Chapter 32: There is always hope
John and Rodney returned to the lab a short while later, grimly determined. Rodney motioned for me to move aside so he could call up some programs on his laptop. Stepping close to John I waited for some kind of explanation.
"Colonel Carter went down to meet with our Wraith captive," John explained. "Assuming he co-operates Rodney will get the old virus transmitted to his machine and then the Wraith will help him alter it. Carter took Woolsey with her which would ordinarily be very amusing except for the fact that Teyla's vision included me in the Control Chair about to fire drones."
"That doesn't necessarily mean anything," I countered. "There's no timeline on these visions – Davos never said they were only things that take place in the immediate future."
"You're right," John agreed with a frown that said my suggestion wasn't exactly good news, before changing the subject abruptly. "I don't want you in here when they bring the Wraith up."
"Oh," I said lamely, not sure how to react. "Why?"
"Because I don't trust him enough to give him any information about my personal life," John replied grimly. "We've already had one enemy try to use you to get to me and I'd rather not give a second one the same chances."
"Okay," I agreed abruptly. When John looked surprised at my easy capitulation, I tried to explain. "I'm only saying yes to this because I really don't want to be anywhere near that Wraith either," I admitted. "I just ... I know seeing him is gonna result in a whole bunch of reruns up here," I pointed to my head with a pained frown. "I'd really rather not go back there unless it's absolutely necessary."
"Jennifer might appreciate your company for Linara," John suggested an alternative use of my time. "Teyla said Davos lapsed into unconsciousness after he gave her that vision."
"I can do that," I replied confidently. "I'm assuming you'll let me know if you need me for anything?"
"Oh I always need you for something," John leaned in and whispered close to my ear.
"You can get back to me on that later too," I could feel my face reddening, all too aware that Rodney was in seeing and hearing distance. It was one thing to deliberately try to embarrass Rodney from time to time, and another to be the recipient of an unexpected remark in company.
"I will," John smirked a promise.
"Be careful," I told him seriously, turning to look at Rodney. "You too McKay – and call me if you think I can help."
Taking my leave I headed down to the infirmary again. Davos was awake but heavily medicated. Linara attended him with that soft gentle expression on her face ... and sadness in her eyes. Wordlessly joining her I smiled when she looked across at me gratefully.
We stayed in that quiet companionable space for a time before our attention was drawn to Colonel Carter's appearance.
"Hello again," she greeted Davos gently.
"Colonel. It's nice to see you, but I'm afraid I can't offer you any more insight into future events. These medicines dull my mind," Davos replied, more coherent than he might have been under the circumstances. Not that he would have seen it as a positive – being able to operate so much like his old self only gave Linara false hope that he would recover.
"That's all right," Carter said easily. "That's not why I came, although I did wanna ask you a few questions about your visions if you feel up to it."
"Of course," Davos agreed.
"Have you ever been wrong?" Colonel Carter got straight to the point.
"No," Davos was equally adept at cutting right to the heart of something.
"Knowing how events play out, you haven't been able to change the future or avoid it?" Carter persisted.
"I'm afraid not," Davos replied sadly.
"What about the culling on your planet?" Carter pointed out what seemed like a contradiction.
"I did not see a culling, merely the Wraith ships arriving, and that is exactly what happened," Davos clarified. "Doctor McKay's vision happened as he saw it, but his interpretation was incorrect."
"Pretty hard to misinterpret what I saw," Colonel Carter replied with a grimace.
"I make no judgements, but I do know it will come to pass," Davos reiterated.
"It's hard for me to accept that," Carter said earnestly. "You're telling me that the future is pre-determined but I have always believed that the future is what you make it."
"Perhaps both are true," Davos suggested, struggling to get out everything that he wanted said. "Perhaps the future is pre-determined by the character of those who shape it. One thing has been clear to me from the moment I set foot in this city ... the galaxy is at a crossroads. Never before have I sensed that the future of so many worlds can turn on the actions of so few."
"There's something I don't understand," I broke in hesitantly, wanting to ask the question I'd tried to ask the day before. "If every vision comes true as you see it and there's nothing to be done to change it then ... why have the visions in the first place?"
"Another interesting viewpoint," Davos was amused, not taking offence that I'd basically suggested his role as seer had been a waste of time. "I believe the visionary process is sophisticated enough to take account of actions initiated by prior knowledge and show the future that represents the sum total of all of them."
"So in Rodney's vision he didn't see the ambush as being successful because having knowledge of it meant they had adequate backup," I reasoned.
Davos winced in sudden pain, his face paling and his eyes listing to almost closed.
"My father needs to rest," Linara announced pleadingly. "Perhaps you can return later if you have more questions."
"Of course," Carter agreed. Putting a hand on Davos's arm she smiled warmly. "Thank you for your time."
I walked with the Colonel from the infirmary, continuing down the corridor. "Any word on that second Hive ship Colonel?" I asked.
"Less than two hours away," Colonel Carter reported. "Listen, you're not military so you can call me Sam. And before you protest I know you never addressed Doctor Weir by her first name either. I don't want to run the city that formally Sabina – plus you call General O'Neill by his first name so this shouldn't be any different."
"Okay ... Sam," I nodded at her logic. "Look ... John didn't want me in the lab with the Wraith. Do you have anywhere you'd like me to be when the Hive ships get here?"
"You can operate the Command Chair?" Sam confirmed, waiting for my nod. "Then you can be back up for John – just in case we need to send out Jumpers."
"I'd be happy to, although I hope it doesn't come to that," I said earnestly.
"Report to the Chair Room," Sam said decisively. "That way you'll be able to intervene if it becomes necessary."
"Thanks Sam," I turned and headed away from her before she could change her mind.
oOo
"We're going with the trust option," John announced as he ran into the Chair Room an hour later. "Rodney's in the process of cloaking the city so the rival Hive ship won't detect us."
"Then what?" I asked with a frown.
"Then our Wraith will reason with them and hopefully head them off before things get violent," John concluded. Throwing himself in the Chair he reclined it, activating all the systems. I sat at the main control console, ready to monitor the chair's performance once John started firing drones.
The Chair Room was isolated, enough that we had no idea on the situation the longer we sat there waiting for progress.
"C'mon, guys, what's happening?" John quizzed impatiently over the radio.
"Stand by," Rodney's voice came back promptly.
"I hate when he does that," I muttered in frustration.
"Rodney?" Sam was up in the Control Room but obviously the situation wasn't clear from up there either.
"They're still just talking," Rodney explained. He paused and then broke into 'excited but not in a good way' speech. "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, wait a minute. We've got a problem."
"What is it?" John demanded. "What's going on?"
"Both ships just powered weapons," Rodney admitted weakly.
"That's it," John announced grimly. "Firing drones." I watched as he closed his eyes, moving his hands towards the control positions on each Chair arm.
"John, wait!" Sam said urgently. John paused, opening his eyes and looking over at me with a raised eyebrow. "Just give it a second," Sam urged.
"Are you insane?! They're gonna wipe us out!" Richard Woolsey exclaimed incredulously.
"Shut up, Woolsey," Sam ordered.
"Colonel Sheppard," Woolsey's voice was urgent and insistent. "As a ranking member of the IOA, I'm assuming command of this base. I'm ordering you to launch the drones now."
"What?" I looked at John in disbelief. He still held his hands over the Chair controls, not willing to follow that order but not sure he wasn't actually obliged to.
"Belay that order!" Sam shouted immediately. "One more word out of you and I will have you removed." It was a tense situation but I couldn't help the satisfaction I felt at hearing Woolsey being put down like that ... under the circumstances he completely deserved it too.
"Hold on," Rodney broke in. "Something's happening. The hives are firing on each other!"
"Are you sure?" Sam demanded.
"Definitely!" Rodney sounded almost gleeful. "They're not pulling any punches either." The wait was excruciating, not being able to see even the level of detail they would have had up in the Control Room. Finally Rodney spoke again. "They just destroyed each other! I guess the other Wraith didn't buy their story."
"Was either ship able to get off a sub-space message?" Sam asked.
"Negative. We're good!" Rodney said happily.
"John, you can stand down," Sam confirmed that the crisis had passed.
"Gladly," John replied in relief, quickly deactivating the Chair and bringing it back to the upright position.
"So I guess Sam's vision wasn't about today's events," I offered as we began our walk back to the others.
"We can't do this," John stopped abruptly, putting a hand on my arm to get me looking at him. "We can't live every day expecting one of these visions to come true."
"You didn't see one for yourself," I retorted heatedly. "You have no idea how hard it is to put them out of my mind. It's not like having a bad thought in words and then telling myself don't think like that. This was technicolour imagery burned right into my head ... complete with emotions! That's not as easy to ignore."
"This is gonna sound blunt but ...," John hesitated, looking at me as he thought over his intended words. "I'm gonna die someday. That was true yesterday, last week, and before I ever met you. You can't change it. Nobody knows when it'll happen – just that it will. So tell me, where is anything different today because Davos showed you a vision of my funeral?"
"I know the reality," I agreed earnestly. "But knowing that and having it rubbed in my face are two different things. I don't like thinking about this stuff ... and I don't wanna risk the whole bad karma thing by talking about it. And before you comment I know how silly that sounds, okay. Would you be comfortable if I suddenly start talking so casually about my death?"
"Of course not," John replied with a grimace. "All I'm asking is for you to look on this for what it was. A vision about something we already know is gonna happen sometime. There's no point in behaving any differently because really we know nothing more than we did before you met Davos."
"I guess I can try to look at it like that," I offered thoughtfully, hesitating and then revealing the heart of my distress. "I just ... I wasn't old John and I was kind of counting on doing the geriatric thing with you. I don't want to think about all those years without you in them."
"I wouldn't give up on me just yet ... I've come back from things you could hardly imagine," John rubbed his hands up and down my arms comfortingly. "I don't know how but maybe this is another one of those times."
"I would never give up on you," I vowed intently.
"Good," John grabbed my hand, getting us both moving again.
"There is one thing that worries me though," I said hesitantly as we continued walking down the corridor.
"Just the one?" John quipped.
"We know the details of three visions from Davos," I continued, ignoring his teasing. "They had different scenes but essentially they all seemed to be about one single event."
"So?" John asked curiously.
"So how is my adoption, Atlantis from the past, and your funeral all relevant to the one event?" I queried grimly.
"Maybe they aren't," John offered. "It's not like three visions is exactly a representative sample of all the visions Davos ever had. Maybe it depended on the person he was giving the visions to."
"I guess that could be true," I nodded thoughtfully.
"You need to stop thinking about this for now," John urged. "It's just gonna drive you crazy not being able to work out the answers and for now this is a puzzle you can't solve."
"Yes and you hardly need a crazy wife running around the city," I concluded.
"And no more quizzing Davos," John added insistently.
"But -," I broke off as I caught sight of the stern look on John's face. "Okay, but I'm still going to go see him again."
"I wouldn't have thought otherwise," John pulled me into his side, hugging me close as we continued on our way.
oOo
In the end I couldn't have talked to Davos even without John's request ... I found out from Jennifer shortly afterwards that he'd passed away before the Hive fight began. Linara was upset but accepting, having known it would happen despite her hopes that Doctor Keller would be able to do something their own doctors could not. I spent some time with her that afternoon, letting her tell me stories about her father and all the people he'd helped. She left soon after, escorting her father's body back to Vedeena for a proper burial ceremony.
We managed to get rid of another one of our visitors the next day too, Richard Woolsey having completed his evaluation of Colonel Carter. I kept myself scarce, patting myself on the back for having avoided any unpleasantness this time. I wasn't sure if Woolsey's attitude towards me had changed now I was married to John instead of just living with him ... I hadn't really given him the chance to act differently. Maybe I should have but ... there was always next time.
Our final visitor was another story ... unfortunately the Wraith was going to be on Atlantis for an extended stay. I'd have to avoid Rodney's lab for the duration since the Wraith would be spending his time in the brig, the lab, or in the corridors between them. It wasn't that I was scared of him exactly, just that I hated that slimy Wraith feeling at the edge of my mind whenever a Wraith got too close and I didn't want to give him the change to comment on any aspect of my relationship with John.
I'd lost touch a little with what everyone else had been doing while Davos had been on Atlantis, most especially Teyla. So I sought her out the day after Woolsey left to see how she was doing.
"Teyla," I found her sitting on the balcony near the Mess Hall, gazing into space.
"Sabina," she turned to smile at me warmly.
"I realised I haven't spoken with you for a couple of days," I apologised, sitting across from her. "How are you?"
"I am well," Teyla returned graciously. "My time spent with Davos was not wasted. Although he was unable to give me details on where my people are, he did say that they are definitely alive."
"That's great!" I exclaimed. "I'm just sorry you couldn't get anything more specific."
"I wouldn't have let this go," Teyla offered, glancing at me quickly before looking back over the ocean, "but now that I know there is hope of being reunited with my people, I will not rest until I have found them."
We stood in companionable silence before Teyla spoke again. "Jennifer told me Davos gave you a vision as well."
"A very disturbing one," I admitted, without going into the details. "There were bits in there I don't understand and other bits that seem to have only one interpretation. In the end I have to believe the future isn't already written. I can't do my job or enjoy everyday life if I think otherwise."
"There is always hope," Teyla summarised.
I nodded agreement, happy to pause to appreciate the idea of living in the moment. In the end that was all I could take from the past few days. There was always hope.
Author's Note:
Next Up? Fortunate Journey Season 4 Chapter 33