Chapter 5: The awakening
"You never felt jealousy, did you, Miss Eyre? Of course not: I need not ask you; because you never felt love. You have both sentiments yet to experience: your soul sleeps; the shock is yet to be given which shall waken it." - C. Bronte
The day passed much as the day before had come. Mr Darcy most of the time occupied Colonel and Elizabeth spend most of her day with Georgiana. It was only in the afternoon when the two parties shared the company of each other. That day, when they had finished lucheon and they were seated in the drawing room as always, they found the opportunity to discuss about London and the opportunitites it has to offer. Georgiana said that she had missed the city and that she would love to visit it soon and Darcy, who did not want to displease her, replied that he intended to go in few weeks and that she was welcome to join him. It was a very unpleasant moment for Elizabeth, when she realized that he forgot to mention her. Immediately, without wanting anyone to realize her discomfort, looked down on her lap, trying to hide her expression. Georgiana, who instantly realized the akwardness, addressed to Elizabeth, saying that she would only consent if her cousin aggreed. Elizabeth looked at her and smiled, offering her the warmest smile, she could give.
Darcy, who after Georgiana's remark, finally realized the awful thing he said and without wanting to extend his foolishness, took a book and started reading it. The truth was that he did not even paid attention to what he was reading, for his thoughts troubled him tto much. He had not the slightest intention to cause he discomfort, not to make her feel unwelcome, but he was not yet used to the idea of treating her as family, his family. He realized for the first time that Elizabeth should be treated as a Darcy, not only because she was staying at his home, but because she deserved it.
When Colonel, stopped talking to Georgina and when an akward silence prevailed, the young lady approached Elizabeth, asking her to take a turn about the room, claiming that she was seated for too long and wanted to stretch her legs. Elizabeth was surprise to such a suggestion but agreed to it immediately. Colonel, who smiled with civility to he ladies and after congratulating Georgiana for her splendid idea, turned his gaze to look at them. Darcy looked up; he was much aware to the novelty of attention in that quarter as Elizabeht herself could be and unconsioucly closed his book. But, when he did, instanlty realized his action and started to realize as well that he was paying too much attention to her. She attracted him more than he liked. But, as a proud creatute, he could not admit such a thing to himself, it was not even allowed to think in that way. Settling himself on that thought, he based his attraction on the pity, he felt for her.
After one second, Georinana invited Colonel to join them. Immediately, with the most brightest smile, he agreed. He offered his arm to Elizabeth and she accepted it, smiling warmly to him. as they walked, the colonel started telling them stories of his regiment, causing the two ladies to laugh Loudly.
"He is the greatest company, he is not Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth smiled kindly and replied "He is indeed"
Darcy, who was still seated on the couch alone, observing the small party, could feel the annoyance boil in his blood. Trying not to make it obvious, he deliberately drop his book down as though it slipped from his hand. Eveyone stopped pacing and turned to look at him and Georgiana spoke again "We should not paying attention to Fitzwilliam. He is simply mad that we keep ignoring him"
When he finally sat comfortably again, he replied "When exactly, dear sister, you decided that you are against your brother?"
"I am not, but I do know that you do like to be ignored"
But Darcy made no comment at all; he was displeased indeed. He was displesed, but not for their indifference towards him, he was displeased that Elizabeth acted indiferently and most of all that she was amused by his cousin's company. It was a real torture to him, seeing her elegant form, which was so tempting to him, walking gently and laughingwith someone else, not paying the slightest attention to him. Indeed, he would have more pleasant feeling if he was in hell. But, he was not and this circumstance was worse than hell itself.
Elizabeth smiled to him and his eyes widen, as he realized how enchanted she could become "I think that it is wiser to sit down and not neglect him any longer."
They all agrred and he finally permited himself to breathe.
But,Georgiana who could not tolerate such boredom, sat on the pianoforte. Engaging the colonel to sit next to her and turn the pages for her, without any hesitation, he happily agreed, because not only did he enjoy her playing and music tastes as well, but because he did not want -or could deny her anything. While they were thus employed Elizabeth could not help observing as she turned over some music books thay lay on the instrument, how frequently Mr Darcy's eyes were fixed on her. She hardly knew how to suppose that she could be an object of interest to so great a man; and yet that he should look at her beause he dislike her, was stiill more strange. She could only imagine howerever at last, that she drew his notice bacause there was somehting about her more wrong and reprehensibe, according to his ideas of right, than any other person present. Maybe he dislike to her was so powerful that he would possibly regret the desicion to permit her to stay with them and that he wanted her gone. But, she had learned her lesson; she had promised herself that she was not going to judge anyone, if she was not completely sure.
When Eizabeth turned for the last time to look at him, he found him looking intensively at her and without knowing what to do, she simply smiled. But instead he did not do anything after two short songs, Georgina vailed the charm by a lively Scotch air; and soon afterwards Mr Darcy drawing near Elizabeth said to her "Do you not feel a great inclination Miss Bennet to seize the opportunity of dancing a reel?"
"Would you despise my taste if I would say that I do?"
"No believe me, my intentions are completely pure."
"Then yes, I would love to dance a reel."
Darcy took her hand in his and led her to the centre of the room, they looked each other for a second and they immediately stared dancing. After a minute of complete silence between them Elizabeth took the courage to speak first. "Believe me, we must have a conversation Mr Darcy, a little will supply"
"You talk as a rule while you are dancing?"
"Sometimes I think it is best"
It took him one second to reply and when he did, he responsed with calmness "Do not you think it is about time to drop away the formality?"
Elizabeth felt his gaze upon her, but she did not have the strength to comfirm her belief. "I am not yet confident to adress you by your christan name, if is what you are suggesting, but I suppose that cousin would fit in this case perfectly" she paused and took a deep breathe "I do not mind though if you wish to call me Elizabeth."
Darcy smiled; it was the first time that she saw his real smile, his kind of smile of pure pleasure. Darcy, who saw instantly her blush, smiled a little more. He could not believe in his ears that now he was able to address her by her lovely name that he was so eager to use it. "What is your opinion for the book you are currently reading?"
"Oh no- not books. I am sure that we never read the same or nor with the same feeling"
"I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions."
"Yes you are right, but this time is not suitable for doing so." she replied coldly d after a second of silence, she spoke again "I remember once saying, cousin, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unpleasantble. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to being created,"
"I am" said he, with a firm voice.
"And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?"
"I hope not."
"It is particularly incumbent on those who never change their opinion, to be secure of judging properly at first"
"May I ask to what these questions tend?"
She smiled a little; "To the illustration of your character, of course. I am trying to make it out"
A frown was created immediately as he heard her words. But, he could not feel more blessed; because Elizabeth wanted to know him better, which meant that she was not indifferent at all. But, on the other hand, such statement did not imply that she was interested in him, the way Darcy hoped she would be. Judging from a woman's sayings, it is impossible for a man to truly understand what they meant, what they implied or what their little wicked mind was thinking.
"Have you succeed?"
"No, I do not. I dare say, you are one of the persons that cannot be easily read."
"I would say the same for you- we both try to hide our expressions and deep feelings and we only talk when we have something to say that would amaze the whole room, is that not true?"
She laughed "You amaze me."
"Why?" he asked immediately.
"Because I had not seen such a resemblance in our characters, but since you have mention it, I can frankly say that you are not mistaken."
"I am glad that I could comprehend at least one part of your character."
"I only hope that you find it agreeable."
He only smiled. "Yes, most agreeable" Elizabeth's heart beat faster and to her amazement she did not know why, well not exactly, but she could not believe that such thing could happen. She blushed again, but without wanting him to see it, she turned her face away. "It is not a crime to blush" he spoke again and Elizabeth turned her face to look at him "Especially when it suits you perfectly"
"Thank you" she paused "I never believed that you were able to express a compliment in such an unstudy manner"
"Believe me; I did not deliberately want to make you feel better. I believe in everything I say and I do not pursue to praise someone, when I do not think that he does not derserve it" he paused "So, when I said that blushing suits you, I meant it"
Her eyes met his and they did not speak for a moment as they tried to understand each other more, but when the song ended, he led her back to the couch.
"You dance lovely Elizabeth, does she not Colonel?" She paused "We were admiring you; we were saying what an excellent partner you are and how well you suited with my brother."
"Yes, indeed" the colonel spoke, smiling at her "I do regret that I missed the opportunity of dancing with you."
Elizabeth, who tried not to blush, she replied "Are you familiar with waltz?"
"Yes I am, me and Darcy had gone to France a year ago and got familiar with this kind of dance"
"Perhaps.." she said paused, for she was too embarrassed "I would love to teach me, If you of course want to"
Darcy's eyes widen, for he could not believe his eyes. Did just Elizabeth asked for colonel to teach her how to waltz? But that was totally inappropriate; his cousin, so close to her, touching her small waist. No, he could not allow such a thing and if he could, then he should be the one who would teach her how to waltz. He should be the one, who would have his hand touching her waist, smelling her perfume and having the pleasure of admiring her features. He was dying to do exprerience all that, he would give anything to have a little taste of that. And that was the moment, when he realized that he should welcome himself to the wonderful world of jealousy.
For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority are no preconditions for jealousy. You don't have to be right, you don't have to be reasonable. Take Othello. He was neither right nor reasonable, and Desdemona ended up dead. He who is jealous, is never jealous of what he see, with what is imagined is enough. And Darcy imagined terrible things that could happen while they had that opportunity of enjoying each other, while they were dancing. Maybe, his cousin could trip and fall on Elizabeth; accidentally touching his lips with hers, or that he would like her company extensively. Or even worse, Elizabeth could fall in love with him, if she was not already. In that particular thought, Darcy felt his annoyance and the green feeling of jealousy overwhelming him. He could not breathe anymore. He did not know why he could not stand these kind of thoughts, or the simple fact that they were simply dancing, but he could not tolerate it, he simply could not. He could not call such feelings as jealousy or envy, instead he prefered to pick a name with care, so he settled on the word "display". Yes, indeed, that word was perfect. For him, such semtiments were a display of how much he cared about her and wanted to see her happy, alone, and imprisoned in the castle of his heart.
"With pleasure" the colonel replied and Elizabeth smiled.
I just realized that my chapters are getting bigger, are they not? I really do like this chapter, for I wanted to make a conversation between them so they can come closer. And without exprecting it, the reason of awakening his soul to see Elizabeth was found.
Thank you to those lovely people, who followed my story and keep showing their interest in it. You see, I want to know what do you think about every chapter, if you liked it or not and if it is good. So, I hope that you are satisfied with this one. Do not forget to review.