Chapter 33: I manipulated his guilt and his grief
"This isn't a casual visit home," John said firmly. "Besides, the SGC only authorised for Ronon and I to accompany Rodney back to Earth. There's nothing I can do about that."
"I know," I said in resignation, sitting on our bed and watching him get ready for the unexpected mission home. "I just ... I hate you being a whole galaxy away. What if you need help?"
"We'll be fine," John promised, coming over to sit beside me. "And it won't be for long ... we need to find Jeanie quickly because the longer she's missing without any kind of ransom demand the more likely it is that whoever took her isn't planning on giving her back."
"Did they say whether they had any leads?" I asked.
"Agent Barrett has contacts looking into it," John revealed. "Plus they've got Jeanie's computer no one back there could hack. Rodney's hoping something on it will tell us where to start."
"Promise you won't take any stupid risks?" I turned to face John, waiting until he was looking me in the eye.
"I promise I'll only do what's necessary to get Jeanie back," John said instead. "This is Rodney ... he won't admit it but Jeanie's all he'd got and right now he's scared he's gonna lose her."
"I understand," I said unhappily. "God I hope this has nothing to do with what happened with Walker."
"There's nothing to suggest it does - unfortunately there are too many organisations who might gain something from kidnapping Jeanie," John replied, reluctantly getting to his feet. Holding out a hand he looked at me expectantly. "Are you gonna come to the Gate?"
"Yeah, but I want my goodbye kiss now," I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down sharply. He wasn't expecting that, losing his balance and mashing me into the bed as he toppled over on top of me. We were both smiling at the beginning of the kiss but quickly the mirth dropped away leaving only two people who were loath to part. It was way up there on the scale of serious and passionate goodbyes ... and then it was done, John reluctantly pulling himself away and getting back to standing.
"Shall we?" he reached a hand down for me again.
"We shall," I replied, letting him pull me up from the bed this time.
Rodney and Ronon were waiting when we got to the Gateroom, Rodney pacing with worry and anxiety clearly evident on his face.
"It's about time," he greeted John impatiently, looking quickly to me with a hint of apology when he realised how that sounded. I shrugged, letting him know that under the circumstances I completely understood.
"Dial the SGC," John ordered up to the Control Room. Moments later we had a stable wormhole shimmering inside the gate ... leading straight to Earth. The stop off at Midway including requisite 24 hour quarantine had been waived given the urgency to find leads quickly ... but still, for Rodney things would feel like they were moving too slowly.
"Let's do this," Ronon's voice rumbled. He looked more than ready to go out and kick arse ... even to Earth, a place he was less than familiar with.
"Tell Zelenka not to mess with my equations while I'm gone," Rodney told me. "Jeanie and I will ...," realising what he'd said he broke off uncomfortably, his eyes darting from side to side as if he didn't know where to fix his gaze.
"You'll find her Rodney," I said confidently, stepping closer and putting a calming hand on his arm. "Smartest man in two galaxies, remember?"
Nodding wordlessly, Rodney turned and stepped into the wormhole.
"Good luck," I said softly, watching as John and Ronon followed him. John turned back just before he entered the event horizon, meeting my eyes for a moment before turning again and disappearing into the puddle. "And now we wait," I muttered under my breath, slowly making my way across the Gateroom floor.
God I hated waiting.
oOo
John had promised they'd dial in within 24 hours to let us know their progress ... of course there was nowhere else I was going to be but the Control Room when he made contact.
True to his word, just over a day after they'd left, the SGC dialled in to Atlantis via the midway station.
"John, what's the situation there?" Sam asked once the connection was established.
"Good news and bad news," John replied. "Rodney was taken a few hours into our stay but we managed to track him down through the company that makes our subcutaneous transmitters. Turns out they were behind the whole thing. We have both Jeanie and Rodney here at the SGC along with the people responsible."
"And the bad news?" Sam asked.
"Henry Wallace, the guy who started all this, injected nanites into Jeanie's system," John revealed. "His daughter Sharon was sick and he wanted to cure her – they used nanites to do that, only they were making things worse instead of better. Wallace intercepted an email on Jeanie's computer and decided she could help him fix the nanites so they'd fix his daughter."
"And did they?" I spoke for the first time since John had started talking.
"In a manner of speaking," John replied. "The nanites fixed Sharon's cancer and then went looking for other stuff to fix. Shut down the girl's heart so they could correct a defect and wiped her mind clean in the process. She has no idea of who she is, can't talk, or do any of the things she used to."
"And the same thing's gonna happen to Jeanie?" I asked worriedly.
"If we can't fix those nanites," John confirmed. "We've got about ten hours which is where Atlantis comes in."
"You want to use the Wraith," Sam looked surprised as the reason for John's call, beyond checking in, became apparent.
"He can help Rodney make the corrections faster than Rodney can do it alone," John explained. "Without him Rodney doesn't think he can do enough in time. Jeanie will end up just like Wallace's daughter if we don't fix this soon ... she'd got epilepsy – the nanites will go straight for that and shut her down in the process."
"What's stopping them from doing that now?" Sam frowned in confusion.
"Ah ... Rodney broke both of Jeanie's legs," John revealed reluctantly. "That should tell you how desperate this situation is. I'm not saying I agree with this approach ... in fact I think it's a bad idea. But ..."
"It's the only option if we want to save Mrs Miller," Sam concluded. "Okay. I'll have two marines escort the Wraith to the SGC. They'll be there in half an hour."
"Thank you Colonel," John said gratefully. "We'll check in again once they've had a chance to work on the problem."
"Be careful John," I said quickly before he could sign off.
"Always am," John quipped. "Talk to you later."
And then he was gone and I was back to waiting. This time I decided not to avoid the Wraith. I was curious to watch his demeanour, hoping something in it would tell me whether he genuinely wanted to help. Making my way down to the Gateroom I took up a position off to the side so I could watch them bring the Wraith down. Colonel Carter stood in the centre of the room, ready when moments later the Wraith arrived from the Brig, heavily chained and escorted by two marines with P90's.
"Where are you taking me?" the Wraith demanded of her.
"To a facility where Doctor McKay is working on the Replicator nanites," Sam replied without revealing he was actually going to Earth. That was a smart idea – the inside of the SGC didn't have any obvious clues regarding its location so it really could be on any planet.
"And what makes you think I will help?" the Wraith asked with a tilt of his head.
"Because you want our help with the changes Doctor McKay made to the Replicator base code," Sam returned with a knowing smile. "Which you won't get unless you fully cooperate with us."
"Of course," the Wraith turned to face the gate, looking unconcerned with his fate. I knew that was a ruse though. I'd let myself be more open to mental communication than I had for a long time. Pushing out subtlety I tried to pick up something of his mood, discovering that he was grimly determined to complete his personal mission. He was smart, calculating, and ruthless but more controlled than the other non Queen Wraith minds I'd touched in the past. Trying to sense more I jumped slightly when I realised he was looking straight at me with a puzzled frown.
"You look familiar but we have not met," he said to me in his horrible Wraith voice.
"No," I agreed without telling him who I was. Mentally I was putting up the blocks just in case something leaked out. His expression changed to one of surprise so he'd obviously felt me do that too.
"Who are you?" he asked more insistently.
"Sabina ... Sheppard," I decided abruptly to introduce myself.
"Ah," the Wraith nodded, his voice vibrating as he gave inflection to the words that made them sound foreign, different. "John Sheppard spoke of you during our time with the Genii."
"No he didn't," I denied. "He wouldn't have given you or the Genii any kind of leverage over him."
"It was not ... voluntary," the Wraith almost seemed regretful when he said that. "The pain of recovery from the feeding process is ... intense."
"That was pain you caused," I accused grimly.
"At the hands of the Genii," the Wraith reminded me. "Neither of us had a choice."
"You have a choice now," I told him, watching him frown as he thought about that.
While our private little conversation had been going on Sam had ordered the gate dialled. Now there was an open wormhole ready and she was looking at me expectantly. I nodded, not having anything else relevant to say to the Wraith.
"Take him through," she ordered the marines. "Keep the restraints on him at all times."
"Yes Ma'am," they replied, each grabbing an arm and escorting the Wraith through the wormhole.
"He's weak," I told Sam once the wormhole had shut down.
"Who is?" Sam asked with a frown.
"The Wraith," I clarified. "It's been weeks since he fed – he's weak. I don't know how much longer he can go on without feeding."
"We'll just have to hope he's got enough left in him to put Rodney on the right track," Sam replied.
"Hope," I said softly. "We seem to be doing a lot of that lately."
oOo
And then just like that John and Ronon were back, Wraith prisoner and marine guards in tow. I heard the incoming wormhole alarm and ran down to the control room to greet them.
John was all business as he ordered the marines to reinstate the Wraith in the Brig. Ronon and John exchanged a glance before Ronon headed off to follow them.
"John?" I drew his attention to me.
Without a word he walked over and wrapped me up in what I would have to describe as a desperate ... and therefore worrying hug. I wrapped my arms around him in return as he silently held me, letting him squeeze as tightly as he needed. He didn't seem aware that the Gateroom wasn't exactly empty, making the whole thing all the more worrying.
"Are you ...?" I pulled back a little to look at him when he showed no signs of letting me go.
"Later," his tone was pleading, the expression in his eyes troubled ... and guilty.
"Rodney? Jeanie?" I asked for at least that much news.
"Both fine," John reassured me. "Rodney's staying a few days to escort Jeanie home, spend some time with her and Caleb and Madison."
"That's good," I squeezed John tightly before letting him draw away.
"I need to write my report on what happened," John said, moving us both in the direction of his office. "I'll see you on our balcony in a couple of hours."
"Okay," I stopped at the junction where he'd go one way and me the other, watching him walk away with a worried frown. What personal demons had he added to his load this time?
oOo
It wasn't what I'd expected. John had facilitated the Wraith feeding on a human so the Wraith could survive and fix the nanite problem. When he told me Rodney had been bound and determined to offer himself up I knew how desperate John would have been to come up with a different solution. I wasn't sure how I should feel about it but in the end it wasn't about me. It was about John and how he was feeling over what he'd arranged.
"He volunteered?" I confirmed once John had wound down his explanation of the facts.
"If you could call it that," John said grimly. "I knew how he'd react ... hell I manipulated his guilt and his grief over his daughter. Showed him pictures of Caleb and Madison ... I practically had him in tears. It was a crappy thing to do but even at his obvious guilt I didn't quit. I told Wallace Jeanie was dead because the Wraith needed to feed before he could help her – that she only needed that help because of him."
"You couldn't have manipulated him unless he'd wanted you to," I replied softly. "It sounds like he was a man desperate to save his daughter – driven to behave in a way outside his usual ethics. Did you have to work hard to make him see things your way?"
"Not really," John replied with a frown. "It didn't take much more than those photos and the promise that another innocent was gonna die because of what he did to convince him."
"What happened when you took him to the Wraith?" I asked in a low voice.
"What?" John frowned at me in surprise.
"I'm not being blood thirsty here," I assured him. "I just wanted you to tell me something about Wallace's demeanour. Did you have to force him to follow through? Was he paralysed with fear?"
"No," John was surprised again. "In fact he was pretty damn brave. Stood there without even hinting that he wanted to change his mind. Before the Wraith ... you know ... he asked me to tell Rodney and Jeanie how sorry he was."
"He wanted a way to assuage his guilt," I suggested. "A way to make it up to his daughter for not being able to save her. Maybe he saw sacrificing himself to save Jeanie as his atonement for the wrongs against Sharon. His way to make amends."
"You're making it sound like I did him a favour," John stood and turned his back to me, gazing out over the ocean.
"Your motives were good," I stood too, walking over and putting my arms around him from behind. "At the end of the day what else have any of us got?"
"You realise I had to get creative with my report right?" John turned in my arms to look down at me. "More than creative – I lied, said the Wraith broke free when I was showing Wallace the lab and got to him before I could stop it."
"You did what Wallace wanted and you saved Rodney from sacrificing himself," I pointed out. "You saved Jeanie too ... without that I don't know how Rodney would cope. We need him here ... here and well. You made sure we had that."
"So you don't have a problem with me feeding a human to a Wraith?" John's face was deliberately blank but his eyes said he'd been worried about what I would think of him.
"You did what you had to," I replied firmly. "At the end of the day it's what you always do ... even at the expense of yourself. Usually that's by putting yourself in physical danger but this time it was a mental sacrifice. In a way that's harder to deal with. It doesn't change my opinion of you and I'm sure it won't change Rodney's either."
John didn't say anything in reply, just pulled me in to him again and put his head down close to mine. He'd done what was necessary but it would be hard for him to accept how far he'd been willing to go to save a friend. That was a pattern in his life, one he'd had to deal with continuously. It wasn't the first time he'd been in that position ... and I knew it wouldn't be the last. All I could do to help was be there if he needed to talk ... and love him unconditionally, demons and all.
oOo
Once everything was back to normal both John and Rodney never gave any indication that their relationship had been affected by those events on Earth. The distraction of work always helped John deal with things and this time he had the added distraction of being in charge while Sam went on a mission with her old team. Daniel had finally found his Ark and SG1 went off to unearth it. Sam was gone for two weeks and when she returned, a little battered and bruised, it was to tell us that the Ori had been defeated.
It gave us all hope ... if an enemy that formidable could be defeated then there was no reason why our enemies here in the Pegasus Galaxy couldn't be too.
Authors Note:
Once again there's a whole bunch of scenes happening to John that we all know about from the episode. The most obvious difference though would be that John and the others already know Agent Barrett – just a minor point for you to assume if you're remembering the actual episode. I also decided that there would be times they'd waive the quaratine on Midway ... they never mentioned it explicitly in the episode but it was obvious they at least took the Wraith straight through to Earth.
I have no idea how the Ark of Truth fits into the timeline between the end of SG1 season 10 and Sam being on Atlantis but it didn't seem from her comments to Teal'c at the beginning of SGA season 4 that they'd defeated the Ori yet and her comments to Rodney at the beginning of SGA season 5 make it clear she's about to head off for Continuum. So I made a decision to put the Ark of Truth inside season 4 here. If you know where it's supposed to go in the timeline, let me know!
Author's Note:
Next Up? The Other Side of the Story Chapter 7