calm around Renée was far easier said than done. And how could Alice be so certain? I knew the words were meant as encouragement, but it annoyed me whenever people said things would be fine, when they actually had no idea how it would go. Sadly, only time would tell and I wanted it to pass as quickly as possible.
"What are you doing next Monday night?" She unexpectedly asked, breaking my train of thought.
"Um, I don't know." I thought for a moment. "Nothing, I think. Why?"
"I think it's time we had a girls' night out," she declared. "We could invite Esme, too. Show these people how its done!"
I laughed at her enthusiasm. An evening with Alice was never dull and I relished the prospect of getting to know their new guest better. I'd met Esme a couple of times since her arrival, but still knew very little about her and the Cullen crest adorning her bracelet proved she was one of the coven members that had left all those years ago. I'll admit to the panic I'd initially felt upon seeing her and Carlisle together for the first time. They kind of looked as though they belonged together as a couple, but, through-hopefully-subtle questioning, Alice had provided a brief back story for her and I discovered they were very close, but only platonically. It didn't quell the occasional pangs of jealousy I felt around Esme, though. I mean, she was a stunning woman; all sensuous curves, flowing dark hair and pouting lips. The sort of person every man wanted and every woman wanted to be, yet she never flaunted it. She also shared Alice's annoying trait of being insufferably likeable. She was as lovely and pleasant as could be and her smile was the kind that could probably make even the darkest room seem bright.
"Why not?" I replied, hoping the excitement of the planned night out would help distract me a little from my growing anxiety.
Alice clapped happily, her own excitement radiating from every perfect pore. "I can't wait!"
000
Five thirty arrived and there were so many butterflies flying inside my stomach, I thought I was going to burst. I regretted wishing the time away as I made my way over to a little coffee shop, tucked away in a side street I hadn't visited since early childhood. I passed her red car on the way, so knew she was already there waiting. Upon entering the coffee shop, I spotted her near the back, standing up as the bell above the door signalled my arrival. Apprehension rolled off her in waves as I approached and her eyes wouldn't quite meet mine.
"Hey, Mom," I greeted quietly, not sitting right away.
"Bella," she replied, fiddling with the hem of her floral top awkwardly.
We stood that way for a few moments, both unsure of what to do next. Mom was first to crack.
"For goodness' sakes," she huffed, reaching over to me. "This is ridiculous!" I was enclosed in her arms as she held me tightly. "I am so, so sorry for yesterday," she declared. "I shouldn't have lashed out, but you just got me so mad, I..."
"It's okay, Mom," I interposed, placing my hands on her shoulder blades to return the embrace.
"No, it's not," she insisted. "I shouldn't have hit you. I felt like an absolute monster when you left and-"
"Mom," I warned, pulling out of her grip. "Seriously, it's okay. Let's just sit and talk about it, alright?"
She let out a sigh, before replying. "Okay."
We took our opposing seats and she asked if I wanted anything, but I didn't think my stomach was up to the task of digestion, so declined the offer. We sat in silence for a few minutes, whilst Renée fiddled with the handle of her coffee cup, before looking back up at me, earnestness burning in her eyes.
"I really am sorry, Bella," she repeated.
"Mom, it's fine, honestly." I willed my eyes to show the truth of those words. My fingers drummed against the table for a moment as I considered what to say. Carlisle said I needed to be mature and calm, to let her see how I had moved on from the destructive person I used to be and that my new friends weren't the total wastes of space Jacob had led her to believe. An apology seemed the best way to start. "The one saying sorry should be me. I flew off the handle, when there was no need to and verbally lashed out, which is why you did, physically. I want you to know that, what I said to you was unfair. You..." I paused for a moment, licking my lips that had suddenly become dry. "You've been through a lot, because of me. And I know we've already had this kind of discussion before, but, I want you to see that those days really are behind me. It was a blip, a major one, yeah, but just a blip, nonetheless. It's not permanent and I want you to see that there's no need to worry anymore."
Mom listened, elbows resting on the table, with hands clasped together underneath her chin. Was I getting through to her? I had no idea. I had no other way to prove I was better, though, so had to trust the power of my words.
"I know why you worry," I continued. "And that's partly my fault for not talking to you when it was all happening. That's what I'm most sorry for. For keeping you in the dark, for acting like a moody zombie, like you said. But...I can change that." My face adopted a hopeful expression. "If you're willing to listen, I'm ready to talk."
Her eyes hadn't left mine since I started speaking. What was she thinking? Add telepathy to the list of skills I sorely wished to possess. "God, this is such a mess!" she murmured. "It's insane to think so much happened, yet, the time it happened in seemed to pass so fast, even though it was over the course of a whole year. Sometimes, I can't even get my head around it. You were such a good girl, it shocked me when you changed so drastically...and I stupidly blamed it on hormones!"
I couldn't help the chuckle that chose to escape at that inappropriate moment. It relieved a little of the tension, though, as my mom gave a small smile.
"They probably didn't help," I offered.
She reached out and took my hand in hers. "I am willing to listen, always was. I'm sorry if it wasn't clear at the time, but I want you to know, now."
"I do," I assured her. "I really do. It's going to take time to tell you everything, but..."
"We have plenty of time while I'm here, as well as when I leave. Just because we're not in the same state, doesn't mean we can't still communicate."
I squeezed her hand in response and was happy with the way things were going. It seemed following Carlisle and Alice's advice worked...for now. We continued talking, not necessarily going into the finer details of my breakdown, but, at least, starting to scratch the surface. Renée described her argument with Charlie yesterday evening and I found myself surprised he hadn't looked worse than he did when I'd finally returned home.
Eventually, the conversation began to dry out and I decided to test the waters. The Cullens were still a delicate matter to be breached, but I knew it had to be discussed at some point. If I could just retain the maturity and calm, the conversation shouldn't take a turn for the worse. I quietly took a deep breath, before speaking again.
"Mom," I began. "I want to talk about the Cullens."
She frowned in confusion, at first, but soon remembered the name. She said nothing, although I noticed the smile fade a little.
"I don't know exactly what Jacob said to you, but can guess. I need you to know that he's wrong." I decided to reword that. "Well, not wrong, but his opinion...differs from mine. Believe me, I'm aware of how much it feels like history's repeating itself, with him saying I'm mingling with the wrong crowd, but they're the complete opposite of those guys back in Phoenix and honestly nothing like he, or anyone else, for that matter, makes out. They don't even touch drink or drugs, for a start."
"Well, that is a start," she said. "But it takes more than sobriety to make you a good person."
"I know, I know, but..." I thought of the offer Carlisle had made the previous night, about coming with me to talk to my mom. Would she want to meet them? "...but you should try...meeting them...y'know, before making a final judgement."
She rose an eyebrow at me. "You want me to meet your friends?" she asked.
"Um...yeah?" I answered, no longer so sure about the idea, given her reaction and my eyes darted in every direction but hers.
"We'll see," she finally said. "Your father certainly had a lot of praise for them, especially that doctor guy. But, if they're so great, what's Jacob's got against them?"
"I..." I wasn't sure what to say. Explaining that his prejudices were based on them being vampires obviously wasn't a viable option, so I needed to think of something else. "I honestly don't know. He's never even met them, so, I guess, is just going by the sort of stuff you've heard."
Beneath the artificial lighting, there was no way of hiding my face as I lied. I knew how bad I was at doing it, so expected her to call my bluff, but she didn't. She just sat there, and I didn't miss the odd look she passed my way.
"You haven't found them to be...weird, in any way?" she queried, obviously still considering what Angela's mom, Carla, had said.
"Unusual, maybe, but not weird, not the way you're thinking. They're just a bit different to others around here."
"Hmm," she rested her chin in her hand. "I may not always hold your father's opinions in high esteem, but he was usually a good enough judge of character. He made it Chief of Police, after all. He certainly wouldn't approve of anyone like the lot you used to hang around with."
"So..?" I prompted, trying to restrain the hope building inside.
"So, I'll think about it. Meeting them, I mean. I'm not all-of-a-sudden overjoyed with you being their friend, but I'll reserve 'judgement', as you call it, for now."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Progress had definitely been made and, when we finally left the coffee shop, it was on friendly enough terms. I was actually quite proud of myself for how well I'd handled the situation. Having already talked through everything with Carlisle probably helped, as I had nowhere near as much pent up angst about it all as before. I'd had a whole night and day to mull things over properly, getting everything set in my head, before I had to talk to her, so keeping my cool hadn't been as much of an issue as I'd feared.
She drove me home and rolled into the driveway at about nine. Time had passed much quicker than I'd realised.
"So, when do you wanna meet up?" Mom asked me as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
"Um, well my next day off isn't until Monday, unless you want to do something in the evenings, before that?"
"I'll give you some evenings off, I think," she said. "These last couple have been pretty hectic."
"Alright," I agreed, giving a small smile as I prepared to exit the car.
"Bella," Mom called softly, placing a careful hand on my arm. I turned to face her. "Thank you."
"For what?" I queried.
"Talking to me," she explained. "I've missed it."
I studied her face and the emotions swimming all over it. I really had been a sorry excuse for a daughter and leaned over to hug her tightly. She gladly accepted the gesture and returned it with even greater fervour. It had me wondering if things were going to be better from now on. I sincerely hoped so, but wasn't so blinded by that hope to not realise there were bound to be more arguments on the path to reconciliation.
"I love you, Sweetheart," she breathed into my ear.
My eyes pinched shut at the sentiment, really not able to bear another evening of tears. "Love you, too," I eventually replied, giving one last big squeeze before we finally parted.
As I entered the house, I was feeling so good that I actually began whistling. The absence of Dad's uniform coat told me he was still out and I wondered what had happened to keep him at work at such a late hour. A note on the wall told me he'd been called in for the late shift, so I dumped my stuff in the hallway and made for the refrigerator. My phone buzzed, just as I was about to chomp down into a cheese and ham sandwich and my stomach growled impatiently at the interruption.
How did it go?
I replied to Alice's message, before remembering Carlisle had asked me to inform him of the evening's events, too. My stomach refused to wait any longer, so I hurriedly finished my sandwich, before heading into the lounge. I didn't get to enjoy that part of the house to myself very often, so made the most of it by stretching out on the sofa and switching the television on. Skipping through the channels, I eventually settled for a wildlife documentary about the Amazon, before composing a text message to Carlisle. The phone rested in my lap as I waited for a reply, which didn't take very long to arrive.
Are you free to talk?
My pulse immediately picked up at the prospect of speaking to him. I replied with a definite yes, before turning the TV off. I didn't want any background noise to interfere with the dulcet tones of his voice. The phone started vibrating and I pushed the answer button.
"Hi," I greeted.
"Good evening, Bella," he replied and I smiled at his quaint way of speaking. "If it is alright with you, I prefer actual speech to all that texting malarkey."
My grin grew wider, loving the way archaic phrases occasional inserted themselves into his everyday speech. "Oh, is the technological age becoming too much for you?" I teased.
"I am afraid so," he said with a dramatic sigh. "How do you young whippersnappers cope?"
"Fully functioning brains, I guess," I retorted. "Alzheimer's hasn't had chance to set in for some of us."
"Isabella Swan, do I detect cheek in your tone?"
"Why, no," I asserted, unable to stifle a giggle. "Clearly, your hearing is beginning to fail you, too."
"In my day, young lady," Carlisle began, taking on a mock reprimanding tone. "We were taught to respect our elders."
"Times have changed since the Middle Ages, Carlisle Cullen."
"That's DrCullen to you, Miss Swan and, if I am to be continually subjected to such sass, I shall be forced to end this conversation."
"Then please accept my sincerest apologies," I appeased, with all the sarcasm I could muster. "...Dr Cullen."
"Hmm," his voice murmured through the speaker. "I am still detecting some insolence in that tone."
"Good!" I countered. "In this day and age, women do not have to cow tow to the demands of elderly, tyrannical men."
"Less of the 'elderly', please," he requested. "I'll have you know I have been told I look rather youthful for my age."
"Yes," I chuckled. "I wonder why that could be."
"Well," his voice lowered conspiratorially. "Let's just say that those who dispute the effectiveness of anti-wrinkle creams do not know what they're talking about."
I let out another giggle, before replying. "Yeah and you could almost get away with it too, if you didn't insist on speaking like Mr Darcy."
"Actually," he argued. "I'm, like, totally down with the kids and shit."
I burst out a snort of laughter, which he quickly echoed. Not once, during the entire time I'd know Carlisle, had I ever heard him swear and his awful impersonation of a high school jock was so ridiculous, I couldn't stop myself. Even though I had realised the strength of my attraction to Carlisle, I couldn't even begin to describe how relieved I was to find it hadn't made conversing any different between us. There was none of the awkwardness I'd expected and the banter came just as easily as before.
Through my laughter, I heard him speak. "Never let me do that again," he said between the chuckles. "I think Alice is already packing her things in shame."
It took some time before I was able to form coherent words, but, eventually, I managed to reply. "Oh, God, that was amazing!" I continued giggling, wiping a tear from my eye. This time, the tears were caused by mirth, which made a refreshing change.
"So," he began to change the subject as our laughter died down. "The meeting with your mother went well?" he asked, finally getting to the reason he had called.
"It did," I said, the relief ringing in my voice loud and clear. "I followed your advice and stayed calm, which I haven't done around her for a while. Didn't raise my voice once." I paused, before adding something I thought he might need to hear, after his reaction to it the day before. "She, um...she apologised again for slapping me, too."
"I'm glad," he remarked, the words loaded with approval.
"I hope you don't mind," I continued. "But, I sort of asked her to meet you guys. I know you offered yesterday, but, now that things are okay, it's fine if you don't want her to."
"The offer does not retract just because you and your mother are getting along better," he chuckled. "I would be happy to meet her, as would the others. Just let us know when."
"She hasn't agreed, yet, she's still deciding. At least she doesn't think I'm hanging out with 'dregs' again. At least, I hope not. Dad helped by singing your praises, apparently."
"He did?" Carlisle sounded surprised.
"Yeah. Even got into a row with her defending you," I commented. "That, in itself, shows how highly you stand in his regards."
"Then I shall send him my warmest thanks," he declared. "I fretted all day long about being hunted down by the wrath of your mother."
"Oh, you're right to worry. Her wrath could kill even vampires!"
"Of that, I have no doubt, Bella," he concurred with a laugh. "How are you feeling, now?" he asked, after a pause and I could almost feel the concern filtering down the line, causing me to clutch the phone a little tighter to my ear.
"Pretty good, actually," I answered. "It was nice to clear some air and, we haven't gone into great detail just yet, but I think we're at a good starting point for that to happen."
"I'm very happy to hear that," he said with all the sincerity and warmth he'd displayed the day before.
I wrapped my free arm around myself and sank further into the sofa, wishing he were there with me. I just wanted to be in his presence, to absorb the calm he exuded and let my eyes wander over every minute detail that made him who he was. I wanted to study every movement of his body, every expression animating his magnificent face and not have the true glory of his voice tainted by the inadequacies of my phone's speaker.
"Talking to you helped more than I can say," I began. "I know I've already said thanks, but, if I hadn't already offloaded a ton of my drama on to you, today definitely wouldn't have gone as smoothly-or even happened."
"You make it sound like such a burden, Bella," he remarked, with a gentle sigh. "But it isn't. When someone I care about is upset, I wouldn't want them to suffer in silence."
My breathing changed as I mentally repeated that last sentence.
When someone I care about is upset...
The beating of my heart became a little louder and a flutter in my stomach made me sit up and draw my knees to my chest. Did he realise what he'd just said or was it a slip of the tongue? It was alarming how desperately I wanted him to repeat those words and I had to fight extremely hard to keep myself from following all sorts of flights of fancy. Don't read too much into it, don't read too much into it, don't read too much into it. I was so focused on repeating the mantra in my head, that I didn't realise how long I had remained silent.
"Bella?"
I was pulled back into reality by his velvet voice. "Hmm?"
A chuckle danced into my ear drum. "It's been a long day, I see."
"Uh...yeah," I replied, my thoughts still a little uncoordinated.
"In which case, I shall let you go. I'm very glad today was a vast improvement on yesterday."
I had to agree, although, a part of me couldn't help feeling that certain aspects of the previous day were actually pretty good, such as the hug he'd given me. Or, the kiss I'd given him. Or, the smile he'd given back after the kiss.
Concentrate, Isabella!
"Um, thanks for calling tonight, Carlisle," I said. "It cheered me up a lot."
"Good, although I may never live down using the word like out of context."
My face broke into a grin as I started chuckling at the memory of his attempts at being 'down with the kids and shit'. That would keep me going for a while.
"It's good to hear you laugh, again," he murmured and my stomach fluttered again, causing me to pull my knees in tighter. I was beginning to be grateful for the fact he wasn't here and my face started to flush as I imagined how embarrassed I'd be otherwise. I was pretty sure he had no idea of the effect he was having on me.
"Goodnight, Isabella,"
I bit my lip as the grin grew wider. I normally objected to people using my full name, but, I was starting to love the way it sounded when he did so. "Goodnight," I signed off.
"Sleep well."
Oh, I would. Of that I had no doubt.
A/N: Aww, cosiness! I know some people didn't like the way Renée was towards Bella in chapter 17, so part of the aim during the reconciliation scene was to make sure she wasn't painted like an absolute bitch, because even the best mothers lose it at times if they're pushed hard enough. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed and I'll get the next update out ASAP.